A/N: Only the OC's are mine. Marvel owns most everybody else, with one D/C character appearing. I make no money off this…
Warning: strong language.
Please feed the bunnies!
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Stark Tower…15 minutes later…
Sauer and Able finally stepped off the elevator: both in tears. Potts, Helen Malick, and Fandral met them as the doors opened. Fandral beckoned to Charity, and after a nod from Miss Potts, the lovers withdrew to a private room. Fandral glared suspiciously at Sauer before the door closed, but withdrew when Potts glared back at him, eyes glowing.
Potts pulled Sauer to her old desk. A few whacks and a hip-bump at the vending machine produced 3 sodas, which Pepper set on the desk.
"Talk," the CEO said.
Sauer did. She gave both women a condensed version of the last two days of her life, starting with her exit from the building and leading up to her re-entrance from the elevator.
"Huh. Speed of light theory. It really works!" Helen exclaimed.
"What?" Pepper turned to the new secretary.
"When Prince Loki took Sauer through those wormholes," the young woman explained. "For her, time slowed down because they stepped outside of it. They only experienced a few moments; the rest of us lived through hours."
"You get to debrief Mr. Stark on that. I'm clueless about physics," Pepper decided.
"That's fascinating, but I don't have any clothes, or money, or anything, other than what I have on, since SHIELD has my apartment," Sauer finished. "Wait. JARVIS, has my apartment building been cleared by SHIELD yet? Maybe I can get back in."
"Negative, Miss Sauer. The CDC has declared the entire building a bioterrorist attack site, and has cordoned it off. No one enters or leaves."
"Damn. I suppose I can go to the Salvation Army shelter, or something, but…"
"Nonsense," Pepper shook her head insistently. "I insist you stay here as my guest. JARVIS, please do a full body scan of Miss Sauer, and order suitable clothing."
"Certainly, Miss Potts. If the young lady will stand up against the far wall?"
"I prefer pants and blouses, please, JARVIS," the brunette said. "Nothing too elaborate; I'm not the type."
"Duly noted, Miss Sauer. Will you require undergarments as well?"
"Er, um…yes. Function over fashion, please. Nothing with lace, it makes me itch."
"Please indicate your choice of footwear."
That started a debate. Potts and Malic favored Louboutin pumps; Sauer wanted to keep her running shoes.
"That is not office footwear," Pepper argued.
"Miss Potts…"
"Pepper, please."
"I need sensible shoes. Louboutins are classy as hell, but they wouldn't stand up a day with the miles I've done! I need something that can take a pounding, and that's a good pair of running shoes! These have been through deep space twice now!"
Pepper finally surrendered the point. The clothing was delivered 15 minutes later.
Malick and Sauer both stared at Potts, wide-eyed. The CEO shrugged.
"Shopping is MY super-power," she said with a smile. "Now get dressed." Potts turned to Tony's newest secretary with a frown. "Miss Malick, we need to discuss how to run this office."
Malick gulped. "Yes, Ma'am."
Sauer emerged from the ladies' room a few moments later, dressed in a comfortable pair of jeans and a loose-fitting green blouse. Potts had re-joined the Avengers, leaving the two young women alone. Sauer tugged at her hair with her fingers, glanced around, and wrinkled her nose. "What is that awful smell?"
The coffee-pot had boiled dry. Sauer gagged even as she grabbed it away from Malick. "What is this crap? Decaf? Are you suicidal or something?"
The other woman scowled. "No, we ran out of regular. What's wrong with decaf?"
"You've never seen a caffeine-deprived Dr. Banner," Sauer said dryly. "I hope we didn't run out of Banner Brownies, too."
"We did. What are they?"
Sauer groaned. "It's a miracle we haven't had a Code Green."
Malick just looked confused. "What's a Code Green?"
Emergency lights kicked on, and JARVIS' smooth voice came over the intercom.
"Attention all floors: this is not a drill. Code Green. Attention all floors, we have a Code Green. All employees are instructed to shelter in place. I repeat: attention all floors, we have a Code Green. All employees are instructed to shelter in place. This is not a drill. I repeat…"
"THAT'S a Code Green! Somebody had an attack of stupid, and pissed off Dr. Banner!"
"I heard that part. Who is he?" Malick looked frazzled.
"Are you mental? He's the Hulk!"
"THAT Dr. Banner?"
Sauer threw her hands in the air in frustration and stepped in front of the food machines. "Malick, I need your vending card," she snapped.
"What for?"
"Because I don't have one, dumbass, and I need that," she pointed to a wrapped pastry, "right now!"
"We're supposed to run to shelter…"
Sauer snatched the card from Malick's lanyard and pushed a few buttons.
"Fine. You run to shelter. I'm helping a friend. JARVIS, is my emergency chocolate still in the filing cabinet?"
"It is. May I suggest you and Miss Malick evacuate to the safe room?"
"You may indeed," she responded to the AI. She banged the filing cabinet three times with her heel, and the bottom drawer popped open.
"I thought that drawer was locked," the flustered secretary protested.
"It is," Sauer replied, as the floor began to shake, "if you don't know the combination. Take JARVIS' directions to the safe room, wouldja?" She shook a box of dark powder into a tall plastic glass and stirred in hot water, then ripped open the sticky pastry and put it on a plate. A round bottle appeared from one pocket, and she upended the contents onto the pastry.
"But what are you doing?" the other woman wailed.
"I told you," Sauer said, sprinting for the conference room, "I'm helping a friend. Now get to the shelter." The phone rang. "Or get the phone, but stay outa the way, alright?"
"Prima donna," Malick muttered. The flashing lights were giving her a headache. She snatched up the phone. "Stark Tower! What do you want?"
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Banner was pissed. He did not like Loki, Tony was being a jerk, he had to kill a friend, and now the puny lying god was telling him that his little friend was hurt. And it supposedly wasn't his fault. Who did he think he was talking to? "What happened to Sauer?" he growled.
Loki sniffed dismissively. "She got into an altercation with Sif, little man. Nothing to worry your puny little brain about." He turned to Thor. "Saucy little thing snatched Sif's dagger out of her belt. Gave her a prod, as well, just to make the point."
"Nay!" Thor was scandalized.
"Aye." Loki went into details, and was likewise filled in by Thor and Stark about the goings-on in his absence. "Now that you mention it…."
"Where is she?" Banner's voice dropped into bass.
"Hey, buddy, calm down. She's in the elevator, ok?"
"For the last half hour?"
Doubt crept into Tony's face, but he tried to shrug it off. "C'mon, let Thor…"
Banner shook. "Since when do you believe him, Tony?"
"Will you shut it, beast boy?" Loki snapped. "Thor, why do you tolerate this disgusting animal? Frekr and Garmer eat at your father's table, but even they have kennels!"
Happy pulled Tony away just in time. Bruce's shirt tore as he inflated, his skin darkening, and he growled at the Dark Prince. The table between them was slapped out of the way…
"Banner, no!" Thor shouted, trying to hold back the expanding scientist. "Think about this! We are not your enemy! Loki is bound and supervised! He does no harm! 'Tis just words! THINK!"
Loki smiled and shoved Thor out of the way. "Let him come, brother," he sneered, "the scales may very well tip even, now that we are the same size!"
"JARVIS: CODE GREEN!" Tony coughed. He grabbed Pepper. "Everybody out!" A table smashed into the door they had headed towards. "Alternate exit!"
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Sauer stepped into chaos. The conference room was trashed: tables broken, chairs strewn about, papers scattered. Loki and Hulk grappled on the floor, Greco-Roman style, as Thor tried desperately to separate them, bellowing at the top of his lungs. Thor gave up trying to pull Hulk's hands off Loki's neck, and put the green giant into a sleeper hold.
"THOR! BACK OFF AND LET ME HANDLE THIS!" Loki bellowed.
"YOU KNOW NOT WHAT YOU DO, BROTHER!"
"LIKE THAT EVER HINDERED YOU!"
Thor's head snapped up as Sauer stepped over furniture.
"BOY!" He bellowed. "TIS NOT SAFE! FLEE!"
Loki kicked the Hulk's midsection and wriggled out of his hands. He then swung a chair overhead, missed the Hulk, and crammed it over Thor's head. Thor yelled in frustration, tore it apart, and then tackled Loki. Loki wriggled out from under Thor and head-butted him, then gave him a roundhouse kick. Thor slapped Loki's foot away from his face and landed a solid punch to his brother's jaw. Both seemed to forget about the Hulk and began boxing, and then fell to the floor grappling, punching, and cursing in languages Sauer did not understand. The noise was deafening, and already-smashed furniture was reduced to splinters.
The Hulk stepped back, scowled, and watched the two aliens fight. Suddenly he grabbed each of them by the collar, hauled them apart, and with a loud CRACKCRACK smacked their heads together twice. The Aesir and the Frost Giant fell together, dazed.
"RRRRRRAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW!" The Hulk bellowed at them. "STUPID GODS!"
Sauer growled to herself and took a breath. "ARE YOU BOYS ARE QUITE THROUGH?" she screamed. She gave both aliens a death-glare. "THIS IS A WAR CONFERENCE, NOT A SANDLOT! STOP WAGGING PENISES AT EACH OTHER! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN TOLD TO TAKE THAT OUTSIDE! STOP THE WHEEL, AND WORK TOGETHER, AND THIS GALAXY MIGHT HAVE HOPE! THANOS WOULD TREMBLE! BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOO: YOU RUMBLE LIKE LITTLE BOYS! IF THIS IS THE BEST BRAINS AND BRAWN ASGARD HAS TO OFFER, THEN EARTH IS FUCKED, AND SO IS THE REST OF THE GALAXY! ONE THOUSAND YEARS! BOTH OF YOU A THOUSAND YEARS OLD, AND THIS IS THE BEST YOU CAN DO?"
The floor shook as Hulk approached, and he whuffed at her. She turned her back on the groaning aliens, faced the green behemoth, and smiled. "Hulk! HULK! You finally came!" Her voice cracked a little. She held her arms out to the green giant, who had to stoop to fit in under the ceiling.
"Mouse late." He glared down at her.
"Sorry, Hulk." She cringed and looked sorry. "I had girl time. Hulk not smash?"
"No smash Mouse."
"Glad you're here. Hulk sit?" Sauer pushed a few chairs away from a wall, and the Hulk sat down. "I brought coffee and roll." She gave him the plastic glass of coffee, and then handed him the pastry. He swallowed both in one gulp. She kicked some more debris away, and sat down next to a massive green arm. "I missed Hulk."
"Missed Hulk?"
"Yes. Very scared. Bad people hurting me, and no Hulk. Hulk always makes me safe."
"Hulk not safe," he rumbled.
"Mouse safe with Hulk," she insisted, gently. "Hulk is my hero. JARVIS, please start the second song on my Journey playlist."
Lights began playing softly.
"Music good." He paused. "Puny god hurt Mouse?"
"No. Puny god helped: brought Mouse back."
"Good." The Hulk took a deep breath and blew out.
Sauer made a show of looking around the conference room. "No Tony here. Hulk smash?"
"Hulk no smash Tony." Hulk shook his head.
"Good," she huffed. "Mouse smash Tony."
"Mouse no smash. Mouse bite. Hulk smash."
She sighed dramatically. "You never let me do anything."
"Mouse funny," he chuckled darkly, then sighed. "Hulk tired. Mouse stay?"
She nodded. "Mouse stays with Hulk. I promise."
"Hulk sleep. Mouse stay."
The Hulk began to shrink, fading from green to flesh-color, until Dr. Banner's curly hair lay on Sauer's lap. Soon a near-naked man stretched shivering on the floor. Sauer gently brushed his hair with her fingers.
"Happy, if you can hear me, I need a blanket or somethin'," Sauer murmured.
The far door swung open, and Happy rushed to her side, tucking tablecloths around the exhausted doctor. He kissed her firmly on the head and ruffled her hair.
"Nice job, quick draw," he murmured.
She smiled up at him. "Thanks, Happy."
Thor and Loki rose gingerly, grunting, and made their way over.
"What sorcery did you use to subdue him so?" Thor demanded.
"The pastry," Loki's eyes narrowed. "Did you…"
"Yes…dark honey, from the Firenze home dimension. Same effect as Thorazine, but tastes much better." She glanced up at him. "I was asleep. Eldest wasn't." She looked back down at the head cradled in her lap, then gave Loki and Thor a scathing look. "You of all people," she sputtered. "You don't fight the Hulk unless you want your ass whupped. Feed his rage, and he gets bigger. You should have known better."
"Would you have me run?" Thor growled, offended.
"Did I?" She looked down at the shivering Banner again. "I met the Hulk the same day I met you. I didn't meet Dr. Banner for another six months or so, but he still remembered his Mouse. You? You can't remember I'm a girl for five minutes, but Hulk remembers me." She stroked his hair again. "Hulk isn't a bad guy, he just can't calm himself. You can't do that by shouting at him, or raising a fist. Give him what he doesn't have: give him peace, and he'll calm down."
"It is not the way of Asgard," Loki noted.
"Then Asgard needs to learn some new tricks," Sauer said firmly. "You have magic hammers and magic rainbows and rocks to control people's minds, and you live for centuries…"
"Millennia, actually," Loki murmured.
"And in all that time, you haven't learned compassion, or mercy, or gentleness? Do you beat everything into submission? What kind of savages are you people?"
Thor looked stung. Loki frowned thoughtfully.
"A bed," Pepper said gently. She and Tony had followed Happy into the smashed conference room. She knelt beside Sauer and brushed Banner's hair out of his eyes, while Tony hung back, shaking a little. Stark's frown matched Loki's.
"What?" said Stark.
"He needs to rest. We should get him to bed," Pepper urged.
Tony nodded. "He has a dedicated guest room downstairs."
"I'll help ya, boss," Happy started in.
"Nay, I will take him," Thor volunteered. He bent over, gently wrapped Banner up, and cradled the unconscious doctor. "Lead the way, friend Tony."
Sauer stood up and began to follow the men, but Pepper's hand stopped her.
"I promised Hulk I would stay," she said, troubled.
"And you did," Pepper soothed, "but he isn't the Hulk anymore. He'll be ok."
"I just hope I didn't overdose him," Sauer fretted. "That honey is strong stuff."
They met Fandral in the hallway: sword drawn, with Charity and Helen cowering behind him. His charming smirk was gone. Instead, his face had a stone-cold, battle-ready demeanor. He nodded curtly to Thor's quiet words, respectfully to the withered man resting quietly in his prince's arms, and sheathed his sword.
"He's a good man," Pepper murmured to the swordsman, "and a good friend."
"Thor oft speaks of him," Fandral nodded. "Tis hard to believe such destruction comes from a quiet scholar."
Pepper walked back into the ruined conference room, sighing over the mess, leaving Fandral alone in the hallway with the three secretaries. The sword-master found Sauer, and his face burned with hate.
"You might have let me tend my own business, wretch," he growled.
She scowled up at him, unintimidated. "Nobody sewed your lips shut. Perhaps you should use your tongue for more than cunnilingus," she snapped.
"TMI," Malick coughed, and walked back to her desk.
Abel took a deep breath and looked off into the distance, a dreamy look on her face. "Don't knock it if you haven't tried it, Sauer," she said breathily. She gave Fandral the same dreamy look. "We talked. I'm ok. She was just trying to help." She placed a gentle hand on his rock-hard bicep. "I'm still here, if you want me to be."
Fandral smiled gently down at the young woman, and took her small hands into his larger ones. "I have my lord's permission. If you wish, we may hie to Asgard without delay, but must say as much to Thor, freely."
"I am already free, Fandral."
Her mascara had run with her tears, but Charity Able smiled.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Some time later…
Sif re-joined them, accompanied by a tall, shapely woman with Greek features and long black hair: her friend Diana.
"Diana is Crown Princess of her own people," Sif explained. "They are still in contact with Olympus."
"My people have pledged to protect this world," Diana explained. "With your permission, Prince Thor, I would take Lady Sif to Themyscira, and inform our Queen and High Council of Thanos' threat. Only they may contact Olympus for martial purposes."
"It would be good to fight alongside Ares again," Thor nodded, "for a true purpose, as well, and not just for sport. Please send him my regards."
"Aye, I will," the stern Greek nodded.
"Will you take some refreshment with us before you leave?" Pepper asked. "It will give you time to look over our preparations, and I can make a copy of the treaty for you."
Diana smiled. "That would be lovely."
"Pepper, can I talk to you?" Sauer tugged on the CEO's sleeve, biting her lip.
"What is it? Give us a minute, please, Tony," Pepper turned to her former secretary. "Is something wrong?"
"Yes. Maybe. I'm not sure. This is going to feel a little weird," Sauer took a quick breath, grabbed Pepper's face, and quickly touched foreheads with the older woman.
Pepper drew back with a jerk. "Why? What did you…Are you serious? Why didn't you say something?"
"Because they won't listen to me! Everybody listens to you!" Sauer's face pleaded with her words. "Please, Pepper!"
Pepper patted the young woman on the arm. "No, you're right. I'll handle this."
Pepper Potts, cultured CEO of Stark Industries, marched up to Fandral the Dashing and slapped him in the face. Twice.
TBC