I feel so sad that after this update that's this fic complete *crying*
This is honestly like my baby, it's been a long time coming and took me 4 years to finish but I still feel sad about letting it go. I want to say thank you to everyone who's stuck with this story and everyone who's taken the time to leave me reviews.. This will start from where the last chapter finished up but will skip ahead and end roughly a year later.
On that note I re-read a few of the first chapters and absolutely cringed so I'm hoping to give it a revamp at some point but that will be after 'too late to say goodbye' is at least half finished, I won't keep you all waiting too much longer for it I promise!
Chapter 30
Ste's point of view
"Did ya mean it?" I ask him as soon as he shuffles in the bed, as soon as the words had left Brendan's mouth last night the silence descended over us both and by the time my mind had eventually caught up he had already fallen asleep.
I didn't want to make myself look like an idiot and bring it back up if he had only said it in the heat of the moment but then I also know how insecure Brendan can be at times and I know he would bottle it up and wouldn't bring it up until it became too much for him, he would assume that my silence meant I didn't want to.
Wasn't it a bit mad though? Less than a year and everything that's happened and in the one night he doesn't just ask me to move in with him but he also asks me to marry him. Obviously if I was to pick anyone to spend the rest of my life with it would be him but hasn't this moved a bit too quickly? Then again I've lost count of the amount of times I've thought that and each time I've tried to slow things down it's never worked out for either of us.
He looks at me with a frown on his face but I know he knows exactly what I'm talking about,
"What ya said last night.. was that just in the heat of the moment or what?"
He looks thoughtful for a moment while he strokes his moustache, "That depends on your answer."
"Well I'm only gonna give ya an answer if it was serious."
"Ye think I wouldn't want to?" He frowns,
"Dunno people say stupid things when they're.." I trail off, "well ya know." I huff with a shrug,
"Do ye think I would really be that caught up that I would propose without meaning it?" He grins at me,
I can't help but nudge him a bit before snorting, "Yeah suppose that's a bit too far init."
"Just a bit." He nods in agreement, "So what ye say then?"
I'm taken back by how simple he's making it, there isn't even any romantic gesture. No big declaration or flowers or candles but then I don't think I need any of that, don't imagine we would ever be the type of couples that would need any of it.
"What like really?" I ask sitting up in the bed, feel slightly giddy that we're lying here in his bed and he's asking me this, as if it isn't a big deal at all.
"No Steven I said it in the heat of the moment last night and now I'm asking again because I wanted to see that stupid grin on your face." He grins at me, "Obviously I mean it, really."
I can't help the beam that takes over my face at that, spreading even further than before while I dive into his arms, I'm guessing that was all the answer he was needing.
Brendan's point of view
I had done it, went to my first councilling session and I have to admit it wasn't too bad. Maybe a bit uncomfortable to start with but thankfully she took her time with me and surprisingly didn't rush into any deep meaningful conversations to start with.
The beaming smile I get from Steven is enough to make me glad I went through with it, as well as the tight squeeze I get from Cheryl as she hugged me. I knew it hadn't made up for the things that I had done in the past but at least I had made a step in the right direction and was on my way of feeling semi worthy of having these people in my life.
Although Steven and I are technically engaged we still haven't made any further plans, we had promised not to rush it and only told a handful of people. It didn't stop me from buying us both matching rings, I had been holding off for the right moment to show them to him. Part of me had been tempted to just put mine on and see how long it would take him to notice.
We still haven't moved in together properly either, even though he spends most nights at mine and if not I'll stay with him. We haven't spent much time away from each other since I sort of popped the question other than being at work and now me starting my counselling sessions.
We've talked about moving into the others houses but ended up deciding that we'll continue the way we are the now and buy a place together.
"Ya know I'm dead proud of ya, don't ya?" Steven grins planting a kiss on my cheek while shaking me out of my thoughts.
I grin at him before slipping my hand into my breast pocket, "Got ye something, well got us both something."
"Don't tell me you've went and got a new car." He huffs covering his face,
"Not quite." I grin, before showing him the square sized box containing both rings,
He lets out a gasp when he opens it up before shoving me, "Brendan were meant to pick these things together! And we're meant to half the price."
"Are ye really complaining about this?" I smirk to him,
"Well obviously not really nah, but ya do realise what this means.." he says while that goofy signature grin of his takes over his face and he raises his eyebrows as if he's an excited puppy,
I huff in fake annoyance but can't keep the smile from my face as I say, "Jeez what now?"
"I'm getting the actual wedding ones." He smirks at me,
"Can't we just keep these?"
"No." He shakes his head and tuts, "I wanna do it traditional like, engagement and wedding ones."
"Well technically two gay men getting married isn't really traditional is it?" I can't help but quip back,
He rolls his eyes and I get a slap on the face for that one not that I can blame him for it though,
"So what kind of wedding do ye want?" I ask trying to keep myself composed even though his excitement is infectious,
"What d'ya mean?" He asks me frowning,
"Church, beach, Gretna green?" I half joke,
"Gretna who?" He asks clearly it goes straight over his head,
"Never mind Steven Jesus, ye want a big wedding?"
"Dunno never really thought about it to be honest, didn't think I'd ever ya know." He shrugs,
"Ye must have a rough idea though."
"Well I dunno if it were up to me I'd just want it quiet and small, just like our close ones and then I dunno maybe go back to Dublin or somethin?" He offers while nervously biting on his lip.
"What like a honeymoon?" I ask partly I had expected Steven to want the full works,
"Yeah well I guess, dunno." He scrunches his nose up,
"Think your description sums it up. Leave it with me."
He grins but looks unsure, "We're gonna take this slow though yeah? Your not gonna come back in tomorrow night with a venue and all that booked."
"I'm not that keen Steven." I say pushing his shoulder playfully, but really I am.
Ste's point of view
"Brendan seriously! When can I look!" I can't help but snap at him while he has me blindfolded, he had put this on me before we got into his car and said he had a surprise to show me but that was half an hour ago, we're out the car now and I still have no idea where we could be,
"Okay jeez Steven calm down." He grunts while he makes to work undoing the several knots behind my head, he was very adamant that he didn't want me peeking,
"I swear if this is another one of your kink.." I cut my sentence short when I can see again because the sight in front of me catches me off guard, "Brendan? What's this all about?" I ask while turning to look at him,
He's looking anywhere but at me, "I just thought that since our venue and everything's been booked that we should start looking at places to move."
"Brendan this is too much!" I shake my head at him as I look back at the house in question, it's not like it's a mansion by any means but it's a far cry from any of the council flats I had grown up in,
"Nothing's too much, it's perfect! At least have a look around." He offers while directing me up the path to the house,
It's a detached house with a driveway and by the looks of it a fenced off front and back garden, we hadn't ever really gotten into much of a conversation about our price range but I can't imagine this being in it, "Brendan we really can't afford this."
"Don't worry about it Steven, we can." He assures me,
"No we can't!" I huff and refuse to take another step closer to it because I know after I've stepped inside chances are I'll fall in love with it,
"I've still got the apartment in Dublin, I can sell it if I really need to." He shrugs,
"But that's your home! You can't sell it." I feel like I'm having a temper tantrum I don't want him to give everything up for this,
"Steven my home is with you, just come in and see it and we can discuss all this later." He gives me a small smile but I can see the glint in his eyes telling me not to argue with him on this, his words have my heart speading up though, I'm his home? Who would've known that he could be.. sweet?
He brings the keys out and dangles them from his finger before he unlocks the door for us and I don't even want to know how he's managed to get the estate agent to agree to giving them to him,
I was right though, the house is easy to fall in love with, a big entrance that leads to a few different rooms and a set of stairs,
He shows me around the living room and the bathroom, they are both great but it isn't until I see the kitchen that I get excited, it's open panned with a breakfast bar and a few stools,
"I know how ye feel about cooking so I know this would be a big deal for us." He explains as he walks around the room, "It isn't too far from the village so we're both still close enough to our jobs and Cheryl and your friends. Plus it's actually closer to Amy and the kids aswell as the airport so essentially it's closer to Dec and Pad aswell."
"You've really thought about this haven't ya?" I ask him and he nods, "I do love it Bren.."
"Ye haven't seen upstairs or the garden yet."
"I know but I already love it, I trust your judgment." I tell him while throwing caution to the wind,
"Just aswell since I've already put an offer in, just need to wait for the owner to accept." He shrugs as if it's no big deal,
"Your kidding right?" I ask although I can't be angry with him because I know he's done this for the both of us and he's always going to be trying to make all these decisions on his own, "What if I didn't like it?"
"I would've pulled the offer out but I know ye Steven." He grins, "Does this not show how much ye can trust me."
I can't help but roll my eyes at him after that, "Well hurry up and show me upstairs then."
"Hoping to christen the mater room already?" He grins, "We haven't even bought our own bed yet Steven."
I shake my head and shove him against the wall before giving him a kiss that takes my own breath away.
Brendan's point of view
"You'll be fine Steven I promise." I tell him over the phone trying to sound as positive as I can,
"Cheers Brendan." He says perking up but I can tell he's still nervous,
"Ye call me or come to the club if anything happens yeah?"
"I will." He tells me, "I gotta go, love you."
"Love ye too." I tell him before he hangs up.
I had done it for him, traced his dad back and got as much information as I could about him before I told Steven. The guy seemed legit to me but I'm still on edge about the full situation.
Steven had never really mentioned his dad but the impression that I got from him when he did was curiousity and wonder, I couldn't ever imagine not knowing who one of my parents were. Even if I would have been better off without my dad I don't want Steven to still be in the same position in ten years time.
So when I did pass it on and he was unsure about the full thing I put my personal feelings on fathers to the side and tried to reason with him, hopefully it isn't a mistake.
I try to keep myself busy in the club between working behind the bar and shuffling through papers but it does nothing to help me and I end up nursing a tumbler of whiskey with my phone sitting face up in front of me eagerly waiting for any word from him.
When he bursts through the office door I'm up in a flash examining him all over to make sure he's okay, checking for signs of hurt of any kind on him but all I get is a shrug and a huff of breath as he plants himself on the couch in the office,
"Beer?" I offer to him but before he even opens his mouth I can already tell he's needing one so I holler out the office door to any of the staff that will listen to bring one,
Sinead comes plodding in with one and a sympathetic look on her face, "Did it go alright babe?" She asks him while extending his beer to him,
"Yeah I guess." He shrugs, "Don't know what I were expecting really." He looks at me unsure though,
Sinead must take the hint because she gives his arm a squeeze before making her way back to work, "I'm here when ya need me yeah?" She offers with a smile and he nods in thanks,
I pour myself a fresh whiskey and make my way over to sit beside him,
"Did he hurt ye Steven?" I ask, "Cause ye know I'll.."
"Nah it were nothin like that." He says with a shake of the head but I can tell he's on the verge of tears, "He's decent like but that just makes it harder ya know? At least if he were a proper arse I know I wouldn't have missed out but he's like got a good job and all, got the proper perfect family. A wife, three daughters the lot and none of them know nout about me."
"It's his loss Steven." I say and put my hand on his shoulder,
"Is it really though? Who'd want me as they're son?" He says while looking defeated,
"Hey look at me." I tell him while I turn his face towards me I hate seeing him down in the dumps like this, it makes me feel pain for him, "Anyone would be proud to have ye in there lives, look how ye've helped me. Did he put these ideas in yer head?"
He shakes his head, "Obviously there's somethin up though, if Amy tried to take me kids away from me I'd never let her, he just couldn't be bothered fighting for me could he?"
"As I said it's his loss not yours." I smile hoping to break through to him, "That ye done with him then? Least ye got some answers."
He shrugs, "Dunno he says he's gonna tell his family about me, we'll see what happens."
"Well I'm here no matter what, we're always going to have each other." I tell him before I press a kiss to his lips hoping I can transfer how greatful I am for him through it. He won't need anyone else, he'll always have me and I'll make sure he'll always be happy.
Ste's point of view
It had been mine and Brendan's joint stag night stroke house warming party since neither of us really fancied doing three separate things so we agreed we would have all of our close ones and a few plus ones round at the new house for dinner and a few drinks. It gave me a good excuse to use as much of the kitchen equipment as I could and I took great pride in showing it off to both Tony and Doug since they were the only people that had came who would really appreciate it.
After I put Brendan to bed since he had been too drunk and Amy and her partner took the two kids back to they're own house it left me to get everyone else taxis and make sure they got home safe. It had reminded me of the night I had met Brendan because a lot of the people that had came were present that night.
"Ste babe, can I have a word?" Cheryl says nervously after I've put Theresa, Sinead and Tony in the last taxi,
"Yeah what's up?" I ask her but straight away she bursts into tears, "Has Nate done something?" I had notice he had left quite early on,
"No." She says shaking her head and scrunching her face up while pulling me to sit on the couch with her, "I'm so proud of the both of yous."
I roll my eyes before laughing, "Cheryl how much 'ave ya had to drink?"
"I haven't had a drop Ste." She says with wide eyes, "I'm pregnant."
"What?" I can't help thinking I've heard her wrong, "Has Nate left ya? Is that what's got ya upset."
"No." she shakes her head and looks down, "I haven't told anyone else."
"How far along are ya?" I ask because surely if she was that far we would've picked up on it by now,
"I'm sixteen weeks." She says still chewing away at her lip, "I'm scared Ste."
I take her hand in mine trying to comfort her, "What have ya got to be scared of? You've got all of us and you and Nate are gonna be great parents."
"What if something goes wrong though?" She's getting herself in a right state,
"Cheryl your gonna need to calm down, everything's goin to be fine." I try to talk in a soothing voice, "Have ya went to the doctors yet?"
"Yeah, I've got the scan picture in the house." She tells me,
"Right your gonna need to tell Nate and Brendan."
"What if Brendan hates me though?"
"Eh what? Why would ya think Brendan could ever hate ya?"
"Because he's just starting to get his life together and I'm going to drop this bombshell on him."
"Cheryl I'm sorry but your nearly thirty ya aren't eighteen, Brendan's just gonna have to live with it." I tell her, "Plus it's going to be a part of ya and his niece or nephew he's going to be over the moon once the shock wears off."
"Do ye really think so?" She says through her tears as she sniffs,
"I don't think, I know." I give her a reassuring smile, "and Nate's gonna be a great dad."
She laughs a bit at that, "I know he will, babe do ye think Bren will ever forgive me?"
"Ya haven't done anything to him for ya to ask for his forgiveness Chez." I say with a frown, I know she's talking about their dad but I don't know why she'd ever think Brendan would hold it against her,
She attempts to wipe the tears from her eyes as fresh ones make there way down, "I know he resents me for what happened to him, I can see it in his eyes."
I shake my head at her, "Brendan loves ya, he would never blame ya for anything that went on."
"I can't help but feel guilty though, every time I feel happy I remember and know that it's unfair for me to be feeling like that. It eats at me everyday, how could he not blame me for it? I should've protected him."
"Brendan's hardly the type to need protected is he? Ya know how he would feel if he knew that ya felt this way..." I trail off, "It would kill him to know ya blamed yourself for this, there weren't anything that ya could do."
"I should've noticed though." She says while taking a breath,
"Your dad.. he was sick, he wasn't right in the head. It's nobody else's fault apart from his, ya need to let go of it Cheryl. It's in the past, Brendan's getting better now he's moving on and he's happy." I say trying to make her feel better,
"Will ye forgive me babe?" She huffs,
"There isn't anything for me to forgive, I won't ever forgive your dad but his actions weren't anything to do with ya." I give her a kiss on the cheek, "If ya really feel like this ya need to talk to Brendan about it."
"I might yeah." She says weakly, "I think it might be the hormones babe."
"Come on, let's get ya to bed."
"Thanks Ste." She says gripping my hand, "For everything."
Cheryl's point of view
Ste and Brendan's wedding had been perfect, a small gathering in an isolated church, there was only ten of us excluding the happy couple. Nate, Declan, Paddy, Amy, Leah, Lucas, Sinead, Tony, Doug and of course yours truly.
Although poor Nate had once been removed from the guest list when Brendan found out that I was pregnant, I can't help but laugh as I picture Nate running around the couch away from Brendan and his fuming face while Ste had to be the peacemaker, it's fair to say that the announcement didn't go as well as I had hoped.
Still though, I had never witnessed something as cherished as today. The way Brendan had looked at Ste when he thought there wasn't anyone else looking, it was like Ste was all he could see and I suppose in a way it was true, but on the plus side the feeling was mutual.
The love they both shared was something that people didn't come by very often and I know that if anyone deserves it then it's my brother. With all his flaws and secrets and pain, Ste still accepted and loved him and I'm sure that if the shoe was on the other foot it wouldn't be any different and we would all still be stood here.
I can only hope that both Nate and myself will be as happy as that, I sigh while I spread my palms over my ever growing bump and smile. Thankfully everyone truly is happy now.
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THE END