Several readers have asked me how Harry came up with his list of invitees into the Chamber of Secrets.

1) Dumbledore—he's the headmaster, so can go wherever he wants in the castle. It's pointless for Harry not to invite him.

2) The Bloody Baron, Professor Snape, Millicent Bulstrode, Tracey Davis, Daphne Greengrass and Blaise Zabini—all have a connection to Salazar Slytherin.

None of the four Slytherin students have Death Eater parents, and none of the four Slytherin students are amongst Draco Malfoy's minions.

3) Moaning Myrtle, Nearly-Headless Nick, Penelope Clearwater, Colin Creevey, Justin Finch-Fletchley and Hermione Granger—victims of the basilisk.

4) Argus Filch—owner of Mrs Norris the cat, who was a victim of the basilisk.

5) Ginny Weasley—whilst she was the perpetrator, she also was a victim. She needs closure as much as the petrification victims do.

6) Fred and George Weasley—to comfort Ginny when she turns into a sobbing mess in the Chamber of Secrets. Ron would be worse than useless for this.

7) The extra Gryffindor student, the extra Hufflepuff student and the Ravenclaw student—to each act as the observer for his or her House of a unique historical event.

Chapter 5
Daphne Warns Hermione

Tuesday, 5 September, about 2 p.m
Still in the Chamber of Secrets

Goldentooth produced a tiny parchment, seemingly from thin air; then the tiny parchment enlarged itself to regular size. Goldentooth laid this new parchment atop his clipboard, then he beckoned Harry over.

Harry pulled on his and his girlfriend's joined hands to let Hermione know, I want you with me for this.

Goldentooth wrote a huge number of galleons in the left-side margin of the new parchment—which Harry now saw, said "Render Contract For Slain Beast" at the top.

Hermione gasped when she saw the number that Goldentooth had written. "Harry, that's over eleven million pounds!"

Snape choked. Dumbledore looked sideways at the Potions professor, then said, "I'm sure that Harry would be happy to make a quite generous donation to the school."

Harry felt annoyed. He replied, "In the words of Madam Bones, 'Ah, headmaster, such a joker you are.' Headmaster, Professor Snape, listen up: Madam Bones says you're entitled to nothing, so that's what you'll get: nothing. Zero-point-nil. Not one bronze knut apiece." Then Harry smiled his insane-axe-murderer smile.

Snape yelled, "How dare you! You're just like—"

Meanwhile, Dumbledore looked sad, sad, sad. "Harry my boy, I'm so disappointed—"

Harry said, "The answer's still no, 'gentlemen.' But maybe you need reminding."

Harry strode up to Snape. "How many times have you vanished perfectly good potions after I've been careful to follow all the directions, and you've given me a zero for the class? How many times have you insulted me in class, and mocked me? Or done nothing whilst Death Eater babies in Slytherin have tried to sabotage my potions? Or yelled out in the Great Hall, in front of everyone, 'Potter, you're just like your father'?"

Then Harry clicked his fingers. "Which reminds me. My Aunt Petunia told me once that your father, Tobias Snape, was a bully. What can we deduce from this?"

The fourth-year Ravenclaw witness said, "That Professor Snape is just like his father."

Harry pointed at the Ravenclaw boy and grinned, as Snape looked ready to explode.

Harry, meanwhile, had strode up to Dumbledore. "And how are you thinking of compelling me to 'donate' to you—I mean, to donate to this school? I suppose you always could mind-whammy me; apparently your mind-whammies leave no magical signature."

Harry heard gasps from other students.

Harry continued, "But otherwise? No bloody-hell, bugger-all, fucking way will you get money. I wanted to kill you when I found out that you had the authority to drop me from the Triwizard within four hours of the Goblet of Fire drawing, but you instead inflamed the rumours about me by asking me publicly, 'Did you put your name in the Goblet, Harry?' I've been starved from ages one through eleven and during the summers afterwards, I've suffered broken bones and scars, all because you put me with the Dursleys and you keep decreeing that I must stay with the Dursleys during summers. My oath-sworn godfather Sirius Black is accused of crimes he never committed, and was thrown in prison without a trial, but you refuse to use your legal authority to call for his trial so that he can be acquitted and can become my guardian. You lied to my friends and my godfather this past summer, so that I was isolated from all contact."

Then Harry raised his voice. "I'll throw an open sack of galleons through the dungeon door and into the Slytherin common room before I'll give one knut to either Snape or Dumbledore."

Daphne Greengrass smirked. "How could you get our door to open so that you could throw the sack in? You don't know this fortnight's password."

Harry smirked back. "Easy. I'd just walk up to the door and hiss '§Open§.' It works."

The four Slytherin students looked horrified—before their four faces became expressionless masks.

The agreement that Harry and Goldentooth made—because surprise, surprise, Harry had been an adult by magic since 24th November of last year—was that the entire basilisk would be rendered, but not all of the rendered basilisk would be sold off. When Madam Bones told Harry that it took 7 square metres to make a suit of dragon-hide armour, Harry claimed for his own use, 80 square metres of basilisk hide, also 1.0 litres of basilisk venom, also the basilisk fang laying on the floor, also the basilisk's skull.

This reduced the payout that Harry would receive to "only" 9 million pounds (or rather, the equivalent in galleons). Harry bore his keen disappointment without complaint.

Harry then told Goldentooth that Argus Filch would be paid G5 000 from the sale of the rendered basilisk; Penelope, Colin, Justin and Hermione each would be paid G10 000; and the brothers and sisters of Myrtle Warren, if any were still alive, and all of Myrtle's siblings' surviving children and grandchildren, would split the pounds-equivalent of G200 000.

All of Harry's windfall (galleons, hide, venom, fang and skull) would be put in a new vault, and the key to this vault would be given to Greyclay, the head Potter house-elf. No bloody way was Harry going to keep that key in his school trunk so that Ron or Dumbledore could steal it.

Needless to say, when Dumbledore learnt that the key to a vault with roughly one and a half million galleons in it, would not be stored at Hogwarts, he gave Harry the usual Harry my boy, I am so disappointed in you speech.

In reply, Harry gave Dumbledore his insane-axe-murderer smile.

As Harry was signing Goldentooth's contract—ironically, with a Blood Quill—Harry casually asked the goblin, "If I hadn't sold you the carcass, because nobody had told me that I could sell it, what would've happened to it?"

Goldentooth replied, "If it stayed down here unclaimed and unrendered, then five years after the basilisk was killed, the carcass would be considered to be abandoned. The first person to 'find' the carcass after five years could claim it."

Hermione snapped, "So about the time Harry would be sitting his NEWTs, Dumbledore would be getting rich by selling the basilisk that Harry killed?"

Harry shrugged. "Yeah, sounds like something he'd do."

Goldentooth tapped the contract with a fingerclaw. "But now all the coins and body parts go to the person who deserves them—you."

According to the just-signed contract, along with the skull, basilisk hide, loose fang and litre of venom, G1 562 593 (£7 812 965) would be paid to Harry's new vault when all of the basilisk had been rendered, had been removed from "Slytherin's Chamber" and had been sold at auction.

The contract did not cover the shed basilisk skin that was lying by the round snakes-lock door—Dumbledore was welcome to claim this shed skin if he wanted it.

When Dumbledore was forced to face the fact that he could not guilt-trip Harry, threaten him, shame him, embarrass him, bribe him, swindle him or charm him into donating "to the school" any money from the sale of the basilisk, Dumbledore started to make noises about how he would not allow into the castle, the goblin work-group that would do the actual rendering and removal.

Madam Bones promptly told Dumbledore, "If you're foolish enough to try this, don't ask for any help from the DMLE. This contract is legally made and it generously rewards an act of true bravery. Also, I told Minister Fudge yesterday that I refuse to help him start a goblin war—I won't help you start a goblin war either."

Goldentooth scowled at Dumbledore—and goblin scowls are fearsome. "Congratulations, wizard. Just for threatening to impede the Goblin Nation from fulfilling a lawful contract, you've brought yourself audits for every vault to which you have access. This is"—Goldentooth picked up his abacus and worked it—"twenty vaults in all, including Mr Potter's three vaults."

Harry noticed that Dumbledore's face looked pale.

Dumbledore then ordered everyone to leave the Chamber of Secrets and to return to regular Hogwarts. Harry hung back, because only he could Parseltongue-shut the round door and the chute in Moaning Myrtle's lavatory; Hermione, Madam Bones and Goldentooth also hung back.

Moaning Myrtle, before she floated away, gave Harry a heartfelt "Thank you," and dropped a curtsy to him in midair.

Justin Finch-Fletchley, instead of leaving like almost everyone else, dragged himself up to Harry & Co, with Peggy Shaw following behind. Peggy Shaw's look at Harry was admiring; but Justin's eyes were downcast and he looked ashamed.

"Potter," Justin said, "I treated you like a right wanker in second year, and I wore one of those badges in fourth year—"

Peggy Shaw asked, "What badge are you talking about?"

"—so why did you just promise me ten thousand galleons?"

Harry spoke to Peggy Shaw first. "Peggy, what Justin is referring to are badges that said 'Potter Stinks.' Last year I was forced to participate in the deadly Triwizard Tournament, even though being fourteen years old supposedly made me ineligible. As if this wasn't bad enough, many people—Justin included—felt that I'd been selected as a Champion because I'd cheated somehow. Many in the school wore those badges last year."

Then Harry looked at Justin and said coldly, "Yes, second year, you were definitely a wanker to me. Last year, I paid close attention to who wore those 'Potter Stinks' badges—and who did not. Hermione didn't, the Weasley twins didn't, Ginny Weasley didn't, Neville Longbottom didn't, Luna Lovegood of Ravenclaw didn't, and those four Slytherins whom I invited today, didn't."

Harry glanced at Madam Bones and added, "Susan and Hannah did."

Harry looked at Peggy Shaw. "Last year, Professor Sprout was not as warm and as friendly to me as in other years. Even so, she was nicer to me than my own Head of House, Minerva McGonagall, who always acts like I'm keeping her from things she'd rather be doing."

Anguished-looking Justin said, "I was a right berk git. So why the ten thousand—?"

"Because you got shit dumped into your life, which was not your fault, and someone should do something to make things right—and soon I'll have money to spare. Besides"—now Harry looked meaningfully at Dumbledore's retreating figure—"nobody else will hand you money as compensation, even when much of what happened to you was their fault."

A few minutes later, outside

Harry, Madam Bones and Goldentooth just had walked out of Hogwarts Castle and were walking towards the front gates.

(The three of them would have been four—Dumbledore had ordered McGonagall to accompany Harry "for the boy's legal protection." McGonagall had made no objection to Dumbledore's order, even though it would mean she would miss classes. But then Harry gleefully had pointed out that since he successfully had signed the basilisk-render contract, Magic recognised him as an adult, so he did not "need a professor as childminder." Madam Bones and Goldentooth had agreed that magically, Harry was now an adult, not a child.)

Now only five feet outside the castle, Harry requested, "Madam Bones, please check the three of us for Tracking Charms and Listening Charms."

Madam Bones found one such charm apiece—both placed on Harry's glasses. Madam Bones removed the charms.

She then said to Harry, "You expected this?"

"With Dumbledore as headmaster? He'd plant a Listening Charm on the Queen's eyeglasses if he could get within spell-range, and he'd think nothing wrong about it."

Madam Bones huffed. "That wizard is annoying."

After this brief interruption, the three continued walking towards the eight-foot-tall, wrought-iron front gates.

A minute later, Madam Bones said to Harry, "Now that you're of age and you can call a house-elf, you may travel away from Hogwarts, then back to Hogwarts, anytime without seeking permission; but you must get outside the castle wards to actually make such travel. Let me teach you a trick so that you can do this without Dumbledore growing suspicious."

Then Madam Bones spoke some more words, as she gestured to the right, towards the Quidditch pitch.

Hearing Madam Bones explain her "trick," Harry grinned like a shark.

Right afterwards, Goldentooth said to Harry, "Director Ragnok ordered me to ask you politely, 'Why have you never answered any of your letters from Gringotts?' "

Harry replied, "What letters from Gringotts? The only owl-mail I've ever received is what my own owl brings me, letters from friends and letters from Hogwarts."

Angry Madam Bones said, "tampering with owl-post is illegal."

Harry pantomimed stroking a beard. "But in my case, unsurprising."

Harry and Goldentooth figured out a way to thwart Dumbledore: from now on: Gringotts's letters to Harry would be sent out via Greyclay.

Then Goldentooth said to Harry, "As soon as I return to Gringotts, I need to call for the audit of twenty vaults, including your trust vault and two other Potter vaults. The Potter account manager, Bronzedagger, always has struck me as shifty, and it wouldn't surprise me if he and the bearded idiot have colluded to steal from you."

Harry scowled. "And if it's proven that Bronzedagger has done me dirt? What then?"

Goldentooth smiled, showing all his piranha-teeth, as he drew a finger-claw all the way round his own neck. "Then Bronzedagger is made to regret his choices."

Once the trio were beyond the wrought-iron gates of Hogwarts, Goldentooth said, "Scion Potter, now that Magic has recognised you as an adult, I urge you to visit Gringotts soon; however, 'soon' here means 'tomorrow at the earliest.' It would be best if you don't visit Gringotts until after all twenty vaults that I'm flagging for audit, are audited."

Madam Bones blinked. "You can audit twenty vaults in one day?"

Goldentooth smiled, showing piranha-teeth. "Listen, we of the Nation are efficient. It takes five minutes to transfer the contents of Vault X to the work-vault; this creates a list of exactly what coins and items were transferred. Transferring the contents of the work-vault back to Vault X takes another five minutes. Now, ten minutes after we started, we have a list of exactly what is in Vault X. It takes one of our auditors another five minutes to compare the list of what we expect to be in Vault X with what actually is there, and the audit of Vault X is done. If one knut has been stolen from a coinage vault, or one spoon has been stolen from an heirloom vault, our auditor will know."

Harry grinned evilly. "Is it just me, or did Dumbledore look frightened when you mentioned auditing vaults? Maybe he's worried about"—Harry dragged his fingertip all the way round his neck.

Goldentooth replied, "Oh please, we of the Nation are more civilised than that! If one or more audits say Dumbledore stole from one or more vaults, he would only be fined 110 percent of what he stole, plus sentenced to hard labour in a mine. It's only if he can't pay the 110 percent, even after we transfer all his property to theft-victims, that we shave Dumbledore's neck."

Goldentooth said goodbye to the humans, just outside the gates of Hogwarts, then he disappeared. Madam Bones then portkeyed Harry and herself directly to her office at the DMLE.

Being the Director of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement has its perks.

Madam Bones sat in her chair and looked at Harry. "A bit later, I'll call in Healer Malkin, to give you a thorough medical examination, if this is all right with you?"

Harry replied, "I trust you, but what is the examination for?"

"To document your injuries and other medical problems, before and after you started Hogwarts."

"So you're going after the Dursleys?"

"And Dumbledore. Yesterday you described him as 'the world's shittiest guardian.' Well, I checked, and he in fact was your 'magical guardian' till last November. In November 1981, he as Chief Warlock sealed got your parents' will, so that the text of those wills may not be read, and the wills themselves could not be probated—"

"What?"

"—then he persuaded the Wizengamot to appoint him your 'magical guardian.' Which means that everything that happened to you between 6 November 1981 and 24 November 1994, Dumbledore is responsible for."

"Hold on, back up, I can be sentenced to Azkaban for reading my own parents' wills?"

Madam Bones's smile, for some reason, reminded Harry of Sirius's most mischievous smile. "If you read the sealed wills on file at the Ministry's Department of Records? Yes, it's prison for you if you read those wills. But you, as the last Potter, may read at Gringotts the copies of the wills that Gringotts has, and the long-bearded Chief Warlock can't stop you."

Harry said, "Okay, I understand now, you want Healer Malkin to examine me so you legally can put the screws to the Dursleys and Dumbledore. Oh yes, I'm in favour of all that. But why haven't you called Healer Malkin here yet?"

Madam Bones replied, "Because I've important things to tell you first."

Madam Bones paused, as she took a breath. "WCS—that's Wizard Child Services—until yesterday had no file on you, who is Wizarding Britain's most famous orphan. Bizarre, this. When I investigated, I quickly figured out that Boudicca Grenwick, the Director of WCS, had been subjected to hostile mind-magics. Her son, who is a Senior Auror, and I both personally escorted Boudicca Grenwick to Saint Mungo's. That WCS has been made to overlook you; this is why no magical person ever has come to your house and, after he found abuse, removed you from that house."

Harry shrugged. "Nobody from the Muggle side, working for the township or for Surrey County, has visited me either. I've no memory of Dumbledore ever showing up—either because he was utterly confident that there could be no problems at someplace he had placed me, or else he's been there, but he Obliviated afterwards, all four of us who lived there."

Madam Bones sighed. "Anyway, on behalf of the entire Ministry, I apologise to you. We all 'spilled the hot cauldron.' "

Harry got a thought. "Does Wizard Child Services have reports of physical abuse that Poppy Pomfrey made? If there was no folder for me at WCS, Madam Pomfrey's reports might be in a folder labelled 'To Be Filed.' "

Harry did not tell Madam Bones his suspicion that the WCS never had acted on Madam Pomfrey's reports, not because those reports were misfiled, but because they never had been made—

Harry imagined Dumbledore saying to the mediwitch, "Poppy my dear, you say that young Harry has suffered physical abuse? Harry would be embarrassed if the Ministry would find out about this. So to spare Harry public embarrassment, tear up this report. Not reporting his physical abuses is for Harry's own good. I am Chief Warlock as well as Headmaster, so do not worry about consequences."

Now Madam Bones wrote a memo to WCS and sent the memo away as a parchment aeroplane. The memo read, "What parchmentwork do you have, regarding Harry James Potter, that has been misfiled? Please check thoroughly."

As Madam Bones and Harry waited for a reply memo from WCS to fly in, Madam Bones opened a folder that was laying on her desk, pulled out a parchment, and handed the parchment to Harry. The parchment was titled, "Declaration of Adulthood."

The parchment, with a wax seal in the lower-right corner, stated that Harry James Potter, aged fourteen years, three months and twenty-four days, was recognised by Magic on 24th November 1994 as an adult, "with all the rights and responsibilities that arise from such."

Madam Bones commented, "I picked this up from the Ministry Department of Records. Gringotts has something similar, but this was much easier for me to get a copy of."

Harry said, "Shouldn't I have been owl-mailed this? I wasn't. This is the first time I've seen this."

Madam Bones frowned. "In your folder in the DOR, besides a copy of this parchment, was a written note from the Chief Warlock. The Department of Records didn't owl-mail a letter to you on 24th November, which is the usual procedure when someone gains their adulthood untimely; instead, the DOR hand-delivered the Declaration of Adulthood parchment to Chief Warlock Dumbledore at his written request."

"Which he 'forgot' to pass on to me," Harry snarled.

A wind started to blow inside the office with the closed door and closed magical windows.

Harry growled. "All the dragonshit that happened to me this summer—the usual abuses of the Dursleys, the attack by the Dementors, Fudge's rigged trial, everything—could've been avoided if I'd known I could've rented a room at the Leaky all summer, and Dumbledore couldn't have said sod-all."

Madam Bones laid a hand on Harry's arm, to calm him down. "Or you could've spent all summer at one of House Potter's properties, being fed by your house-elves. I agree, Dumbledore did you wrong."

The Harry-wind slowed, then stopped blowing.

Meanwhile in the Hogwarts Library

Daphne Greengrass strode up to sitting Hermione, who was writing her Herbology essay at "her" table at the library.

The black-haired beauty said, "So, Granger, you are Scion Potter's girlfriend now, and congratulations are in order. But know that I came this close to writing to Harry Potter this summer and asking if I could be his girlfriend. My mother talked me out of it, but I actually had a letter written in mid-July, ready to send."

Hermione stared at Daphne in horror. She imagined Harry, when he eventually was brought to Grimmauld Place in August, telling his friends, "No, Ron and Hermione, I'm no longer angry at you. My new girlfriend Daphne knows a way to calm me down."

Meanwhile, Daphne still was speaking: "...None of the professors told us what stopped the basilisk, but school rumour said that Potter killed the basilisk—as a second-year. In third year, his Patronus drove off a hundred Dementors—you saw it happen. At the end of fourth year, he faced off against You Know Who and survived. My point is, Granger, that there are dozens of witches in this school, both younger than fifth year and older than fifth year, besides those of us in fifth year, who happily would date Potter if you got too full of yourself. Here's friendly advice: Don't take Potter for granted or get complacent."

Hermione replied archly, "Harry never will marry a witch who sees him only as the Boy Who Lived."

Daphne shook her head. "There are witches like that; but there are witches like me who realise that if Potter can escape dancing to Dumbledore's tunes, Potter is exactly the wizard who Wizarding Britain needs. Gemma Farley"—a Slytherin in the Hogwarts class of 1994—"told me she'd be willing to be a spinster for four years after she sat her NEWTs, if it would mean that she would marry Potter when he leaves Hogwarts in '98."

Hermione stared at Daphne in shock.

Daphne said, "Again I say: Don't take Potter for granted." Then Daphne walked away.

Hermione resolved anew to be the girlfriend whom Harry needed, so that Daphne Greengrass, Gemma Farley—and Susan Bones?—could not steal Harry away.

Ginny Weasley might be a problem, though, Hermione thought. The bint has no scruples where Harry is concerned.

Meanwhile, in Madam Bones's office at the DMLE

Madam Bones and Harry still were waiting for a parchment-aeroplane memo from Wizard Child Services.

Madam Bones was asking Harry follow-up questions about what Harry had told her yesterday. The questions and Harry's answers were not earthshaking; basically, Madam Bones was crossing her t's and dotting her i's.

Madam Bones said, "Those are all my questions till that stupid memo comes."

Harry said, "I have a question. What can you tell me about Umbridge and about my godfather Sirius? Is Umbridge still in gaol, or did Fudge get her released?"

Madam Bones replied, "Dolores Umbridge still is in a holding cell, and this is where she will stay till her trial on Friday. I told the Aurors guarding the holding cells, 'One of the things that Senior Undersecretary-slash-Professor Umbridge was arrested for was for breaking a goblin treaty. If one of you releases her from lockup, I won't only fire you, I'll haul you to Gringotts in chains.' My Aurors are much more afraid of the goblins than they are of Cornelius Fudge."

Harry laughed at the mental picture. "And Sirius?"

"As you told me, he was never given a trial. When he was arrested, he wasn't questioned with Veritaserum. His wand wasn't checked.

"When I went to check his wand myself, I discovered the wand had been 'misfiled' with 1944 evidence, instead of with 1981 evidence. Which tells me that some berk within the Auror Corps was playing games—probably Dawlish. Anyway, when I checked the wand, it had no deadly spells on it. However, I found a Cleaning Charm used." Madam Bones laughed.

Puzzled Harry asked, "Why are you laughing?"

"I suspect that Sirius, who was a bachelor, used the Cleaning Charm on fifteen-month-old you. There's a cleaning-spell for the youngest children, Clean Infant, that he should have used instead, but a bachelor usually doesn't know this spell."

Seconds later

The parchment-aeroplane memo from WCS entered Amelia's office. The memo, when unfolded, read—

.

Amelia,

The only parchments in Harry James Potter's file are the listing of his Muggle address (an address that we were given only yesterday, by you) and the Declaration of Adulthood parchment.

There are no reports of WCS home visits in his folder because no home visits were made before now.

Today both my people and I got quite creative with the wording of Accio spells, but it was all for naught. There are no misfiled documents in the WCS office that relate to Harry James Potter.

Sorry, Amelia, but whatever document about Potter you're hoping to find, we don't have it.

Boudicca

.

Amelia sighed. "So Poppy Pomfrey never reported whatever physical abuses of yours that she noticed."

Amelia expected Harry Potter to yell and curse; instead, he shrugged. "I would've been shocked if she had. The only question is, was she browbeaten into remaining silent, or was she mind-whammied?"

Amelia snarled, "Casting mind-magics on an Auror or any sort of healer is illegal!"

Harry pantomimed stroking a beard. "So?"

Healer Malkin was called in then, bringing his own parchment and his own Dicta-Quill. The medical examination was performed in Madam Bones's office, with Harry keeping his clothes on and with the outer door magically locked by Madam Bones's authority.

Just before Healer Malkin began the examination, Harry told him, "Even if you brought more parchment than you think you need, tell your Dicta-Quill to write small."

The eyebrows of both Madam Bones and Healer Malkin shot up when Harry said this.

As the examination progressed, the Dicta-Quill wrote an ever-lengthening list of injuries—some had been well healed by Madam Pomfrey, but the rest had been poorly healed by child-Harry's own magic.

Healer Malkin tried to keep a blank face, but Harry saw that the healer was growing angry. Harry cringed; he was sure that Healer Malkin was about to hit him or to magically curse him because Harry Potter was a pathetic, weak, loser freak.