Chapter 18

Brendan's point of view

I wake up feeling fresh, jumping into the shower and trying to think positively about this, running down the stairs while Cheryl butters some toast and is singing along to the radio.

"You look like your in a better mood." she says with a small smile on her face, "You going to talk to Ste then?"

"I am." I grin, it's fake but I need to try think positive. She believes me anyway, "Anyway I'm off, I'll see ye at the club."

"Bye Bren, good luck!" she cheers after me, I can't help but let out a small laugh at her enthusiasm.

Turns out I don't need to look far for Steven, I literally bump into him.

"Watch it-" he shouts, his eyes widening when he realises who it is that he's just walked into.

"Sorry, Steven." I say, can't help but fidget, he huffs and goes to walk away but I grab onto his arm. "Just listen to me yeah?" I ask him.

He looks like he wants to rip my head off my shoulders, his face scrunched up, "I'm tired of listening to ya, just leave me alone." he sneers pulling his arm out of my grasp.

I step up close to him and he turns his face away from me, I whisper to him "I know I haven't always been honest but I was scared to tell ye. Give me another chance and I'll explain how I feel."

He looks at me, and realises how close we are together, his lips trembling a bit. "I've never told ye how I feel.. I mean really feel." I say to him and with that I spin on my heel and walk away leaving him to think about what I've just said.

I go back to the flat and am thankful to find it empty, pouring a glass of whiskey and drinking it quickly. It's not long before I hear a banging at the door and I know exactly who it is.

Seeing Steven standing there torn expression on his face but he still makes my breath get caught in my throat. I smirk, knew that he would come.

I open the door, making a gap just enough for him to squeeze in between, he looks unsure but then comes in, his body against mine for two seconds but it still makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up on end.

"It doesn't matter that you didn't tell me.." he starts but I interrupt him by putting my finger against his lip.

"Just shhh the now." I tell him, seeing my finger shake as I hold it as soon as I notice I move it away, I might be nervous but there's no way I can let Steven know that. He looks like he's about to say something so I interrupt him before he can.

"I- I love ye." I blurt out turning away from him scared to look at him. "That's what I didn't tell ye, I love ye Steven." I say a little quieter.

The silence stretches between us and I bite down of my lip stopping myself from telling him to leave, I guess my answers there, he doesn't love me. I look back at him and he looks confused but when I look at him he gives me a smile, "You being serious?" he asks, I think I can trace a bit of excitement there.

"Mmhmm." I hum, "Thats what Sinead heard me and Chez talking about."

"Oh." he says and slowly starts to walk towards me slotting into my arms, "I didn't think I'd hear ya say that." he says and I can see exactly how surprised he is, but there's a happiness there. He's still not said the words back to me and I want to push him for an answer, if he loves me back or not but if he did he would say it back.

Instead he kisses me, roughly. Pushing me against the wall, he's in charge for a few seconds before I'm swapping us around so that he's against the wall and I press against him, not breaking the kiss for a second. I feel like I've been starving for this, to be like this with Steven is my favourite place to be, nothing else can make me feel alive as this. I've always known love as a weakness, that it would get you hurt but this kind makes me feel strong, makes me feel like I'm better than what I was without it. Even if he doesn't love me back, he doesn't push me away, he seems willing to be loved by me, like he craves it as much as me.

The sex it quick and frantic, I don't even realise until I'm inches into Steven that I've not even used any protection, my eyes widen in shock and I'm about to tell Steven but he pulls me closer wrapping his legs around my waist like he's trapping me. I've never slept with a man without a condom, always was too paranoid incase I caught something, I think Steven's careful, although we've not really spoke about it every time he mentioned someone he had a past with he knew I got jealous, well he didn't know that I got jealous but he knew it made me feel uncomfortable.

Now that there's no barriers at all between us, it's just skin on skin, I've never felt so connected to someone before. We rock against each other, I slow the pace down when I realise I'm going to cum way too soon. Steven's hot breath is against my neck as he moans and whimpers, "Oh- Fuck. Bren." he buries his face into my neck before sucking against my pulse, I know he's close so I pull out of him.

He grabs my shoulders trying to stop me from moving away, "Brendan.. What ya doing?!" he whimpers.

I lie flat on the floor before pulling him on top of me and he gets the idea as he straddles my lap, he pushes down onto my pulsing cock, and fuck it's so deep, I let out a groan that I'm not even sure is normal to come out of me, it almost sounds like I'm in agony but I'm far from that. I sit up, my chest against his and hold his face in my hands forcing him to open his eyes, the look on his face like pure ecstasy, his whole body covered in sweat. I kiss him wrapping my tongue around his, putting one of my hands on his hip while I thrust up into him, his nails dig into my shoulders and I know there's definitely blood but I don't care.

I don't expect Steven to cum when he does and I don't think he does either, but he doesn't stop, still bounces on my lap as though his life depended on it. I cum into him, it's the most intense thing I've ever done, without a doubt.

We lie on the floor, didn't even make it halfway through the hall, anyone could've walked in, if they did I don't even think we would have been able to stop, doubt we would have even wanted to stop. "Your amazing ye know that?" I tell him, he looks up at me, grinning openly at me.

"Did ya mean what you said?" he asks coyly, "That ya love me."

"Yeah. I do." I say back, it isn't as hard as it was to say it for the first time, the hope builds up that he'll say it back and he looks like he's about to but doesn't instead he asks quietly "So ya didn't just say it so I'd sleep with ya again?"

I truly am gutted that he didn't say it back, I look straight trying not to let it show on my face, "Your gonna need to learn to trust me Steven." I say back to him.

"Sorry." he mumbles but it isn't what I want to hear, he kisses me softly on the lips and makes himself comfortable against me, I know I won't move again until he does.

Ste's point of view

I can't believe what Brendan's just told me, he loves me. I wasn't expecting it, I'm still completely off guard, I feel like slapping myself I don't know why I didn't say it back. The words were there but they just wouldn't come out, I can tell he wants me to say it and I don't even know why I can't.

I lift my head off his chest and look at him, he's already looking at me and it makes me wonder how long he's actually been watching me. The words are on the tip of my tongue but then he kisses me and that definitely shuts me up, he pulls away grinning wide.

"Shit." I say, my eyes widening pushing myself away from him. I completely forgot Amy and the kids were coming today, "I gotta go Bren." I say making a grab for my clothes.

He looks at me confused jumping off the floor and striding towards me, "Why?" he asks quietly, almost a whisper.

"The kids and Amy are comin today, it slipped my mind." I tell him, while pulling my clothes on nearly tripping while trying to get into my trousers, I take a look at him and notice he look sort of sad, "Do ya want to come to mine for dinner later on?" I ask, can't help myself from asking.

"Yeah sure, got to be at the club for eight but I'll come before?" he says to me perking up a bit.

"Okay, just phone me whenever." I say slipping my jacket on and giving him a peck on the lips.

He holds the door open for me and gives me a smile, I never expected Brendan to be like this, he came across as a hard man, I wouldn't even say he was my type and yet he's the one person that I've fell for, he's not what he appeared to be at first. I could laugh at myself for thinking this but he's caring, he isn't everything he hypes himself up to be. That nobody gets in armour that he has doesn't seem to matter when it comes to me, I know he isn't a saint, I know that I don't know everything about his past, probably only a small fraction but it goes both ways.

When I get to my flat I realise Amy and the kids are already in, "Sinead let us in before she went to work." Amy tells me as soon as I get in the door, "She also filled me in on the Brendan situation."

I turn around to her gobsmacked, "She did what?" I ask.

"She told me that you needed cheering up because of Brendan." she says frowning then lowering her voice, "Because he threatened her."

"Yeah about that.." I say but she jumps the gun.

"I knew it! He's a phsyco, thank god Sinead filled me in on all the drama since you've been holding back." she huffs, I frown cause it wasn't that long ago she was practically in love with him.

"Just listen alright.. He loves me.."

"No he doesn't Ste!" she snaps, "Can't you see? He threatened your best friend and he choked you!"

"He's coming for dinner." I blurt out to her and she bursts out laughing until she sees that I'm not laughing with her.

"Your joking right?" she practically spits the words out her mouth, "That man is coming no where near my kids."

"You don't know the full story Amy." I murmur to her.

"I don't need to. I know enough." she grunts out folding her arms.

"Let me explain and if you still don't want him to come I'll uninvite him myself." I say to her and she doesn't put up an argument so I guess she's agreeing with me, "He's got some sort of anger issues I know that, he didn't strangle me he held me up against a wall for less than a minute he makes rash decisions, and the incident with Sinead.."

She interrupts again, "The incident?! He threatened to kill her Ste!"

"I think your exaggerating a bit ere" I murmur under my breath before continuing, "Sinead heard a private conversation between Brendan and his sister, he panicked and gave an empty treat. I know him Ames, I know he wouldn't kill her, I doubt he'd even threaten to kill her."

"How can you be sure Ste? What if he has bigger secrets than you think?" Amy asks, with a panicked look on her face, "I can't lose you, the kids can't lose you."

"Let him come for dinner and you can see for yourself." I tell her, she looks like she's going to argue back with me but then she let's her shoulders sag and gives a weak nod, not exactly the answer I was looking for but it'll do. "Cheers." I tell her before wrapping her in my arms, "He does love me, I think."

"As long as he doesn't hurt you." she sighs.

"Where's Leah and Lucas?" I ask her, realising how quiet the house is.

"Michaela took them to the park for an hour, I said I needed to speak to you." she says looking slightly guilty. "Does he make you happy? Like really happy?" she asks after a minute.

"Yeah he does." I say, not even needing to think about it.

"Then I guess that's all that matters." she says giving me a kiss on the cheek before pulling away from me and giving me a tight smile.

Brendan's point of view

So I guessed that when Steven said that he wanted me to come for dinner that it would just be me and him, but here I find myself sitting in his flat, Amy across from me on the other couch, his kids sitting in front of the tv and Steven's in the kitchen cooking away. The conversation is strained and we quickly descend into an awkward silent.

"Leah, Lucas go wash your hands and face before dinner." Amy tells the kids and straight away they march off, they whine and groan but they do it anyway.

I look towards Amy as soon as the kids leave, she made it obvious it was just an excuse so she could get me alone.

"I'm happy for you and Ste." she says softly then lowers her tone, "but you need to promise me you'll never hurt him."

I nod my head at her, "I won't."

"I know you threatened Sinead, and I know you put your hands on Ste. He seems to think your worth another chance and I'm not going to stand in the way, but if you mess this up again I'll make sure you lose Ste." She does a good job of acting intimidating but it doesn't work with me.

"These things have been blown out of proportion, there's been faults on both mine and Steven's part. We're working at it." I say to her letting out a sigh at the end.

"I can see you care about him, well I think I can anyway." she says, giving me a small smile, "If that's enough for Ste it's enough for me aswell."

I give her a smile back, maybe we could get on. I don't get to answer her when the kids come bounding back in the room, shortly followed by Steven.

"I'll help you bring the plates in Ste." Amy says standing up and making her way into the kitchen and sets two plates on a small table sitting in the living room, "There you's go kids." Leah and Lucas run towards the table within seconds.

"Come over 'ere Bren." I hear Steven say from behind me, already sitting at the other table, I take a seat beside him where Steven's pointing to. There's already a plate in front of me, Spaghetti Bolognese with meatballs.

"This smells good." I tell him, my mouth already watering from the smell of it.

Amy comes in with her own plate and another one with garlic bread on it.

We tuck in, the kids occupied with whatever's on the tv, Steven and Amy blabbing away about Leah and Lucas, Amy filling Steven in with everything the kids have been up to.

"You have kids don't ya Brendan." Steven says bringing me into the conversation.

"Oh really?" Amy asks sounding somewhat taken aback by that.

"Yeah, two boys." I tell her, "Declan and Padraig."

"Do they stay with you?" Amy asks me.

"No they stay with their ma in Belfast." I sigh.

"Do you see them a lot?" She says throwing another question at me, I don't know if she's prying or just genuinely asking.

"Ames." Steven hisses at her.

"Well sorry." Amy mutters, sounding anything but. "I'm just getting to know Brendan."

Steven tuts and I think about just telling Amy all the facts about my life, might as well show her my birth certificate while I'm at it.

Leah runs over to the table, covered in Spaghetti. "Leah what happened to your hair?!" Amy groans.

"Lucas smudged the sauce onto my hair!" she shouts.

"Lucas!" Steven shouts from beside me.

He runs around the couch and I can't help but laugh at the sight of him, Bolognese sauce all around his mouth and across his cheek, his hands dripping with it and bits in his own hair. He frowns at me before turning his attention to Steven and asking innocently, "What?"

"Did you put your dinner on your sister?" Steven asks sounds like he's about to start laughing himself and I can see him fighting a smile.

"No!" he shouts sounding insulted, "I put her dinner on her!"

I carry on laughing and Steven looks at me with warning in his eyes that quickly has me stopping.

"She did it first." Lucas cries, crossing his arms over his chest.

"No I did not." Leah says coping her brothers stance, in a way they remind me of me and Cheryl when we were younger only these kids are safe, are both loved by their parents, have both of their parents.

"Right come on, I'm putting you's in for a bath." Amy says standing up and grappling with Leah and pulling her along the hall.

"Do I need to go dad?" Lucas says to Steven pleading with him and putting on the puppy dog eyes.

"Yes." Steven replies straight away, not able to look his son in the eye. Lucas stomps along the hall huffing to himself.

"I didn't realise they'd be 'ere so long." Steven says apologetically while piling the dishes up.

I quickly rush towards him grabbing the plates off him, "I'll do the dishes." I can tell he's about to say no but before he can I tell him, "You made dinner, I do the dishes."

He gives me a soft smile and watches while I start running the water in the sink. Halfway through doing the dishes I realise how domestic this is, and for some weird reason it feels good.

"Bren?" he questions, "I've got something I need to tell ya."

"It's fine Steven, well talk later I've got work in fifteen minutes." I dismiss him, the last thing I need is Steven bringing up a problem just before I need to leave.

"But it's important." he whines.

"I'll phone ye later." I say to him silencing him with a kiss on the lips and making a grab for my jacket.

"Bye." he says quietly behind me.

"See ye soon Steven." I tell him, not wanting to sound to eager for that but not being able to keep the truth out of my voice. I still rush out the house as quick as I can.