Chapter 13 Guilt

Oliver

As heard the gun fire he prepared to feel the searing pain of the bullet entering his body but he felt nothing. He saw Felicity drop the gun and fall to her knees in front of him and for a second he was watching his worst nightmare. But he didn't see any blood and she didn't look like she was in pain she just looked like she was in shock, the effect of the drug wearing off.

Then he heard something fall behind him. He turned and saw Slade collapse with blood coming from a wound in his abdomen a look of shock painted on his face. Everything clicked. Felicity had fought back and shot Slade. She was able to beat the drug. He knew he had to act fast.

He slid next to Felicity and grabbed the gun and quickly shot the two masked men that had accompanied Slade and Malcolm. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Diggle disarm Lyla and he was trying to get through to her. She looked exactly like Felicity like she was in shock.

Then Oliver remembered what Slade had said. Felicity and Lyla were still attached to bombs. He yelled at John to get it off Lyla while he worked on Felicity's before it was too late. He could still hear Slade fighting for every last breath and Malcolm had already run off knowing they had lost. He could also have a kill switch so they had to work fast.

Luckily they didn't look too difficult to disarm. "Felicity I need you to stay with me I'm going to get you out of here." She still wasn't talking and she was just staring off into the distance mumbling under her breath. He detached a few wires and was able to get it off Felicity but it still could go off. So he grabbed it and grabbed Lyla's when John was done and ran to the end of the docks and threw them into the water.

He quickly ran back to Felicity who was still kneeling on the ground. "I killed him. I killed him. I'm a murderer. I'm so sorry Oliver. I'm so sorry Oliver. I'm so sorry Oliver."

"Felicity I'm right here. I'm fine. You didn't shoot me."

He grabbed her hands and placed them on his chest.

"Feel that. It's my heart beating. I'm alive because of you Felicity. You saved me."

"Naive as always…you never….were a smart…one kid."

Oliver slowly turned around to see Slade still struggling to stay alive. Felicity was still mumbling and it didn't appear that he had gotten through to her. So he scooped her up and walked over to where Slade was laying. Oliver could tell he wasn't going to make it. He had lost too much blood and no one was coming to save him. His accomplice had already run off and Oliver had killed his thugs.

"Oliver it's not worth it man. We got to get out of here before the cops show."

"You go I'll be right behind you."

Diggle did as Oliver asked and carried Lyla into the van. Oliver stood over Slade staring down his enemy one last time.

"You failed Slade."

"I may have… failed in killing you… but I ruined… the life…of the one you love." He was struggling with every breath and Oliver could see the life draining out of him. "She will…never get…over killing me….she is too good…the guilt will eat away at her…..and that is on you."

He was fading but what he said struck Oliver. So as he walked away and got into the van he cradled Felicity in his arms. He gently stroked her hair as John drove them away with Lyla knocked out in the front seat.

A part of him hoped she would forget so she wouldn't have to know. But if she did forget wouldn't he have the obligation to tell her or should he lie to protect her. Thousands of questions raced through his mind but there was one thing he knew for sure. Slade was gone and he couldn't hurt them anymore. The explosion that sent water spewing in the air proved him right. Now all they had to do was find Malcolm and end this once and for all.

Felicity

She was in a car. Someone was cradling her in their arms. She felt so foggy. There were bits and pieces missing from her memory like they had been erased. There were voices but she couldn't make out what they were saying. Her head felt like she had been hit by a bus and her whole body felt numb. She wanted to speak but found she couldn't find the words.

The car finally stopped and the door opened. She was carried out into the night air and she rested her head on Oliver's chest. Oliver! He was alive. She thought she had killed him. She had a gun and she fired it but he was safe. She took a deep breath and relaxed in his arms.

He was safe and that's all that mattered. Her eyes flickered more and she could see John in the driver seat with Lyla in the passenger seat but she looked unconscious. But they were both safe too and that made her feel even happier. The car pulled away and Oliver carried Felicity into her house not knowing she was conscious yet. Once they got inside he carried her to her bedroom and laid her gently on the bed.

He slowly pulled the covers over her when she was finally able to find her voice. "Oliver?" His face lit up with the biggest smile and he sat down right next to her. "Hey how are you feeling?"She pulled her hand out from under the covers and gripped his in hers feeling instant comfort from his touch. He pulled her hand up and kissed her wrist reassuring her that she was safe. "I feel fine just a little groggy I don't remember a lot of what happened."

She saw a look flicker across his face but she couldn't tell what it was. "What do you remember?"

Trying to think back she decided she would start with being kidnapped. "I remember getting up to grab something to drink and then somebody put a rag over my mouth and I blacked out. Then I remember waking up in a cell not knowing what the hell was going on. Then Lyla was put in the same room with me and we never lost hope that you and Diggle would find us." She squeezed is hand to emphasize this point but he still looked like something was bothering him. "Then Slade and Malcolm revealed themselves, which I thought was a little dramatic but I digress. Then they injected us with something that knocked me out again but this time it seemed to have blocked some of my memory because the next thing I remember I was pointing a gun at you." Remembering this part made her shudder and she almost felt sick thinking about the fact she had almost killed Oliver.

"I think they gave you a drug that made you easily susceptible to persuasion and also made you forget some things. But you were strong and you were able to fight it, you are the strongest person I have ever met. None of what happened was your fault Felicity you have to know that. It was all Slade and Malcolm's fault."

"What happened after that? Did Slade and Malcolm get away?" As she said this Oliver looked away immediately and she could tell he was hiding something. She sat up in bed feeling a little woozy but she wanted to be able to look him in the eye. Gently she placed her hand on his cheek and turned him so they were face to face. "Tell me what happened. Please." He let out a breath clearly facing the fact that he would have to tell her the truth. He grabbed both her hands in his and looked straight into her eyes.

"The drug made you do things you would never do just remember that Felicity. Slade and Malcolm made you and Lyla chase John and I down and try to kill us. They had us on our knees and you guys had the guns pointed at us. I talked and talked trying to break through to you and you must have heard me because I could see you fighting. Just as you were breaking through I could see you pulling the trigger but you must have gotten through because you didn't kill me. Then I grabbed the gun and shot the two hired guns and Diggle was able to disarm Lyla. Then I turned around and saw Slade on the ground and Malcolm was already making his escape. When you fired the gun you missed me but it hit Slade. By the time we got the bomb vests off of you and Lyla Malcolm was gone and Slade had lost a lot of blood."

"Is he alive does the SCPD have him in custody?"

"Felicity Slade is dead."

Time seemed to stand still and what Oliver had just said slowly began to sink in. Slade was dead. Slade was dead and Felicity was the one who fired the gun. She had killed Slade. Someone was dead and it was because of her. She didn't even know how to feel. Slade was a bad person who hurt a lot of people and almost made her kill the person she loves most but did she have the right to kill him. She could argue that it was an accident and maybe it was but the fact was that she killed someone and she would have to live with that for the rest of her life.

"Felicity this is not your fault. You are a good person and you didn't kill Slade on purpose it was an accident. The gun went off and the bullet hit him but do not blame yourself. I'm so sorry I didn't get to you sooner. I could have prevented this whole thing if I could have found you sooner. But I'm going to be here for you. No matter what you need I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

He said all the right things but some how she still felt numb to the whole situation and the only thing she felt was guilt. "I think I need to be alone for a little while Oliver."

"Felicity don't push me away."

"Oliver. Please I just can't be around anyone right now. Please for me."

He lowered his head in defeat and she could see the hurt on his face. She wasn't trying to hurt him but she needed time.

"Alright I'll be on the couch if you need anything." He got up and kissed her on the forehead and said, "I love you."

"I love you too."

When he had finally closed the door she was left in the silence with her thoughts. The events of the day catching up to her she felt drained. Physically and emotionally drained. So she laid her head on the pillow and wrapped herself up her blankets. She knew she would not be getting a good night sleep but she needed to at least try. But as soon as she fell asleep that was when the nightmares started.