The lack of interaction with Ashley is more difficult than Sam imagined. It creeps up on her slowly, her day starts out how it normally does, but by mid-day she can tell something is missing. Enough so that even Diana Allers mentions it.
"Hey, where's your poetry-loving muscle?"
"My what?"
The smirk on Allers' face makes Sam nervous, "LC Williams? You know, the over-protective hottie that graces our presence, especially yours, on a daily basis?"
Sam blinks slowly as she opens her mouth to respond, because of course Allers knows, only to snap it shut in surprise as realization hits her, "I— I don't know."
"Is that so?" Allers looks calculating and not nearly as surprised as Sam thinks she should be, "Hm, interesting," she says before walking away.
She's angry after that, a similar anger to when this all started. She's angry at herself but she's directing it at Liara and EDI all over again.
As another day passes and she grows sad, knowing at this point she can't blame them and blames herself for not telling Ashley sooner.
She wants to be selfish, to spend as much time as she can without any prior event to muddy their time together. Ashley's presence fills her with a kind of warmth she hasn't felt in such a long time. It is such an escape for Sam from their currently reality that she realizes she needs it more than anything. She begrudgingly admits that while unconventionally and inappropriate as it was, EDI and Liara's initial reasoning has proven accurate.
The distraction is exactly what she needs to keep her head above water.
Seeing Ashley is a breath of fresh air, a vision that calms her mind from all the hectic shit she keeps finding and discovering from all the chaos that surrounds them.
She watches as Ashley stops in the middle of the walkway, looking around at anyone but her and then turns around and heads back the same way she came.
It hurts.
It hurts more than she thought it would. Their brief interaction those few nights ago lifted her spirits and she started imagining all sorts of possibilities, only for her own honesty to shatter them hours later.
She can hear the war room doors whoosh open and she can't help but take a brief glance towards them, her feelings conflict with relief and sadness that it's only Shepard who steps out of them. She must have missed everyone leave.
Sam goes back to work, methodically inputting data, confident that EDI will catch something if she misses it. She's desperate for a break from the crew, but with how the Reaper and Cerberus situations are escalating she knows it isn't possible.
She notices the Commander walk up to the terminal, giving her a message status update without looking up, continuing to input data she has recently found from the repeating turian code.
It takes a few minutes for Sam to realize Shepard is staring at her and her breath catches when she finally looks over and the wave of tears she thought long gone threaten to overflow. Shepard looks guilty... and worried.
"I'm sorry," Shepard says, hesitant a she reaches out and squeezes Sam's shoulder when she doesn't move away.
Sam's hands clench around the data-pad she's holding, stemming her immediate reaction of wanting to bury her face in Shepard's shoulder and bawl her eyes out.
Shepard notices the movement and motions for Sam to follow. Seeing the hesitation, Shepard says, "It's going to be almost a week before we can stop somewhere safe. I don't want you falling apart in the middle of an attack." Shepard winces at how insensitive she sounds.
Sam almost laughs at how awkward Shepard is being. A stab of pain shoots through her, her thoughts turning to Ashley who is a lot better at this kind of thing. She follows Shepard quickly, the tears falling seconds after she turns away from the CIC.
Sam feels like a child; hiding behind Shepard's broad shoulders whenever someone walks by, her hand stretched out, holding the bottom of Shepard's shirt. She almost stops herself, but she needs the contact and it's enough until they get to wherever Shepard is taking them.
She hears Shepard's sharp intake of breath at the tug on her shirt, and Sam can barely hold it together as Shepard nods. The second they walk into the elevator Shepard turns and holds her arms open and Sam launches herself into them, sobbing.
Sam starts laughing through her tears moments later as she realizes at one point she would have given anything to be in Shepard's arms.
"I'm sorry for all this," Shepard whispers and Sam's shocked to see her eyes shining with un-shed tears.
"It's not your f—"
"It is!" Shepard insists. "I knew it was happening. Or at least had an idea of what they were doing, but I was too caught up in this council and summit bullshit that I didn't care to nip the problem. I didn't think it would come to anything. So yes, as your Commanding Officer, it is entirely my fault that it got so out of hand, and as your friend, I am so sorry."
Before she can think of what she's doing, Sam leans up and gives Shepard a light peck on the lips, "Thank you," she whispers, a strange relief rushes through her that she really does mean it.
Flustered, Shepard gapes at her before her body sags in relief, she lifts a hand to her forehead and leans back against the wall, "This is such a mess." She rubs her face and groans, leading Sam to her room. "I'm going to let you stay here for a few hours. Have EDI transfer up any data you might need to my terminal." Sam looks at her in confusion and Shepard flushes, "Uh, Ashley's currently discussing things with Liara and EDI right now, so I figure it would be best to not be around when they're done."
Sam nods, grateful for the insight, "Yes, she's been avoiding me lately and I'd rather not watch her purposely stay out of my way."
The hurt in her voice is unmistakable and Shepard vows to make sure this shit is taken care of because she knows it is her fault it went this far. She hopes she can catch Ashley after she verbally kicks Liara and EDI's asses to talk to her about all of this. She knows Ashley has no reason to like Sam, but she hopes the reason for avoiding the girl isn't going to make everything even more stressful.
"I'll let you know when I need my room back," Shepard says before disappearing out to the elevator.
Sam decides to sit on Shepard's couch, it feels like this has been her only break in three days and despite her best intentions to get more work done, she finds herself drifting off to sleep.
Shepard paces the width of the war table as Liara and EDI shift around nervously while Ashley stands off to the side, stone-faced and vibrating with anger.
Three days ago EDI had shown up late into the night, shifting nervously. Her physical presence alone had alerted Shepard into wakefulness.
If she hadn't been so tired she would have thrown them all into the War Room that same night, but she could barely keep her eyes open and from experience, she knew that Ashley was going to need more time alone.
It took her three days to trust that Ashley had cooled down just enough to not destroy the two on sight.
"The two of you," Shepard motions to EDI and Liara, "are going to stay here and listen to whatever Lieutenant Commander Williams has to say." They nod and Shepard continues, "Once she's done you're going to thank her and respond with a 'yes ma'am'. Is that clear?"
"Yes, Commander," they say in unison.
"If something like this ever happens again…" she trails off, almost wishing there will be a next time because that meant they survived all this shit. She doesn't need to come up with a threat, because both of them look mortified.
As Shepard starts to leave, Ashley stops her, "Commander, may I have a word once we're done here?"
Shepard pauses and nods, glad her back is too them so they can't see the grimace cross her face. She is aware of the Commander persona she is sporting right now, but also aware of the disservice she has given Ashley about the entire situation.
Once the door shuts, Ashley can barely resist the urge to pace. She is angry, rightfully so, but she is also hurt. A part of her feels like it's what she deserves for all the shit she put Shepard through. Had she been too hopeful that it was all in the past?
Ashley spent the past three days taking her anger out on the punching bag. Often enough that it now needs to be replaced. She spent her nights barely resisting the urge to drown her pain and hurt in alcohol. On top of it all, she has no idea how to respond to Sam's flirting and she can't help but wonder if the other day was actually an impromptu date.
She hopes it was, it was perfect. As perfect as she can imagine a date being on a ship could be. She had been so close to sharing something she enjoyed, but rarely told anyone about (not that it mattered everyone seemed to know anyway). She is more than ready to let Sam look at one of her favorite poetry books. It still sits in her back pocket and she's been trying to get the courage to give it to Sam, however whenever she see's Sam the uncertainty and awkward feelings about the current situation overpower her resolve. It then turns to anger at her so called friends for possibly ruining the one thing she started to look forward to throughout this whole fucking Reaper bullshit.
"I am truly sorry, Ashley. I had not—" Liara speeks and it startles Ashley enough that she responds by slamming her fists on the table in front of her.
She almost grins as Liara and EDI flinch.
"Shut up!" she hisses. The anger resurfaces and she is having difficulties in controlling it. "You know what, I'm not even mad that you did this shit without my permission. Am I even the only one you had pictures of?" Their downcast eyes give Ashley her answer. "Of course I'm not," she hits the table again, "What the hell were you thinking!? What if it were someone else? What if was some other member of the crew? You know what, that doesn't even matter. You purposely messed around with someone's feelings! In the middle of a goddamn galactic war!
"What was this? Some kind of payback for how I treated Shepard? I don't even understand why you would use someone else like that! Why—!" Ashley finishes with a yell of frustration, weakly hitting her fists in the table again, and her shoulders slump, "How many times do I have to say I'm sorry for you to finally believe me?"
Liara gasps, tears streaming down her face. Ashley's voice cracks and Liara can tell she's on the verge of tears and it kills her, "No, Ashley, no." Liara barely gets out through her own tears. She rushes around the table, hesitantly placing a hand on Ashley's shoulder. "This was not, this did not have anything to do with you. In a way this is not even EDI's fault, she just did as I asked."
"I appreciate what you are trying to do, Doctor T'Soni, however, it is unnecessary. I am just as guilty."
Liara shakes her head and continues, "I was—" Liara hesitates, "I was jealous." Ashley is confused and Liara sighs in shame.
"I suppose now that I look back on it, it was ridiculous for me to react in such a way. There are times when my actual age makes itself known," she takes both of Ashley's hands in her own, breathing a small sigh of relief when Ashley doesn't pull away. "I saw a lot of myself in Samantha. I know that Shepard and Samantha had not been on the ship together long before Mars, but I could already tell Samantha was attracted to Shepard. Instead of knowing that it would not come to anything," Liara bites her lip, "I was afraid. I see how ridiculous it is now, but I had not spoken to Shepard in six months and I was afraid," she repeats, unable to voice the rest of her feelings.
Liara swallows the lump in her throat, "Then I spoke to Joker," she smiles at Ashley's snort, "Yes, that was my second mistake. I asked him what to do and he suggested a 'prank' one that would draw her attention elsewhere. I had originally set it up to help Samantha 'relax' I had no intention of letting it get any further."
"That's so fucked up, Liara."
"Yes, I am aware of that now."
Ashley let's go of Liara's hands and rubs at her eyes, this is exhausting. If she hadn't dealt with Shepard and her crew before, she would have been surprised at this random ass drama in between the looming threat of the galaxy, "Can't you just use your biotics next time or something?"
Liara chuckles, "Samantha suggested the same thing," Liara slowly wraps her arms around Ashley and is relieved that Ashley responds in kind.
Ashley sighs and leans her forehead on Liara's shoulder, "I hate being mad at you two." She whispers, hoping Liara knows she's not talking about EDI.
"It does seem to be something we are really good at, though," Liara says ruefully, running a comforting hand through Ashley's hair. She is used to doing it for Shepard and she's unable to help herself now, as she notices the slight difference in texture. "I am sorry for everything we put you through. Not just lately, but before. I know that was hard on you and I did take your personal feelings for granted."
Ashley groans, "Why do you both have to bring up old feelings." Ashley gives a slight squeeze as she steps away, "I would appreciate if both of you," she addresses EDI this time, "were scarce the next few days. Maybe apologize to Sam. I need to fix this before my chance is gone for good."
"Yes, of course. Are we—" Liara hesitates, "are we ok?"
"We will be." Ashley indicates they can go, Liara walks out but EDI stays behind.
"I do regret my influence in this and have erased most of the footage that we acquired during this incident. I would also like to request that perhaps it is not necessary to end this conversation with what Commander Shepard has dictated?"
Ashley blinks, having forgotten that Shepard set a couple demands, "Don't bother, EDI. Maybe if I were still angry, but I'm just tired and I still need to speak with Shepard."
"I understand. Thank you, Ma'am." EDI smiles and Ashley rolls her eyes.
"Stupid AI," Ashley watches as Liara and EDI take their turn at the security scanner.
She groans, wishing the room had chairs. She was so angry the last few days and it was wearing her down. All Ashley wants now is to curl up and sleep until they land somewhere. However, Shepard was due back any second and she also needs to find Sam and apologize for avoiding her.
Ashley takes a seat on one of the many crates they have sitting around the area. She takes out her poetry book from her back pocket and turns it over multiple times, wondering if it was enough to show Sam that she is interested.
"Hey."
Ashley looks up and can't contain her grin at the sight of Shepard's downcast eyes and nervous movement, "Hey, Skipper."
Shepard sits down next to Ashley, still not looking at her, "I'm sorry I let this happen." She sighs and closes her eyes, resting her head on the crates behind them.
Ashley figures Shepard is just as tired as she is, if not more so. Her earlier insecurities come rushing back and she can't help but voice them, wanting to know for certain that the Cerberus shit was behind them, "I might have deserved some of it."
Shepard shakes her head, "No. At the time I might have thought it, but no. There was no reason for me to let this continue as long as it did." Shepard glances over at her finally, but looks at the floor just as quick. There's a frown on her face and Ashley wants to know what's wrong.
"We're both too emotionally exhausted to be rational about this, so what's actually bothering you?"
"Traynor."
Ashley stiffens, the strength of the urge to protect Sam is overwhelming and she breaths in deeply, trying to loosen her muscles, "What about her?"
"I know you had your words with Liara and EDI and I know it wasn't exactly pleasant. Well, for Liara at any rate. EDI wasn't exactly the focus as her involvement wasn't as high and was probably more out of curiosity than jealousy."
"You were listening?"
Shepard shrugs sheepishly, "Not for long, I escorted Traynor to my room when I left. I figured it would be better for her to get out of there before you were finished."
Ashley slumps and rubs at her face in frustration, "I feel so stupid. I know I've been avoiding her for dumb reasons, but I can't help it. I was so mad at Liara and when I realized that Sam was an unwillingly party in all this, I just felt awkward."
"So are you interested or…?" Shepard grins and knocks into her shoulder and Ashley flinches on reflex only to realize it doesn't bother her anymore.
"Well…" Ashley shrugs helplessly and draws attention to the book in her hand. "I had wanted to let her borrow this, but then she told me what happened and I got angry instead."
Shepard gasps dramatically, "You're going to let her borrow your most precious item ever?"
"Ugh, don't be ridiculous," Ashley shoves Shepard and cackles when Shepard nearly tumbles into the crates next to them.
They struggle a few minutes, pushing each other back and forth. Ashley knows for certain Shepard isn't even trying and she yelps in surprise when Shepard's arms disappear quickly enough that Ashley falls into her.
It was the second time in as many weeks that Shepard hugs her. She doesn't fight it, sighing in content, relishing the warmth of her best friend. Burying her face in Shepard's shoulder, she's unable to stop the tears of relief, "I missed you," she whispers.
"Missed you too, Ash." Shepard gives Ashley a squeeze before pulling back and grins, "How 'bout we go get you a girlfriend, huh?"
"So glad you approve," Ashley says sarcastically, slapping away at Shepard's hands as she tries to wipe away the remnants of Ashley's tears.
"I approve of her a lot more than Vega, that's for sure."
"Vega? What's he got to do with this?"
Shepard shrugs, "Nothing really, just a feeling."
"Uh-huh, whatever you say."
Shepard shoots her a look.
"Ugh, whatever you say, ma'am."
Shepard rubs her hands together, "So glad we're in agreement! Now then, let's go woo Samantha Traynor."
"Why do you look like you're five seconds from throwing me over your shoulder and delivering me to Sam?"
Shepard has the decency to look sheepish, "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Mhmm…" Ashley sighs and starts to walk away, "Can you at least remember that you have your own brainiac girlfriend?"
"Aw, I thought we could share," Shepard practically giggles and Ashley swears some part of Shepard is serious.
Groaning, Ashley walks away faster, briefly forgetting the security would slow her retreat, "I hate you!"
"I love you, too!" Shepard shouts, letting Ashley go. She sags back onto the crates in relief.
At least something was starting to look up.