So yeah I decided to make another chapter. In my opinion this chapter is not really good but somehow this is all I could manage. I hope it is not terrible. So I still would love some opinions about this and yeah.
Notifications: I still don't own supernatural or anything related to that.
Warnings: Well here is a mentions about suicide and Mary's death and about dying but nothing major. (You've seen worse on the actual supernatural serier(I think))
But yeah enjoy or something. I'm crying because I have to go back to school in 22 days. I am not ready. Seriously school sucks, don't want to go. Okay I stop this nonsense. Enjoy.
Ps. If I have mistakes in there, inform me so I can correct them thanks!
Somebody's shaking me. "Wha? Couple more minutes Sam.", I say sleepily. "I am not Sam, Dean", a man's voice says. I snap awake and see a somewhat familiar face staring down at me."I am Michael Lawson your psychiatric remember?". "Yeah.", I hoarse. Fuck, I'm still in 1996, in my 17-year-old body and in a bloody nut house. I sit on the edge of the bed waiting for him to say something. "Here are clothes for you", he says as he dumps the pile in my hands," I recommend thought that you shower first before you change into those.". "Okay so where's the shower?", I ask eager to get freshen up. The doctor motions to follow him and I do. We walk trough a room which seems to be some kind of day time room with the television, board games and everything that you'd expect to have in a place like this. "Typical", I mutter. We arrive to the shower room which is just basically just four stalls without a door, freaking excellent. "Thomas, our head nurse here will come here to keep you company and after that please come to eat breakfast, I have to head out now", Doctor, Michael says. A well build man comes trough the door " I am Thomas and I will be facing the beautiful blue wall while you shower, okay?", Thomas says with a humor. I like already this guy. As promised Thomas stares at the wall while I shower and get some clothes on. He takes me to the eating area where almost everyone is already eating. Gosh I hope they got some pie.
A cook gives me a tray with a glass of water, porridge?, piece of bread and jell-o. No pie what a shame. I hope I don't have to sit with anyone because I ain't on a chatty mood. The porridge looks and smells disgusting but mans gotta eat so I force myself to eat it. First after I have eaten I am going to find out a way to contact dad. I eye my surroundings. Everyone here is from sixteen to eighteen and no one seems to be full blown crazy. Everyone is pretty normal looking at least at a first glance. I finish eating and realize that I have no idea what happens next. I just sit and wait till almost everyone has gotten somewhere else and then I take my tray to the disposal area. I feel hand on my shoulder and it makes me jump. It is Thomas. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.", Thomas says calmingly," You can go now to the day room and watch some tv or something and in awhile Doctor Lawson will come and get you for your therapy session.", he informs. Shit I should've noticed him coming behind me. I am getting rusty. I just nod and walk to the day room. I look around where I could go but pretty much everywhere is too much people to my liking. I don't want to do some small talk with teenagers, if I have a choice I would love to spend some time alone thinking this time travelling mess through. I decide to go sit on a chair close to the television. Fuck I miss Sam. Good old 31-year-old Sammy. There is nothing wrong with Sammy the 13-year-old, actually it was pretty nice to see little Sam who has a whole bright future ahead of him. But with 2014 Sam I could figure this shit out without getting weird looks. I wonder what is going on in the 2014. Where is Sammy and how is he doing. I hope he is okay. He'll be okay I decide, Sam is a big boy, he can take care of himself.
"Dean.", I hear Michael say from the other side of the room. "Therapy?", I say questioning. Michael nods. It seems that every one just now notices me the new loonie of the loonie pin. I follow Michael to a small comfortable looking office. I stand even though Michael sits. "You can sit Dean if you want to", He says. I don't know should I sit just yet. Maybe I should see does anything happen if I don't. I stand for about five minutes until I give up and sit down. " What is your favorite color?, Michael asks. Is he serious my favorite color? I don't have a freaking favorite color. "Dunno don't have one", I say. The doctor writes something on a notebook. Seriously can you make and assumptions of a person by his favorite color. This is going to be a painfully long week. "Dean can you tell me why you tried to kill yourself?",he asks kindly. What do I say? Should I deny it? No maybe I shouldn't. I heard someone once say that accepting the truth makes progress easier. So let's play a game where I admit that I tried (not) to end my life and that I wanna get better (outta here). "I didn't try to kill myself", I say silently. Oh I hit the vain. "Dean accepting what happened and why it happened is important in your recovery", The doctor (Michael) says. I raise my eyes from my hands to Michael and sight." Umm, I don't , I don't really know why", I stumble with my words,"I just, I just never mind." "You just what Dean? You can tell me.", Michael says sincerely. I look him with him pain in my eyes, real pain. What I am about to say is a truth of my life. "I just am not enough, I let everybody down and everyone would be better without me", I say my voice shaking. Come on be a Winchester don't be a girl man up, MAN UP. Michael writes on the notebook and continues "I am sure Dean that that is not true but could you tell me why do you feel that way?". "It is not a feeling Doc, it is hard cold truth. Because every single one who I have cared about, who I have loved has died because of me. And, and I have failed to keep Sammy safe, I have failed as a brother, as a son and as a friend. So yeah I think I got pretty good reason to die.", I say with emotions shaking me. Now the doctor looks really confused. I can't do this, I can't. "I know you think you can help me but you can't and if I die it's not like I'd stay dead."I say trying to stop the emotional rollercoaster. " Can I go to my room or something, I am sick of this shit." I ask. "Dean we are not quite done here yet so please sit back down", Michael says obliviously tense. "Yes, I think we are done", I spat as I launch trough the door.
That was probably really stupid move but I couldn't stay in there any longer. And to be honest it helped a little to get some of the most crushing things out in the air. I run to my room and sit on the bed and let myself breath. Fuck I forgot to ask about the phone call. Now they think that I am even crazier than before but I don't find myself caring. I give those people a week and if they decide to keep me here longer than a week I'll make run for it.
I hear a knock on the door and see Michael stepping in. I groan "Go away" Oh I act like a teenager, fuck get a grip. "Dean I let this slide now because it's your first day and you have another therapy session with me later.", Michael says voice commanding, "Next time you don't leave the room without my permission okay?". I look at him and nod. I decide to speak up " I'm sorry, I just got little emotional and couldn't handle it." Michael looks at me softly." I, I want to get better", I say, fake tears running trough my face. "Okay, that's good Dean really good, I have to go now so I suggest that you rest a little", Michael says comfortingly. As Michael crabs the doors handle I say urgently "Hey Doc!" Michael turn's around" I was wondering that could I make a phone call.". " We have here 24h policy when patient can't make phone calls nor have visitors so if you need to make a call you can do it tomorrow", Michael says. "Okay, thanks!", I say and Michael leaves the room.
I feel myself drift to sleep and wake up screaming. Two nurses run trough my rooms door. "What's wrong?", other nurse asks. "Nightmare", I whisper. They eye me worriedly for a second." It dinner time in five minutes so you should come with us there", same nurse says. I nod noticing that I am starving. I get up and follow the nurses out of the door. " Are you okay?", the other nurse speaks up. "Super", I murmur. We arrive to the cafeteria and I eat alone.
It is 18.30 and I find out that when it's 18.30 it is group therapy. Fucking group therapy. I find myself sitting in a circle with 9 other dudes. I sit next to a free chair which belongs to the group leader and next to a pale about 18-year-old guy. Nobody talks, everyone is so quiet that you could hear a needle drop. Then of course Michael arrives somewhat loudly and sit's on the chair next to me. "Hello everyone, I am sorry that I'm late. So does anyone remember what did we discuss yesterday?", Michael asks. Everyone is quiet until a boy with buzz cut raises his hand. " Yes, Nicolas", He says obliviously not surprised that he answers. "Well we talked about our friends", the boy Nicholas said hands shaking. "Yes we did", Michael agrees. "Today we are going to talk about our families", Michael says smiling. Michael's eyes wanders around and they stop at me "Oh I almost forgot so we have new resident here so remember to say your name when you speak", Michael adds. We star from the left side of Michael so I am going to be last one who talks, great.
" I'll start I am Michael your doctor here and I have lovely wife Anna and two little girls Rachel and Lisa, they are both seven-years old.", Michael says. He motions the guy next to him to start. "Umm I'm Matt and I have Mom and sister Hanna", boy with a long hair says. " Where is your father Matt?", Michael asks. "Umm he left when I was three", he says. "Well how does that make you feel?", Michael continues. "I don't know, I never knew him so I don't really care.", Matt finishes. So there were Matt, Nicholas, Robert, Daniel, Nick, Don, Harry, Carl and Jack and every single one told about their families until it was my turn. Fuck what do I say. " Well I am Dean I have dad and little brother Sammy whose thirty-", I stop as I realize what I'm saying." Umm thirteen and then there is my mom. She died when I was four. "How did your mom die?"Michael asks. Fuck."She died in a house fire", I whisper. "And how does that make you feel?" he asks. " Sad, it makes me feel sad.", I say.
The rest of the group therapy went slowly and finally it was 19.00 which meant end of the session. Finally. I walk out of the room to my own room. I hate group therapy. I hate any kind of therapy. Winchesters don't do therapy.
At 19.15 started my other therapy session with Doctor Lawson. I walked to his office and knock the door. I didn't want to do this shit but I have to if I want to get out in a week. "Come in Dean!", I hear Michael shout. I crab the handle and go in. I sit on the chair and wait. "So Dean I think we should start where we left off.", Michael says as he types something on his computer. I shrug. " So Dean what I've gathered in here that you have some kind of illusion that it is year 2014 and that your father is dead, am I right?", Michael asks softly. What do I say to that? I can't agree but I can't disagree either cause I've said those thing out loud so denying would make my case worse. Or will it I don't know? " Dean am I right?", Michael repeats. I take a long breath " Yes, but it's not illusion", I say voice cold. "If it is not illusion the why are you here in 1997 instead of 2014.", he questions. "I don't know yet but I have to find out?", I mumble. " What if I told you that it was just a dream or your imagination?", Michael asks warily. " I'd say that, that is bullshit cause 18 years worth of memories are not explained with a fucking creative imagination.", I spat. Michael hums and writes something down. " I heard from a nurse that when you were napping you had a pretty violent nightmare", Michael states, "What was the dream about?", he asks.
"It was about Sam dying.", I whisper. I never have had those vision type of dreams or anything related to that but the dream felt so damn real that I am afraid that Sam is really dying in the 2014. Michael looks at me and nods. "Have you ever had that kind of dreams before?", Michael asks. " A couple", I answer. "Have you ever had an urge to harm someone?", he continues. Yes. "No", I say. Michael doesn't believe the lie. "Have you ever harmed someone?", Michael asks. " Yes", I answer. "Who have you harmed?", he continues. "Every single one I have cared about", I say voice emotionless. "I told you about it in our last session remember", I say not wanting to talk anymore.
"Now I ask you couple of regular questions alright", Michael says. I don't answer to him.
"Are you on any medication?","No", I say.
"Do you use drugs?", he asks.
"No".
"Do you drinks alcohol and if you do how many times per day?", he asks.
" Well in 2014 I drank everyday at least four but I here 1997 maybe one in a month", I say jokingly.
"Are you in relationship?", he asks.
"No".
"Do you suffer from hallucinations?", Michael continues.
"No"
"What are your hallucinations about? Are they visual or auditory?", he asks.
"I said I do not have hallucinations", I say angrily.
"Are you religious?", he asks.
"Well yeah", I say." Wait minute lemme think. Yeah no I'm not?"
" You are not sure?", Michael eyes me.
"Well I know that there is a god, he is dick btw and angels they are dicks too but other that no", I say smiling, "So I don't you know worship them or stuff like that because they are selfish assholes so I say again, no I am not religious."
"How do you know that god and angels are assholes", Michael asks. Oh you sneaky bastard.
"Well every single one of the angels I've met has either tried to kill me or actually all of them have tried to kill me", I chuckle," And god left heaven and doesn't give a fuck"
"Why they tried to kill you Dean?"
"Well you know the archangel Michael?", Michael nods, " I'm his vessel."
"Vessel?" Michael asks obliviously lost.
"Meatsuit", I say," Oh I forgot about Cas, he is my friend and I trust him"
"Cas?", Michael says obliviously cofused.
"Castiel the angel who raised me from hell.", I say with a chuckle." He's not an angel anymore though."
"Why not?", Michael says as he writes notes furiously.
"He lost his angel mojo but now he is learning to be human", I continue.
"Okay, so you were in hell?", Michael asks.
"Yup, sold my soul to save Sammy", I say pain hidden in my voice.
"Save Sam from what?", Michael asks focused.
"Save Sammy from dying", I whisper. I get suddenly struck by images of Sam in pain. Sam soaked in blood, in his own blood. The last image is when Sam slowly calls 911. I find myself lying on the floor of Michael's office. I hear Michael talking to me but I can't make out what he's saying. I try to get up. Michael makes me sit back on the chair. I get up and whimper "Gotta find Sam." Michael looks at me concern written in his face. "Dean what was that?", he says. "Sammy is dying gotta save him", I say accidentally out loud. Sammy is dying or if not dying at least close to death, I can feel it. I can't focus, I can't breathe, I can't do anything to save my Sammy. Not from here. I feel pinch in my arm and my world starts to swim.
"Hey Roger I have an interesting case here.", I hear Michael say onto his phone," It started as a risk for suicide but it seems that this kid might have some kind of schizophrenia but he seems very high functioning. I have to ask the family about this but I think they would've mentioned something like this.", he sights," I will call you again when I know more." All I can hear before I black out is the sound when Michael set's the phone on the table. I'm screwed, I know and it's literally all my fault but somehow I got some enjoyment from the reactions the doctor gave me when I told him about my life.