A/N: Sorry I'm such a lazy bum and haven't updated. It was Easter...and I was working on a one-shot...and honestly, I think I'm avoiding working on this cause it's getting closer to being done and I'm in denial about it.

...or I'm just a lazy bum. Idk what to tell you.

P.S. This should be the last sad/grief chapter, but it was pretty necessary, both for Bellamy and for Bellarke. I might have made my beta cry again, so...fair warning.

Clarke drove back into town, the mostly deserted country roads around her turning to city streets with more traffic the further she got from the graveyard.

She glanced at the man sitting beside her, who was staring out the window, but she was fairly sure he wasn't actually seeing anything, which was probably a good thing, because she wasn't positive how he was going to feel about where she was taking him.

She eventually turned onto a wide, beautifully paved street, taking in all the brick and stone buildings around her, complete with large storefront displays and unique signs out front. She glanced at street names until she found the one she wanted, turning onto a brick alleyway that was beautiful, but a little jarring, the noise finally seeming to snap Bellamy out of whatever daze he'd been in.

He glanced around, noticing where they were just as Clarke parked the car in a small lot near a gate that said 'Historic Arkadia Park.'

She turned off the ignition, then turned to face him, finding him slightly surprised, and definitely slightly wary.

"We don't have to do this," she told him. "I just thought…maybe it would help you…maybe it would make you feel closer to her or maybe it would be…cathartic somehow. But if you're uncomfortable…we can go home. Or…" she searched his eyes. "If you don't want me here, that's fine too. If you'd rather do this alone…or with Octavia…just tell me. I promise I won't be offended."

He shook his head, as if her last statement was ridiculous. "It's not that. I just…wasn't expecting you to bring me here."

She shrugged, smiling at him a little.

He glanced out the window, looking at the entrance to the park as he chewed on his lower lip. "I don't know…" he said hesitantly. "Let's…try?"

Clarke nodded before opening her door and getting out.

The day was surprisingly warm for January, probably around 50 degrees, but it felt much warmer with the sun shining so brightly as the afternoon wore on.

Clarke took off her long winter coat, leaving her in a knee-length black dress that was sleeveless and had a panel of lace near the collar and the grey cardigan she'd worn over it.

By the time she'd taken off her coat and left it in the backseat, Bellamy had removed his suit jacket and tie and also tossed them in the car, leaving him in black slacks and a purple button-down shirt, which he immediately undid the first few buttons on, sighing as if he could finally breathe again.

Clarke smiled fondly at him, automatically reaching for his arm to help him roll up his cuffs.

She knew Bellamy, and every time she'd ever seen him in a suit, he'd done this same routine as soon as humanly possible.

It didn't help anyone, especially her, that he looked ridiculously good like this, dressed up but a little rumpled, his shirt unbuttoned just enough to see the strong column of his throat and his sleeves rolled up enough to show off his tanned, muscular forearms.

She automatically slid her hand into his. "Where's that bakery?" she asked.

Bellamy turned around, glancing across the street to the storefront next to the bus stop…and immediately frowned.

Clarke raised her eyebrows, following his gaze, and finding 'Shumway, Ginsberg and Associates' written in large block letters on the window of the building, with 'Personal Injury Lawyers' written in smaller type underneath.

Bellamy continued to glare at the building.

Clarke tugged on his hand. "I take it that's where the bakery used to be?"

She'd Googled earlier that morning to make sure the movie theater and park were both still open, but she hadn't bothered with the bakery, which had obviously been replaced by…a law firm.

Bellamy nodded. "It used to be Arkadia Bakery, run by this tiny old man that would grumble at everyone but give us his day-old bread without blinking. Now it's…lawyers?" he asked, saying the last word almost like a four-letter one.

Clarke was pretty sure Bellamy didn't have a problem with the profession, so it was probably some combination of their apparent branch of law combined with them screwing up his trip down memory lane on a day that was already hard enough for him.

Clarke glanced down the street, spotting a convenience store just down the block. "Come on," she said, dragging him down the street with her.

They made it to the small store, which really only sold the basics, and Clarke grabbed a bag of Wonder bread off the shelf, which Bellamy looked at a little dubiously.

Clarke gave him a bit of a side eye as she handed the cashier a couple $1 bills and waited for her change. "They're ducks, Bellamy. They're not going to care if it's from a bakery or a gas station."

Bellamy smirked a little. "This place doesn't sell gas."

She pinched his arm in retaliation before sliding her hand back down and catching his, leading him back out to the street.

They made their way back to the park, Bellamy tossing another glare, complete with a mumbled, 'fucking ambulance chasers' at the building across the street.

Clarke snorted, turning him away from the offending sign.

He slowed a little when they reached the gate to the park, looking up at the iron scrollwork that proclaimed 'Historic Arkadia Park' and 'founded 1899.'

Clarke let him take his time, holding onto his hand tightly as they walked slowly through the gate, down a paved path for a few hundred feet, and around a copse of trees, where the pond finally came into view.

It wasn't a very large body of water, pretty typical to those found on golf courses, but it was a natural pond, fed by a stream coming off the mountain in front of them, and it had a beautiful stone bridge arched right across the middle.

They walked to the center of the bridge, then stood there, taking in their surroundings.

Clarke had never been in the park before, so she was a little surprised to find how nice it was. It was winter, so most of the trees and flower beds were bare, but it was obvious how beautiful it must be in the spring and summer, when everything was in full bloom.

Clarke nudged her shoulder into Bellamy's. "I can see why you like the path by the river so much."

He glanced down at her with surprise, realization dawning on him in front of her eyes. "I guess I never thought about it…"

She just smiled gently up at him, wrapping her free hand around his bicep and turning her body partially toward his.

He stared back out at the water and, as if on cue, a small group of ducks started swimming toward them.

Bellamy snorted a little, undoing the twist tie on the bread. "I guess some things never change," he said, pulling out a few pieces of bread for himself before handing Clarke the bag.

They spent the next few minutes feeding the ducks, who did indeed honk angrily at you if you dawdled with their lunch, until Bellamy finally closed the bread bag. "What should we do with this?" he asked, a little bit of a grin on his face.

Clarke shrugged. "Put it in the car on the way back. We'll make grilled cheese sandwiches."

He nodded, lacing the fingers of his free hand with hers. "Let's go sit," he said, nodding at the low wall of the planter nearest the lake.

They sat on the stone wall, mostly silent as they people watched for a few minutes. Multiple joggers passed, as did people walking alone or with dogs. The warm winter day had also brought out quite a few families, who were taking advantage of the sunshine to get in some quality outdoor time.

Clarke noticed Bellamy seemed a little fixated on a woman with a child that was probably her son, who were sitting in the grass on the other side of the lake, rolling a ball back and forth between them. The woman had wispy blonde hair, and so did the boy, and the boy couldn't have been older than two, so Clarke knew the details were a little off, but she knew Bellamy was seeing himself with his own mother.

The toddler rolled the ball a little too far to the left, and the woman fell dramatically to her side to catch it, causing the boy to giggle loudly, in the way all children were just a tad too loud when they were allowed to be.

"Like I said…some things never change," he said, and it sounded a little melancholy, although there was a softness to his face that told Clarke maybe he meant it in a good way.

Just then, the little boy excitedly hopped up, shouting "Mommy!" and running awkwardly across the grass to a woman that was approaching.

The brunette swept the little boy up into her arms, kissing his cheeks and fawning over him as she kept walking toward the blonde woman, and she was apparently asking him questions, because he kept nodding his head and chattering excitedly.

By the time she reached the other woman, the boy was fidgeting to get down, eager to reclaim his bright green ball.

The brunette set him down, watching him for a moment before turning to the blonde, but the minute she did, they smiled brightly at each other, then shared an enthusiastic kiss hello.

Bellamy tilted his head down a little, a grin on his face. "I guess some things have changed a little."

Clarke snorted.

"Good for them," he said, although that sounded a little melancholy too…or maybe a little wistful.

"Yeah, good for them," Clarke replied, although it was a little choked, because she felt a pang somewhere in her heart she'd never felt before.

Watching the women, obviously happy to see each other and happy to be with their child…playing in the park on a warm winter day…it made Clarke feel a kind of longing she'd never experienced before.

Being young, experiencing so much loss, and being bisexual…Clarke had never really thought about kids in the tangible sense before. She'd considered them, occasionally, but more in the vein of 'someday, maybe.'

She'd never known if she was going to end up with a man or a woman, so she'd never been sure if biological children would even be an option for her, which is something else that made her think about children only in the very broadest of terms.

Clarke was aware there was a bit of irony in the fact that seeing a lesbian couple made her realize for certain that she wanted a family with the man sitting beside her…but she also knew that her decision had nothing to do with his gender and everything to do with the person that he was and the way he made her feel. That happiness that was so obvious in the other couple? She knew she would have that…with him. Only with him.

She knew then, in that moment, that she wanted children with him…she wanted everything with him. The idea of a child that was half her, half Bellamy…it made something inside her ache. But she also knew that he'd probably want to look into adoption or fostering someday…wanting to give kids like himself and Octavia loving homes…and that only made her love him more.

The idea of a family…someone to kiss in the park while your children played nearby…it was no longer some far off 'maybe.' It wasn't an 'eventually.'

She wanted it.

Soon.

With Bellamy.

She was just going a little sappy, thinking about what an amazing father he would be to any child he claimed, whether it was biologically his or not, when Bellamy started speaking.

"I don't think it was really this place that was so special when I was a kid," he admitted quietly, staring out at the lake.

"What was it then?"

He shrugged a little, seemingly embarrassed.

She squeezed his arm. "Tell me."

"I think it was more about how I felt when I was here: happy and…loved and…like maybe I could have everything I wanted."

"Do you have a place that makes you feel like that now?"

"Yeah," he replied, looking down at her. "I do."

Clarke gazed up at him, almost certain she wasn't taking his statement the wrong way and pretty much having to actively talk herself out of convincing him to knock her up right now.

She was pretty sure even they couldn't convince themselves they could get pregnant platonically…but she was about 30 seconds away from trying.

She abruptly stood up. "The movie starts in 10 minutes, if you still want to go."

Bellamy looked at her a little oddly, but nodded, standing up to join her.

Clarke and Bellamy had the entire movie theater to themselves, since it was a Thursday afternoon. Luckily, the theater still showed cartoon matinees, and Clarke had determinedly told the college-aged boy working the counter that she wanted two tickets for the 1:30 showing of Dumbo, which had earned her an odd look from the boy and a fond grin from Bellamy, who was the only one that mattered in this situation.

They'd picked the best seats in the house, next to last row, directly in the middle, and Bellamy hadn't even hesitated in putting the chair arm between them up so they wouldn't be separated.

They sat through the previews and a few commercials, still holding hands as the lights finally dimmed and the opening credits rolled.

Clarke knew she'd seen the movie as a child, but she really couldn't remember anything about the plot beyond 'large-eared elephant that can fly' and maybe something about a mouse?

They watched the beginning…sitting comfortably as the stork delivered a baby elephant to Mrs. Jumbo and he earned the nickname 'Dumbo' because of his large ears.

Everything was fine for the next few minutes, during the musical numbers and as it showed the circus and Dumbo getting teased about his ears.

It wasn't until the next part that Clarke started to watch in horror, wondering if she'd made a terrible, terrible mistake.

On screen, Mrs. Jumbo had lost her temper at those making fun of her son, and she'd gone into a frenzy, throwing things and hitting people with her trunk. People from the circus had locked her up, putting her away in a tiny cart covered in signs that read "Mad Elephant."

The next scenes showed Mrs. Jumbo, chained up inside a cage she could barely move in, anguished because she couldn't be with her son, and then it showed Dumbo, sitting alone outside, desolate and crying because he had no one.

The whole thing would've been extremely sad under normal circumstances, but now…

Clarke felt tears come to her eyes, and she turned to Bellamy, starting to apologize, "I'm so sorry. I didn't remember…"

There were tears streaming down his face, but he shook his head, glancing quickly at her before fixing his eyes back on the screen. "It's okay."

Clarke watched him for a minute, realizing that this was the first time he'd cried…really cried…since his mom had died. He'd shed a tear or two here and there, she knew he'd been sniffling a little at the funeral that morning, and his eyes had been red when he'd left the gravesite…but she was pretty sure this was the first time he'd really let himself feel everything.

She could only imagine what was going through his head…imagining Aurora locked up in the nursing home for the past 15 years…seeing himself…or maybe himself and Octavia in the poor abandoned baby elephant. Clarke wondered too if there was a part of him that was crying for what could have been…if Aurora had fought as hard for her children as Mrs. Jumbo was for hers.

Clarke released Bellamy's hand, kicking off her heels and then turning sideways in her seat toward him and pulling her legs up beside her, thankful that her dress was long enough to cover everything important. She wrapped her arms around his arm, then pressed a kiss to where his arm met his shoulder.

She stayed like that for a moment, looking up at him to make sure he was okay.

His eyes stayed on the screen, but his arm moved, going diagonally across her body to grasp her thigh, holding her tightly to him.

Clarke eventually turned back to the movie, but they stayed in that position, holding onto each other as the movie played.

By the time it was over, Clarke was thanking God and Walt Disney that it was only an hour long, because she didn't know how much more of it she could take.

She was pretty sure Bellamy had cried on and off during the rest of the movie, some combination of the plot that hit a little too close to home and being back in this theater on the day of his mother's funeral too much to bear dry-eyed, and she'd had to physically force herself not to do more to comfort him.

Everything in her wanted to hug him…to kiss him…to crawl into his lap and tell him everything was going to be okay, but she made herself stay where she was, tucked into his side as he dealt with his grief…and maybe with his demons. She knew he needed to do this…and apparently, so did he.

They waited until the credits had rolled and the lights had brightened a tiny bit before they finally moved, sitting up straighter and turning to look at each other.

Bellamy looked a tad embarrassed, huffing a bit of a laugh as he hurriedly tried to wipe his cheeks with the back of his hands.

Clarke tsk'd him, immediately reaching up to replace his hands with her own, gently wiping the tears off his face.

She leaned forward, kissing his cheeks a bit haphazardly before pressing a chaste kiss to his mouth and then hugging him tightly, all the while wondering why most of their kisses tasted like tears-like grief and heartache and so much need it was almost painful.

Was that their fate? To only admit they needed each other like this…wanted each other like this…when life was too hard to bear without it?

God, she hoped not.

She pulled back a little, looking into his eyes. "You okay?"

He nodded. "Let's go," he said, apparently eager to leave, just as he had been at the graveyard.

And yeah, Clarke could understand not wanting to be somewhere you'd just had your heart broken. She could understand it perfectly.

They made their way outside, past the college kid lounging against the counter in the empty lobby and scrolling through his phone. He looked at them a little oddly again, and Clarke was sure they made quite a picture: two twenty-somethings wearing what looked like business-casual clothes and coming out of a Disney cartoon with red, puffy eyes and holding onto each other like their lives depended on it.

They both breathed a little easier when they hit the sidewalk, strolling silently down the street back toward the lot outside the park, where Clarke had parked her car.

When they reached it, Bellamy stopped, looking back over at the gate.

Clarke noticed that although his eyes were red and he still seemed a little sad, the aura of despair…of hopelessness…that had shrouded him for the past few days seemed to have lifted.

He turned to her, wrapping his arms around her in what she could only describe as a bear hug.

"Thanks for this," he mumbled into her hair, his hand tangling in her curls. "Thanks for…everything."

She nodded against his shoulder as she replied, "Of course." She knew 'you're welcome' was the standard response to 'thank you,' but that would've made this seem like a favor…something he owed her for or something she'd done out of obligation…and that wasn't what it had been at all.

He finally released her, stepping back a bit as he gazed over at the park again.

"Did it…help?" she asked cautiously.

He nodded. "I don't think I knew how much I needed this. All of this…" he gestured around, indicating everything they'd done in the past couple hours during their trip down memory lane. "…it made me realize…I said goodbye to her a long time ago."

"I'm sorry," Clarke replied softly.

He shrugged, as if there was no helping it, so there was no use in worrying about it. "But now…when I remember her…maybe I'll be able to remember her like this."

Clarke smiled sadly at him, both heartbroken that he only had a few good memories of his mother and so so glad that maybe he'd be able to hold on to them better now. "Ready to go home?"

He nodded, and they got into her car, where Clarke pulled her phone out of her purse.

"I've got like 15 texts from everyone. They all want to see you…make sure you're okay," she said, glancing at him. "They know you might not want bothered though. What do you want me to tell them?"

He met her gaze, and he looked more like himself than he had in days. "They still offering food?" he asked, half joking.

She smiled a little, nodding.

"Only if we can do take-out, yeah? These clothes are killing me," he said, leaning back to rest his head against the seat.

Yeah, his clothes were killing her too.

Clarke typed out a quick response and got one back immediately. "Raven's in an hour. They're supplying everything…all we need to do is show up."

Bellamy nodded.

Clarke sent another text, letting Raven know they'd be there, before she started the car and pulled out on the street.

"You don't happen to have any deviled eggs, do you?" Bellamy asked a little sourly, again glaring at the lawyer's office across the street.

Clarke laughed, brighter and louder than she'd allowed herself to in days. "Sorry, fresh out."

She waited until they were stopped at a red light to turn toward him again. "Seriously though…I had no idea Dumbo was…about that. Legit, all I remembered was the elephant that flew with his giant ears."

"It's okay, Clarke. It was probably a good thing," he answered, not sounding bothered by it at all, at least not now.

"Honestly?" Clarke asked. "…I was just super relieved it wasn't Bambi."

She practically held her breath, waiting for his reaction, but she needn't have worried.

His laughter rang out through the car, and Clarke breathed a little easier, because yeah, he was going to be okay.

A/N: +10 to anyone who caught the Gilmore Girls reference.

Octavia made Bellamy watch it with her when she was a teenager, okay?