Authors Note: This was going to be part of the Red Ribbons series I am also writing however I made some changes to the relationships further down the line (I have written 5 more chapters I just need to edit and publish them) but I thought I would post this as a Oneshot anyway. I hope you enjoy!

TRIGGER WARNING FOR DEPRESSION

You got like this sometimes, quiet, you felt invisible and hollow. You felt the need to curl up in a corner and never re-emerge. You couldn't explain this feeling. It was like there was a void inside you, a black hole sucking all your happiness, and levity in your life away from you when you needed it most. When you got like this you wouldn't talk much. No more than necessary to convince the boys that you were fine and that you were nothing more than a little tired. Which he give you that look, that Sammy look which just said you should look after yourself better.

You had been diagnosed a year ago with clinical depression. You had been forced to cancel many therapy sessions because hunting took president and always disrupted it, but lately you hadn't been hunting but you also hadn't been going to therapy either. The boys were worried that much was clear, Dean would never push you to talk about not until he thought you were popping pills or cutting again, not unless it was necessary. Sam, on the other hand, would ask how you are not in the 'how are you' way that everyone else asks, to create small talk, but Sam said it in a way that said 'I see you, I get you'

You were in you room, it was dark as usual, the lack of windows forever making your room look like a prison cell despite the plastering of posters on the wall. You were sitting on the edge of your bed, staring into the full length mirror. You barely recognised your reflection - you looked dead - your sunken cheeks and eyes that had lost their sparkle.

There was a knock on your door, it creaked open as Sam peaked his head around the door. "Hey Y/N, you ready to go out for dinner?"

"Ummmmm... I'm not particularly hungry I'll probably just get a snack later you go on without me" I said pulling the covers up around me.

"Y/N I know what going on with you hiding from us and pretending everything is ok it only going to make it worse" Sam replied as he came to sit on the side of the bed. His eyes staring into mine.

"And how would you know, Sammy?" I retorted sardonically, turning over so I was no longer facing him.

"You don't think I've ever felt depressed? I've been through hell and back, literally. I understand how you are feeling. There were times where I didn't care if I lived or died. I never want you to feel that, I want you to be happy but I also want you to know that if you can't be happy right now for whatever reason then…" he paused, his voice strained with emotion "I want you to know that it's okay to be sad sometimes and you don't have to hide it from us, from me" there were tears leaking from his eyes as he looked down at you, you turn back towards him and sat up.

Your eyes locked together, it was intense. He looked at you like you were the only person he had ever seen. With him, it was safe and comfortable which is just what I needed. I could feel his body heat and I had to fight the urge to inch closer to him.

I didn't give into the urge.

But he did.

His hug enveloped me, my cold skin flushing against him. His arms constricted around my body pulling me closer to him. And I hugged him, all I could think was how I wished I was strong enough to keep him in my arms forever. As he pulled away he took my hands in his, his thumb tracing the back of my hand delicately.

"Look Y/N, I know we don't talk about these things much but maybe we should. Maybe it would help you if you felt a bit more comfortable talking about it." Sam said softly.

"Maybe, but we'll talk about it later yeah?" I said.

"Sure. Now come with us to dinner I promise we will get your favourite" Sam said as he stood up, tugging me up by my hand, I groaned in response. Sam looked at me, his beautiful eyes softening "Or we can lie in bed and watch a really bad chick flick"

"Yeah, that sounds good" I replied sheepishly

Sam gave a huge grin and before pushing me over to one side of the bed to make room for him as he pulled off his shoes.

Maybe I will feel like shit today, tomorrow, next week, next month, but I'm not going to give up not when I have something to fight for.

SORRY IF IT'S SHIT

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