Lost Chapter: Sanity Trial

Several days later.

Bayonetta was bored beyond oblivion. She decided to check her e-mail.

Hello, 1337UmbraWitch!

A new character has joined the fray! Umbra Witch Bayonetta from Bayonetta is now availiable in-game, pushing the game's rating to '18+'. She has the best voice lines yet added. Our favourite is "Want me to get nerfed? Ask your mom!" We also want to inform you in advance that she's totally not OP and so you should stop with your fucking complaints or we'll kick your ass! You should just git gud, that's all!

Hope to see you in-game soon,

The Overwatch team.

Bayonetta got excited. "Holy shit, this is the best shit ever."

"Ryosuke, gimme your damn PC!" She screamed.

Ryosuke was working on a project but Bayonetta interrupted him, started streaming on Twitch and got into a competitive match.

She insta-locked herself in-game.

"What the fuck? Go 2/2/2!" Someone screamed in the voice chat.

Despite everyone begging her to pick a healer, Bayonetta wasn't switching her hero. They got absolutely destroyed in the first round.

"Fuck you, 1337UmbraWitch, pick a fucking healer or I throw." Shouted the DPS player.

"Nope." Bayonetta said. "Why don't you pick one yourself?!"

They lost the game. Bayonetta grew tired of her toxic teammates who criticized her every move even though she had all the gold medals. Someone started speaking over voice chat again. "Go fuck yourself, Bayonetta. You're a fucking bitch!"

Bayonetta got angry and shouted back. "Don't fuck with a cybersportswitch!"

She shot a lipstick through Ryosuke's monitor.

"What the hell!? Bayonetta, what are you doing!? Keisuke, kick her ass!" Ryosuke screamed.

Keisuke ran upstair and started fighting Bayonetta.

Suddenly, they heard someone runnung up the street.

"WHYYY?! FUCK." Jeanne screamed as she ran towards the house.

Bayonetta, Keisuke and Ryosuke stopped with their arguing to listen.

"I'm gonna execute a torture attack on his A-A-ASS!" Jeanne came up to the door and busted it open. She was crying.

"Cereza, fuck my life!" A bottle of vodka was in her right hand.

"Jeanne, please don't tell me you've been drinking again." Bayonetta said in confusion.

"Aaaahhh! Haven't you heard the news!? Kamiya sold the Bayo franchise to EA. The third game will require a DLC pack to play as Bayonetta, it will also have all costumes as DLC and a pay-to-win multiplayer mode!" Jeanne said with a growl. She was breathing heavily.

"Oh no, Ce... re... za.." The witch collapsed on the floor.

"Jeanne!" Keisuke got down to check if she was alright.

Bayonetta picked up the vodka bottle and straight up emptied it before anyone could stop her.

"Bayonetta!" Ryosuke screamed.

The witch entered some kind of trance, it seemed. In reality she was just having another one of those flashbacks she had in the first game. After a minute of lying on the floor, she came to her senses. Her eyes opened and the Takahashi brothers were frightened to see they were completely red.

"Блять, Камийя, ты ебучий долбоёб! Ебанулся совсем, что ли?" She screamed on top of her voice.

"What the fuck!?" Both brothers shouted and started to back down. "Bayonetta?"

"Байонетта пошла разбивать ебальник этому идиоту! Он познает гнев Ведьмы Умбра! И вообще, где моя балалайка!?" The witch screamed as she got back up on her feet.

"Balalaika? But it's not even made here in Japan! Seriously, Bayonetta, what the hell!?"

"Да идите вы на хер, придурки!" She threw the bottle across the room and ran into the garage.

"СУКА-А-А-А! ЕБЛА-А-АН!" The witch screamed as she drove away, smashing through the neighborhood. Little did she know Hideki Kamiya had nothing to do with the deal between Sega and EA.

The recording of the stream won the gold place in several "Twitch Streams Gone Wrong" compilations the next day.