Act VI: Jeanne Gets Drunk

Two hours after the race Takahashi brothers were already at home.

"Brother, may I enter?" Keisuke asked as he knocked on the door.

"Come in."

"What are you working on?"

"I'm working on a strategy. You know, Keisuke, I've been thinking. Do you mind racing the Umbra Witches? Their driving skills are quite good and I think it's a good opportunity to learn new tricks. Don't worry, I won't announce the race to the public."

"What? There is no way I'll win! From what I've seen they are utilizing a lot of techniques that are off limits to us."

"Yes, of course, but I've developed a strategy for you. I also wrote some rules to restrict their powers. They won't be able to cut the track like that anymore. I think they will agree that it's fair."

"Okay, I trust you, Ryosuke. I'll race them."

"Let me call them and arrange a race."

Ryosuke tried calling the witches several times but no one picked up the phone. He also tried calling Bayonetta's cell phone but he did not get an answer there either.

"Huh, they are probably busy kicking some angels' asses back there." Ryosuke concluded.

Keisuke turned the TV on. "Breaking news! The residents of the nearby town of Akina were shocked today as a violent street race took place on the mountain route in the suburban part of the town. Residents of the area claim they saw a car driving straight down the mountain and then landing on a fighter jet, sending the jet crashing into the nearby forest. The massive fire caused by this crash is still being extinguished as we speak. The police got involved, but the street racers got away. Information is coming in that all the staff of the police department claim they were shocked to see the car suddenly disappear after using a bridge as a ramp to perform a jump at an immense speed. We are still looking into the details as of now, stay tuned to know more."

Keisuke muted the TV. "Brother, I'm off to Akagi. I may as well go get some practice."

"Hold on, I'll go with you. I want to show you the strategy I've developed."

Jeanne was pissed about the fact that she had to sleep in the car. She tried, but just could not fall asleep.

"How do people sleep in their cars? It's impossible!" She though.

Now usually Jeanne didn't like the idea of getting drunk but after trying to fall asleep for an entire hour she got so bored she went to the nearby bar to drink some cocktails.

After a few of those coctails, she was talking to the barman about Paradiso and the Laguna Angels. She also mentioned Witch Hints and the fact that she was about 500 years old.

"You seem to enjoy other stuff besides alcohol." He noted.

Jeanne didn't like the fact that the barman didn't believe her stories and decided to leave and check out some more popular mountain courses instead.

"Maybe I'll find some actual street racers! I mean, who cared about Rodin losing? We need to build up reputation."

Driving to Akagi took some time as several police officers stopped her on the way. She avoided getting arrested by escaping to Purgatorio every time she was stopped.

Going uphill she noticed how Akagi was far more difficult than Akina, or so she though. She reached the top of the mountain after literally bumping into each and every corner.

The brothers were standing at the beginning of the course, discussing something when Keisuke noticed the approaching car.

"Hey, look, it's the witches' BMW!" He said.

"What? What are they doing here?" Both brothers watched closely as Jeanne parked and got out of the car.

Jeanne recognised them. "Ahh, I saw you guys earlier! You are the street racers, right? The Akagi Red Suns, haha."

"That's Jeanne! She seems drunk." Ryosuke noted.

"You know, I've heard you race on your opponent's home course only!? Then there is no way you're going to race us... I mean, we used to have Route 666 in Vigrid but recently Bayonetta ruined all the fun by completely destroying it. She is such a bitch sometimes, isn't she? I meant bitch by the way, not witch. Wait, what did I just say? Bitch or witch?"

Ryosuke and Keisuke stood speechless.

"Ah, whatever! Who cares? You can be a witch and a bitch at the same time." Jeanne continued.

"Where's Bayonetta? We have to get Jeanne home." Ryosuke spoke quietly so only his brother could hear.

Jeanne heard that. "Bayonetta? Ah, screw her. She left me to sleep in this damn car. Do you guys sleep in cars? Damn, you must possess some special talent to be able to do that."

"Let's drive her home ourselves. You should call Bayonetta, maybe she has returned." Keisuke suggested.

"Bayonetta is having fun as we speak. Shit, I am so jealous. Except I'm not! Maybe a little bit, you know."

"Maybe we should not bother Bayonetta, brother." Ryosuke noted. "Jeanne, you should really get some sleep."

"Fuck the sleep! The night had just begun!"

"Let's take her to our place, who knows what she'll get herself into if we leave her here. Let's grab her and sit her in my car." Keisuke suggested.

"Too dangerous. She's an Umbra Witch, she will resist and probably kill us if we try to force her into the car." Ryosuke replied.

"What shall we do then?"

"I think it's time to practice what I've taught you, Keisuke."

"What?" Keisuke said with confusion.

"Jeanne, get over here. Keisuke wants to show you our drifting technique!" Ryosuke shouted to the witch.

"Brother, why? I though we were going to use it against the witches." Keisuke whispered.

"Don't worry, she's too drunk to remember anything. Now listen, you will follow me, but beware, we're going to have to increase our tempo quite a bit. If you go fast enough, she'll pass out and we will safely get her to a bed at our place." Ryosuke explained in a whisper.

Keisuke initially wanted Jeanne to ride in the back but she wanted to sit in the front and the brothers did not want to argue with her.

[Eurobeat intensifies]

The downhill practice race began. Jeanne was calm at first, but Keisuke's speed when entering corners was way faster than anything Jeanne had ever seen before so she was getting nervous when they started passing them.

"Listen, you street racers are better than I expected! I don't know why you don't use Witch Drive though. Ah, wait, right. Shit, I'm sorry!"

The first sharp turn was coming up and Keisuke wasn't planning on braking at all.

"Aaaah, brake!" The witch screamed as Keisuke was approaching the corner. The car entered a speedy powerslide and Keisuke passed the corner without any problems.

"Shit, that was close. You know, your driving is not as scary as Bayonetta's but man you sure do know how to get some thrills going."

For several corners Jeanne managed to stay relatively calm but a few sharp turns were coming up and Keisuke still wasn't slowing down.

"Wait, hold on. I don't feel that well." Said Jeanne.

Keisuke entered the first of the sharp corners and the high g-force made the witch vomit. Keisuke did not expect that to happen.

"Fuck, Jeanne just vomited all over the car!" He shouted to Ryosuke over the radio.

"Damn it! Just don't slow down, we're close!" Came the response.

"What? What are you trying to do? Hey, are you trying to kidnap me? Stop the car!" Jeanne started to panic.

"We just want to finish the race, Jeanne. No need to panic."

"Nevertheless... Stop the car... Please... Ahh shit, this ain't good." Said Jeanne and passed out.

"We did it, brother! Let's drive home now!" Keisuke screamed over the radio.

"You were quite good at executing the technique, Keisuke. You're ready."

The brothers lay Jeanne in bed and then returned for her car.