Chapter 6: Himalaya

Once Yukino had begun to imagine the weight on her lap as a cat, stroking her friend's hair had stopped feeling awkward.

"I screwed up," Yui sobbed.

"No."

"I could cope. I really could. I just didn't know that telling the condensed version would make me feel so bad, you know?"

"Yes."

"But did you listen? The story has a happy ending. So..."

"That was, what, your plan for our future?"

"I said I'm not good with plans. It's simply what will happen. In the best outcome. Us three minus me equals Hikki plus you. That's the whole math about it."

"This is," Yukino began "all in your head, don't you see that? You're tormenting yourself over something that's just in your head."

"It's not in my head. Maybe you really don't understand what's happening to you because you're a loner. Maybe even Hikki doesn't understand it. But I doubt that. But in any case, that's what will happen."

"Yui, stop trying to distance yourself from us. I simply won't allow you to take yourself out of the equation. Today, Hikigaya tried that and failed. And you are no Hikigaya. We are beyond that by now. Didn't I tell you already I often thought about the idea, about Hikigaya and me? I did it again and again, and again today. The conclusion was still the same: the benefits don't outweigh the costs."

"Yukinon, such things aren't decided in terms of costs and benefits."

"They are, when the costs would include my dear friend."

"But love outweighs friendship. You really should have tried kissing Hikki. You would feel differently about it now, I'm sure."

"No, I am sure of it."

Any further explanation would have been more than unhelpful at this point, Yukino decided.

"Say Yui, isn't there an aspect missing from the story you told me?" she asked.

"What do you mean."

"For example, shouldn't Hikigaya also be a little jealous when it's just the two of us together?"

"Why?"

"You could try to kiss me when I don't watch out..." Yukino explained.

Yui lifted her head. "You're making fun of me."

Yukino gently pushed Yui's head back into her lap. "No, Yui. But tell me, shouldn't he?"

"You know, that thing... I wanted to keep it secret. I think I will have to change that story now?"

"Yui, you should just forget about that stupid story altogether, not try to refine it. But he should, yes?"

"Well, maybe he is a little jealous," Yui began to improvise "but then he imagines things and finds it a bit exiting? But no..."

"No?"

"Hikki has no reason to feel jealous."

"I think he should feel a bit jealous in your story. I'm positive he should."

No response. Yukino tried another approach.

"Yui, do you remember your first sleepover? I offered to take the couch. You said the couch would be much too uncomfortable to sleep on, and too short. You insisted that we shared the bed."

"Don't make me sound like a creeper, Yukinon. It wasn't like that at all. That was even before… I just wanted to talk to you a bit more. Also, your bed is as broad as a double bed and I always kept my distance as best as I could."

Yukino sighed inaudibly. "But didn't you find it exciting in a way? Later then maybe? I'm not judging you. Just tell me."

"Yeah... in a way. It was exciting. But also awkward."

"It didn't fee awkward for me. Not awkward."

"Because you didn't know."

"Yui, I'm not getting through to you, hm?"

"I made you feel uncomfortable today. I shouldn't have done it. Can we just forget about it? Can we just talk about you and Hikki again?"

"If you wish. Don't you think Hikigaya dreams of 'everything' too from time to time? I guess it's normal?"

Yui's eyes lit up. "Do you really think that?"

"Yui, I've also been dreaming about 'everything' from time to time."

Yui abruptly bolted upright. "Don't make fun of me!"

"What is wrong?" Yukino asked.

"You've said you're not in love with him! Not even with him! Again and again! And now..."

"I have."

"You still have no idea what I meant with 'everything', right? Not at all."

"I'm very sure I understand you now. I guess, you're confused because we both mean a slightly different kind of 'everything'. And that's because we don't mean the same kind of 'dreaming' either."

"Well, I don't understand you then."

Another sigh. "Yui, will you... put your head into my lap again? That makes it easier."

Yui reluctantly laid down again.

"Earlier," Yukino began "Hikigaya offered you, us to be exact, quite bluntly to sleep with him. Did you find that a bit exciting, too?"

Yui's ear, the one Yukino could see, went red. "You know it wasn't for real. And to excite me was the last thing he wanted. What are you getting at?"

"I ask you that exactly because you knew it wasn't for real. I found it a little exciting, you know."

"Yeah, me too. A little," Yui admitted.

"And when he forced that kiss on you? Did you find that exciting?"

"No," Yui snapped.

"You spoke about the difference between dreams and the real world, Yui. Not everything you dream about you want for real. Especially when it comes to such things. Please keep that in mind now."

"Yukinon, I don't understand. Just what do you want to tell me? Or hear from me?"

"I have no more questions. I also want to tell you a story. A much nicer story. Not from the real world, though. Please promise me not to ask and make no comments. Also, don't tell Hikigaya about it. Well, I guess you will understand that when I'm done anyway."

"Is it that serious?"

"'Serious' is not the right word, maybe. But still. Please promise."

"I promise."

Yukino began to stroke Yui's hair again. "And also, just keep lying in my lap."

"Okay."

"I told you about different kinds of dreams, right? This is a dream I had. We went hiking. Hikigaya, you and me. In... the Himalayas, perhaps."

"The Himalayas?"

"Or Antarctica. Or the North Pole. I don't know. Somewhere very cold. I said this is a dream. Don't expect geographical precision. But you promised something."

"I'm sorry. Go on."

"Please take this serious."

"I will."

"So, it's cold. Ice all around, and it's snowing. We walk over a frozen lake. And suddenly the ice breaks under me. I fall into the lake, and hit my head. I'm unconscious."

Yui still didn't understand what her friend was getting at but listened curiously.

"But Hikigaya jumps after me and drags me out before I drown. Now his and my clothes are dripping with ice water and it's freezing. And I'm still unconscious.

But there is, well, a cabin close by. You two drag me there. The cabin is also cold but there is a bed with blankets and a fireside. You're trying to light a fire and tell Hikigaya to get me and himself out of the wet clothes. He's very embarrassed of course. But you get furious. You yell at him, you even hit him, he should start behaving like an adult, and that I might die if I'm not getting warmed up.

So he removes my clothes. Every piece of clothing I'm wearing. And he gets out of his own clothing. Everything."

Yui's ear had gotten bright red again by now.

"So he puts me into the bed and snuggles against me under the blankets. Because what can you do, we need to warm up, right? And you finally have a fire going. You tell Hikigaya you'll warm us both. So you also remove your clothes and snuggle against the both of us..."

"And then?" Yui whispered.

"I soon wake up again."

"And then?"

"And the fire heats up the cabin. And our clothes dry. And the next morning we can leave again.

The End."

"The End?" Yui asked a bit disappointed. "That was..." She stopped.

"Just ask. You keep asking anyway."

"That was a... dream you had?"

"A dream," Yukino insisted. "Often."

"Yukinon, this is so important. You say, Hikki snuggles against you. And I snuggle against you too?"

"Hikigaya warms me. And you do too. Yui, how much more explicit do you want me to get?"

"You know," Yui began slowly, "if Hikki hadn't jumped after you, you would just have drowned."

"Yes, definitely."

"I think, when people almost die, they think about what the might have missed in life. And might want to try all kind of things. Crazy things."

"And I think you're right. They really might want to try all kinds of things. But don't forget, Yui, in the real world, nobody nearly drowned in an ice lake."

"Yeah..."

"You remember what we said about dreams and the real world."

"Yeah..."

"You understand me? It's important that you understand me here."

Yui nodded... and also started sobbing again.

"Yui, I'm sorry, I apparently just can't get this right."

"No, no." Yui wiped her eyes with her arm. "I'm just happy."

"I don't know if I will ever understand you."

"It's okay." Yui sat up and leaned her head against Yukino's shoulder. "But why are you telling me this dream?"

"I thought you might like it? Isn't that how to do girl talk either?"

"I don't think so, Yukinon."

"I'm sorry, Yui. What I really wanted is you to understand that you're most important to me. No matter which angle you're looking at it from. And your happiness is too. Please never think of you as somebody I would just thoughtlessly toss aside to start something with Hikigaya. Yui, I was startled when you kissed me, that is true. My reaction wasn't exactly the most levelheaded one. But I only stayed in the bathroom for so long to think the whole situation through. I told you already. Then talking to Hikigaya first might also not have been the wisest decision..."

"It's okay," Yui repeated. "Say, Yukinon..."

"Yes?"

"Would you like to fix that kiss then, perhaps?"

"We can't do that, Yui. I am sorry."

A scowl. "Why not?"

Yukino turned around and looked at Yui. "Remember your story? I want to avoid having the sadness and pain and guilt and pity. While retaining the fun things. The three of us together. We just need to set up a few rules to have that. Wouldn't you like that?"

"Yukinon, you can't just continue to deny..."

"I'm not denying anything. Maybe I haven't made that point clear enough. It hurt giving up on Hikigaya. It still hurts every day. But I can live with it. Seeing how you have suffered… that must have been much worse."

"Don't tell me you want to give up on Hikki because of me..."

"I told you already why I've given up on him."

"But, you know, now I'm even one kiss ahead with Hikki… even if it wasn't a sincere one. What about that?"

Yukino turned away. "Actually, you're not."

"Today?"

"Yes. In the kitchen."

"I'm happy, Yukinon."

"Are you?"

"Yeah. Really."

"You shouldn't. You definitely shouldn't. But it doesn't matter. It will stop."

"Those rules, hm."

"Come Monday," Yukino declared, "we'll found the club anew. Better and stronger than ever. You were right, we can't have everything. But we all can have something. We can't avoid the pain altogether. But we can minimize it by distributing it evenly."

"Yeah..." Yui mumbled. "Minimizing the pain... maybe. But..."

"We would need those rules to make it work. But we can make it work."

"Yeah..."

"Yui, when Hikigaya returns, let me talk to him alone again. Then I let the two of you talk. And then the three of us will talk together. How to go on from here."

As if on cue, noise was coming from the apartment door. Yukino had given Hachiman a key before he had left.

"Yui, it has been a long day for you," Yukino said quickly. "A bath would be relaxing now, don't you think?"

Author's Notes

I told you about the Himalayas after chapter 1. You didn't believe me. I also told you things might get dark. And there might be no romantic conclusion at all.

Yukino's idea, let's call it the BFF route, it really could have worked. But in the next chapter two people will stumble into a little power game. And all might go down in mistrust, misunderstandings, miscalculations, and misfiring schemes… I'll try to keep the author's notes at a minimum after the next few chapters. Perhaps I'll add more lengthy notes after the 9th chapter to explain the finer points of what's to come...