(updated 04-06-2021)
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
There's something you need to know
"Estimated human casualties from the Haydonite invasion and occupation were over 300 million dead, with another 200 million wounded across the planet. The fighting heavily devastated some areas of the planet (e.g. China, Middle East, and Europe). Those areas hardest hit suffered major societal breakdown with the destruction of services and infrastructure and the collapse of local governments. To prevent complete anarchy and restore order, General Coulson deployed Alliance forces into those areas. The sight of Invid Shock Troopers patrolling the streets dissuaded many potential troublemakers and rabble-rousers, helping to maintain order and control. This allowed for much-needed assistance and supplies to be brought in and flow freely, helping the survivors…"
— excerpt from "A Galaxy at War: The Haydonite-Alliance War"
oOoOo
Pain flashed across Faith's face while bending over to retrieve a beer from the fridge. The twinge of pain stabbing through her body was a not-so-subtle reminder of her last battle, causing her to again, silently curse the alien and her own stupidity.
A wisp of a smile filled her face as she opened the beer and took a sip. Her smile faded as the thought of disobeying doctor's orders quickly lost its rebellious zeal. It wasn't the lingering pain from her injuries hurting her the most. It was the aching guilt, doubts and a sense of emptiness casting a dark emotional cloud over her.
When she'd regained consciousness in the hospital, she found Andy by her bedside. It was confusing and surprising because all she could recall was a jumble of images filled with a certainty that she was going to die.
She stared at Andy as if he was crazy as he told her what had happened. When he—hesitantly—told her the Arcadia had returned leading a large fleet to defeat the aliens, pure instinct and reflex took over.
Before she could think, she was out of bed and heading for the door. She'd almost reached the door before realizing what she was doing, and how this must look to Andy. Faith turned back to see Andy still sitting there, looking forlorn and lost.
She suddenly was being pulled in two directions. Before she could say or do anything else, Andy caught her by surprise, asking her to get back into bed. He told her he had to make calls to let people know she was conscious.
The confusion gripping Faith caused her to surrender to Andy's request, and she crawled back into bed. With Andy gone, her mind raced, wondering what she was going to say and do when Paul arrived and what she was going to do about Andy. She fidgeted in bed from a mix of giddiness, excitement, anticipation, dread and trepidation. It took all her self-control not to get up again and pace around the room.
As the minutes passed, a little voice in the back of her head started in, bringing all her doubts to the forefront. Her mind raced, wondering what Paul would say or do. She couldn't hide her relationship from Andy from him. Would he understand why she did what she did?
As more minutes passed, her doubts only grew. She wondered where Paul was. The beginning tendrils of fear and worry began gnawing at her, making it harder for her to stay calm.
Finally, her door opened and a small group of people entered her room, led by Buffy and Willow. This caught Faith by surprise and only piled on to her growing inner turmoil. She was about to say something to Buffy when she realized one person in the group was wearing a REF-style uniform. She paused, studying the woman before flashing an enormous smile at recognizing Dawn in her uniform.
As she met Dawn's eyes, Faith could see the pain and sorrow the other woman was carrying. Time stopped and Faith just sat there, staring at Dawn as everything suddenly became clear.
Before Dawn could say a word, Faith was shaking her head, muttering "No" over and over as if the words would change what was happening. She barely heard Dawn muttering the words "Paul was dead" while she continued shaking her head in disbelief.
The whole situation seemed unreal. For the longest time, she'd given up hope Paul was alive, convinced that he was dead. But there was always a sense of uncertainty hanging over all of it. Now, she was getting confirmation of all her worst fears.
The words and reality hit her hard, ripping open the protective barriers she'd built up over the years. It took all the orderlies along with Buffy to hold her down as she thrashed and cried while a nurse administered a sedative to put her out.
After some more time to recover from her wounds, the hospital discharged her. There briefly was a moment where she hesitated going home with Andy. The urge to run away was strong, but something held her back. After her embarrassing display of hysterics, she half-expected Andy to pack up and leave. But he surprised her by staying by her side, doing his best to comfort her.
Even though Andy kept reaffirming his love and support for her, a sense of guilt over her reactions to Paul's death now gripped Faith. She found a part of herself questioning Andy's motives. The old doubts and fears gnawed at her, adding to her inner turmoil, but she still stuck with Andy.
The last few weeks she'd spent recovering at Andy's house had given her time to reflect and take stock of the situation.
At least they had a home to return to. Andy's house was one of the fortunate few houses to have survived the fighting in and around Adamsville, suffering only minor damage which was easily repaired. While Andy's home survived, his business hadn't. His garage was a burnt-out shell.
When they first got home, Andy seemed to go out of his way not to upset Faith. At first, she thought he was giving her some time and space to recover, but as the days passed she got the sense that something was wrong. Things seemed different between them now.
They seemed to argue more often, with most of the arguments centering on how he was treating her. Most times he just backed away, giving her time to cool off. Yet, one time he let it slip that he was tiring of having to walk on eggshells with her dead boyfriend's ghost hanging over them.
Faith sensed she was losing Andy. She kept telling herself that she wanted to be with Andy… that her place was with Andy, and she felt better being around him. At least, that is what she kept telling herself.
She took a sip from her beer and let out a sigh while heading back to the living room. She realized she would need to do better with Andy if they were going to have a chance.
What bothered her most out of this whole situation was knowing she'd given up on Paul. On the long list of dark, questionable and dumb things she'd done in her life, sleeping with Andy while Paul was still alive ranked pretty high.
It tore at her. Rationally, she understood there was no way she could have known, but that was of small comfort to her.
I need to let go… I need to move on…
She snorted at those thoughts, understanding it was one thing to say it, and another to do it. Another sigh escaped as she sat down and stared at the darkened television.
The television was working fine. She was only avoiding watching it. It seemed every channel had wall-to-wall news coverage and stories of the Arcadia, Paul and the Alliance. Every time she tried to watch, it only brought back the guilt and pain burdening her. Andy would watch the TV, soaking in the news and coverage, but Faith avoided it by retreating to the bedroom.
Despite avoiding the TV, she still had enough rough details about what had gone on with the Arcadia and Paul over the past few years. She sighed, staring at the blank TV.
If Andy and I are ever going to have a life together, I need to face this…
She realized she needed to confront her pain and guilt as she grabbed the TV remote and powered on the television.
The television sprang to life and as if the universe was testing her resolve with the TV already set to one of the 24-hour news channels. The anchor's voice filled the living room, providing the latest updates on events.
"Construction on the first of several planned orbital shipyards is proceeding on schedule, adding to the unprecedented build-up in space around the planet. On top of this build-up is the recent announcement for the new moon base and expansion of the current scientific outpost on Mars. All this expansion and build-up will increase humanity's reach into the solar system, but some observers and critics are expressing concerns. Questions are being raised if those resources being used would be better helping to rebuild those areas of the planet hit hardest by the fighting. In a recent news conference, General Coulson, speaking on behalf of the Alliance, addressed these concerns…"
The screen switched over to General Coulson standing behind a podium addressing a room full of reporters. Faith noted how even more serious his face seemed compared to her memories of him. The General addressed the reporters and cameras.
"I realize that we, humanity, have suffered much recently from the invasion and fighting to free our world. This is not the time to look inward! We have to build-up our space capacity! This is to not only defend ourselves, but contribute to the fight against the Haydonite Hegemony and help our allies!"
The screen switched back over to the news anchor, and Faith's eyes glazed over as he droned on about the current political situation in the country. She decided it was time for another beer, heading to the kitchen as the news anchor continued on in the background. She barely noted the news about the surviving members of Congress and Senate. Those members not tainted by President Kinsey were having discussions with state representatives for scheduling new elections for both houses and President.
Faith cared little about the current political situation. All she knew was that a junior Senator from California was acting-Speaker of the House, which made her interim President. She'd heard about the special tribunals investigating those in Congress, the Senate, and other parts of the government for their actions and collaboration with Kinsey and the Haydonites. There was talk going around comparing these tribunals to "show trials", "witch hunts" or "purges", but Faith didn't care. All that mattered to her was that Kinsey was dead.
With Kinsey dead, she no longer had to hide or worry about the law looking for her. Dawn had told her that General Coulson was granting amnesty and pardons to her, Buffy, and everyone associated with the resistance for their actions. There were a few rumblings about the amnesty, but in the end no one was going to dispute General Coulson's decision.
The anchor was on to other news by the time Faith returned to the sofa with her beer.
"The number of volunteers wanting to join the Alliance forces has been overwhelming. Several countries and militaries have expressed their frustration at the slowness of training, integrating and equipping of humans into the new military alliance. In response, Alliance representatives have promised more resources are on route from Tirol and other Alliance planets to help speed up training and arming. The opening of several new bases across the planet, along with the expansion of existing bases, will help deal with the huge influx of volunteers. In final news, officials from the Chinese provisional government, the Israeli-Palestinian joint governing council along with several other countries, have expressed their appreciation to General Coulson and the Alliance. The representatives thanked the General and Alliance for the support and supplies provided to their countries during this troublesome time. Those representatives also expressed special thanks to the Invid for deploying their forces to help maintain law and order during relief operations…"
Faith shook her head, still finding it hard to believe how much the world had changed in the last few weeks. The beer was doing its work, and she was feeling a tired. She briefly debated whether to turn off the TV, but left it on as she lay down on the sofa, closing her eyes.
With her eyes closed, her mind wandered, but her eyes shot open as the show on the TV caught her mind's attention.
"Considered one of the most important operations of the war against the Haydonites. Operation Good Fortune was Admiral Coleiro's plan to attack the Hegemony's immense network of orbital shipyards and bases in the Letiri System. Employing a risky strategy, Coleiro drew away the defensive forces guarding the system before taking the Arcadia into the system. He then led the Arcadia's fighter squadrons in strikes against the enemy's installations. The destruction of those installations crippled the enemy's operations, and with this victory allowed Alliance forces to take the offensive against the Hegemony, liberating Optera…"
Faith held her breath, watching the video footage play. Her eyes never wavered, watching as Paul briefed the pilots, telling them that the war and everyone's survival was counting on the success of this operation. Tears formed in her eyes, seeing him on the Arcadia's hanger deck. Gentle tears rolled down her face and her breathing became harder, watching him climb into his Veritech's cockpit with her name emblazoned on the side of his fighter.
The camera closed in, showing Paul in his cockpit, his face easily visible behind his helmet visor. Faith wanted to freeze the scene so she could imprint it into her mind. Yet, the scene moved on, changing to show waves of fighters attacking space stations and ships in orbit around a planet.
She couldn't watch anymore and turned off the TV, lying back on the sofa. A torrent of thoughts and emotions flowed through her while she stared at the ceiling.
More tears rolled down her face, "Goodbye, Paul," she whispered to the empty room.
oOoOo
"Are you sure you want to do this?" the English-accented voice said.
Rachel Larson sighed, reaching for the handle to open the car door. Even though there was a part of her that wanted to tell Giles to just keep driving, she needed to do this.
Faith needs to know what happened, Rachel thought, pushing through the doubts and nervousness coursing through her.
"Yeah, I have to do this. I'll need a drink afterward," she muttered, getting out of the car. To Rachel the front door of the small nondescript house seemed miles away despite being just off the street.
"I think we'll all need a drink afterward," Giles replied, joining Rachel.
oOoOo
Faith didn't realize she'd dozed off until a soft banging woke her. Reflexes kicked in, and her body tensed in readiness to deal with a potential threat.
She calmed down when she realized the banging was someone knocking at the front door. Yet, despite this realization, old habits remained, and she crept towards the door. She wasn't too worried about threats because most bad guys wouldn't knock first. She figured it was probably one of Andy's neighbours or friends stopping by.
"Chief? Giles?" Faith said, stunned to find Chief Larson and Giles standing at her front door.
Giles nodded, "Hello, Faith."
A long moment of silence descended over the front door. Giles broke the impasse, "May we come in?"
Faith shook off her confusion, realizing how she must look, "Uh… yeah, right. Come in… make yourselves at home," she said, opening the door to the pair, and showing them to the living room.
The uncomfortable silence returned as Rachel and Giles sat on the sofa and Faith took a chair across from them. This time it was Faith that broke the silence.
"So, uh… Chief, how are you doing?"
"It's just Rachel now. I'm no longer in the military," Rachel said, adding a small smirk.
She noted Faith's puzzled expression, "I quit… retired, however you want to call it. I left or I should say more accurately, I'll be leaving the service in a couple of weeks. I just have to wait for my paperwork to be processed."
Faith eyed Rachel with surprise at her news, "I-I don't know what to say. I would have thought you would stay on until the war was over?"
Rachel sighed, her face suddenly becoming tired and old, "This is my third war… four if you count the Zentraedi rebellion. I've seen enough, and I've lost too much… too many friends and family."
At the mention of lost ones, Faith nodded, meeting the other woman's eyes, seeing the pain and sadness lingering there. It only reminded her of her own inner turmoil she was wrestling with.
Faith changed the subject, trying to shake off the dark cloud hovering over the room, "So, what're you going to do now?" she said.
Rachel flashed a small smile, picking up on what Faith was trying to do, "I don't know. I'm going to take some time to think about it. Maybe Giles will make an honest woman out of me… or maybe I'll corrupt him," she laughed.
Faith couldn't help herself and laughed, especially when she caught the uncomfortable look on Giles's face at Rachel's comments.
"Corrupt, Giles? Now that's something I would love to see!" Faith said, laughing again.
A small sigh escaped, trying to remember the last time she'd laughed. It felt good to laugh again, but seeing Rachel only reminded her of Paul. The dark emotional cloud reasserted itself.
Faith took a deep breath, trying to shake off the cloud. She had questions that needed answers, "How did he die? Dawn didn't tell me much beyond that Paul was dead. The news has provided little in the way of details either."
Rachel sighed. She'd been expecting Faith to ask her about Paul's death.
The Alliance Council had classified the circumstance of Paul's death, releasing only vague general statements for public consumption. Even if the Alliance had been willing to release the details, there were no details to release. The Invid were keeping silent and providing no information beyond that "Admiral Coleiro was no more" and his sacrifice helped bring about the Regent. To avoid questions that might cause issues with Invid, the Alliance was focusing more on the Admiral's contributions to the Alliance and war rather than his death.
Along with classifying this information, all information and images of the Invid Regent were being suppressed right now. Again, this was to avoid causing any diplomatic complications or problems with the Invid at this crucial juncture. There were other less subtle reasons for this decision too.
Rachel had heard rumors of the upper echelons of Alliance command being concerned about what the Admiral's "sacrifice" had entailed and what he may have given the Invid. The reports of how the Invid had flown their mecha against the Haydonites, adding to the numbers of ships they deployed, only seemed to reaffirm those fears. Rachel dismissed those worries as alarmism. The Invid of this universe were nothing like the Invid she'd fought before.
There was also concern of how the public would react to the Invid assuming human form, especially taking on the younger appearance of one of the Alliance's greatest heroes. Rachel had already caught wind of rumblings on the grapevine with some not too subtle racist overtones.
Either way, the public at large had no real hint or idea of what had happened with the Admiral and was happening with the Invid Regent.
The reason Rachel was here was because Paul would have wanted her to be here. He was her family and she would have done anything for him, no matter the cost. She didn't care about the repercussions for divulging classified information.
What're they going to do? Court-martial me? Fire me? I already quit! Screw them!
The major problem with trying to answer Faith's question was that Rachel didn't know what to tell her. Paul had left no clue or note to explain why he made this decision.
Rachel breathed hesitantly, realizing Faith wouldn't like the answers, but she deserved to know as much as possible, "I don't have a lot of answers myself. What I know is that he went to Optera… the Invid homeworld. Defeating the Haydonites and ending this war obsessed him. When he found out the Haydonites invaded Earth, it consumed him even more."
Faith closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before opening them, "Optera? What was he doing there? Did he die there? Where is he buried?"
Rachel hesitated again, sighing "To be honest, I don't know. No one has any idea why he was there and what he was trying to accomplish. The Invid have been pretty closed mouth on what happened to him. The only thing they've been saying is that he is 'no more' and what he did allowed them to overcome the Haydonite's PSI jamming. Without whatever he did, the Invid wouldn't have been able to help us like they did…"
Rachel paused, debating to continue. What she wanted to say sounded too contrived and melodramatic. She gave in because however it sounded, it was still the truth.
"Whatever he did made it possible for the Invid to now fully take part in this war. With them now able to bring all their forces to the battle, the war will be over sooner… saving countless lives."
Rachel eyed Faith as her words sank in. Faith closed her eyes again, taking another deep breath. Rachel could read that the other woman was struggling to keep her emotions under control. Faith opened her eyes, meeting Rachel's gaze.
"D-Did he leave a note… or a message?" she whispered.
Rachel paused, realizing what she was going to say would hurt, "No… If he did, nobody knows anything about it," she said, shaking her head slowly.
Faith closed her eyes again, taking a deep breath. A surprising flash of anger gripped her, hearing that Paul would have sacrificed himself and not even leave her a message. She pushed the anger down and opened her eyes to see Rachel eyeing her worriedly.
"Thanks, Ch— uh, Rachel. I appreciate you coming here to see me," Faith said, gaining some control back over her emotions.
She'd thought earlier had been bad, but now she felt emotionally drained. All she wanted now was to be left alone. Without thinking, Faith stood up to show Giles and Rachel out, but neither person moved to leave.
A sudden weird vibe gripped Faith, and she sensed there was something else going on that Rachel wanted to tell her.
"Why are you really here?" Faith said, eyeing Rachel curiously. Rachel suddenly appeared uncomfortable, confirming Faith's instincts.
Ever since finding out about the Regent, Rachel had been researching into everything on file about the Invid from this universe and her universe. Even with the limited information available, she'd sussed out enough to come up with her own theories about what might have happened to Paul on Optera.
What she'd come up with sounded so crazy and outlandish that Giles, even with his background and experience, considered it beyond plausible. He had cautioned her about telling Faith about her theories, giving Faith any false hope. Rachel argued with him, but realized she had no actual evidence to support her ideas. She was going more on gut instinct and hope.
Faith continued prodding, "What is it you're not telling me?"
Rachel sighed, deciding on following Giles's sound advice. The young woman had suffered enough and didn't need to be crushed with false hope fed to her by some crazy old lady. Yet, she still wondered if she should even tell Faith about the Regent. Despite her certainty that Faith deserved to know, she still worried how Faith would react.
"There's something you need to know. Something that isn't public knowledge," Rachel breathed.