Chapter Ten

I writhed and twisted, nearly pulling myself free as Emmett pinned me more firmly, kneeling on the center of my upper back. The weight I felt on my back only panicked me more. I fought harder, only resulting in another, harder pin, which wasn't working for me. Yet again, I cried. Digging my hands into the solid ground under me trying to get free.

"Don't budge, Emmett." Jasper told him, "You're not hurting her. She's just angry that she can't get away." I wasn't sure Emmett was even considering it, anyway. He seemed a little distracted by inspecting his wounds. From what I could tell in my own distraction, he'd gotten very lucky. I had a feeling it was mostly because I had let go before I jumped back.

I hissed a deep breath in through tightly clenched teeth as Jasper crouched down beside me, watching me as if he was studying me. I wasn't even sure I should have bothered. I could hardly move my head, much less do anything to protect myself if I had to.

I wasn't only angry, though. I was scared. I'd hurt someone, and even worse, I couldn't run. I had no hope of defending myself if it came down to it.

"Rose." Jasper spoke quietly, but firmly. He didn't say anything else, but I had a feeling that was more for my benefit. I turned my head sharply, trying to look back, but I couldn't.

"I'm fine." Emmett assured the others, probably mostly Rosalie, "It's just a scratch." I couldn't really see exactly where the others were, but I knew they were grouped together by their scents. The only ones beside me were Jasper and Edward just behind him.

I refused to relax, however. Staying tense, as that was one lesson I'd learned the hard way. One of the last hard lessons I'd learned as a human. Despite nothing happening after a minute of stillness, I chose to expect the worst.

"Calm down." Jasper told me gently, and I looked away, glaring ahead, "Can we talk?" I ignored him, choosing instead to writhe, nearly lifting Emmett as I attempted to push myself up. Emmett just braced himself against a tree beside us, countering each of my other attempts. I couldn't reach that tree, otherwise I would have tried to use it as leverage, but in the position I was in, I had none.

After a moment of watching my efforts, Jasper sighed, "Nobody is angry with you."

Rosalie scoffed, a tension in the sound that told me she disagreed, and I hissed in response.

"Babe," Emmett murmured, "Don't. It was my fault. Not hers."

Despite that, though, I fought again. By now, I had wriggled enough to loosen the tightly packed earth beneath me, so I tried to use that as an escape route. Of course it didn't work, but it was worth a try. All that resulted was Emmett pinning the back of my neck firmly with his hand, keeping me still yet again.

After another moment, I gave up. What good would it do? I was heavily outnumbered. Even if I got free, I had no hope of getting away. At least not for long. They'd follow me anywhere I went. I had no choice but to try to believe Jasper's assurances that nobody aside from Rose was mad at me, but that didn't mean I'd be happy about it.

Feeling my resistance fall away, Emmett sighed in relief above me. As if he'd actually been worried that I'd somehow get away. Before I could focus on what that meant, my attention was taken again by Jasper.

"I understand you better than you think, Leandra." He spoke slower now, probably to ensure I listened to him.

Right. I didn't even understand myself. How was he supposed to understand me? I had all these memories in my head that didn't feel like my own anymore. The emotions tied to those memories that were driving my actions now. My fingers continued to dig into the earth, but once again, it was only an effort to ground myself. Like I did with the sheets before.

I wasn't sure why, but the repetitive motion still comforted me. I wasn't trying to get away this time. I was only trying to feel something besides the ape sitting on me. As fast as I was, I wasn't nearly as strong. If I'd been just a little bit bigger, I could buck him off no problem, but this was all I had to work with, and that only made me more defensive.

"You cannot lose control of yourself like that." Jasper went on, and I made no move to acknowledge him. Not even a blink in his direction, "If this is going to work, we need to trust that you'll listen to what we say. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

There was another meaning behind that question, and I knew immediately why he was asking. He wanted confirmation from me that I could be taught. I could. I was just hurting. Not physically. Not really. Emmett wasn't hurting me. It wasn't exactly comfortable, but I wasn't in any real pain.

I was hurting mentally and emotionally. Jasper wanted to know if I was capable of being rational. Controlling my basic instincts long enough to pay attention. To be guided.

Finally, I looked back over at him.

"Do you?" He asked again, and hesitantly, I nodded. He sighed a little, "Can you talk to me?" I shook my head in answer. I wasn't up to talking just yet.

"She isn't comfortable speaking to us yet." Edward translated quietly from where he stood.

"Why not?" Emmett asked, a frown in his tone.

"That's fine." Jasper spoke instead, "She doesn't need to."

Emmett's frown was still evident, "I don't get it-"

"Patience." Esme reminded him, which shut him up.

"Leandra," Jasper ignored them, "How much do you remember?" Emotion flared up at just the mention of the memories I had stored in my head, and I sharply looked away again. The sudden, violent wave of anger ebbed, revealing the sadness, fear and pain underneath it. The wounds were still fresh.

He sighed, "I was afraid of this." He stayed silent for a moment before he spoke to me again, "I'm willing to work with you if you're willing to work with me, but for this to work, I need you to trust me. Can you do that?" I shook my head bitterly. To be honest, I didn't want to be around anyone. I didn't want to trust anyone.

I just wanted to run and never stop. I didn't want to be pinned. I wanted to belong to myself. I didn't want it be emphasized how weak I still was. I wanted time to come to terms with what all I had to work with. I wanted to learn how to rely on myself in other ways. I wanted time to just be. To calm down without being chased or cornered or restrained. I wanted to be okay.

"Alright," He murmured, "You won't trust me, but can I trust you? Can I rely on you to give me a bit of effort?"

I didn't answer this time, choosing only to lay my head down. More silence followed as he obviously waited for my answer. I wasn't willing to answer that just yet. I didn't want to agree to anything without having a chance to know myself yet.

"Emmett," Edward murmured, "Let her go." Jasper glanced over at him.

"Are you sure-"

"Let her go." Jasper nodded, standing up.

"I really don't think that's a good idea." Emmett replied, but it had gotten my attention. Was he really thinking this was smart?

"If we want her cooperation," Edward told him slowly but patiently, "Then we need to extend a bit of respect." Once again, I deeply appreciated Edward's ability.

"Why?" Rosalie barked, "Have you lost your mind?" I was getting tired of her mouth, and I vowed to myself that the next slip up I had would be at her.

"Rosalie," Carlisle finally spoke up, "Please let them handle this." I appreciated his correction. It meant she was in the wrong. Not me.

"Please don't bite me again, shorty." Emmett chuckled nervously, "You hurt." He wasn't requesting a response, so I didn't provide one. I tensed in anticipation, though. Lifting my head back up as soon as he released my neck.

Slowly, I felt the pressure easing as Emmett stood up off of me. Once he was up, I carefully pushed myself up into a crouching position. It wasn't an offensive position, but defensive. As much as I knew he probably wanted to, he didn't move away. Probably in case Jasper still needed him, but I wasn't out to hurt anyone anymore. Not unless I had to.

It was the weirdest feeling. Emotionally, I was somewhere between very angry and very depressed. Like I wanted to tear the nearest person apart, but I also wanted to cry while I did it, and while they both warred with each other, I was almost numb. I carried a lot of pain with me, and it had a good hold on me. Tighter than Emmett was capable of, and impossible for me fight.

"Stand up." Jasper told me, and I hesitated, but slowly did as he said. He seemed surprised I did as he asked, but only for a split second before he spoke again, "I know it's hard, but I need you to listen to what I'm telling you."

I glanced over as Esme came closer to my side. Apparently, she'd been the closest the whole time, but in a spot I couldn't see. Looking up at her. Having her near me made me feel just a little bit better.

Jasper spoke again, "The circumstances behind your death were unfortunate," My jaw set at the reminder, "But it does not define who you are. I know you are capable of listening and learning. I'll be the first to admit that I don't have any experience working with a newborn so young, but again. I'm willing to try if you are."

I looked down for a moment before looking up at Esme beside me. She offered me a small smile, telling me that she'd be there, so I took a breath and nodded. Oddly, I was willing to try if she would be here with me.

So far, she was the only one that hadn't treated me like the threat I knew I was. She'd been the one out to comfort me, instead of confine me.

"The first thing I need you to understand is that you're safe with us." Jasper said, "You're reluctant to trust, and that's okay, but I just need you to believe that you're safe. We'll start there." I didn't nod or shake my head, just watching him, "I'm letting you know right now that there will be times when you'll need to be physically restrained. Either for your own safety, or ours. I know that will bother you, but we can avoid that if you listen to me when I tell you to do something. I'm willing to guide you and teach you without the need for physical correction, but I need you to believe that I'll never tell you to do something unless I believe it's in your best interest. Do you understand?"

If I just listened to him and did what he said, they wouldn't have to pin me anymore. I nodded.

"Good." He sighed, "The most crucial lesson I can teach you is to control that instinct to hunt humans. It'll keep you out of trouble, and make you more manageable." I glanced over at the blood-stained spot the body had been, "You just need to learn to hunt the right kind of animal. If you can do that, you can hunt any time you feel the need to."

That did sound like a good thing, and definitely caught my interest.

"You're going through a lot." He murmured and I looked back up, "It's hard. I know. Just be patient with yourself, and all I ask is for you to be patient with us as we learn about you."

I liked that bit of advice. He wasn't mad that I was overwhelmed. He knew I was. He didn't even seem that mad that I'd slipped up. He was just telling me that it was wrong to do it.

Hesitantly, I nodded again. The truth was, if I put just a little bit of effort into remembering, I could easily remember what I'd had a chance to learn before. To resist humans. I hadn't had a whole lot of practice with it yet, but I knew the basics. If I could just swallow back the fire long enough to keep my concentration, I knew I could do it. That was probably how I didn't hurt Mikah, even if it was instinct not to hurt him.

By being turned, I learned first hand just how much information the normal human brain could store without even knowing it. The tiniest details of every waking moment of every day, sorted away between the relevant and the irrelevant to be kept or forgotten later. That was what sleeping was for.

I had three sets of those memories of those details that I'd kept, and there was no difference between the relevant or irrelevant. It was all relevant to me. Every single detail mattered to me, and I'd died proving that.

I hated the reminder my mind so graciously gave me, burning me for following a single train of thought. I growled to myself, turning away from Jasper swiftly. I honestly wasn't mad at him. I wasn't mad at anyone. I was only defensive in general. That's what he wasn't understanding.

I looked up to find that the others had moved to block my way that direction too. The truth was I probably wouldn't have gone as far as I did when I woke up had they not chased me. All I wanted was to be safe again. It was more basic of an instinct than hunting.

Not a single one of them understood what it was like to not have that confidence in their own strength. From the start, I knew I didn't have much of a fighting chance against Emmett. The others, maybe, but I would probably get hurt trying, despite the fact that all of them seemed nervous as well.

Something was nagging at me, though. It felt wrong. I was having a hard time with this, and they knew that. Only giving me more of a sense of vulnerability. Like they knew my weakness.

The only one in that group not looking at me was Carlisle. It made me feel a little better, but really curious at the same time. I couldn't read his expression, despite my effort.

"Leandra." Jasper took my attention again, and I looked back over at him, "Are we agreed?" I looked down in thought for a moment. Once again, I was hesitant to agree to anything before I could really know myself. That mattered to me.

"Close enough." Emmett spoke from the side, "Can we wrap this up?"

It took me awhile, but finally managed to fully bring myself around to the idea of hunting animals instead of humans. As much as the taste differed, it was worth it when nobody tried to stop me or correct me.

I was herded back home once I was ready, and it didn't take me very long to remember how much this house meant to me. I returned to my room, and oddly, I just wanted to rest. Physically, I wasn't tired, of course, but being in here eased my mind in a more natural way. Without Jasper's help. Mentally, I was already exhausted. Emotionally, I was a mess.

Thankfully, it was allowed to hide away. With no intention to run or escape, I could be in here all I wanted. This was my space, despite what happened in this room, it was mine. It kept me out of trouble, and in one spot so I was easier to control. I could hear them talking about me in the next room, but I didn't pay any attention to that. I didn't care.

I really wasn't sure any more why I hadn't spoken, but really thinking about it, it didn't seem that strange to me. Talking was a form of opening up, but opening up just led to pain and confusion. So I sat silently in the corner, watching them remove what was left of the bed. They left me alone after that. For some reason, though, they decided to leave the lamp on. I didn't like that, so I picked up the nearest throwable object, and threw it straight at the lamp.

Bathing the room in darkness as the lamp exploded.

I could feel it, though. The longer I sat there thinking about it, the more I felt myself drawing in. Bitterness held me tight, and fear of everything covered me. No matter how hard I tried, and no matter how strong I was physically, those memories hurt me.

Those last days. The last part of that vision, to waking up. The memories seamless, blending easily with each other. Despite being in pain the entire trip, that small bit of hope that I might have started to mean something to Jack. Only to be proven so wrong.

I dwelled. I replayed my last night human over and over, and I found that I knew exactly where I went wrong to end up here, but even if I had taken Edward's advice, it would have only ended up the same way. It only would have prolonged the inevitable, drawing it out and causing stress along the way.

The more agitated I got, the less I moved. Until all I moved was my fingers, gently scraping over the skin of my knee. I was confused. I couldn't exactly understand why I was even here. Why was I even brought back?

I recalled what I'd heard while still out of it. Carlisle couldn't let it happen like that, but why? Everything that had happened was my fault. By choosing to stick it out, I'd chosen that outcome. Being turned had never even crossed my mind, so in a way, I never chose this. I'd accepted the fact that I would die, so I was still a bit confused as to why Carlisle would ever feel the need to turn me.

It just didn't make any sense to me. None, whatsoever. Carlisle had yet to speak directly to me, and I couldn't help thinking about that a little more. Was he disappointed in the way I turned out? It wouldn't be the first time someone regretted keeping me around, and it certainly wouldn't be the first time someone hated me just for existing. That, I knew. I was used to that.

After a few hours sitting on my own, I couldn't help growling a little when I heard someone approach my room. I knew by the scent coming closer that it was Carlisle, and I really didn't want to face whatever it was he had to say. By now, I'd convinced myself that he was disappointed in whatever I was, and that he regretted his decision to save me.

It almost worked, my small growl of warning nearly making Carlisle change his mind about approaching me, until I heard Jasper behind him.

"Go ahead." He said, "This is important. I know you don't want to press her, but she needs to respect you as the leader. To do that, she needs to learn to trust you. The sooner this happens, the better in the long run."

Well, that would take a bit if he was in here to tell me to act better.

After a moment or two, the door opened. Letting in the light from the hallway. I didn't growl again, but I watched Carlisle's hesitant approach. To my surprise, Jasper stayed back. As soon as Carlisle met my eyes, I looked away. I really wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel. Especially with Jasper changing my mood around on me.

Quietly, Carlisle sighed, so I looked back up at him. Watching him closely as he approached and slowly crouched in front of me.

I'd always been pretty good at reading the expression in people's eyes. Now was no exception. His gaze held remorse. It struck me, as it confirmed everything I suspected, but out of curiosity, I would listen to what he had to say.

"Leandra," He started, "I'm sorry. I know how confusing this must be for you, and this can't be easy, but I know with enough time, you can adjust." I knew he was hoping for a response, but I didn't say anything.

"I know you're confused." He repeated in my silence, "I had a very short time to make a decision, and I admit, I let my emotions make that decision for me. After.. Everything you'd endured, it felt like a crime to let it end that way for you. It would have been unforgivable not to do everything in my power to save you."

That sort of made sense.

I noticed, however, that I was starting to feel rational again, and to me, that meant compliance. I didn't like that, so I turned my eyes onto Jasper and glared. I fought it. I might not have been very strong physically, but I liked to think I was pretty strong emotionally. I was so tired of being manipulated, and that was exactly what Jasper kept trying to do. I just wanted to have control over myself, which included my emotions.

"Leandra." My name was a warning again, this time straight out of Jasper's mouth. The sound of it in that tone, with that slight raise in tone, echoed through my mind. Blending almost seamlessly with Ken's voice. Just that reminder was enough to raise my defenses as high as they would go. Especially as the memory of what happened after hearing that crawled painfully through my mind.

I refused to just sit back this time and let all that happen again. I was on my feet in a second. Every ounce of anger I had in my small body was now directed straight at him, and I had a lot built up.

To say he was surprised by my reaction seemed to be an understatement. He really wasn't expecting me to respond like this, but it was perfectly justified. I would never go through any of that again. Never.

Even if it was stupid to think that way, the sound of my name spoken like that triggered something in my mind, and removed any rational thought. Replacing it with defense and the instinct to protect myself.

"Leandra?" Carlisle's questioning tone was more acceptable, but that didn't make me like Jasper any more. I didn't even notice the sound I made until Emmett showed up. Carlisle stood up.

"Leandra," Carlisle tried again, "What is it?"

"The one time Eddy shouldn't have left." Emmett grumbled, watching me closely.

"It's okay." Jasper spoke up, but it was to them. Not to me. It was far from okay, though. He spoke again, "She's just afraid."

He wasn't totally wrong. I was afraid, but that wasn't all I was. I would protect myself. When Emmett moved to walk in, before Jasper could stop him, I rounded for the window. I knew I had no chance against him, so my next option was to run.

I made it half-way out of it before my ankle was caught. The first tug I felt, I rounded back with teeth bared.

My ankle was released, but the rest of me was caught and restrained. In a hug, of all things. It would have been a better idea to have restrained me facing away, as I could have really bitten him with every bit of strength I had, but the fact that it was Carlisle that hugged me, all I did was fight.

I twisted, jerking myself side ways just right and freeing myself with a timed shove against his face. Kicking at the same time, I moved him away from me several steps. Taking one step once I hit the floor, I made it back out the window. Darting away at the first sign I was about to be chased.

"No." Carlisle's voice behind me had me listening, "Don't chase her this time. We'll try again when she comes back."

I felt better in knowing he was okay. I hadn't hurt him, and he wasn't mad. Because of his words, however, I didn't go very far. Just like I'd suspected before. Without being chased, I stuck around.

I stopped just inside the trees, slowing significantly when I noticed I wasn't being followed. I just needed a moment to catch my breath, so to speak. I needed to calm down, but the anger fought harder against the fear, and I really didn't know which way to feel. I was overwhelmed with no real way to get rid of all I felt.

Had I been human, I would have been sobbing uncontrollably, but that person was long gone. Replaced instead by this. Though I did sob, it did nothing to ease the tearing pain inside me.

With a choked, tearless sob, I crouched. Hiding my face against my knees in an attempt to slow my racing my mind. In a way, it seemed to work. I stayed crouched, motionless in my spot and holding my breath until I was sure I could let out that breath without screaming.

That time did come. Listening to the quiet, hushed voices inside debating with each other about coming out to try to talk to me. The arguing and reasons of both for and against the idea, and I focused on them instead of my own thoughts. Finding myself hoping that the against reasons won.

I wasn't sure if they thought I'd come back or not, because they stayed edgy the whole time I was gone, but eventually, I did come back. Once I was sure it was safe, after only a few minutes really, and once I knew my room was empty, I came back inside. Ducking right back in through the window.

It confused me to realize that Carlisle was trying to figure me out in a different way than everyone else was. It had been a huge risk for him to let me go without anyone following me, but it had been the right one.

Though by now I did feel bad for how I acted, I wasn't sorry for it. None of them knew what it was like. Edward was able to see my thoughts, and Jasper could feel my emotions, but both of those things were so much worse combined. They didn't understand the full impact of the cycle that both my thoughts and memories put me through. Neither of them got the full story.

I settled back into my corner, knowing full well that they weren't done pressing me. Because of his decision earlier, though, I was more willing to give Carlisle a chance. That willingness just got a little stronger as he decided to send Esme in to talk to me first.

I knew she was coming, and I eased just a bit out of my protective ball. I watched her approach through the open door of my bedroom, and that was acceptable to me because she was alone.

Gently, she settled on the floor beside me, and for the first time, I studied her. It was strange just how much the human eye didn't see. So many things the human eye just overlooked in its hurry to process all the information it was getting. Now, I could really see her, and that was even more comforting to me.

"Honey," She spoke gently too, "I'm just going to say this. You are unbelievably brave." I looked down. I really didn't feel that brave, "So strong. I know you doubt yourself, but really. You shouldn't. Please believe me."

I had a feeling she was pressing lightly for a response, but I just couldn't give her one. What was I supposed to say to someone who thought so highly of me, when I knew different? I knew that though most people were made new again by being turned, I was still just as damaged as I was before. I hadn't been fixed.

The smallest, quietest whimper left me before I could stop it, but I knew that by hearing that, she was let in on just a bit of the anguish I carried in me. Trapped in this flawless stone shell.

I knew she heard it, because she reached over to embrace me. I accepted that, even moving closer to the comforting hug she offered, but it didn't last long, because the others had heard it too, as they started our direction. Jasper leading the way.

"It's alright." Esme assured me as soon as I tensed to move away. I glanced over at her, "It's alright, sweetheart." I trusted her, so as long as she stayed, I'd stay.

Jasper rounded the doorway first, much too quickly for my taste. I growled quietly, warning him against his pace. Though he didn't seem intimidated in the least, he did stop. Along with the others behind him.

Everyone except for Carlisle. Though I did focus on him, I also kept my attention on Jasper. At least until Carlisle spoke.

"I understand." He told me, taking my full attention as I looked up at him, "I know you're afraid, Leandra, but I promise you don't have to be. You're safe here."

I'd been told that before, and then, it had been just words, but hearing Carlisle say that in the way he did made it easier to believe. It meant more to me than just some words that were said in an attempt to calm me down. He wasn't trying to calm me down. That was the difference. I believed him, and I left it at that. I was satisfied with that.

All I really knew was that the others continued to watch me like I was the one that I was the threat. I looked passed Carlisle at the others, standing up.

The way I watched them was different this time, though. I watched Emmett and he watched me while I slowly started to calm down. My breathing slowed, the anger in my eyes eased. Esme stood up beside me, and it started to make sense. I started thinking with a different part of my mind, which hadn't happened yet. One question begged to be answered.

Why couldn't I trust them?

The entire reason I'd gone through everything I'd gone through was for them. I'd died for them. Called forward, the memories of the vision crawled through my head again, and I looked closer at them.

Every little thing, every moment I'd spent with them, it made sense again to trust them. Especially Carlisle. I'd been through hell and back, over and over, but never at Carlisle's hands. He was the one that always had to try the hardest to earn and keep my trust, but he always did it.

I knew, and that was the hardest thing to face. I knew Jasper was only trying to help. He was only trying to help me adjust to this life, but I just didn't know why that made me so mad. Maybe it was because I needed to belong to myself, emotions included, and he was trying to take that from me.

Seeing the difference in me, I could easily tell the others were easing as well.

"What was all that about, shorty?" Emmett asked, receiving only silence in response. I glanced up at Carlisle before I looked back down. Where would I even begin? It was hard, because not only did I not know how to explain, I also wasn't sure if I wanted to.

But he wasn't looking for an explanation. He only wanted to know what had set me off.

Obviously tired of the silent treatment, though, he spoke sarcastically, "Whoa, don't talk so fast."

As soon as I let slip a small smile, Jasper looked over at him. Taking his arm, he led him out into the hall. I took a small step, coming to Carlisle's side as I turned back toward my corner. I looked up at him briefly.

"It was my name." I mumbled almost silently as I slowly lowered back into my crouch in the corner. My own voice bothered me to hear. it was smaller, but sweeter and clearer than I ever remembered hearing it before. It really made me sound younger than I was, which irritated me.

"What do you mean?" Carlisle asked, carefully crouching in front of me.

"The way Jasper said my name before." I clarified, "Tell him not to do that again, please."

"Okay." He agreed easily.

"I'm not mad at you." I told him quietly, "I'm not mad at anybody. I'm just mad."

"I understand." He replied, "All of this is new to you. I can easily understand how overwhelming this can be for a child." I nodded a little.

"Jasper thinks he's helping." I went on, "But I don't like it. I would listen easier if he wasn't so pushy. I'm sorry I ran away at first, but I was scared. I just wanted to get away from everything. I just wanted to run, and run, and never stop." My voice quieted even more, "I just wanted to see him. Mikah. He meant a lot to me before. All I wanted was to see him. I just wanted to see that he was okay."

"Why?" Carlisle asked, slightly concerned.

"Because." I mumbled, "As long as he's okay, I'm okay. It's always been that way."

"I think we might have underestimated her tie to him." Alice murmured, her gaze on Carlisle, and I fell silent, looking down. Especially as Jasper led Emmett back into the room.

"Leandra," Jasper spoke, "I'm sorry, but I have no choice but to be 'pushy'. I refuse to wind up like the Denalis. You will be controlled."

"You can at least lighten up." Emmett grumbled by the door.

"I can't afford to be lenient on her purely because of her size, Emmett." Jasper countered, looking back at him, "She's fed, and that's a problem."

"I can hold her if I have to." Emmett argued, "How is it a problem?"

"It's going to make it that much harder to train her to hunt animals." He replied, "It's not a problem right now, but when she's desperate, it's going to be harder. Besides the fact that she can easily hurt any of us."

"Train her." Emmett scoffed, "She's not a pony. Let me be in charge of her, then. Let me be the one to teach her."

"Right." Jasper scoffed this time.

"I'll bet you a thousand bucks she turns out just fine." Emmett replied, "It's obvious she doesn't like you."

"Emmett, she isn't a toy." Jasper sighed back at him, "She isn't something fragile. She's wild and a danger to every single one of us. You're too tempted to go easy on her. I guarantee you would lose track of her within the first six hours."

I wished they wouldn't talk about me like I wasn't sitting here. Slightly annoyed, I looked over at Alice.

"Guys," She spoke up for me, "Come on."

I stopped listening then, choosing instead to listen to the sounds from outside. It was a calm night, but I somehow sensed that a lot of rain was on its way. Just by the smell coming in the window, and the sound of the slight breeze coming in from the west.

I focused on that, closing my eyes

Among the gentle breeze hitting the side of the house, I could hear something else. Something more, but it was very faint. It was a small, whispering voice. A few small, whispering voices. I couldn't hear what they were saying to each other, but it still captured my attention.

Slowly, I uncurled long enough to turn over.

"What is it?" Carlisle asked, watching as I peered out the window.

"Do you hear that?" I asked in my own whisper. I didn't want to speak too loudly, but I needed to know if they heard it too.

"I don't hear anything." He replied, coming over to look out the window as well. The others had stopped arguing, but the whispering voices had gone quiet, leaving only the breeze behind.

Maybe the others had just forgotten how to listen.

"What was it?" Alice asked me.

"I don't know." I replied quietly, "I heard it, but it stopped now." Oddly, I really wanted to find the source of the sound, but I knew I couldn't without absolutely everyone following me.

"Look at that, Mr. Tyrant." Emmett said, "You broke her."

"I'm not broken." I mumbled defensively, "I heard it."

It was a bit easier to open up after I remembered why I trusted them so much and started talking. I became a bit more manageable, and Jasper started to back off a little once I could effectively tell him where I was mentally. I was willing to listen to him if it meant nobody had to touch me.

I could tell them how tired I was, which my emotions somehow didn't convey. I just felt so run down. All I wanted was to just hunt and hide away.

Apparently, it was pretty unusual to be as tired as I was, but given how much I'd put my mind through the last several weeks, it made sense that I would need a minute or two to recover.

Honestly, though, I had no idea what to do with myself. I felt like I had no real purpose. All my hard work, so far, had paid off, but what was left for me now? I felt depressed. I was confused. Having been like this twice before, it was nothing like those times. Edward was right in saying that my thoughts were different. I could see the difference myself.

I passed several hours in my thoughts. After only a few hours of this life, I had a real problem to face.

"What's wrong, shorty?" Emmett asked, watching me just sit there. He had caught Jasper's attention as well, and Alice's beside him. All three of them had been tasked to watch me while Carlisle and Esme went to take care of something. I had a feeling I knew what that something was.

To the rest of the world, I was dead. I knew how this worked. There was paperwork that needed to be filled out. That paperwork would officially free me from my human life, which was really weird to think about. Like cutting the last tie to my old life. I was glad I didn't have to be a part of that.

"What do I do now?" I asked quietly, hesitantly lifting my head up to look over at him, "I'm out of stuff to do."

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Well.." I mumbled, "I fixed what I had to fix. I guess I'm just used to having something I had to do. Now that I don't have that anymore, what do I do now?"

To my surprise, he laughed, "You're bored?"

"I'm not bored." I shook my head, "I just.. I don't know. That's not what I meant."

"I know what you mean." Alice offered quietly, and I sighed.

"Every other time I was turned before," I murmured, "It was for a reason. I don't have a reason now."

"How many times have you been turned?" Emmett asked incredulously, and I remembered that he hadn't been there for that little story.

"Twice." I answered, "Before this one."

"And you remember it?" I nodded, so he laughed, "Geez, that must suck."

"Not really." I muttered, stretching my legs out in front of me, "It helps me remember how to be careful. It's the other stuff I remember that sucks. I just want to forget all the other stuff."

"What all do you remember?" Alice asked, coming over. Somehow, this had been a question nobody had asked yet.

"Everything." I replied, "I mean, I know I was supposed to forget some things, but I didn't. I remember all of it. Everything I remembered when I was human, I still remember now. It's like it's all stuck, and I don't think I've stopped remembering yet."

"I'm so sorry." She told me sadly.

"The only thing I have a hard time remembering, is what it's like to die." I muttered, frowning a little in thought, "That part's hard to remember, because it just happened so fast. Like.. I was awake, then I was waking up."

"Nice subject." Emmett commented quietly.

"I don't care." I replied, "It doesn't bug me. I think the only things that would bug me are things that would remind me of Ken. Or Jack."

"What changed your mind, Leandra?" Alice asked gently.

"You don't know?" I asked, looking over at her, "You mean.. You really left that night?" Why did that relieve me?

"I'll admit I was a bit agitated." She answered apologetically, "So Edward offered to stay while we went to check Heather's status in the hospital."

Meaning, Edward had been there alone when he came in to talk to me. Nobody had sent him in. He had come in on his own.

"And he never told you?"

"He told us he'd be listening for you, but that's it."

"Better that way." I nodded a little, drawing my knees back up.

"Aw, man." Emmett growled, "Please don't tell me-"

"I don't want to talk anymore." I muttered, shutting him up and tensing visibly.

"Shorty-"

"Emmett." Alice murmured, "Don't push it. Let her come around in her own time." I appreciated that.

"Right." Emmett sighed, "Sorry, shorty. You're okay now. That's what matters." I nodded a little, falling quiet as I looked down. Nobody would ever hurt me again.

It was silent in the room now, so I took a deeper breath, calming my frazzled nerves a bit. Closing my eyes, and just listening. It felt nice to just empty my mind and listen to the breeze outside again.

However, in the silence, I clearly heard the whispering start up again outside. I didn't react this time, just listening to it. It was barely louder than the breeze, sort of mixed in with it. It easily could have been the sound of the breeze through the tops of the trees, but there was a distinct verbal tone to it.

Someone was outside.

Hesitantly, I moved. I turned over and peered out the window yet again. I knew all three of them were watching me, but that didn't matter much.

"I hear you." I couldn't help whispering. I didn't see anyone, but that didn't matter much.

"Hear who?" Emmett asked me.

"Shh." I told him, continuing to listen. The whispering had stopped, and I worried that Emmett had scared whatever it was away, until it started again. It was more than one voice, and they were talking to each other. How were they not hearing them?

Thankfully, Emmett stayed quiet, letting me continue to listen until the whispering faded away. I waited another few minutes, but didn't hear it come back.

"It's gone." I sighed, turning away from the window and sitting back down.

"What is it, shorty?" Emmett asked, and I looked over.

"I don't know." I replied, "I don't know how to explain it. It's talking, but I don't know what they're saying."

A/N: I know how long this took, and I'm sorry. :( And I DEEPLY apologize for how short this is. Moving sucks so bad, and not just because it's so tiring. I finally found some time to myself when I wasn't falling asleep standing up, and I literally spent like 20 minutes straight wandering from room to room, just trying to find a spot in this new house where I felt comfortable enough to sit and type. I guess I'm still waiting for that 'homey' feeling to kick in.
ANYHOO! OMGTHEREVIEWS! You guys have no idea how glad I am that you're enjoying the story so far! Your reviews were like little rays of sunshine in my day. I know how sappy that is to admit, but they made me smile. (: THANK YOU to those kind enough to leave your thoughts! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
I'm really REALLY hoping that things will pick back up soon update wise. It felt so wrong not being able to release 10 before now. ):
Eleven (hopefully) won't be far behind this one, but with how busy I've been, I won't make any promises. Unfortunately.
Until Eleven, my beautiful readers! (: