"I'm not sorry that I left, because I needed to. But I'll forever be sorry for making you think that I could live without you," Carol confessed.
Daryl stared at her, every part of him telling him he did not deserve a woman like her… every part of him being absolutely in love with her. He knew he loved her, he had for a very long time but sometimes - like in this moment - it would hit him just how much he did. He wished he could tell her that he couldn't live without her either but he remained silent, unable to find the right words. If Merle could see him right now, seating on a window seat, late at night with Carol… the bastard would probably laugh his ass off. "Make a move damn it! You ain't quite right in the head you know that ? She lookin' at ya with those big blue eyes and you ain't makin' a move. Are you sure you're my brother ?"
Daryl shook his head, pushing away any kind of Merle-related thoughts.
"You okay ?" Carol worried.
He nodded but because she was not convinced by his answer she got closer and moved to rest her head on his shoulder. She knew this gesture was comforting for both of them, it was something they had started doing during the war because most of the time words were not enough to comfort or reassure each other so they would just lean against each other, in silence. But this time he stopped her by turning his head towards hers. And her face was close now, so close that his heart skipped a beat.
They looked at each other knowingly, yet she waited before making a move for she could feel his nervousness - and to be fair she was nervous too. Daryl closed his eyes and trusted that she was confident enough to close the gap between their lips. And she was. She placed a shaky hand on the side of his neck and kissed him.
The kiss was soft and Daryl could not remember feeling this good in his whole life. Nothing could compete with this, nothing could compete with kissing Carol. He was absolutely overwhelmed by her, as she was by him. He wrapped one arm around her and kissed her back, with longing, hoping he could show her everything he felt because even if he had been good with words, none of them would ever be powerful enough to describe how she made him feel.
His other hand was slowly stroking her arm, he was so gentle with her, so loving that she felt tears forming behind her eyelids. She let her tongue slid against his and as the kiss deepened, she pressed herself tighter to him. She wanted him close, as close as two people can get. And he wanted her, all of her.
She moved to sit on top of him, straddling him as he wrapped his strong arms around her back, still kissing. She ran her fingers through his hair and his lips left hers to run kisses along her jawline down to her neck. As a response, her hips arched against him and she let out a moan. Then she kissed him again, running her tongue against his lower lip. Daryl slid his tongue inside her mouth, gliding it against hers. He was completely overwhelmed by her and could no longer think straight. His mind was hazy and so was hers, she even felt dizzy, the combination of her overwhelming desire for Daryl and her exhaustion were too much.
Both were breathless, their heart were slamming hard against their ribs so Daryl gentled the kiss. She gave him a few soft kisses before ending the kiss but did not drew away from him. She kissed his cheek and rested her forehead on his. His hands were gently stroking her back as both caught their breath back.
"I'm so exhausted," she whispered.
"Oh thank God…" Daryl said, relieved because he was just as exhausted but had been afraid to admit it for he did not want to disappoint her. She leaned back to look at him.
"We're so old," she said and both laughed.
"Hey, we haven't slept for like two days… we got a good excuse"
She laughed again and looked in the eyes of the man she was absolutely in love with, she kissed him gently one more time and got up from his lap.
"Good night Pookie," she said with a smile.
"Stay 'ere," he said, getting up too. "I mean… If you wanna."
"You think we'll manage to keep our hands off each other and get the sleep we need?" she joked.
"We could build a pillow wall" Daryl said and she chuckled.
"You're an idiot," she said.
As they had been talking, both had moved toward one side of the bed and removed the cover as if they had done it a thousand times before, like a habit. It would always surprise Carol how everything felt natural with Daryl, everything always made perfect sense. She always hated the phrase "meant to be" but she had to admit that it was what being around Daryl felt like. They were perfect for each other, both were extremely similar but also different enough to complete each other when necessary.
She sat on the side of the bed she had chosen to remove her boots and trousers and he did the same before turning his bedside lamp off. Still mirroring each other, they lied down on their back in silence. Daryl's eyes were heavy and it felt like his bones were too.
"We get to start over now, right ?" she asked sleepily in the darkness of the room.
Daryl knew she was not just thinking about them finally letting themselves be together, she was also thinking about everything they had been through during the war, the people they lost, the things they had to do, the people they had to kill… What she was really asking him was : "Are we allowed to start over after all this ? And if so, how do we do this ?" He did not answer her right away for he wanted to find the right words.
Eventually he said :
"We do what we always do, we keep goin'. It ain't gonna be easy but we gotta try cuz' after all the shit we've been through we're lucky we still got each other…"
Carol knew he was thinking about Glenn and Maggie in that moment. Maggie who would never see, hold or talk to the love of her life again. And here she was, in bed next to Daryl her own love who was still here. He was right she thought, this was worth trying. Daryl was worth trying. Getting to start over was a luxury in this world and they had it, it would be a shame, an insult to those they had lost to waste the opportunity to live on.
Carol lied on her side and moved closer to Daryl, nuzzling her head into his chest. He heard her sighed contentedly and he wrapped a protective arm around her to keep her close and nuzzled his nose in her hair. Both fell asleep right away, feeling more at peace than they had in a really long time.
Carol was lying on her stomach - one leg and one arm stretched out over a sleeping Daryl - when her eyes flew open.
"Oh shit!" she exclaimed, sitting up.
"Mornin' to you too," Daryl grunted, turning on his back.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I was supposed to be at the infirmary at dawn to help… shit!"
She could see from the light outside that it was already late in the morning. She had slept so well that the daylight had not woken her up. And she knew that it was not just because she had been beyond exhausted, the main reason why she slept so peacefully was lying next to her.
"M'sure they can manage..."
"Don't you have something as well ? With Rick, Zeke and Maggie ? You're gonna be late too."
"Yep…" He sighed. "I need vacation."
Carol looked down at him, adoringly. He was supposed to meet up with the leaders and some others to make decisions about what they were going to do with the people at the Sanctuary who were still alive and had surrendered. Most of them were simply innocent and had been living under Negan's tyranny against their will. Decisions also needed to be made about the organisation of the three communities now that the war was over. She did not want to be part of the decision making, knowing that Daryl and Maggie would be there was enough to know that things would go well.
Carol got up to join the bathroom but was stopped by a knock on the bedroom door. She opened it and faced a surprised Rick.
"Hmm… Is Daryl here ?" he asked trying to ignore the fact that she was not wearing any trousers.
Carol made a gesture towards Daryl and noticed that Rick looked pleased with himself. And when she looked at Daryl again she had to hold back a laugh for his attempt to hide his embarrassment was a huge failure.
"I'm gonna take a shower," she said, leaving the awkwardness of the room.
Daryl got up to put his trousers and shoes back on, avoiding eye contact with Rick. When he was done, Rick asked :
"Interesting night ?"
"Shut up." Daryl answered, but that did not erase Rick's smug smile off his face.
Carol spend the day cooking for the patients and nursing them alongside Rosita. She was having dinner with her and Tara at the latter's bedside when the doctor from the Kingdom showed up to take the night shift.
"Ladies, you're off duty," he said kindly.
Rosita wished Tara goodnight and left the infirmary.
"I've got one last thing to do and I'll be on my way," Carol said to the doctor.
He nodded and she went to the other room. She had spend the day avoiding Dwight, handing him his painkillers without a look nor a word though she had some things to say to him. She was just waiting for the right time. The lamp on Dwight's bedside was the room's only source of light left, everyone else was asleep. Carol approached him and started to speak, not too loud because she did not want to wake up the patients who needed to rest but loud enough to make sure he would understand everything she had to say.
"I want you to find another place to live. The people here are trying to start over, and they can't do so with someone like you living here."
"By 'people' you mean Daryl."
"First, let me finish, second I also mean Tara, remember her girlfriend Denise ?" She paused and gave him a hard look.
"I won't save you again, yesterday was the first and last time. As soon as you get better I want you out of Alexandria. I don't care where you go, as long as Daryl and Tara won't have to deal with you anymore. Understood ?"
Dwight looked at her intensely and she held his gaze. He knew there was no point in arguing with this woman, not to mention that no one in Alexandria would disagree with her and what she wants. And truth be told there was nothing here for him anyway...
He nodded at her and Carol turned away from him.
"Can I ask you something ?" Dwight said.
She looked back at him and nodded.
"Why did you save me ? You know what I did to him... and yet you did not let him kill me."
"Because I know the reason why you did everything you did. I would do anything for Daryl, just like you would do anything for Sherry. And because we have that in common, you should also know that if you mess with him again, I will make you regret the day you were born."
Carol turned away from him one last time and left the infirmary, eager to see Daryl.