Act I: Akina, Mount of Déjà Vu

Jeanne wasn't very happy with Bayonetta racing Kamiya alone.

"Don't worry, it's going to be fine. A surprise awaits you if I win."

"Cereza, are you sick? You can't even drift in panther form, how are you going pass him? It's not fucking Route 666! He drives a proper car, it's not that piece of military shit Luka stole in Vigrid."

"Listen, I noticed something when we were on Akina. I have a plan. Trust me."

The next few days Bayonetta did anything but practicing, probably because she wanted to be as cool as Takumi.

A lot of people gathered on Akina to see the race. Kamiya was feeling kind of nervous as he was driving up the mountain, so many people greeted him.

"I am fast enough, I will prove it and get rid of the annoying port requests." He though. "After all, she could not possibly keep up with a car on a mountain road, even in her beast form."

Kamiya reached the start line and parked. Many teams gathered to see the race. Akina Speedstars, NightKids, Red Suns were there.

"I cannot skip an oportunity to see the legendary Umbra Witch in action." Takahashi Ryosuke told Kamiya. "I am a fan of the Bayonetta series, you know that?"

"Ohh, okay I guess." Kamiya was getting more and more nervous as time passed.

"By the way, do you plan on making a third game anytime soon?" Ryosuke wondered.

"If Bayonetta wins I'll have to announce it tomorrow."

"Oh, that's cool. You think you can win?"

"I don't think the experience she got during Route 666 was enough, to be honest."

"Never underestimate an Umbra Witch. If my calculations are correct, you are totally fucked my friend. My calculations are correct 99.99% of times, you should know that." Ryosuke wanted to demoralize Kamiya as he wanted to see another Bayonetta game as soon as possible. In actual fact, he had no idea how Bayonetta would be able to keep up with an eight-six.

It was already 23:59 and the witches were nowhere to be seen. Some people were already disappointed and though the race got cancelled or something. Suddenly, a second before midnight the radio picked up something.

"Hold on, don't begin. We got some fucking cats down here."

"It's the Umbra Witches!" The crowd went apeshit.

Minutes later the witches were at the top and both Kamiya and Bayonetta were ready to race.

"Don't fuck up, Cereza. I believe in you." Jeanne was nervous about the race.

The radio picked up another signal.

"This is the finish, the cats are gone it seems, we are ready to begin."

"This is the third corner. These are the Umbra Witches and not cats you dumbasses." The conversation escalated quickly from there.

Itsuki was so happy to see Kamiya. "Hey, I believe in you. You will win this race! You know, my best friend drives the very same car. It's modified, though. His dad installed some Class A engine or something like that. Let me tell you, the car is amazing. He never lost a single race!"

Meanwhile Bayonetta was thinking of a way to let everyone know she wasn't giving autographs. In fact, she felt like a fucking celebrity in this town.

The heated debate over radio was interrupted. "This is the start speaking. Is the road clear? Can we start the race?"

Responce came quite fast. "This is the sixth corner. We don't fucking know. Blame the seventh corner, they are fucking assholes, you know."

"This is the seventh corner speaking. Man, what is wrong with the sixth corner? Anyway, everything is clear I guess."

More trash talk was coming in and the guy with the radio shouted. "Ahh, fuck it! We are ready to begin!"

The crowd finally left Bayonetta alone and the contdown began.

"Five, Four, Three, Two, One, Go!"

[It's not necessary, but you can put Eurobeat on full volume here.]

Kamiya let go of the brake and the race began. His AE86 was clearly faster than Bayonetta's pather form. Itsuki was so happy when he saw Kamiya get ahead in the very beginning. Hideki Kamiya had some experience with racing games, so he just tried mimicking the NFS Carbon canyon races. He imagined all the drift points he got and stuff like that. It seemed to work, Bayonetta was falling behind and was about to disappear from the rear view mirror.

Meanwhile Bayonetta was having a problem. She was shocked to see the Laguna angels appear from behind a corner.

"Damn these angels! Could have they possibly come up with a better time to show up?"

The angels dragged Bayonetta into Purgatorio and Kamiya saw her disappear. "Hey, that's unfair you bit... I mean witch!"

Racing fans did not understand what was happening at all, the AE86 was speeding through corners and the fourth corner was having a problem of "some kind of poltergeist activity".

Bayonetta was trying to deal with the angels as fast as possible. "Damn, why did I have to leave the Durga at home?"

Finally, the angels were dealt with and Bayonetta was ready to execute the secret strategy she developed when practicing on Akina. "Jeanne, worry no more. I'm going to win this."

Bayonetta jumped down the mountain and landed ahead of Kamiya's car without taking fall damage. She then proceeded to jump on top of the car before exiting Purgatorio.

"Hello again, kitty."

"Bayonetta, what the actual fuck?"

"I'm just gonna let you drive me to the finish line and then I'll dash forward and win." She was so sure this was going to work she straight up told Kamiya what her plan was. Kamiya wanted Bayonetta as a PlatinumGames employee so much he quickly came up with his own plan. He floored the gas and did the inertia drift, throwing Bayonetta off the car and down the mountain. This was executed quite well. However, a car was driving in the opposite lane and there was no way Kamiya could dodge that.

"Motherfuckeeeeeer!" Screamed the man in the car.

"Enzo?" Bayonetta recognised the man's voice as she was falling down.

Kamiya's car hit Enzo's cabriolet, spun off the track and landed several corners ahead, gaining so much speed but also landing backwards, which made it hard to control.

"Shit, it's the other way around now." Said Kamiya as he looked in the rear view mirror to see where he was driving.

Only several hundred meters remained until the end of the course. Surprisingly, Bayonetta was ahead of Kamiya. His speed was great, though, so he was going to overtake her in no time.

Meanwhile Enzo was complaining. "Damn you, Bayonetta. I just got the fucking thing fixed. Look at this shit, I'm screwed! This is why I can't have nice things!"

The radio picked up the signal again. "This is the finish line. Omg, this is some serious shit we just witnessed. The Trueno is going 300 kilometers per hour backwards, it looks like it's about to overtake the Umbra Witch! Speaking of the witch, we are still trying to figure out how she appeared here, she seemed to jump off the mountain!"

Suddenly an idea came to Bayonetta's mind. She stood on the car's trajectory and dodged it the last possible moment, entering Witch Time and crossing the finish line first.

"Whoa, what the hell just happened!? The Umbra Witch won the race! I won't be able to sleep after seeing this. Holy fuck!"

Hideki's car was totally out of control now and Witch Time was about to end. Bayonetta realized what was going to happen. "Kamiyaaaaaa!" She screamed as the car hit her and sent her far away, over the horizon.