Jessie wasn't sure why she was already awake, she only knew that it was far too early to be so.

She refused to open her eyes, not wanting even the tiniest bit of light to coax her mind into believing that this was a reasonable hour to be up.

And yet, of course, her mind wanted to stay awake and jabber anyway.

Ugh. Why was her mind racing a million miles an hour when all her body wanted was to go back to sleep? It should have been the easiest thing in the world. She shouldn't have even woken up in the first place. This bed was like sleeping on a cloud. No position was an uncomfortable one. But using that fact to quell the thousand other thoughts zipping around her brain was proving incredibly unsuccessful.

There were other soothing, relaxing thoughts to dwell on that might quiet everything else, Jessie reasoned. She shifted her shoulders and only then became aware of the arm draped over her torso.

It was James, of course, and not only was his arm positioned in such a way, but to Jessie's surprise, their bodies were curled up against each other, her back pressed against his chest, and his slow, steady breaths against her neck ignited goosebumps down her spine. Their sleeping position was unexpected, to say the least—sure, they had slept against each other, bodies touching, many times in the past… but never outright spooning like this.

Not that Jessie was complaining.

Oh, he loves me so much, she thought to herself, eyes fluttering awake. The corners of her mouth tugged up in a grin that she was sure looked far too giddy for daylight to witness. She snuggled against him, reveling in the blissful sensation of being loved and wanted so badly. The soft terry cloth of the bathrobes the hotel had provided was gentle and comforting against their skin as she pressed their bodies closer together. She couldn't even remember the last time she had felt so… secure. Untroubled. Cherished. In fact, she was pretty sure she'd never felt as perfectly right with the world as she did right at that moment, sinking into the plush, feathery heaven of the mattress, with the man she so surprisingly loved right there with her, holding her tenderly.

Jessie sighed happily, blinking a few times against the still pitch-black room. Her eyes focused on the one source of light—the digital clock on the nightstand. 4:58 AM.

Her happy smile faded into annoyance. Damn my brain firing up all its cylinders already! Why can't I just sleep in for once?!

James, still asleep, murmured incoherently into her neck.

Jessie's heart fluttered.

Might as well enjoy the moment.

She rolled over so that she was facing him, carefully so as not to wake him or jostle his arm. Her backside now felt strangely exposed, but examining his sleeping form more than made up for it.

It was so bizarre, she ruminated, at how she'd previously believed that she'd known this man inside and out, and yet now it was like looking at this whole new side to him that had somehow been beyond her recognition. The way his hair fell over his eyes, the way his chest rose and fell with every breath, the way his fingers on the hand that wasn't upon her back curled ever so slightly into his palm… oh sure, she had seen all of these before, she had seen him sleep before. Nothing about this was new. And yet everything was.

Had he always been this beautiful? Again, she'd always acknowledged he was kind of unnaturally pretty, and when he got excited about some silly, inconsequential thing he'd get this look in his eyes that could without question unwittingly charm some poor, unsuspecting sap. But had she really noticed? She acknowledged the allure; how had it taken her this long to succumb to it? Had she really just been too stupid to realize her feelings until he'd had to spell them out for her?

Every good and even mildly exasperating quality of his seemed to be magnified a thousand times in her heart, countless new feelings and affections erupting in her soul. She wanted to immerse herself in every last one.

She reached out her hand to stroke his hair out of his face, her fingers relishing the feel of his skin and her lips desperate to feel it, too. Abruptly, she started to lean in, but just as abruptly stopped herself a second later.

This had been her problem last night, she admitted. She had gone too damn fast. She needed to slow down, allow herself to enjoy these rare quiet, tender moments. The hungry ache pulsating through her entire body and demanding a response was strong, however. Too strong. So she pulled her hand back, afraid of herself. Take it easy, she demanded her body, he's not going anywhere! Her libido didn't give a damn.

The sudden movements caused James to shift uneasily, and Jessie silently cursed herself. He didn't open his eyes, but she knew she had awakened him. "What time is it?" he mumbled, his lips barely moving.

"Five," she said softly and apologetically.

He made a vaguely grumpy sounding noise, still not awake enough to manage anything else.

Jessie cautiously allowed herself to play with a strand of his hair. "Breakfast is at seven. I suppose this gives us some time to prepare for the day."

"You can; I'm going back to sleep." This ultimatum lasted all of three seconds before his eyes creaked open anyway. As he grew more and more focused, his mouth tugged upwards into a dreamy smile, holding her gaze intently.

Lord above, but he was irresistible. Jessie had closed the distance between their faces before she was even cognizant of it, tasting him and possessing him. She could feel his smile deepen against her lips as he responded in kind. And she could feel her crotch twinge with desire again—

—too fast too fast TOO FAST!

She pushed herself away from him, yelping out a loud "WHOA!" as she did so, much to her embarrassment. What, was she trying to subdue an unruly rapidash? James looked confused and more than a little hurt.

"Don't try to guilt-trip me with that look!" Jessie shrieked, her voice rising with conviction at complete odds with her heart. "You know what happened last time I just gave in to you like that! I lost control! And we both ended up disappointed because of it! I don't want to go that fast again, but—"

"I wasn't disappointed," James protested. "I—I mean," he added hastily, in response to Jessie's sudden death glare, "I was disappointed that you weren't able to enjoy the nice finish that I did—"

"You wanted to go slower," Jessie insisted. "I could tell that you did. I rushed you."

"A bit," James admitted.

"I want to go slower too, but—I can't!" She grimaced, an uncomfortable and unwelcome wave of self-loathing rippling through her body. "My body has a will of its own. I really couldn't control it. I couldn't stop. I was completely starved and you were the first meal I'd seen in days, if you'll allow me to indulge in a simile. It was never enough." Her voice fell flat. She felt flat. Her spirit felt crushed. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"It's not wrong," James said, leaning in so that he could gently press his forehead against hers. "It was very characteristic of you, in fact."

Jessie wasn't sure if that was meant to be uplifting or not, because even though his gesture and tone seemed to indicate that it was, she certainly couldn't take it that way. "Not being able to control myself is characteristic of me?" She sounded more hysterical than she'd realized, and if she hadn't been lying on her side she would have staggered over with the knowledge that her tenuous-at-best hold on her emotions meant that he was absolutely right. "Am I really that—unstable?"

She was a wreck. She wasn't amazing, she wasn't charismatic and charming… maybe she was pretty but that didn't matter when her psyche was a mess.

"I didn't mean it like that, dear," James said quickly. "I meant that whenever you want something, you're not satisfied until you have it. You're very determined that way. You don't let anyone stop you from getting what you want! Except maybe a very stubborn little twerp…"

"Oh, don't even mention the twerp right now," Jessie groaned. "I sometimes think someone or something has permanently shielded him from any permanent misfortunes befalling him."

"But look who's come the closest to breaking that shield—us! And that's mostly because of you. When Meowth and I are ready to give up, you're the one rallying us and pushing onward. We—I—wouldn't be anywhere without you."

Jessie sighed. What a nice effort James was putting up for her. "Rather creative way of you to talk about my personality failings, dear."

"It's how I see you," James answered honestly. "It's not a failing, and there's nothing wrong with you—not in my eyes, anyway."

Jessie blinked back sudden, grateful tears. He was wonderful and beautiful and perfect and she loved the shit out of him and couldn't fathom how it had taken her this long to realize it and she wanted to hold him and kiss him and strip him naked and ride him and come all over him and make him come deep inside of her and—

She carefully pulled away from him and lay flat on her back, focusing intently on the ceiling because it was there. "I don't know what the hell I'm doing, James. I don't trust myself."

She felt his hand carefully entwine itself in hers. "I trust you."

Dammit. She could not ignore the ache in her heart, or her groin for that matter. She rolled her head to the side to look him in the eye again.

"Then you need to take control for me."

He hesitated, no real change in his expression other than slight confusion, his hand still grasping hers.

Jessie sighed. "Do I need to explain everything for you? I want you to take control this time. Love me. Slowly. Teach me now."

James's face flushed and his blinking increased rapidly. "What makes you think I have any idea how to do that, either?"

"You have a better idea than I do. If I'm in the driver's seat again I'll just break us. I don't want to break us. You're right about me. Losing control is my basic operating mode. And when it's in full swing, it gets messy." She looked back up at the ceiling, not even really wanting to look at that, either. "I break things too much."

James finally pushed himself up onto his elbows and stroked a loose strand of Jessie's hair. Jessie's brain shrieked; she really needed to get her ass out of bed and style it. "Jessie, dear, you've never broken me."

Jessie snorted harshly. "Like hell I haven't. You've borne the brunt of my outbursts. You're the most mangled, damaged creature left in my wake!"

James moved so that his chest was on top of hers and gave her an imploring stare. Jessie's breathing hitched. "A lot of people have broken me," he said, "but you're not one of them. …In fact, you're one of the only things that keeps me held together." A hand was back in her hair, and this time Jessie completely forgot that it was a mess at all. "Thank you for that."

He gazed at her for a few moments with a nigh-unreadable expression. It almost looked like… reverence? Disbelief? Complete awe? Jessie couldn't decipher it, but it completely filled her with adoration and bliss, so she quickly decided that deciphering it wasn't a priority at the moment.

James seemed to be coming undone, letting out a small little sigh as his eyes trembled with tears. Jessie nearly mimicked him, overwhelmed with emotions, but she didn't have a chance to actually break down from tears before James's lips were on hers in a grateful, passionate kiss. It was assertive and definite, but not overwhelmingly fanatical like hers would have been. Jessie somehow managed to take mental notes as her heart began to conquer the rest of her body.

He pulled away slowly, taking her in as if he'd never seen her before now. I was so wild and unhinged last night, he probably really hasn't, she noted.

Still, though, she gave him a small smile, feeling heat rising to her cheeks. "You're welcome," she said.

James smiled too, thankful tears rolling down his cheeks.

Jessie held her smile. "Now make love to me, please," she said, surprising herself at how calm she kept her voice.

James leaned down and gave her another gentle kiss, one hand making its way to her side. Then, nothing. He pulled away from the kiss, hesitation settling into his features.

Jessie sighed, hoping she didn't sound overly impatient. "It's fine. Do whatever you like. If you do something I don't like, I'll tell you."

"Try to tell and not yell," said James. He almost sounded snarky, but the relief in his tone was too great for Jessie to hear anything else. She'd probably never get over how adorable he was.

"I'll do my best," she answered, smiling at him. "No promises, though."

James gulped, although he was still gazing at her with an overjoyed, lovesick expression through his tears. "Your best will be more than enough."

Carefully and deliberately, he brought his lips to hers again, the kiss lingering for only a bit. She gave a sharp inhale as he started to move his kisses down from her lips to her neck, and she had to clench her fists and grit her teeth to keep herself from just taking him. Calm down. Calm down. Savor this. Oh dear god this feels so amazing, I NEED to savor this.

James certainly appeared to be savoring this, at least. His kisses were slow and feathery against her skin, as if he was handling a fragile, priceless possession… almost like he was afraid he'd shatter her. Or that she'd shatter him. Wait, no, that was Jessie's fear. She tried to relax and yet all she did was tense up more, trying to stop herself.

"Are you okay?" he whispered against her neck.

She shivered and moaned out loud, her fists finally unclenching as the urge to conquer was very abruptly replaced with the urge to surrender. God damn she'd happily give up control in order to feel this pure ecstasy.

"Yes," she answered him, having to refocus her gaze at him because at some point she'd arched her neck back. "Please keep going."

His hands eased to her torso, stopping for just a moment on her breasts before moving down to the tied sash of her bathrobe. As he continued to torment her neckline with soft, delicate kisses, his hands deftly undid the bathrobe's tie, in sharp contrast to how much he had fumbled with her bra the night before. He broke away from her momentarily to part the now undone robe, exposing her bare torso and breasts to him. It occurred to Jessie (after growing dismayed that he had even briefly ceased kissing her) that with how wild and reckless she had been the last time, this was probably James's first good look at her breasts, too. Strangely this realization didn't make her feel too exposed or vulnerable.

Instead, she gave him a flirty smile, allowing herself to take initiative for just one moment. She reached up one hand and gave a quick yank on the sash on James's robe, also undoing it. Getting the hint, James smiled too and shrugged himself out of it as Jessie also pulled her arms out of her sleeves, leaving herself completely unclothed with the bathrobe sprawled underneath her like a beach towel.

With both of them now completely naked, Jessie assumed that this would be the moment where James finally stopped holding back (especially seeing how ready his cock seemed to be), but agonizingly so, he didn't. He instead returned to his position of mercilessly teasing her with unhurried, gentle kisses, but the kisses were now moving down to her uncovered breasts. After what felt like an eternity he finally caught a taut nipple in his mouth, and Jessie closed her eyes and rocked back as she moaned with unexpectedly intense pleasure.

Dear god… why wasn't he doing more? Why wasn't he just giving in to his desires and pounding the living shit out of her? Sure, she had asked him to go slow (and she certainly wasn't complaining), but just how was he able to be in such control of himself?

Don't wonder, don't think, just savor this…

He pulled his face away from her breast seemingly just to gaze at her again, still with that same overcome, completely infatuated gaze he'd kept this entire time.

A lump of emotion caught itself in Jessie's throat. He loves me this much to… hold back like this?

She had an active imagination, sure, but she'd never expected for love or sex to be this… completely overwhelming before.

James put his mouth on Jessie's other nipple, gently tantalizing her some more. Jessie could hardly think straight. All she knew was that she both wanted to stay like this for ages and yet she also wanted his penis deep inside of her and ramming her like there was no tomorrow. Her crotch silently begged for the latter. For now, her desperate hand would have to make do.

She had been completely unprepared for the intensity of these sensations… and not just now, either. Last night she had been a woman unhinged. And the unsatisfying outcome more than proved that she had no idea how to even go about this. She'd always figured she'd get the hang of this whole sex thing as she moved up and up the ladder of desirable men, at some point finally reaching perfection in both the man and her own sexual prowess. Never in her wildest dreams had she predicted that she'd instead find herself naked and underneath James—James of all people!—and not only as a total novice, but also with no intention of trading him in for an upgrade anytime soon.

James finally moved his head back up to meet hers, his lips sweeping up hers in another tender kiss as one hand carefully massaged the breast he had just been sucking. Jessie let out another moan into his mouth. Who friggin' cared that this wasn't what she'd planned? She doubted anyone else could ever love her like James did, after all.

Wait.

Was… was that it, then? Was she settling?

Jessie's stomach pinched uncomfortably. No I am not settling! I'm with James because I love him! She entwined her arms around his back to prove it.

But did she only love him because she realized that no one else other than him could love her? That there was no one else in the world stupid enough to put up with her for this long? Was she just accepting her fate and taking what she could get?

Was her mind trying to friggin' sabotage the best unexpected decision she'd ever made in her LIFE just because it always needed to OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS and couldn't rest until she was MISERABLE FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE?!

Well, if it was, then it was doing a fantastic job of it.

Jessie let out another gasp, although this one was a bit choked and desperate. "James," she whimpered, planting her hands on his shoulders and pushing his lips away from hers, "t-tell me you love me!"

Poor James looked utterly taken aback. "This again? Why—"

"I need to hear you say it!"

"This isn't like you!"

"Seeking out others' approval and adoration is exactly like me!"

James sighed. "Jessie, dear," he said, touching his forehead back to hers, "you know I love you, and you know you don't need to seek out my approval and adoration—you've always had it. Please calm down."

"You're literally the only person on earth who's ever loved me!" Jessie cried, her voice breaking. "No one else has ever loved me! I'M AN UNLOVEABLE FREAK! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!"

"There's nothing wrong with you!" James insisted, frantically trying to pacify her.

"I'm broken and I'm breaking you and I just want to be loved and—make love to me RIGHT NOW!" She gripped his shoulder forcefully with one hand, the other burrowing into his hair.

"What do you think I was doing before you interrupted me?" James asked, incredulous.

"Exactly what I wanted you to do—oh god. I'm a wreck. I—I'm losing control again. Please put your dick inside of me now. I need it so badly I'm about to explode."

For the first time since their foreplay had started, James moved a bit hastily, clamoring up to a kneeling position and slightly parting Jessie's legs. "I'm sorry if I went too slowly."

"Would you quit apologizing already? You were amazing, I'm just—I'm just a total mess right now! And all I can think about is getting you deep inside of me again!"

He finally answered her plea as he carefully eased himself into her, both of them letting out gasps of arousal, not yet accustomed to this feeling. "To tell the truth," James murmured with some effort, leaning back down and tenderly placing his hands on the sides of her face, "that's about all I was able to think of, too."

Jessie moved her hands to his face as well. "You love me," she stated, quietly, simply, as a matter of fact.

"I do. Very much." He abruptly pressed his lips on hers again in an affirming kiss.

"You're an idiot," she said into his mouth.

"Maybe… but not about this." He kept his lips on hers and rocked his hips, causing both of them to softly moan into each other. "Dammit, Jessie, you feel so good," he whispered.

"Make that double for you." Her nails still digging into his back, Jessie moved against him, wordlessly urging him to continue. With every thrust into her body, she matched him, drowning in the feeling of being so filled both physically and emotionally. He adored her, and she loved him back, passionately.

…because he was all she was ever going to get and she was just settling.

Goddammit, NO! she berated herself. I genuinely love him, and would even if I actually DID have my pick of guys, since he's sweet and adorable and accepts me for who I am! Because no one else has… literally NO ONE ELSE has… but even if someone else did… but it's IMPOSSIBLE, what the hell is wrong with him—what the hell is wrong with ME?!

She grinded against him in a futile attempt to permanently blot those destructive thoughts from her mind, her nails digging even deeper into his skin. She barely even registered his lips still raggedly moving against her jawline, desperately tasting her and taking her in, in sharp contrast to how slowly and deliberately he was still thrusting into her. Deep and hard, yes, but also unhurried and steady. She could have screamed if it wasn't so tantalizing and hot. Damn. Damn damn damn damn—

James suddenly let out a throaty gasp against her neck and stopped his movements against her, panting. Jessie froze, just barely feeling the concluding twitches of his penis inside of her.

Shit!

"Oh… oh shit!" James swore, realizing what he had just done, again.

"Did you just…" Jessie was thunderstruck. Seriously… again? Had she really just coaxed him into a premature ejaculation again, all because her stupid brain wouldn't shut up and her stupid pussy couldn't take things easy?

God. Fucking. Dammit.

"Oh my god… I'm so sorry." James looked and sounded absolutely mortified.

"Fuck!" Jessie hissed, wanting to punch him. Or herself. Or both.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I—" James was almost pleading, looking as if he were on the verge of tears. "I didn't mean to, Jessie, I swear."

"Look, you know what?" Jessie roughly pushed James off of her, not wanting to look at him. She didn't need her already bad feelings further compounded by his. "Maybe, you know, maybe we both care about each other but we're just too messed up to make this work out."

As if he self-sabotaging couldn't grow any worse. Was she out of her mind? She had just explicitly given him an out, one that would be so easy to take, too. And although no one would ever love her again, at least she couldn't break anyone else if she were alone… Sitting up and still looking away from James, she felt herself choke from bitter tears springing up. Why was it her happiness and the wellbeing of those she cared about always at such horrible odds?

James frantically clasped Jessie's hands in his own, although Jessie still pointedly looked away from him. "Please don't say that!" he pleaded. "I'll try harder to last longer, I promise!"

"It's not just about that," Jessie snapped. "But I think it does show that maybe we're just not as compatible as we'd like to think we are."

"I don't believe that. You don't believe that… do you?" He helplessly collapsed his face into her shoulder, tears streaming down his face and her skin, and flung his arms around her body, forcing Jessie to finally look at him with pity and guilt. "Please don't write us off so quickly, Jessie! Give me another chance! I'll try harder to be who you need me to be—I promise!"

"James," sighed Jessie, her own throat constricting, "I just gave you an out. Why aren't you taking it?"

"I don't want an out!" he cried incredulously. "I want you!" He pulled his face away from her shoulder and moved his hands back to hers, eyes earnestly beseeching her through his tears as he continued. "We can work this out, I know we can! We have to at least try! You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I won't lose you that easily. Please give us another chance."

She had been wrong. It wasn't the easiest thing in the world. No out in the world would be easy enough for James to take. Jessie nodded, blinking her tears back into her body. "You're right. I don't know what came over me. Of course. Things like this don't just happen, they take work… it was foolish of me to think otherwise. Of course." She returned his earnest expression, squeezing his hands reassuringly. "We're still on."

"Thank you!" James brought Jessie's hands to his lips and kissed them fervently, seemingly too overcome with gratitude and joy to say or do anything else. Jessie smiled, leaning in closer to him…

…and suddenly became cognizant of the wet mess they—or rather James—had left between her legs and on the sheets.

Jessie awkwardly shifted her legs. "That's quite the mess," she remarked.

James looked down and physically recoiled a bit, clearly a bit mortified. "Oh dear… was it really that much?"

"Hey, I'm just glad I can get such a reaction from you," Jessie said with a wink. "Even if it was far too early an arrival for my liking…"

"Perhaps I should leave a tip or something for housekeeping to make up for the mess I've made…"

Jessie laughed lightly. "Really, James, I'm sure they've seen far worse. Besides, it should be dry by the time they get here to clean, anyway."

"I'm not taking any chances!" James clumsily leapt to his feet and dashed to the closet, pulling out a few spare towels. Trying to hold back a stronger laugh, Jessie observed his quick, precise dabbing at the slick sheets with a wry smile. Once again, she couldn't get over how adorable he was, even when flustered like this. She might have been easily angered by him, but said anger was also very quick to fade.

"You missed a spot," she said coyly, parting her legs a bit so that he didn't miss the insinuation.

James only took half a second to meet his eyes with hers, and only half a second more for realization to ignite in them. Still using a careful motion, he brought the towel to her inner thighs, daubing them dry with the slightest of touches, like a feather against silk. Jessie sighed, closing her eyes in surrender and overcome again by flutters and the aching hunger inside of her that had yet to find gratification. How in the hell did something so light and barely noticeable ignite her body so much? …and why did it still seem to take far more than that to get her to actually climax from the overwhelming sensations? How much more did her body want, anyway?

She hadn't realized how closely she was leaning into James until her eyes opened again and were greeted with his returning her gaze, mere inches away. For a few moments they were motionless, Jessie wordlessly imploring James to continue with the thought she knew he was struggling with putting into words.

Finally he spoke, guardedly, and the tiniest bit of color flushed to his cheeks. "Do you still want to come?"

"That's a stupid question," Jessie replied, quickly grabbing the towel still clutched in his hand and flinging it away. She gladly leaned into him as his fingers found their way inside of her.

Over twenty-four hours of unfulfilled longing , coupled with his nimble fingers giving avid equal attention to both her vagina and her clitoris, meant that Jessie nearly came the second he started, arching her back and moaning into James's shoulder as he intently rubbed his fingers against her. She gasped out syllables that she hoped formed at least semi-coherent words, already so close to the edge that she was surprised at how she teetered on the brink for a few delirious moments. Finally, she could hold back no longer, and she let him guide her in toppling over the edge with a sharp, impassioned cry. As much as she wanted to experience it again, she managed to pull his hand out of her, too raw to endure a second go.

Instead, she almost laughed against him, shaking from her much yearned for release. "God dammit you're good at that," she breathed, her lips grazing his shoulder.

James wrapped his arms around her tightly. "So… that was acceptable?"

"Yeah, that'll do." She laughed again as she soaked up this heaven, never wanting to pull away from him. "I think we'll be alright."

James pressed his lips against her temple, wordlessly giving her his thanks. Jessie nestled her face into his chest. Thank god he was sane enough to talk her out of insisting that they could never work. I may be the queen of self-sabotaging, but no way in hell will I let myself destroy this!

She felt James glance to the side and slump a bit in disappointment. "It's only 5:30?"

"Should be enough time for me to get ready for the day." Jessie carefully pushed herself off the bed and to a standing position, but stopped when she saw James's pathetic expression.

"What about me?" he whined.

"Okay, fine, you can have the bathroom first," Jessie sighed in resignation. "But you'd better not take too long."

James also stood up and grasped Jessie's hands in his. "You can come with me. We can share it!"

"Share the bathroom?" Jessie's further questioning was halted when the look on James's face clued her into his reasoning. "Wait... is this because you just don't want to be apart from me, even for a little bit?"

"Um… yes?" James shrugged, smiling abashedly. "You'll be rehearsing all day and I won't be around you much today anyway…"

Jessie smiled. "You are way too adorable," she said, giving him a quick peck on the lips. "Come on. Just don't even think about hogging the mirror."