Chapter 8
Ste's point of view
I feel one side of my face on something solid and warm when I open my eyes and look around I realise that it's Brendan, everything that happened earlier flashes through my mind and I can't help but grin.
I shouldn't be happy about this, I should be angry with myself and I should definitely regret it but I don't and I think that might be the problem. Hopefully when Brendan wakes up he'll leave pretty sharp because I really do need time to get my head around this.
I move off Brendan and lay on the bed beside him. I just look at him for a while, taking in all his features. He really is gorgeous, soon enough he starts to wake up, when he opens his eyes I can see the panic there but when he sees me he smiles and pulls me closer.
I should push him away but I don't. I run my fingers over his chest instead,
"Don't do that Steven, we need to talk before round two" Brendan murmurs, voice soft and husky with tiredness.
"What you wantin to talk about?" I ask, I guess I already know but I want him to spell it out.
"Well yesterday was fucked up, then last night we weren't taking but you let me sleep in the same bed as ye. Then this morning we ye know and now I don't know what's happening" he sighs rubbing his temples, "I'm getting mixed signals here"
"Your getting mixed signals?!" I say louder than I expected, "How do ya think I feel? One minute your saying you like me and all that then the next your with some other bloke, after that you go off at me for flirting with people when I only really spoke to me mates." I say, listing off the things in my head that's pissed me off the most because they sure have been going on in my head ever since I left the pub last night.
"I don't know what to do." Brendan whines and he sounds like a proper kid, "I'm not used to relationships.." his eyes widen and cheeks flush, he stutters a bit "Well.. eh ur know what I mean."
"I'm new to this as well!" I sigh, it's not like I've had that many boyfriends, two to be exact and Brendan isn't even a boyfriend not properly anyway.
He looks at me through guilty looking eyes, "Can we just start all over again? Pretend yesterday never happened. It was a mistake Steven, I can promise ye it'll never happen again."
I don't know why I do it but I nod, if it happens again though I'll be long gone I tell myself, not sure if I even believe myself.
"None of this gettin other people but right?" I sigh, knowing that the jealousy I felt when I saw Brendan with that other guy isn't normal.
"Yeah, yeah sure." Brendan hums smiling and pulling me in for a kiss.
Its soft and slow. Reassuring, as if Brendan is trying to let me know I've done the right thing. He pulls away before the kiss deepens.
He smiles at me before giving me a peck on the nose, he freezes after it looks as if he's cringing at himself. "So.. How about I make ye breakfast?" Brendan asks then looks at his watch, "Well lunch." He shrugs,
"Yeah cool, I'll cook." I say pushing myself up but Brendan stops me.
"Don't think so, just stay there. I'll make something" he smiles at me.
"But its my house I'm supposed to cook" I moan, "plus I dunno what your cookings goin to be like."
"Shhh." He says while getting out of bed and taking his trousers and shirt of properly then fixing his boxers, then he just walks out the room sending a wink in my direction. I can't help but stare at his arse as he walks out the door, I never have noticed how nice his bum is.
He disappears into the kitchen and I hear sizzling and the smell of a fry up fills the room. He comes in holding two plates and gives me one before going back out the room again and coming in with two cups and passing one to me.
"Now I'm not the best of cooks but I can do a mean fry up." He says grinning while getting back into bed,
I eat my fry up and drink my tea, not ignoring the way Brendan eats but not pointing it out again. We share a small smile before Brendan shoves a sausage in my mouth, I laugh while chewing it which isn't a good combination before giving him a bit of my bacon, burnt to a crisp.
He scoffs it before grinning at me, we finish the rest of our food and he takes the dishes out the room. He's definitely sucking up my arse.
He comes back in and plonks himself onto the bed again before rolling me on top of him "So what ye wanting to do today?" he asks looking up at me while his hands run up and down my thighs,
"Whatever, I need to go see Sinead later on we're goin out tonight I think." I tell him, I feel bad telling him I've already got plans but my life doesn't revolve around him and I won't let it either.
"Okay" he sighs then looks at me nervously "Your not doin anything during the day though are ye?"
"Nah," I hum before peppering kisses onto his neck.
He pushes me a way but has a grin on his face, "Can we just not do that the now?" he asks, did he just turn down having sex? "I mean we could just talk or watch tv or whatever ye want" he rushes out his mouth.
"Yeah cool, so how did ya get on yesterday at the club?" I ask, didn't really get a chance to talk to him about it.
"Yeah good I think, Chez seems made up with it." he says
"Aww, I want a free drink on opening night!" I smirk at him.
"You, Steven" he murmurs looking up at me "Can have free drinks every time ye come in."
"Such a suck up eh" I tut rolling my eyes at him.
The conversation moves onto kids.
"Leah and Lucas are comin up tomorrow, feel like I've not seen them in years" I sigh,
"I've not seen Declan or Padraig in a couple of months, miss them like mad but I speak to them nearly everyday." He says a sad smile playing on his lips.
"Yeah it's not really the same is it" I say softly "Actually seeing them and talkin to them over a phone."
"Yeah, it ain't easy," he sighs rubbing his face. "Just the way it is I guess."
"You never thought of ya know just movin back?" I ask "To wherever your kids are?"
"They're back in Belfast with their ma, but yeah thought about it a lot I'm just not ready move back there moved away for a reason Steven." He looks up at me, directly in the eye, "Maybe one day, till then holidays will do."
"Must be hard but." I murmur, he quickly changes the conversation and I take the hint so I don't bring up his kids again.
"Ye excited to see your kids then Steven?" he asks,
"Yeah can't wait, the kids mum Amy's coming down too, it'll be good to see her as well." I sigh, I feel bad talking about my kids when he's ages away from his but he did ask.
The rest of the afternoon we don't move unless we need to, just lying beside each other, his arms around me. Talking about nothing in particular then my phone starts ringing, Sinead.
"Alright." I say trying to sound upbeat but I've just realised that soon I'm going to need to get ready and go out with her, not that I don't want to see her but I'd rather just lie in bed with Brendan for the rest of the night.
"Hey babe!" she says down the phone, voice sounding croaky, "I'm sorry it's such sort notice and we've planned this night out for ages but it's just.. I've caught the cold, doubt I would be much fun."
She does sound terrible but really hearing this pleases me, then maybe Brendan will stay longer, "It's alright, I can't be bothered really anyway" I sigh.
"Next weekend though?" she manages to offer before having another coughing fit.
"Yeah definitely, hope your feelin better." I say feeling guilty that she's one of my best mates and I've not seen her in ages, considering the fact we share a house together as well. "You stayin at your mams tonight?"
"Ermm actually, I'm staying with Bart .." she whispers.
I start howling "Really? Okay well be safe."
"Shut up Ste." she moans
"Use protection" I laugh, I can imagine her grinning through the phone.
"I'm going now," she says bluntly, "Goodbye I'll phone you tomorrow and hopefully you'll stop being a twat."
"Hah okay.." I say but she's already hung up.
I turn back to Brendan and he's sat up putting his closes back on. I bite on my bottom lip trying not to sound disappointed. "You leavin the now?" I ask.
He turns back to me and gives me a small smile, "Yeah, better get back and see Cheryl, she doesn't even know I'm here and I rushed that much last night I've not brought my phone."
"Aw yeah, you better get off then, she'll be havin a panic attack." I sigh, I don't want him to leave but I'm not going to beg, or even ask.
He grunts before standing up, now fully dressed, I crawl over the bed towards him and pull him down by grabbing a handful of his shirt. He smirks at me as if he knows how much I want him.
Our lips touch, it's soft I try to deepen it, make it a bit rougher usually he encourages me to do just that, beats me to it himself most of the time but he's being tender with me, he pulls away and gives me a small smile.
"Steven.." he murmurs.
"What?" I ask wrapping my arms round his neck,
He gives me a small peck on the lips, "Nothing, doesn't matter," he shakes his head. "I'll give ye a text later." With that he's walking out the room shortly not even two minutes later I hear the front door opening and closing, I take a deep breath.
Even though I wanted him to stay I know deep down that I need the time to sort these feelings for Brendan out, to get my head around it all.
Brendan's point of view
When I get into mine and Chez's flat I know straight away she's going to be bombarding me with questions. Shes sitting at the table, arms folded and as soon as he sees me she growls at me,
"About time! What happened?" she shouts,
"Erm well.." I go to start but she interrupts me,
"I go upstairs to my bed thinking yous will both be fine, if there's any bother I'll wake up. Then I wake up this morning, neither of you's were hear, there was no note. I tried your phone then found it in the kitchen." She rants while moving towards me, "Do ye know how worried I've been?!"
"Jesus I'm sorry, me and Steven talked. He said he was needing some time and was leaving so I walked him home, he ended up telling me to stay and then when we woke up this morning he kissed me and it was like everything was back to normal." I blurt out, she nods her head and her eyes are wide,
"Bren, I think ye should have a serious think love," she smiles at me putting a hand on my arm.
"What do I need to think about Chez?" I sigh, there's nothing to think about. I want Steven, end of.
"I just don't think it's healthy, I mean how long have you known him? A few weeks?" she asks, "Ste seems lovely to me babe but I think you's are rushing this, you both need to get to know each other before deciding if you want to be with him.
"Isn't this what ye wanted? Me to find someone?"
"Of course but not this quickly, what if you both aren't suited at all?" She aka me, "Bren please, just listen to me."
I huff and walk away from her, normally I would listen to my sister but she just doesn't get it. I grab my phone off the counter and head into my room before she can say anything else. Obviously I know things with me and Steven has went fast but nobody's ever made me feel like he does, I can't deny it and neither can he clearly.
I do plan on getting to know him though,
To: Steven
Hey, what you doing? BB
The reply back is almost instant,
From: Steven
Just out a shower
you? Ste x
To: Steven
Just lying on my bed.. Chez has just gave me a lecture, ye got me in trouble. BB
I'm not normally playful when I text people, normally I avoid texting all together but with Steven it doesn't bother me.
From: Steven
Aww sorry was it really that bad? Ste x
I smirk at his reply,
To: Steven
Yep no tv for two weeks, BB
I joke knowing that if it was up to Cheryl that would be the case,
From: Steven
Lol, next time I won't offer ya my bed! Ste x
To: Steven
Too right, next time it'll be in mine BB
From: Steven
Shh, your gettin me excited.. Ste x
To: Steven
Wouldn't want that now would we Steven? BB x
He doesn't reply back for a while before I get a text.
From: Steven
Fuck! I want you. Ste x
I grin, this could go two ways. I come to my senses and realise there is a lot we don't know about each other, I could have him in this bed under me within the next hour and as intriguing as that is, it's not all about sex to me. Only problem is I can't say the same for Steven, sometimes I have no clue what goes on in his head.
So I do the decent thing.
To: Steven
As much as I want to I don't think it's a good idea. BB
From: Steven
And why not? Ste x
To: Steven
We don't know each other well Steven, this isn't a normal thing for me to do I'm just trying to do things right, BBx
It's hard to open up like this even if it isn't face to face,
From: Steven
Your not the only one that's not used to this Brendan, I don't have a clue what we're doing. Ste x
I phone him, give up having this conversation over text.
"Hello," he answers hesitantly,
"Hi" I simply say, "I'm really into ye Steven.." how desperate is that,
"I'm into you too" he sighs, "I just don't know what were supposed to do."
"We get to know each other" I state, "I'm gonna take ye out on a proper date. And after it, your going home to yours and I'm going back to mine."
"..So basically we can't have sex?" he huffs,
"No, and not because I don't want to but because we should have done this before anything else happened.. I just, I didn't know I was going to care about you." I sigh being honest with him and myself,
"Fine we'll go with your plan then, whatever" he grumps, "What's brought this on?"
"Just something Cheryl said." I sigh before pushing the nerves down, "So when you free?" I ask,
"Monday, me kids are coming tomorrow." He says reminding me,
"Monday it is then." I tell him,
"Okay. Text me later" he says cockiness to his voice.
"Okay, bye" I say before hanging up.
One things for sure, I'm looking forward to monday. I bound into the living room and Cheryl jumps, "Jesus Bren, ye nearly gave me a heart attack! What have ye got that stupid smile on your face for?"
I didn't even realise I was smiling, "I am going out on a date with Steven, a normal date." I say to her "No funny business"
"Well good, I hope yous both manage to slow it down a bit." She mutters the last bit under her breath but I still hear her.
I shake my head, "Ye should be happy for me Chez"
"Oh I am love believe me! I just think ye need to have your head screwed on." She says with a soft smile, "And by the way that agents coming over the now with the final papers for the club, soon we'll officially be business partners Bren!" she exclaims over excitedly.
"Good Good, shout me when she gets here then." I smile at her before walking back into my room and for the first time in a while I'm actually genuinely happy, no ghosts shadowing over me.