Pepper Potts walked out of the elevator at 9:00am to find her office assistant's head stuck at an odd angle, still on the phone. Sauer held up one finger, and Pepper nodded.
"That will be great. You're a lifesaver! No, seriously. I mean that. I'll see you at 4. Bye!"
Sauer hung up and sagged dramatically back in her chair. Pepper had to laugh.
"Tony has company coming?"
"Something like that," Sauer nodded. "There's a whole Avenger's conference going on in the main hall, we have six Asgardians instead of two, and Chef was planning on feeding everybody finger sandwiches and little broccoli trees with his fancy salmon dip and a fruit cup because it's a civilized meal. Oy!"
Pepper raised an eyebrow. "Chef Paul was going to feed the Avengers finger sandwiches? Has he gone insane? What did you do?"
Sauer winced. "I had to borrow the boss's card. I put in a couple of emergency requests at places like Katz's and Sarge's and Kloski's. I called the wharf, too. There's a small truckload of fresh salmon and swordfish on its way in right now."
Pepper nodded. "Good idea. Hopefully we have enough bread..."
"Chef said he could handle that. Fortunately Katz threw in several loaves of their marble rye for free, considering the size of the order. They should be setting up in Conference room Beta within the hour."
"Nice." Pepper thought for a moment, chewing her bottom lip. "You order any beer for tonight? I don't think Tony's liquor cabinet is up to a half-dozen Asgardians."
Sauer nodded and motioned to the phone. "I just got off with New Holland Brewery's New York office. They're delivering-hopefully enough to get us through the night, and in time for dinner."
Pepper pursed her lips. "Ooooooh...aren't they the ones that make that Dragon's Milk Stout?"
Sauer nodded. "The same."
The kitchen staff arrived just then, and the ladies had to move to let them pass.
"I can't believe it's been nearly two hours already," Sauer said, wilting a little. "I should probably help set up."
"I'll watch the phone," Pepper offered.
/
The break was over quickly: coffee, donuts, and small sandwiches putting a little spring back into the humans' steps, and intriguing the Asgardians, most of whom had never had either coffee or donuts. Once the last few crumbs had been devoured, however, the group slouched back into the conference room to scowl at each other.
The war conference was not going well. Even with Thor's assurance of Thanos' existence and determination, Fury was hard-pressed to accept the reality of the threat.
"We've sent probes to this moon-this Titan," he insisted. "No forms of life were found when it was scanned. I think we would have seen any form of military build up if..."
Sif groaned with frustration. "We have explained that, Sir Fury. This Mad Titan is originally from your solar system. He does not live here now. He has been roaming different portions of the Universe for some three millennia, and only recently turned his attention to Midgard."
"We still should have found some trace of life..."
Loki slammed his fists on the table. "Have you heard nothing? Thanos destroyed everything in and around his home-world: artwork, architecture, flora, fauna, life down to the microbial level! He sterilized Titan completely, wiping out his own family and race! If such a thing happened on Midgard, what could anyone expect to find after 3000 years but sand?"
"Thanos' devotion to Death led him to start his own globe's Ragnarok," Thor chimed in, "and that was only his beginning. He has done so time and again, in other portions of the galaxy, and will do so here unless he can be stopped. Somehow Midgard caught his attention again, and he has abandoned other projects to focus on your realm."
"Thanks a lot," Tony said, glaring directly at Loki.
Loki raised his hands in mock innocence. "Blame me not. Thanos was merely willing to back my takeover of this realm; he was not originally interested in destroying it. It was only after my inglorious defeat that he became interested in your race, and found his reason for wanting to destroy you."
"He needs a reason beyond total psychosis and schizophrenia?" Agent Romonov pressed.
"Any decent leader needs a reason to lead his troops into battle, lest he lose their loyalty and willingness to fight," Fandral volunteered. "From what we know of Thanos, he lost some of that loyalty when his Chitauri were defeated here two years ago. He has since learned of an apparent blasphemy against his lady love, and seeks to avenge her honor by removing the blaspheming race. With such a religious frenzy, he has renewed vigor for his troops and re-forged his own purpose."
"He's trying to avenge his girlfriend's honor?" Barton was aghast. "Who does this guy think he is: a medieval knight jousting for his lady's favor, with the planet as his prize?"
"No, with Midgard as his opponent," Hogun corrected, "and yes, for his lady's honor."
"Is she even from this system? Because we've supposedly insulted a woman badly enough to warrant an inter-galactic whumping, and we've never even heard of her!" Tony was incredulous.
"That was explained to you at the outset," Volstagg said patiently. "Thanos courts Death."
"Death," said Fury, sitting back in his chair and studying the Norse Gods across the table.
"As in, the heart-stops-beating-and-all-brain-function-ceases- and-the-body-gets-cold-and-stiff, Death?" asked Tony.
"Cut-the-silver-thread-and-send-the-soul-back-to-i ts-maker, Death?" asked Barton.
Thor nodded. "Personified," he added.
"Thanos is trying to champion the Grim Reaper?" Romonov asked, her face puckering. "Is he gay? Because that's really a masculine character," she added.
"Why does his emotional state matter?" asked Fandral.
"Pardon?" frowned Fury.
"Lady Romonov asked if the Mad Titan was happy..."
"Not happy: gay," corrected Banner. Blank looks from the Asgardians indicated none of them understood, so he continued. "'Gay' refers to his sexual orientation, not his mood. It means he prefers consort with those of his own gender. The Grim Reaper is masculine, so..."
"'Samkynhneigðra', in our language," Loki offered. "No, he is not."
"You would know that, hommi," Fandral muttered. Loki shot him a dark look.
"Enough, Fandral," Thor rumbled. "You help matters not."
A mild ringing sounded across the room.
"And that is the signal for the break," Tony announced as Jarvis gently chimed. "Ladies and gentlemen, lunch waits in the next room."
"Thank God," Hawkeye muttered. "I'm starved."
Lunch was easily understood, even with the Asgardians sampling spiced meats for the first time. Volstagg was an instant fan of the pastrami, swiss, and rye bread combination, and quickly developed a taste for large dill pickles and sauerkraut. Hogun was similarly pleased, and took a special liking to the potato salad. Apparently potatoes were unheard of on Asgard. Fandral stuck with the familiar corned beef and rye, though he did sample some of the tropical fruits. Lady Sif contented herself with the razor-thin turkey slices, and Natasha introduced her to the various spreads-like mayonnaise and mustard-that were also unheard-of on Asgard. The two women settled down and started swapping tales about their experiences with weaponry (and insufferable men) and quickly became friends.
Thor, having grown accustomed to Midgardian foods, tore into the smorgasbord with gusto. Loki, however, was a bit cautious.
"These are grapes?" He held up a cluster for a dubious examination. "They are shaped oddly, and small. Was it a bad year?"
"Those are seedless variety," Pepper explained. "They're a recent mutation. We have seedless oranges and bananas, too. They're quite tasty, though the grapes are a bit tart."
"So are you," Tony murmured into her ear as he moved through the buffet line. "Nom, nom, nom."
"You're so bad," she murmured.
"What did the Beatles say? All you need is love..."
Loki rolled his eyes and piled more food on his plate. "Trust you to take romantic advice from an insect, Stark," he quipped.
Tony scowled, but his comeback was cut off.
"Are you two at it again? That's the third time this week! Did the Asgardians slip Eros in under Thor's cape or something? Because I don't think I can handle any more of this as a work environment," Sauer groused. "And on top of that, you're quoting the Beatles again!"
"What's wrong with the Beatles?" Tony scowled at Pepper's assistant.
She shrugged. "Nothing, really, except they're outdated and weird-looking, and Journey was better."
"Blasphemer. Pepper, why did you hire her?"
"She's better than Barton with a pistol, has a great phone voice, and doesn't put up with your crap like the rest of the staff does," Pepper answered.
"Besides, J.A.R.V.I.S. likes me," Sauer quipped, grabbing some Swiss cheese.
"Somebody has to," Tony muttered. Pepper elbowed him. Sauer just stuck her tongue out at her boss, finished filling her plate, and walked towards the foyer.
"How do you get to escape all this?" Loki scowled as she sidled past.
"I apologize, Prince Loki, but I have to work," she whined, popping a grape into her mouth. "I'm taking lunch at my station. You and Mr. Stark just enjoy each other's company," she said with a smirk, "like royals should," she said, and glided out of the room.
"What did that signify?" Loki muttered out loud.
"Loosely translated," Dr. Banner offered, "it means 'you're stuck here and I'm not, ha ha, sucks to be you."
"Impertinent little minx," Loki muttered.
"100% all the time," Stark confirmed, nodding, "but she's great with an acetylene torch."
"Hmmmmf," Loki said, taking in the crowd of hostiles eating around him. "I think I shall enjoy this break after all," he muttered to himself, and vanished from sight.