So I'm really sorry about the delay I honestly thought I would've had this updated last week but unfortunately works been busy! Just finished 12 days in a row and I'm exhausted but I managed to work on this chapter just writing wee bits whenever I've had the spare time so I hope it manages to flow freely enough.
Chapter 28
Ste's point of view
"Ya know I think ya might need to go to the doctors about your sleeping." I tell Brendan while I'm fighting with his tie, even though I haren't even done my own yet.
He tuts before brushing my hands away and attempting to fix it by himself, "It's just the time of the year I never sleep well in the winter."
"Well it's only started happening in the past couple of weeks, if your not up wondering the house or in the club then your twitching and turning in bed all night." I huff trying to get him to realise I'm only saying these things because I care.
"For Christ sakes Steven." He hisses in frustration undoing his tie,
I try brush off the sharp feeling of hurt and rejection that washes over me at his tone and cross my arms in defiance, "No alright don't do that, don't push me away." I turns him away from the mirror so he has no choice but to look me in the eye while I take over doing his tie again, "I feel like there's somethin on your mind, why won't ya just tell me?"
"It's nothing for ye to worry about." He tells me with a tone that tells me not to argue with him on this one before he gives me a peck on the corner of my mouth.
"Don't try have your way with me when I'm trying to talk serious." I mutters before pouting,
He quickly wipes the pout from my face when he lunges for my mouth forcing his tongue in and letting out a sigh, "Is it working?" He asks when I pull away before he tugs at my bottom lip,
"Maybe." I smirk but pull away when he tries to reconnect our lips, "Alright ya don't want to talk about it but we really can't, I'm meant to be at the wedding early ya know I'm Doug's best man."
"We can be quick." He offers while pulling away slightly and look over my features,
"Don't lie no we can't, I know ya like to take your time." I can't help but smirk at him again,
He wipes the expression from my face again with a full on passionate kiss,
"I can make an exception this time." He murmurs between kisses without pulling away from me fully, I can still feel his hot breath across my face,
I give him a soft peck before pulling out of his arms, "Ya say that then once we've started ya know I can't back out so ya take your time."
He laughs a bit before nodding back, "Ye know me well Steven."
"Well I should hope so." I grin at him, he lets out a laugh that seems forced which makes me frown, I brush it off though, "So ya gonna leave with me or will I meet you there?" I ask him,
"I've got a couple of things to sort out, I'll meet ye there." He says with a small smile, I'm not surprised with his response but it doesn't stop me from feeling disappointed.
"Alright, mind be there for half ten." I tell him before giving him a quick kiss, he doesn't answer back just smiles and turns away.
When I get to the hotel where the weddings taking place I get shown to the register room, I recognise a few of the faces already there. John Paul is standing over in a corner with a worried look on his face while it looks like Myra is giving him a lecture as she points into his face, the rest of the McQueen's aren't far away.
Bert and Connie are taking to the minister while Leanne, Texas and Dennis are stood the closest to me outside a door looking worried, I'm guessing Doug must be in that room.
"Doug in there?" I ask them as I gesture to the door,
"Thank god your here Ste! It's all went down." Leanne tells me,
"We don't really know what happened, they were both in the room and all of a sudden Doug was flinging John Paul out." Dennis shrugs, "we don't really know what's went on."
"Poor Doug, he was hysterical." Leanne says sympatheticly,
"He spoke to any of you?" I ask them but it's Texas that answers,
"He won't let any of us in, John Paul has been speaking to Myra since it happened. We don't want to tell his parents." Texas sighs while she flaps her arms around,
"I'll go see what's happening." I huff, "Somebody go talk to John Paul and find out what's happened."
Rather than going for the soft approach and knocking I barge into the room, he must've put something to try keep the door closed but it wasn't very heavy as it moved easily with a bit of force. The rooms in a state, clothes scattered around a few invites for the wedding lying ripped across the floor.
"Doug?" I ask when I see the state of him, curled up on the bed with his knees up to his chest.
"I can't do it Ste!" He nearly screams while he leaps to his feet and paces the room tugging at his hair,
"What? What's went on?"
"He admitted it! He cheated on me with some drama teacher from school!"
"What? Nah ya must've picked 'im up wrong." I say with a shake of the head but have no clue why I'm defending him.
"No really he did! Some prick called Danny, they had an affair and had to break it off when the guys family came home, he's married Ste! To a woman."
"And John Paul isn't sorry or owt?"
"Well.. I didn't really give him a chance to speak."
"Listen Doug." I sigh and pat the bed for him to sit beside me, "Your ere now, everyone's gonna be coming soon, both the families are already ere. If ya want to leave I'll drive ya, wherever ya want to go but running away isn't gonna sort it, ya need to talk to 'im."
"And say what?!"
"Talk through it, find out the full story, see what he has to say. Then make up your mind."
He wipes the tears from his face and sniffs a bit, "I don't think I can face him."
I grab onto his shoulders and get him to look me in the eye, "Before all this happened you loved him right?" He nods, "Loved 'im so much ya were wanting to spend the rest of your lives together?"
"Well yeah."
"So he obviously feels the same." I tut, "Else he wouldn't have went through with it, probably why he told ya too."
"But how can I marry him after he's told me that?" He huffs while he starts crying again, "I'll look like a fool."
"I'm just sayin ya can't run away from this it's always gonna play on your mind, no matter what ya decide I still think your gonna need to hear 'im out to move on. It's up to you if that's with him or without him."
He looks at me with his sad puppy Doug eyes and part of me breaks, we've had our differences in the past, I still don't understand what he even sees in John Paul but if there's one thing I do know for sure it's that he has a massive heart and he definitely doesn't deserve to feel like this especially from the man who he's marrying.
"Thank you."
"Aw ya would've done the same if it were me."
"If it was you and Brendan?" He huffs, "I can't say I would, I'd probably have you halfway to America by now."
We share a laugh then but part of me thinks that he isn't kidding on.
He looks round the room at the state of it, "I really made a mess didn't I?"
"Wouldn't worry about it, now go."
I push him in the direction of the door and he takes me in one more time before he squares his shoulders in a way that's so unlike Doug I would normally laugh and leaves the room.
I look around at the tip while letting out a huff, how am I meant to sort this mess out in less than an hour.
Somehow I manage to do it though, binning the rubbish and attempting to fold away both Doug and John Paul's clothes away. When I leave the room I see Doug and John Paul standing beside Doug's mum and dad. I take my place beside Leanne and Texas before asking them, "How's everything?"
"You missed all the drama again while you were having your talk with Doug." Texas tells me,
Leanne looks pissed before talking, "Well what was I supposed to do? Did he tell you Ste?"
"Yeah he told me." I not to her,
"Well he seems to have forgiven him since the weddings going ahead." She stamps her foot,
"Doug obviously thinks it's worth another shot with him."
"I don't know about either of you but I'm not taking part in this." Leanne says while looking between Texas and me for backup.
"If Doug's happy that's all that matters Leanne, all we can do is be there for him and hope John Paul doesn't mess up again." Texas tries to reason,
"And you Ste?" Leanne says while scoffing at Texas,
"I'm with Texas on this one." I tell her straight,
"You never even liked John Paul though! What did you say to him to make him forgive him?" She snaps at me, "Infact don't even bother, I'll see yous later." She shoves her bouquet into my arms before stomping off,
"Leanne please!" Texas calls after her but Leanne doesn't even bother to turn back,
Texas is about to go after her but I stop her in her track, "Don't, Doug needs us ere."
She nods while the rest of the wedding party starts to turn up, I notice Brendan and Cheryl but the minister speaks before I can go over to them and I realise both Texas and myself should probably stand up beside Doug.
The ceremony goes along without anymore problems, I try to avoid Doug's mum and dad through worry that something will kick off, even at dinner when we were all sat at the same table there wasn't any issues but part of me wishes I could sit over with Brendan and Cheryl.
"So smooth sailing for the happy couple then?" Brendan asks me when I finally manage to get a chance to come over to him, the smell of whiskey from his breath hitting me right in the face.
"Much ya had to drink?" I laugh because by his sluggish movements and uneven smile I would say more than a few.
"A couple, then I lost count."
"Is it really that bad or are ya just missing me?" I smirk at him,
"Bit of both maybe."
Its so nice to see him like this rather than being so uptight and serious, it isn't very often that I see him proper happy since I've known him he only gets in an overly happy mood when he's had a full eight hours sleep which doesn't happen very often and it's maybe only been five nights that I've seen him as drunk as he is now and from past experiences he's either thinking about his past, running from his problems, about to confess that he loves me or just in a really good mood. I'm not sure which until he catches me off guard.
"I was never big on celebrating Christmas but I'll tell ye one thing Steven." He mumbles, "The day my da died it was like they all came at the one time."
"He died on Christmas?" I ask him gently not really knowing what else I can say, he just nods in reply, "Must've been hard that."
"Not for me." He shakes his head and bears his teeth a little while looking at his drink, "Chez was, well she was devastated, think she's still the only one that misses him. She normally has a dinner for us, like a special one every Christmas she makes his favourite and she gets the old pictures out and we sit and look at them together. She cries and I hold her, every old memory she brings up is always from a different perspective than mine."
"Brendan." I tut while I put my hand on his arm scanning the room for Cheryl, I had always known he had hated his dad, know a bit about what had happened but again I feel like I still don't know what's properly went on, as if there's a piece of the puzzle missing.
"I'm gonna head out for a bit of fresh air." He sighs while draining his glass and standing up,
"I'll come with ya." I offer
"Ye have to do yer bit Steven, I'll be back in a minute just need to sober up a bit."
I sigh in defeat while I watch him walk away, trying to shrug off the rejection.
Brendan's point of view
Steven is away talking to one person or another, I can't really blame him he had stuck by my side whenever he could but I had told him I would be fine he could find me when he was finished, that's how I found myself sitting at a table myself until Anne comes strutting up to me,
"Not a fan of weddings then?" She asks while sitting down making herself comfortable,
"I hate this time of the year, all this family peace and good will." I nearly spit, "Makes me sick "
"Think it's called Christmas spirit" She says scrunching up her face,
"My da had a way of getting people on his side. He left the real Seamus Brady for behind closed doors, he was always worse at Christmas." I don't know why I tell her these things but I can't help it, maybe it's the mixture of drink, the anniversary and being in company with an old friend.
"Does Cheryl know? Does Ste?" She asks and I can hear the sadness in her voice,
"Don't ye have a fox skulking around somewhere?" I grunt changing the subject,
She tuts before answering, "No need to be nasty Brendan."
"I just think the dead should ye know.. stay dead."
"Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to judge, Brendan."
"No judging from me, just an observation." I say while stretching, "Zombies give me the creeps."
"Can you stop doing that?"
"Doing what?"
"Deflecting!"
"Deflecting from what?"
"You know what!"
"Don't have a clue what your talking about Anne."
Thankfully Steven comes back putting an end to the pettiness.
"Alright?" He asks while looking between us two, "I can come back?" He thumbs behind him,
"Don't be silly love, I'm just about to leave was just saying my goodbyes before I called it a night."
She kisses Steven on the cheek as if she's known him a lifetime and winks at me, "Don't be getting jealous now Brendan." She bends down to kiss my cheek before whispering in my ear, "Whatever's eating at you sort it out, your in a right mess."
Then she pulls away and gives us both a full beam butter wouldn't melt smile and struts off.
"I know we're both obviously not straight but would ya, if ya were I mean?" he asks me while letting out his donkey laugh and stealing a sip from his bottle of beer.
I think I've misheard him until I see his unfazed expression,
"I probably would, she looks a bit like Cheryl Cole dunt she?"
I down my drink while I stand up and storm out of the place not really sure why,
"Brendan!" I hear him shout as footsteps sound from behind me, the drink must be fully settled now because everything's in slow motion and my eye sights blurry.
He grabs onto my arm and spins me around, "Why did ya leave? I were only jokin, she's hardly my type is she?"
I shrug him off, "This isn't about Anne."
"Well what's it about then?" He grunts back before folding his arms, "Your not even gonna tell me so I dunno why I bother askin."
"What ye trying to say?"
"Well somethin has been goin on hasn't it? What's making ya get all drunk and moody?" Steven asks and I see the disappointment beaming in his eyes, "Seriously what's been goin on with ya recently?"
"Sorry Steven." I mumble looking away from him before he grabs my face in his hand and makes me look him in the eye, I let out a deep breath while I try to work out what to say to him.
"Come on I'm worried just tell me."
I couldn't look him in the eye, seeing that worried look on his face so I done what I do best and hurried back to mine, he didn't let me go though kept following me. I locked myself up in the bathroom when I got to the flat just so I didn't need to face the disappointment I know would be lying in his eyes.
"Come on Brendan open up." I hear him huff as he taps on the door, "I'll sit out ere all night if I need to and ya know I will."
I try to man up and open the door but can't bring myself to do it, cant even trust myself to speak,
"Come on Bren, open up please."
Its silent after that but I know he's still out there waiting for me, always waiting on me.
"He did this to me, you know who.. He messed with my head so much that I don't.. I don't know how to.." I mumble away, voice muffled with leaning against the door, "I did, once I think, I knew how to be normal when I was a kid the world was.. I dunno beautiful and then he took that away, he took, he took everything away and it changed. Everything just.. just the things, the things I love, I break em. He killed that love inside of me and I can't get it back. I can't, I can't get it back without ye.."
He finally talks for the first time since it started coming out in waves, "Brendan please just open the door."
And I do, he's there looking at me with confusion but understanding. That's not what shocks me the most though it's who is standing behind him that does.
"Chez.." I say while she looks at me with a frown,
"Brendan who were ye talking about?" She asks me but I can't answer, "Tell me."
I look at Steven and I can tell he's bursting at the seams to tell her but he keeps quiet, must see my face silently begging for him not to say anything.
He lets out a breath before turning to Cheryl, "Just ignore him Cheryl, think he's had too much to drink."
She doesn't look like she's bought it but doesn't push any further, as she makes her way back upstairs.
"Brendan seriously what's going on tell me and I know there's more to the story than what you've told me, I can tell it runs deeper than that."
"I'm going to need a drink for this." I say while I walk over to the drink cabinet.
"No Brendan I think you've had more than enough." He puts his hands on my shoulders stopping me in my tracks, "Come on just tell me."
I look over his features properly and know I have to tell him, I can't keep putting him through this, it's not fair on him. So I open up fully for the first time ever and pray it doesn't change anything.
"What I told ye about my dad." I take a deep breath, "what he did to me ye got the watered down version"
"Yeah ya said he beat you up."
"Yeah he did, and then he made it up to me in his own special way." I struggle for a way to word it, "I once stole 50 pence out of my ma's purse I did the whole lot on cola bottles." I close my eyes and shake my head and it's almost like I'm back there again, "I had this voice in my head, this is your fault, this is your punishment, all for liking cola bottles just a bit too much. So I say sorry every night and ten Hail Marys, Id ask him, id ask him not to let my da come into the room again. But then I'd hear his feet on the landing and I realise that god wasn't listening or he just plain didn't like me."
"Why didn't ya tell me?" I see the tears streaking his face and that alone reminds me what stopped me from telling him,
"Cause I didn't want you to look at me the way your looking at me now, damaged goods."
He shakes his head "I don't think that."
"I can see the clocks turning, joining the dots. Father loves son just a little too much, son turns out ugly, inside and out."
"No." He tries to interrupt me,
"It's just giving myself an excuse isn't it, it's giving myself a get out clause for the things I've done, the things I done done to you keep doing to you."
"Your never going to do that again though and dya know why? Because your better than him."
"Thousands of kids go through what I went through, none of them turn out like this, like me. The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father nor the father suffer for the iniquity of the son. I learnt that."
"How could he just get away with it?" He asks in disbelief,
"When he was dying he said sorry."
"Cheryl?"
"Will never know." The one thing I'll stand by is that Cheryl never find this out.
"Wait how would ya know he said sorry?"
I feel like punching myself for being so stupid and blurting it out but once I had started I couldn't stop, "Cause I let him die didn't I?" I look at him,
Strangely enough he doesn't look disgusted, he just looks sad, he wipes the tears off his face while he moves over to me,
"Ya know this.. it isn't gonna change the way I feel about ya. Nothing's gonna do that, so whatever's happened ya can tell me." He helps to reassure me, not everyone leaves.
And so for the second time of the night I tell Steven another thing that I've never told anyone else before.
So yeah I basically stole a lot of quotes out of hollyoaks for this one but it was nostalgic at least.. I really struggled with writing the last part of this but hope you all enjoyed xx