Chapter 7: Control

"You know, there is a line between tactfulness and comedy. And we have crossed it by now," Hachiman remarked after Yui had quickly excused herself and left for the bath.

"I will take a bath after her. And I will excuse myself in more direct terms if you prefer it that way." Yukino poured tea into his cup. "We talked. What did you do in the meantime?"

He took it. "I thought. About where to go from here. Could you give me an update of the situation, please? What did you talk about?"

"Oh, the Himalayas, for example."

"Come again?"

There was a sparkle of humor in her eyes, and slight blush on her cheeks. "The Himalayas don't need to concern you. I just wanted to say it."

He gave her a serious look. "Does the fact that Yuigahama's eyes were red and puffy as she left concern me then? What did you say to her?"

"I'm not trying to make excuses but I really took care not to upset her. Maybe I failed. Maybe it was inevitable. But I can say that we made progress."

"What kind of progress?"

"She was convinced you and me would end up in a relationship anyway and tried to deal with it. She wasn't in on the arrangement or didn't believe it would hold. The stalemate, the uncertainty made her suffer. And suddenly, as we talked, everything she had suppressed came to the surface. It was heartbreaking."

He paused. "What do you think, then?"

"Me? That we need to help her, of course. Make her stop suffering."

"You mean, immediately? Eventually…?"

Yukino gave him a deep look.

"So, do you want me..." Hachiman went on.

"Yes?"

"As you said earlier, she confessed her love. I rejected her. If we closed that chapter, if we tried to just become closer friends now… would that help?"

Yukino smiled. "I'm sure it would."

"And you would have no objections against it? Paying her some more attention?"

Now it was Yukino who paused. "I would have no objections. Becoming closer friends would be exactly what we all need now."

Hachiman stared at his tea.

"Hikki, do you…?"

"It's the rules, right?" he quickly interrupted her. "That's what it boils down to. Becoming closer friends."

"I think so, yes. And that is what is needed now. What we all should stick to now. I am sorry."

"So Yuigahama won't get hurt."

"So we all get hurt a little less. But Yui is most important at the moment, yes."

"How do you imagine that exactly? We swear to be best friends forever, write down a contract and bury it in a cookie box under a tree at out secret place?"

"No, not like that, obviously. Don't ridicule the idea."

"But it is ridiculous. We aren't kindergarteners. This is not how adults manage their relations. Or could. How would these rules help anything? Or anybody? Mean anything?"

"Hikki, you're talking as if about an anonymous crowd. Two thirds of 'anybody' are sitting right here at the moment. And Yui would just feel relieved. She would certainly agree."

"Fine. I believe you. So Yuigahama was suffering, I understand."

"I don't think so." Yukino shook her head.

"Don't think what?"

"I don't think you really understand. Hikki. You haven't seen her. She wasn't crying in your lap."

"So maybe I don't understand Yuigahama, then. But I can promise to somehow make her feel less uncomfortable in the future, if you wish. I understand we shouldn't repeat the kiss in the kitchen for now. But Yukino, can I be blunt here? Nothing will happen as long as I won't allow it to happen. Isn't that enough 'rules'? Can you trust me a bit here?"

"This is not a question of trust. Especially not mine."

"I think it is."

Yukino shook her head again. "You really don't understand how she's feeling. You'd just go on with what started this in the first place. The fear of suddenly becoming the odd one out… Maybe my thoughts didn't revolve around that fear as much as Yui's but it wasn't foreign to me." She suddenly looked bitter. "Never think about it too late in the evening, it will keep you awake at night."

She drank some tea. "However it might be, strictly speaking, you're wrong. Which brings me to the next point Yui and me talked about."

"What do you mean?"

"… 'as long a I won't allow it.' Strictly speaking… that isn't really true anymore."

"Again, what do you mean?"

"You remember her love declaration to me? It was sincere. And that would open another angle."

"A hypothetical one," he dismissed it.

"As I said, we talked about it. The angle isn't any more hypothetical now than the others. Maybe as hypothetical. But not more. In a way, it's… tempting. It would be dishonest to deny that. But it doesn't matter anymore."

He didn't respond.

"You understand what I'm trying to say?" Yukino asked.

"I just needed to let it sink in."

"You're not having a moral problem here, I assume."

"No. But why are you even telling me?"

"Because you should know. And maybe to make you understand Yui's situation a bit better."

"So it's time to find a cookie box, after all?"

"Why do you say that now? You mocked that idea just two minutes ago. You sounded so confident."

"And one minute ago, the situation got a lot more complicated."

Yukino looked at him. "Is it really that? Or is it that you feel you have lost control over the situation? As long as you're in control there is no need for rules for you. Now, nobody is in control anymore. We'll have to rely on each other." She shrugged. "Well, now that the playing field has been leveled, so to speak, let us find ways to save the club."

Hachiman put his tea aside. "Aren't you overdramatizing a bit? And isn't it besides the point what I might think about it? Wouldn't you agree that, in principle, a situation where somebody was in control was to prefer over a situation where nobody is in control?"

"You know, Hikki," Yukino mused, "You said it: Yui declared her love to you and you rejected her. And not to forget, she was willing to give up on you for my sake. A chapter has been closed. Doesn't that simplify the situation a bit again? Isn't that a good start for all of us to become closer friends?"

Hachiman took a few seconds to process the message.

"Nobody is in control, huh?"

Yukino took a sip of tea. "As I said, we'll have to rely on each other."

"Each other, huh?"

Yukino abruptly put her tea down. "Hikki, I don't like the turn this discussion is taking. It's not as if I had asked for the situation to evolve in the way it did."

"If you say so..."

"Hikki, I told you where I see our future." Her voice became warmer. "I also told you I have feelings for you. Have you already forgotten that? Can't you just trust me? I wanted you to understand Yui's fears. But there is no need to jump directly to paranoia."

He didn't answer.

"Hikki, I fear our fall keeps accelerating. Can we work on that net now?"

He sighed. "I am sorry. So best friends forever it is then."

"Not explicitly, I think you had a point there. But in principle, yes."

He looked at her. "Why not make it explicit?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Why do you keep insisting on it now?" She paused. "Yui would agree. I told you, right? Yui would take it to heart..."

He continued to stare at her. "Why do you keep insisting on not making it explicit?"

Yukino now looked sad. "Hikki, I'm beginning to think a little fear might keep us all in check..."

They drank their tea.

"Say, Yukino," Hachiman finally asked, "when did you first come up with the idea for these rules? In the bathroom?"

"Yes, that's when I first thought about it."

"So why did we kiss then?"

"You kissed me."

"That again? Fine. But who was it who shoved your tongue into my mouth? Any clues on the culprit, girl detective Yukinoshita Yukino?"

"I apologize. We've been over that already. Yes, I signaled my consent quite clearly. I wasn't trying to deny that now."

"So when you let me kiss you: Was that part of 'leveling the playing field'?"

"Is this an act of self-inspection? Or a question?"

He didn't take the bait. "A question."

Yukino contemplated. "I asked Yui something similar. She said: 'I'm neither a schemer nor a robot. Just a girl.'"

"Is that your answer?"

"It's also the truth. Hikki, the kiss felt wonderful. I already told you that. It would be easier for me if it hadn't."

"But there is also Yui to think of..."

She didn't answer except with a pitying look.

"I am sorry again," he apologized. "Unfortunately, it wouldn't be a good idea to fix the kiss and remove any doubts..."

"No!" Yukino snapped.

Hachiman kept his calm. "We agree then."

"Hikki." Yukino put her cup on the table and her voice became official. "I herewith make a request to the service club: Keep the service club together. And I am willing to lead this operation. Just assist me."

"I was content with the state of the club," Hachiman answered hesitatingly. "I said so. I still can be content with it if it has to be this way. I just don't believe it can stay this way."

"Hikki, I can factor in your negativity. Just don't try to make it a self-fulfilling prophecy. At least try to act as if it could work."

"I will."

"Hikki, I hope I made myself clear this time. This is about the club. You can't solve this the special Hikigaya way. Not practically, logically. If you couldn't practically solve it that way, you'd just nod and still attempt it. But in this case it would go against the very goal we're trying to achieve. No attempts to leave the game please."

"I understand."

"Let's wait for Yui, shall we?"

o o o

"Water is getting cold." Yui shouted from the bathroom door.

Yukino rose from her seat. "How nice of her, giving us an advance warning. I will now go hiding in the bathtub for a while. During that time, you and Yui will talk about everything that is better talked about in my absence. Is that direct enough? Just try to understand her. The more the two of you could improve your relationship, the happier I'd be."

He nodded.

"And don't let her make any more self-sacrificial moves, Hikki. I won't accept them. Promise me that."

"I won't. And I won't make them either."

o o o

Yui and Yukino crossed paths in the semi-darkness between the bath and the living room. Yui wore her usual after-bath attire. Not exactly fitting considering the circumstances but Yukino decided not to mention it. Yui probably hadn't put much thought into it and Yukino had other things on her mind.

"I am sorry. I love you," she mumbled as she had closed to door behind her and could be sure neither Yui nor Hachiman would overhear her.

o o o

Yui's eyes were still a bit red. Oh well, it wasn't as if Hikki hadn't seen her in all kinds of states already. She didn't even notice Yukino's glances. Yui wasn't good with plans but she had made one. Now she had a battle to win and so little time.

At least, for the first time ever, she actually saw a realistic chance to win it.

Author's Notes

What if I told you that, with this chapter, the endgame has already started? Place your bets.