Adjusting the focus
Disclaimer: I do not own My Hero Academia.
Thanks to all who followed, favourited and who reviewed.
Chapter 9
Nedzu blinked as the woman in front of him gushed about 'midoriya-kun'. He had heard that name before after all. ''Excuse me, what did you say, Shizuka?''
''Midoriya-kun was found! I'm so relieved! He is this young boy who saved me a year back or so with a robbing, and a few months before he helped my friend Yuko-chan! I heard he was kidnapped, but apparently, everything ended well. It's just horrible. He's only a small boy, to be kidnapped on that age! But really, he's going to be an amazing hero when he's older, I just know it!''
Machida smiled as he looked at Sansa and Izuku conversing about the food in the hospital.
They, that being him and Sansa had arrived at the hospital in a flurry of limbs and panic as soon as they could after Inko-san had called them about the boy being awake (It hadn't been very fast, they had been in the middle of a case and Sansa was annoyingly professional). They had burst in the room to a Izuku-kun that was sitting in the bed, staring forward blankly. The boy had been entirely too pale in a too big hospital gown, with his freckles standing out even more than normal and bags under his eyes as dark as night. He had looked fragile then, with his normally decently muscled limbs bandaged, and the big bed and blanket drowning him.
What he had done next was probably really too inappropriate and irresponsible to do with an injured young boy, possibly traumatised, but Machida hadn't seen the boy for so long, the last he heard of the boy being the panicked gasps.
(Machida hadn't slept well the night after that call. Or any nights after that one. Partly guilty, angry, fearful and horrified, it becoming even worse after the Chief had cut them off from the case. Machida had stormed out of the office that day, apologizing only after he had been calmed by an equally angry, but calmer Sansa a few hours later. He still felt bitter about that.)
So, Machida thinks what he did was only logical. That being, launching himself at the boy and hugging the air out of him, even with Sansa tugging at him, and scolding him about aggravating the boy's injuries, though the breath of relief in his voice was perfectly hearable.
After that, Machida had decidedly ignored everything else and force fed Izuku two donuts all the while complaining about the thinness of the boy until Sansa had finally managed to tear him away and Sansa had commented to Izuku about the other food (healthy) he had been given in the hospital spurring on the conversation they were now having.
It made Machida think wistfully at the earlier days where Izuku would still come to them every week to practise self-defence, and after the first time Machida had, after they had finished, forced Izuku to eat a donut with him with the excuse that the boy was too thin -which he had already been then, Machida was horrified to notice it had become worse in those two weeks he had been away.- Izuku's laugh though, after the first-time Machida had given him a donut with bright blue glazing, and yellow and red sprinkles had been too adorable for this world though, completely changing the tired, haunted face and warming up the room, and while Sansa had started scolding him about giving a kid to much sugar when Machida had given Izuku a second donut in hope of another smile, Machida had promptly decided he would protect this boy, and let no one ever hurt him.(He should have. Maybe this wouldn't have happened then. Maybe Izuku-kun wouldn't be tense even when it was clear he was trying to relax, flinching every time when the movements were too sudden.)
(Of course, it was after that that he heard the boy wanted to become hero even while quirkless. Machida had never agreed with that dream, even with the boy looking at him with sad eyes every time Machida shut down when he began to talk about it. Machida had seen what being a hero could do a person, and little Izuku-kun, already far too damaged and ever sincere even to the worst of humanity, would be destroyed and crushed before he had even taken a few steps into that path. Izuku-kun would make a great hero, sure, but Machida would bet that he wouldn't be a very long-lived one.)
But that didn't matter right now. All that mattered was that -for now- Izuku-kun was alright. Machida smiled as he loudly interrupted. ''What?! They haven't given you enough sugar at all! Here, take another donut!''
''Goddammit, Machida! Stop feeding the boy all your donuts! It's not healthy!''
''Mom?''
His mom hums from where she putting his clean clothes in the hospital closet. ''Yes, dear?''
''How's Yagi-san?'' Mom faces him surprised ''Yagi-san?'' Izuku nods.
His mom fiddles nervously, making Izuku tense. ''I-I actually don't know.'' She laughs awkwardly as she says it. ''There are a few notifications from when he called was last week, and that was just after I woke up and everything was such a mess, so I wasn't home and I didn't answer those. I only tried to call him this week but he hasn't picked up the phone yet.'' She bites her lip. ''I hope nothing happened to him.'' Izuku hastily tries to comfort her. ''Don't worry about it mom, Yagi-san is strong. Besides, he's always busy, isn't he? This isn't the first time he wasn't able to call us in a week.''
His mom looks at him with concerned eyes ''Yes, but normally he would call ahead.''
And Izuku smiles at that. ''Yes, but he couldn't this time, could he? After all, you just said he called last week when you weren't able to pick up.''
His mom nods and smiles too. ''Yes, Izuku, you're probably right. Everything has just been so stressful lately and it's so easy to be pessimistic right now.'' She walks to his bed and sits down at the edge. Izuku looks down guiltily and cringes. ''Sorry, mom.''
He hears his mom sigh and a hand gets placed on his cheek, making him look up. His mom is looking at him with bright fond, fond eyes. (Eyes full of love that he doesn't deserve and it's so pure and sweet that it makes Izuku uncomfortable.)
''Oh, Izuku, what would I do without you?'' Arms reach out and he gets pulled into a hug. It's easier than it should be to throw his arms around her and tighten his hands in her shirt.
(Hands that have crushed bones and flesh, that have broken down rock and steel to dust. Hands that are dangerous, dangerous, dangerous.)
.
The last time Yagi-san hadn't called for longer than week, he hadn't called for almost two months. For six weeks, his mother had worried and fiddled and Izuku had stared emptily at the phone because Izuku knew what this meant.
(First, he had been so, so angry. But a voice in his head just repeated the same thing again, and again until only a tempered self-hate was left.
'Why did you expect anything different?')
After Yagi-san finally answered, mom had cried and Izuku had slipped into his role of playing the innocent, worried child. It had taken one month after that before they had been able to skype again. Yagi-san's hollow cheeks had become even more shadowed. Sunken eyes ever tired and a strained body, with all the signs of muscles hidden beneath too big clothes gone. Giving the picture of not just an unhealthy lifestyle, but a sickness festering inside. His mom had obviously been shocked, and after she had recovered, she had given Yagi-san a rant of a lifetime, in a way she would rarely do and only to protect the ones close to her. After almost half an hour Yagi-san had coughed blood, and his mother had burst into tears.
His mom and Yagi-san had their first true disagreement then. Mom had asked him to stop with his job, because it was obviously not good for him, and Yagi-san had refused.
It had gone on for one month, before his mother finally agreed to back off, and let Yagi-san continue after he had agreed to be more careful and take off for a month, so he could recover. He didn't visit them in that month. Or in the months after that. He just didn't visit anymore. Sometimes though, small packets would come with the mail with the most amazing and thoughtful presents. Izuku though, secretly thinks that another visit would be the best present Yagi-san could give.
(Yagi-san had already fought Sensei and he had the wounds to prove it. Izuku had been useless. Again.)
Kacchan was cursing.
Izuku looked at the officer hollowly, a vague, annoying feeling of regret and I-told-you-so swerving in his chest. ''Mind-control quirks?''
''Ah, yes, he's been scanned now that he has recovered enough and it's probable that an overuse of several different mind-control quirks has damaged his mind. Because of that we can't officially sentence him for his crimes as they have been caused by a quirk influence.''
''What the fuck? What do you mean?! That bastard fucking experimented on Deku!''
''Which he did while he wasn't in the right mind.'' The man says it slowly, articulating every word clearly.
''And what?! That means everything he did to us is suddenly void?''
''By law, yes, it does.'' The officer smirks down at him. And Izuku distantly thinks about how those two mix as well as oil and water. The smirk disappears only seconds later when a hand gets placed on his chest.
''Seiichi, shut up for a minute.'' Tsukauchi Naomasa interrupts him. ''Look, kids, I'm sorry but there's nothing we can do. Seiichi is right on the part that because all the offences have been made while he was not fully in his right mind because of the influence of quirks of others. He'll get send to a place where they deal with people like that, and where they hope to reverse the effects that the quirks have had on him.'' He sighs. ''Maybe it will cheer you up if I say that he will only be let go after around five years, and then only if he's been fully cleared by several doctors.''
Then he hesitates. He looks at them keenly ''The, eh… The nurses of the hospital have actually questioned if you would maybe consider visiting him. It will apparently probably help him in his recovery. They especially asked for Midoriya-kun.'' Tsukauchi-san looked at him carefully. ''Hideki-san talks about him a lot apparently. Of course, only if you want to! Your own doctor actually doesn't want you to do it, and you need permission of your parents first, and you don't have to feel pressured at all, it's only something I promised I would pass along but it doesn't -''
Izuku speaks up for the first time they have started this conversation, interrupting him. ''Hideki-san?''
Tsukauchi-san blink in surprise and clears his throat. ''Oh, yes, they have identified him. Hideki Toru. Twenty-three, no know family left, suddenly disappeared around five or six years ago, a few months - I think it was around 5? - after the dead of his younger brother. ''
Kacchan bursts. ''I don't fucking care! He needs to be locked up!''
The voices fade as Izuku loses interest, missing the concerned glances thrown at him.
.
''Izuku, you can't. I won't allow you to go to someone that has hurt you so much no matter how 'influenced' he was, besides both your and Katsuki-chan's therapists have discouraged you from doing it. You aren't allowed to visit Hideki-san. Will you promise me that you won't?'' There's a small pause.
''Izuku?'' She prompts as her voice gets a stricter edge.
''Yes, mom, I promise.''
''Ugh, can't I leave already?'' It wasn't like Izuku wasn't experienced with hospitals or hospital beds, but while recovery girl had partially traumatised him with scolding, she had always been fast in healing him. Sitting in his bed for two weeks like this was new. And horrible.
His mom shakes her head. ''Not yet, Izuku. The doctor says no.''
''But he didn't give any reason at all! Besides, Kacchan left days ago.'' Izuku whined.
''Yes, but Katsuki-chan was awake earlier than you.''
''Not so long. Not that it matters. If it goes on like this my muscles will have completely deteriorated when I leave the hospital. I'm going to have up my training again. Maybe I can sneak out to begin on jogging, and- '' He trailed off in muttering, thinking of the consequences the last weeks would have on his body.
A small tickle in his throat and his muttering was interrupted by several harsh coughs. ''Izuku! Are you alright?! Oh no, is that blood again?''
Izuku waved his hand dismissively, awkwardly ''I-It's nothi- '' And he was coughing again.
''Did we find anything?''
''Well, depends. He is still missing the joint in his foot, but the DNA shows signs of a quirk being present, and there are several signs that some substances that encourage the growth of some particular cells. I don't know how, but the signs indicate that the convict has somehow planted a quirk into him.''
''It couldn't be a non-dormant quirk that just manifested?''
''It's not likely with the toe-joint.''
''Okay, so, do we use the protocol for dangerous quirk manifestation on older age then? One week observation in hospital with QSS-staff, three weeks home with observation and weekly at least two appointments at the QSS until he has clearance, right?''
''He isn't really that old yet, but yes, I think for now that would be the best. We only have to take more drastic notions if there is actual proof he's dangerous to others.''
''What about his health condition? Can he leave the hospital soon?''
''Well, we're not sure. Everything has healed quite well, but the substances seem to have had some effect on his lungs. He's been coughing blood for days now. It doesn't seem to have too bad consequences though, hasn't had any at least 'till now.''
.
''QSS?''
''Ah, the QSS is a support service that helps people with, uh,'' he coughs uncomfortably ''difficult quirks. They aim to learn them to control the quirks and make the individual able to blend in with the rest of society.''
''Quirks?''
The police nodded hastily. ''Yes, the doctors are all pretty convinced that Midoriya-kun is in possession of a quirk now, even though they're not sure how it came to be. Which is why they decided to go for QSS. You needn't worry about your son, miss, they are all experts and very capable of handling cases like the one of your son.''
His mom sends Izuku an uncertain look but then focusses on the officer again. ''And they will be able to help him?''
The officer is silent for a second, looking at them both searchingly before he smiles. ''Yes, ma'am they will.''
Naomasa looked at the scene in front of him, shifting uncomfortably.
It had finally happened. The water had finally spilled over the brim of the barrel. The events these last days had been oh so tense, and the boy, Midoriya-kun had gone through a whole lot all the while.
The other boy, Bakugou Katsuki, and Midoriya-kun were sometimes so close it hurt. Calming each other down when the other tensed. One shielding the other and both looking at them like cornered animals. Like it was them against the world. Sometimes though, they stood before each other with stiff bodies and an almost painful forced politeness that fit Bakugou-kun even less than Midoriya-kun.
But Bakugou-kun was dealing with what happened, dealing with a head-strong stubbornness that Naomasa couldn't help but admire. From what Naomasa could see Bakugou-kun was mostly angry, at what had happened to them, at the police for not saving them earlier, at himself for not being able to escape earlier, at a lot really. Bakugou could be calmed however. His mother and father both helped him, and even though the boy kept up a strong front, his parent's presence obviously helped and comforted him.
Midoriya-kun, however had completely shut out everyone. It wasn't easy to see, but Naomasa wasn't a detective for nothing. Midoriya-kun avoided hard topics, tried to comfort his mom, the bakugou boy, the parents of the boy, Naomasa's colleagues but he never talked about himself or his feelings, the conversation would immediately be turned around to another topic if even a hint of it showed. The therapist didn't help at all. The boy had apparently had seen a few of those before and it only made him even more defensive.
The boy had a sudden fear of syringes, which was newly acquired as Naomasa learned from the mother of Midoriya-kun. He flinched when people moved to fast. He disliked laying onto the hospital bed for too long, or be in any other way bound to something. It was obvious where the new traits came from. And Naomasa knew he wasn't the only one who noticed.
Which had led them to this situation. Where Midoriya-san, Machida, and him were sitting around in the hospital room, while Midoriya-san was gently trying to coax him into talking and convincing him to go to another professional.
And Naomasa should have known Machida would lash out. He was too emotionally involved. Naomasa had learned in a short time that when Machida got emotional about things, he got emotional. He couldn't suppress his emotions like Naomasa and Sansa were able to do. He just felt with his whole. On one hand that was admirable, because Naomasa had only known Machida for a few months, but he was sure Machida was already a more loyal comrade than some other colleagues he had known for years. On the other hand though, you had cases like this, where Machida would be overwhelmed by his emotions and would do, well stupid things. Because Midoriya-kun was obviously someone who Machida cared for, and Izuku was also doing something stupid, but being stubborn about it.
''Izuku-kun. This can't go on like this. The quirk you've gained is very lethal and to be able to concentrate fully on controlling it you need to have a clear mind. What you're doing now is shutting away. We all just want to help. You need to let us help.''
''Machid-''
''No, Izuku! You're hurting everyone around you! Your mom, Bakugou-kun, Sansa. This is not right! What are you going to do now?! Just shut us away for the rest of your life until it finally becomes too much?! This is just like your dream to become a hero! It will just keep on hurting the ones around you, because you selfishly cling to your believe you will be able to do it, ignoring everything else. How can you be a hero like this, Izuku?! Do you think going on like this will make you able to do it?! You would have been lucky before if you would be able to become one! But now you- Just. You have a quirk. And you can't control it. And I know it hurts to acknowledge, but now you're the furthest you can be from a hero… You've got these new health-issues and- … And you're a danger now. And-and we want to help, but you're going to have to let us.''
(Naomasa should have known Machida would lash out.)
The rant helped. It did. Midoriya burst into tears after the angry, desperate rant, before he talked about how Lab coat had been strangely kind sometimes. He talked about the times where the man would be sad and down. He talked about losing control, not being able to stop and think. Not being able to rationalize, to control the power that came from his body, only a will to escape echoing through him, and only when he saw Bakugou-kun he had been able to stop. Whereafter he had thrown those 'stupid tablets' at the villain which exploded. He talked about how he knew they would explode but had done it anyway.
It had been awful to listen to the kid losing it. To hear him talk about losing himself. To hear him talk about what the man did to him. To hear him regret the things he did to that same man who starved and hurt him. To be bitter but to sympathise with the man anyway. Naomasa hadn't seen or heard anything like it before. And after that Midoriya-kun was suddenly more open to going to the QSS. He would talk to them a little more, even though he froze up sometimes, even though he would still avoid the hardest topics. It had been progress.
(However, when Naomasa noticed the flinched from both Midoriya-kun and Machida every time when the topic of heroes came on, the awkward tense silences, Midoriya-kun that would completely shut down the moment someone would ask him about his dream, it made Naomasa wonder if it was worth it.)
.
''Your mom deserves better.'' Izuku freezes.
''What?'' The man sends him a disdainful look.
''Your mom has been worrying out of her mind for you ever since you became a hero. Crying, barely sleeping and the minute you come in you just gloss over her feelings and decide you still want to be a hero? That's selfish no matter how you look at it. Your mom deserves better- ''
''Dave-san, stop it, it's not- ''
''Tell me it's a lie, then, Inko-san!''
Izuku looks at his mom but she avoids his gaze.
''You couldn't even save your friend. You couldn't save my family. You couldn't save no one!''
''You are the last person who deserves to be called a hero!''
.
''You shouldn't listen to him, Midoriya-kun. He's just a little bit overwhelmed. He doesn't mean it.'' His mom said.
But Midoriya had known him. He had knownthe weird old man that lived opposite of their house. He had knownKaibara-san.
That man had encouraged him to become a hero. Had believed he could become one from the beginning even while Izuku's mom had scolded him for encouraging Izuku and the rest of their neighbourhood had called him barmy.
Izuku wondered when it was that that seemingly endless believe was destroyed.
He wasn't sure he wanted to know.
.
''You're a danger now.''
''You would have been lucky before.'''
''You're the furthest away you can be from a hero.''
''Do you even want to be a hero anymore?''
''Is it worth it?''
''Selfishly.''
''You're hurting everyone around you with your dream.''
''You're a danger now.''
Izuku stares at the wall in front of him again. It was flawlessly white, with no cracks, no uneven parts, no imperfections. It was so whole and perfect that Izuku almost felt dirty just staring at it.
Maybe there was a truth in those words. Maybe Izuku truly was just a danger for the ones around him. He had after all selfishly kept his non-quirk to himself, even with the possibility of hurting others. He had saved just as much as he had failed. He didn't even know why he wanted to be a hero anymore. It only hurt. It would only make his life worse. He could just. Not do it. – Izuku wanted to be a hero. Had always wanted to be one. Would always want to be one. It didn't matter how much it hurt. If he was just able to helppeople. – It would make mom happy. Probably Kacchan too. Maybe Yagi-san would be disappointed but he would find a better disciple. Someone less messed up. Someone more capable. Machida would be overjoyed too. It wasn't like he would be a good hero anyway. With him having health-issues now and the 'quirk' wouldn't do him any good either. Izuku shivered in horror as he thought about the possibility of hurting the ones he was trying to save.
(Maybe, after so, so long he should give up his dream. Maybe, if he could control his power he could become a hero. Maybe if he became healthy again. Maybe if he was finally able to not worry his mom until she fainted or forgot to eat. For now, he would just… survive.)
Finally getting out of the hospital is freeing. Even if the next two weeks he's followed by intrusive doctors and allowed almost no freedom. The 'quirk' has been more active than he's used to, and from what he understood it is probably a result of the stuff that the villain injected into his body.
The QSS helps though. Not that Izuku will ever admit that aloud. The biggest problem, at least if you trust what the doctors say, is his mental state apparently. Something like 'if you don't believe you have a quirk, you won't be able to use it'. They used a psychosomatic limb as example. And they theorised this with as proof that when he actively focused on activating the quirk he would almost always fail. He was apparently already convinced he wouldn't be able to do it, so he couldn't.
But when he was absentminded, or overwhelmed with emotions, such limitations wouldn't bother him. He would forget about them; thus he wouldn't have them.
Izuku, still, however wasn't fully convinced he had a quirk. It just seemed far-fetched and just not right. Not how it was meant to be. And well, it just felt wrong. It didn't feel like a quirk, and not at all like his last quirk. It was just wrong.
And to add to all that, it was also hard to imagine that just a mental problem could cause something like. Could actually cause you to not access your quirk. He wouldn't have been able to even consider it after he had been administered with all kind of substances, if his doctors hadn't insisted.
And still, just because he knew this, didn't really change anything. He now knew, again if the doctors were to be believed, how to specifically not call on his 'quirk'. But he could only do that by really concentrating on the quirk, which he couldn't do all day. And he now knew if he was really upset he would be able to call on it. (But, well, that wasn't really breaking news, was it?) An it wasn't like that was what the doctors wanted him to do anyway. No, they wanted him to accept his 'new quirk' as his own, and just- as a quirk. And Izuku wasn't sure yet if he was able to do that.
And besides all that, at last, talking to the therapist had finally become… easier. In a way stepping in that room of the therapist had always felt like stepping on a field with all kind of well-hidden, explosive landmines. Now though, he could just direct the conversation to a certain topic and just hold onto that with all his might. While it would prevent the therapist from getting too close it also let him able to tell some of his worries or just talk about things. It made it easier for him to clear his mind and Izuku was thankful. Of course, he still had to be careful. His therapist would sometimes give him a gaze which made Izuku feel like he was looking right through all the lies and secrets and it did make Izuku nervous. It wouldn't surprise Izuku at all if the man knew that he was hiding things. Thankfully the therapist had been very clear in telling him to set his own boundaries. He wouldn't pressure him to get the answers.
And despite everything, all in all, it felt a little bit like Izuku was getting better.
(He desperately ignores his dream shattering in tiny, tiny pieces with every step he takes.)
Katsuki was walking away and irritatingly enough Deku was following him.
The whole last week had been very irritating, the same for the week before that. And one of the main reasons for that was Deku.
The ever-awkward silences. The 'subtle' glances. The too sudden and extreme shifts of behaviour.
Katsuki was very done with their interactions. He was very done with the memories of things that he wanted to forget and he was totally done with Deku. And Deku was done with him. It wasn't like Katsuki didn't notice the flinches and careful peeks sometimes. Katsuki wasn't stupid. To just not interact anymore, it would be the best for them both. And it wasn't like it would make them sad. Deku would obviously have an easier live without seeing past demons every time Deku saw Katsuki. And it certainly wouldn't bother Katsuki to finally cut all ties with him. (it wouldn't, it wouldn't)
So, when Katsuki had graciously taken it up to finally break the bonds for good, Deku should have been grateful. And not do whatever he was doing now.
But of course, he wouldn't do things normally. Because he was Deku. Because he just couldn't leave it to rest. ''Shut the fuck up, Deku! I'll kill you.'' Katsuki growls. But Deku keeps on following anyway. Like always. Never listening to what Katsuki says. (but that is not entirely true, is it?)
''Kacchan, just wait a minute! I- ''
''Dammit, Deku!'' he curses loudly. ''Just leave me alone and I will leave you alone! Why can't you just do that?!''
''Because I don't want that!'' Katsuki freezes ''I don't want that, Kacchan.'' His voice cracks.
''You've been acting all weird the last weeks. Sometimes you're you and other times you're suddenly all weird and-. I don't want for you to act all weird every time we see each other! And I don't want you to be- '' Deku flapps his arms like an annoying frustrated chicken. ''To be all nice!'' There's a short silence and Katsuki wonders if he should be offended that Deku actually thinks that he's acting weird if he's nice or polite.
''I don't want the first thing for me to think when I see you to be about those weeks.'' Deku's voice chokes ''I … We were friends. I-I liked being your friend. I liked playing with you in the park. I liked taking hikes with you.'' Katsuki could just imagine Deku's face twisting and his eyes brimming with tears. ''I loved playing until it was so late in the evening that we would get scolded by your mother and I loved having sleepovers. I loved that we would stay up as late as we could. And I-I miss it, Kacchan. I miss it so much. Why can't we just go back to that again?! Why does- Why does it have to hurt so much?'' Then the waterworks truly come out, because fucking Izuku sobs.
It frustrates Katsuki honestly. He wants to scream at Izuku for being a crybaby, and tell him it won't fucking help. How you can't turn back time. You can't suddenly forget things, and have it go back as it was before. That is naïve thinking. Downright idiotic.
A hand catches in his shirt and he has enough. He turns around to scream, to fucking blast that fucking brain-dead idiot away, because he can't deal with this at all.
That doesn't happen though, because Katsuki's brain decides to circuit the moment arms circle around him pulling him against another body and a face gets pressed into his chest.
''I'm sorry Kacchan. For not being there. For being a shitty friend. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. But please, please don't shut me out.'' Izuku's voice is shaking so much and his shoulders make these jerky motions that almost look painful.
And suddenly Katsuki's shoulders are shaking too, his eyes watering and his resistance falls away completely, making place for him to tighten his arms around the other, pressing his face in his hair.
''Fuck you, Deku, I fucking hate you. I don't need you to be my friend.'' They're weak words. Lies. Katsuki knows it. Izuku too, but it's the only semblance of a hold on that Katsuki has right now.
(Apparently completely cutting off ties did bother Deku, and maybe, maybe it bothered Katsuki a little bit too.)
Izuku doesn't tell Kacchan. He remembers the hate in Kacchan's eyes even as he's told about the mind-altering by the police officers, and he realises he won't.
He doesn't tell his mom either. His mom who would look at him with too concerned eyes, and would ban him from visiting the villain again, had already banned him from visiting. The villain will only do him harm, after all. A villain can only do harm, it's why they're villains.
He doesn't think they understand. The villain, Hideki, he understands. The fear of hurting others and unable to do anything about it. Thinking things but not able to say something. Someone having warped you so much, you don't even know who you are anymore. Izuku feels a kinship with him. He doesn't want to tell his mom, Kacchan, Yagi-san, Sansa-san, Machida-san. He doesn't want to tell anybody. He knows they won't understand. Won't accept. - He doesn't want anyone to know how fucked up he really is. –
He feels bad about it though. Because once again, Izuku is having secrets. He always has had secrets, they never leave him and haunt him in the dark and in the bright trusting eyes of his friends and family. One has joined the many others, and Izuku thinks he'll never forgive himself for all the secrets he hoards.
He looks straight in his mom's eyes as he lies about going to the park.
They don't talk at all the first visit.
He gets in easily, with a forged signature from his mom that gives permission. Though, Izuku thinks, even without that he would have been able to get in; the building is rather shady even if it is actually a part of the QSS and only three streets away from the building he now frequently visits for his new 'quirk'.
The nurses there give him some concerned glances but there's something like understanding and pity mixed in. He wonders if they gained that look from experience.
And when he finally sits in front of him. In front of the villain that suddenly is called Hideki-san, Izuku can't find any words. The restlessness that has plagued him ever since that day where he had blown him up was still there, if somewhat less.
In a way, it's calming to sit in front of someone so damaged. ('Just like you' his minds whispers and Izuku wishes he could shut it up) He doesn't feel like he has to keep up a front like sometimes with Yagi-san, or mom, or even Kacchan, and Izuku thinks Hideki-san knows that. Already knew that from the beginning, because that's what he counted on.
That Izuku wouldn't be able to leave him alone.
And Izuku couldn't. He couldn't. That's why he was sitting there and Hideki-san was staring at him with blank, blank eyes.
Izuku stares right back.
Izuku sighs as he walks away from his third visit to Hideki-san. While the first and second visit had been completely silent, in this one Hideki-san had been babbling about anything and everything, from relationships between the nurses to the material of his new mattress.
The nurses had told him there would be more mood swings as the treatment proceeded. A possible side-effect of cancelling out a mind-control quirk that had been in effect for a longer time. Something that needed to be done with caution and bit for bit, to prevent accidently breaking his mind. Which was apparently also the reason that the treatment of Hideki-san would take long.
Hideki-san had seemed happy in those moments though. He hadn't minded Izuku not talking again.
It reminds Izuku of that week. He shivers.
He stops in front of the reception to check out. ''Ami-chan! You have to help me! I have to go now, otherwise I'll be late for the bus! And It's only one client that you've got to bring the food to!''
''I can't, Kae. I've already told you, if the director sees that I leave the reception alone again, he'll sack me.'' The other nurse answered with a forced calm.
''But Ami-chan! I've been looking out to this date for weeks! Please! You're my only option!'' The first nurse begged.
''A-Ano?''
''Kae. I've don't leave me alone right now, I'm going to take those bandages, wind them around your throat and hang you .'' Izuku recoiled but the nurse 'Kae', who was basically hanging onto the other now, just tightened her grip.
''Please, please, please, please-''
''A-ano, excuse me, if it's only bringing the food to someone, I could do it, if it's possible?'' Izuku asked.
Both the nurses whirled around, 'Kae' with bright, sparkling eyes. ''You would?! It would be super nice if you could!''
''Kae, we're not allowed to let random visitors take care of patients, they don't have the clearance nor the experience needed.''
''No, no, I recognise him! He's from Hideki-san, number 376, you know that patient that is all fucked up in the head? He's obviously dealt with worse. Besides, it's only patient 234! She's like the sweetest- Please, Ami-chan…'' The nurse pouts.
'Ami-chan' sighs ''If it's only 234 I will accept it. But it's your burial if the director finds out.''
'Kae' squeals. ''Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Okay, so here's the plate with food and she's located in the west wing, room-number C234. Don't worry too much. She's a real sweetheart.''
Izuku sweat drops as the woman almost slips as she runs away frenziedly. The receptionist sighs before turning to him. ''Sorry about her, really, but thank you for taking over. She's been talking about that date for at least a week now, she's so excited.''
Izuku nods and smiles. ''Don't worry about it, it's really no bother. Now, where, eh, which way is room 234?''
She laughs and explains the way to room C234, which is apparently completely on the other side of the building. Izuku sighs again.
.
The journey to the room is almost 10 minutes through halls that look almost creepily the same way, though Izuku has to admit some of those minutes are the result of him taking a wrong turn.
Finally, after he asks the way to another nurse he meets in those halls he finds the chamber. He knocks softly on the door, and a soft voice calls him in. He struggles slightly with opening the door with the food in his hands but he manages it.
The room is kind of small with a window with crossed bars in the wall facing the door. On his right, there's a simple closet and on his left, there's a side room, which seems to be a small bathroom. The room is rather sparely decorated, but next to the window there's a big bed in where a small, white haired woman, that looks uncannily familiar, sits. The woman is wearing hospital scrubs and has a tired smile on her face. When she sees him though she blinks in surprise.
''You're not Kea-san?''
Izuku splutters.
''I'm so sorry. I. Eh, it's just ehm. 'Kea-san' had to catch a bus and she hadn't time to bring you the food. And I overheard, since I was just going to the reception to check myself out, and eh- I kinda volunteered. And I'm really sorry.'' He says in a rush.
The woman blinks again, and then she smiles, with the tired edge still there. ''Ah, she must have forgotten the time of her date again.'' Izuku feels vaguely confused, but he remembers the nurse talking about her date, so he nods like he knows what she's talking about.
She smiles again and looks at him expectantly and he stares back for a minute trying to figure out what she wants before he splutters again, apologizing again and gently giving her the food, feeling embarrassed. She stares at him for a second before she bursts out in surprised giggles. Izuku feels the heat spreading to his cheeks.
''No, no, I'm so sorry. It's just. I meant your name. I wanted to ask you what your name was.'' She prompts.
That certainly doesn't help his embarrassment, and he's sure he looks like a tomato right now. A very unattractive tomato.
''I'm, oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I'm Midoriya Izuku. It's nice to meet you.''
She smiles again, but this time it seems less tired and more genuine. ''It's nice to meet you to Midoriya-kun. What a polite boy you are. I'm Todoroki Fujiko- ''
This is where Izuku's mind cuts of.
'Todoroki?'
He stares at her with big eyes and suddenly the familiar features make sense. Her white hair was suddenly so obvious and oh. Kami. This was Shouto's mom. Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god-
''Midoriya-kun?'' Her voice snaps him out of it.
He blinks at her, hoping his expression wasn't too unbalanced ''I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I kind of zoned out?'' He laughs sheepishly but to him it sounds strained. Todoroki-san (OH GOD) doesn't seem to think so however and smiles at him with a hint of concern. ''Yes, you do look very tired. I would imagine you need some sleep.''
''Oh… Oh no! Don't worry about it. This is how I normally look.'' He smiles again. Oh wow, that sounded depressing. Oh god. This was awkward. What was Izuku supposed to do?! Okay. Izuku. Relax. You can do this. Make your brain work. Just keep it cool.
It did make sense in a weird way. This facility took in people that had mental problems with strong quirks. And with what Shouto had told him about his past his mother ticked both of those boxes. Somehow though, Izuku had never connected the mental problem from Hideki-san, a criminal driven mad, with Shouto's mom who was an abuse victim (granted, Shouto had never called her that but Izuku was able to connect the dots.)
''Are you sure you're alright?''
Izuku blinks and smiles feeling marginally calmer. ''Yeah, sorry miss, don't worry about me. Are you alright?''
The woman blinks back at him in surprise again and she smiles drily. ''Midoriya-kun, I'm in a mental ward. I've known better days.'' And wow, that was not the answer Izuku expected from the small, fragile looking woman in front of him. ''Oh, god. I'm so sorry- '' but she giggles and waves him off. She grips her chopsticks and smiles at him. ''Now, come sit, and tell me about me a bit about yourself. Everything tends to get a bit monotonous in here.''
It seems Izuku has another person to visit in this hell hole.
.
Izuku soon learns that Todoroki-san isn't as stable as she seems to be on first appearance. Sometimes she's fierce and dry, and Izuku thinks it's a glimpse of the woman she once used to be. Other times she flinches at every move Izuku makes, watching him like a prey watches their inevitable doom. Sometimes she stares at him so intensely like she waiting for a provocation, ready to fly at him and fight, like that same prey but driven so far in a corner it has nothing to lose anyway. Sometimes she is gentle and sweet, and every bit the angel of a mother that Shouto had described. Sometimes she talks about her children full pride and love, and on other days she will deny she even has them. Sometimes she calls them devil children and calls their father the devil himself. Some days she talks about Shouto specifically, talking almost like in a daze about him with a soft voice and longing and guilt basically pouring of her. Sometimes she tells Izuku, Shouto's the worst of the lot. Sometimes she doesn't talk at all and just stares at him, respecting Izuku's boundaries, never asking him why he had been in this building the first time. Never asking him why he came back to her again and again but just waiting for Izuku to talk and with only silence coming from her side.
It becoming better though. That's what the nurses say. It's becoming better.
.
And then one day, he meets Fuyumi-san.
Fuyumi-san who's hesitant but nice. Who's trying to look out for her brother, but never enough.
Fuyumi who he asks about her family and about 'that boy who's his age?'.
Fuyumi who smiles at him still hesitant, but who agrees anyway to let him meet with Shouto because he could use a new friend.
And Izuku smiles.
Because finally. Finally, he would be able to meet Shouto again.
Sorry it took sooo long to get this chapter out. (Omg. Like it has been like four weeks? That's like a month. O-O)
I just had sooo much work for school. And it was also a really hard chapter, and lots of things needed to happen. Very stressful. (SOO much work T-T). I didn't even really get the time to wholly and carefully check-read this all, so I'm just hoping it's actually okay.
- I needed for someone to lash out to Izuku, but I couldn't decide on who. It needed to be someone close to him so the speech would have an impact. I originally wanted for it to be Aiwaza, but I already have plans for him, so he couldn't be it either. Machida became the victim in the end (I'm so sorry Machida, you're a sweetheart, I know, I'm so sorry.) Please, do remember that Machida was just really stressed and hurt and worried, and just a little more brash than others. As you may have picked up, he's one to put a stick in his mouth. (And I totally wanted for that speech to be a lot harsher but I just couldn't do that to poor Machida.)
- And I also needed to work things out and explain a little bit more about the situation Izuku will be in now with this whole 'non-quirk' thingy happening.
- And I needed for the situation between Izuku and Katsuki to be realistically process which was really hard and I thought about it a lot!
- and I needed to explain the whole situation with Lab coat, now Hideki-san but Lab coat is totally my favourite name for him. Izuku is getting into more trouble again.
- and I also totally forgot that the fight between Sensei and All Might was supposed to be a thing, so I just had to squash that in between somewhere. *laughs sheepishly*
- Also, btw, the age of Katsuki and Izuku in this chapter is around 11/12, actually I first wanted for the birthday of Kacchan to be while the kidnapping but that's a bit morbid and I didn't really have time for that.
- And then I also realized I had fucked up somewhere. Because, well, I don't really know the facts around the sensei incident an all. But I think All Might isn't supposed to be scrawny and creepy at all when he met Izuku back in chapter 1 (2?), because the sensei incident didn't happen yet then. And now I realized this but changing it all up would be a lot of work (Or not, I'm not sure, but I'm definitely lazy and already stressed with work, so not happening)
Therefore, I just decided he would be extra thin and unhealthy looking because he's so busy with work that normally he forgets to take care of himself. Resulting in his creepy look, gotten worse by the sensei incident. Instead of his probably muscly, approachable looks from cannon before sensei incident. I didthink the flexing his muscles would have been the same before the sensei incident because otherwise Yagi would just be a muscly bear always and I just can't imagine that (actually I can, can you imagine how clumsy he would be sometimes, oh gosh that's hilarious)
(You know I thought I had been very clever about this too because I carefully avoided any blood coughing because ha, you know, sensei incident hasn't happened yet. I was fully convinced about my genius. I can't believe I missed this. It's so obvious. *facepalm*)
So, for all who noticed and were aware: I'm not going to edit that all now. I'm just going to keep it as it is, I really don't want to go back and change it all. I'm sorry, I'm also aware (now) and currently unable to care.
- Also, back to my babbling, I thought the blood coughing would be a funny parallel between Izuku and Yagi, so I may keep it in for the rest of the story. Though I realise now, when I type it out like this it sounds pretty morbid. I was just picturing the two worrying about each other while they were coughing blood and freaking each other out. It was funny to me…. I think I'm a sadist…
- Oh! And there's a small little memory from Izuku's first life! With Kaibara-san who rants about him being a bad hero, or something like that. Little bit depressive, but well, you need to make do with what you've got, right?
- And for last a question: I can't seem to find the name of shouto's mother? Please, if someone knows tell me! I thought she may have just not been named but that seemed kind of strange because she's kind of a key character for Shouto… So, if anyone knows please let me know! For now, I will just let Izuku keep her calling Todoroki-san, but it's seems kind of cruel if you consider her whole past with her husband. Or maybe I'm thinking too far into this.
Anyway. Wow, I just commented a lot, my babbling is really long. Sorry? Anyway, I wanted to thank all of you so much for your continued support and a special shout-out to everyone who reviews. Your comments really light up my day!
Kisses to all, and I hope you have a nice day, and thank you for reading this chapter! And please review!
(My apologies if I sound a little bit weird, I've not slept well for far too long.)