As Edward approaches the spot along the sidewalk ringing Central Park where both the ambulance and Taylor in the SUV are parked, Rosalie runs forward to meet them.
"Oh, thank God! Taylor said she was being attacked? Bella, Bella sweetie, are you okay?"
But much to Rose's chagrin, Bella—embarrassed beyond words and past overwhelmed—hides her face against Edward and doesn't answer, not wanting to talk about what just happened or what she's doing in Edward's arms, neither of which she understands.
Instead, Edward answers, "She's fine, Rose; or she will be," while walking again towards the back seat of his SUV where Taylor is standing with the door open, Edward's hand going to cover the back of Isabella's head and pull it in more tightly against him. He is elated at Bella's seeming refusal to answer her best friend and to turn to him instead, but he's smart enough to know that doesn't really qualify as choosing him over Rosalie given the stress of the situation and the way he's already taken control.
Still, there's a spring in his step that isn't just the relief of finding Bella in time—although that relief is beyond measure—as he crosses the last few feet and starts to climb in, telling Rose over his shoulder to "Go ahead and get in the front, if you like, Rose. We have to head to Presbyterian for an evaluation." Then turning to Taylor he adds, "Page Carlisle for me, please, and ask him to meet us there."
"Already done, sir," Taylor answers, and Edward, unsurprised at his right-hand man's efficiency and foresight, simply nods his acknowledgement and thanks.
Taylor is closing the door and Edward is pulling the seatbelt around both himself and Isabella when the lead EMT can be heard saying, "Excuse me!"
Taylor doesn't stop closing the door, but turns to her and says, "I'm sorry, but we're in a hurry."
"Yes, that's what an ambulance is for!" And the irate EMT turns and starts banging on Edward's window.
Taylor merely strides to the driver's seat and climbs in, negotiating his way into the brisk traffic without any further commentary to the EMT or the others in the car.
Once they're underway, Edward says, "Thanks for the quick work, Taylor. It was impressive."
"Just doing my job, sir," Taylor responds dispassionately, but still pleased at the high praise.
"Nonetheless, I won't forget it." Then moving on, Edward adds, "Did you speak to my father directly?"
"Yes, sir, and he's on the way in to the hospital now; with the traffic like it is, he's likely to beat us there. He's already arranging for you to be met by a private nurse and taken to a private room on the observation floor. He did wonder if you had any preferences for the examining physician."
"A woman," Rosalie chimes in now, unasked. "She's not comfortable with male doctors." Then turning to glare at Edward for a moment, her hostility rising again as the initial and profound relief that Bella is safe starts to fade, and her logical, self-defensive psyche takes over again. "They tend to be assholes."
Edward doesn't react to the implied insult, and merely tips his head in vague agreement before turning to address Taylor. "A woman it is then. Bring up Carlisle's cell, please."
And before Rosalie can add any other cutting comments, the speakerphone is transmitting first ringing noises and then Carlisle Cullen's honeyed yet masculine voice saying, "Edward? Are you alright, son?"
"I'm fine, Dad. I have Isabella Swan and Rosalie Hale in the car with me; you remember Rosalie, Jasper's sister?"
"Of course I do. Hello, Rosalie, are you well?"
"Hi, Dr. Cullen. I will be well when your son gives me my roommate back. He's carrying her off like a caveman at the moment."
"I see. Edward, you know what your mother and I always said about cavemen," Carlisle jokes, trying to defuse the tension obvious in Rosalie's voice. "I presume Isabella Swan is Rosalie's roommate, then?"
Appreciating his father's loyalty and strategy in directing the conversation back to him, Edward confirms, "Yes, Isabella was Rosalie's roommate, but now she's mine. I found her in Central Park, staring down a bunch of lowlifes. We're going to need a physical assessment to throw at the NYPD, but more importantly, I want a complete physical—all the bloodwork, everything—to tell me about Isabella's health and well-being. I suspect she's underweight, and I want a nutritionist involved immediately to guide me in fixing that."
"That shouldn't be difficult; there's a superb dietitian I often refer to, I'll see if she's available for a consult today. Any other concerns?"
"Yes! She is not his roommate!" Rosalie broke in again, incredulous and irate at how fast the situation has spiraled beyond her control.
Edward ignores her and merely adds, "I've been told Isabella prefers female physicians. I assume that won't present any difficulty?"
"No, it works out better that way. The ER supervising physician today is a woman, and a particularly skilled clinician. I am very happy to ask for her specifically, and I have no doubt she'll be glad to help."
"I would think any MD in the building would be glad to help the Chief Surgeon and Medical Director, but that's just a shot in the dark," Edward responds drily.
Carlisle chuckles, and says easily, "Well, there are times my professional life comes in handy; I'm glad this is one of them."
Edward is acerbic in his reply: "I would have preferred not needing your help at all today; I had other plans for Isabella than being accosted in Central Park," sending the last barb Rosalie's direction with a pointed stare.
Rosalie rises immediately to the bait. "She has been there a thousand times with no problems; how do I know you didn't set this all up to justify your overreactive involvement?"
"Sounds like we'll have some negotiating to do at discharge," Carlisle breaks in with a conciliatory tone. "Maybe I should ask Esme to join us?"
"That's a good idea, Dad," Edward answers at the same time that Rosalie shrieks, "I don't care who you ask to show up, I just want your son to let go of Bella! He's bullying her!"
"I promise you, Rosalie, Edward would never bully a woman, especially a vulnerable one. He feels very strongly about that, I promise you. I'm afraid I've arrived and need to focus on parking—shall we continue our conversation in person?"
"Thanks, Dad," Edward answers.
"My pleasure, son. I'll see you soon," and Carlisle hangs up while Rosalie huffs her extreme frustration with the unsatisfying phone call and the situation generally.
The rest of the ride is spent in a rather stony silence, although the atmosphere in the back seat is markedly warmer, and gentler. Indeed, Isabella is soundly asleep, cocooned in the sense of absolute security that Edward's arms give her.
So it is an abrupt awakening when Edward swings her out of the car and into the noise of the sidewalk in front of New York-Presbyterian Hospital. Startled, she lifts her head and looks around, then seeing nothing other than the usual NYC sidewalk population and an angry-looking Rose, she hides once more.
Edward laughs at her retreat, and replaces his hand in approval on top of her head.
"What are you laughing at?" Rosalie snaps at him, but he just shakes his head and waits by the side door they had been told to use in a text to Taylor for her to open it.
She does, stomping through it after him. And then they are swept into the medical system, both of them bothered by the sense of being out-of-control that hospital systems engender, by the private nurse and nursing assistant meeting them at the door with a wheelchair.
Edward does succeed in turning down the wheelchair through sheer refusal to set Isabella down, so it is a funny parade to the 3rd floor observation wing and the private room awaiting them, ended as it is by an empty wheelchair and begun by a slightly disgruntled nurse.
The nurse takes control in the room, however, shooing both interlopers out the door after Edward has placed, oh-so-gingerly, Isabella on the bed.
Edward refuses to leave, of course, but he is undone by his own father, who enters to hear the nurse refusing to proceed unless Edward leaves the room.
"Edward, let the nurse do her job. No one will object to your presence once she's been examined, but it's hospital protocol to do the exam without significant others present."
"Yes, well that's to catch domestic abuse cases. That isn't the issue here!"
"You know that, and I know that, but they can't know that, son. Please, she's in good hands, step out and let her be assessed so we know she is safe, and getting what she needs."
That was the only argument that could have swayed Edward, so he allows his father to escort him out of the room, dropping his hands reluctantly from Bella's waist as he pulls away, feeling acute pain as he does so.
"I'll be right outside the door, Isabella; call for me if you need me," and she nods her head, but both of them know she would never do so. Indeed, Bella feels absolutely bereft the moment Edward's hands leave her, and her wide, scared eyes follow his retreat out of the room.
As the door closes, her tears begin—a second sooner, and he would have seen them, and refused to leave. But it was too late, and all through the ensuing process of being undressed and gowned and measured and assessed and poked and prodded, Bella was crying. When the doctor introduces herself and asks Bella if she could tell her about what had happened that morning, Bella can only shake her head and cry.
The doctor wisely doesn't pry further, but notes the patient's emotional state as consistent with post-trauma reaction and shock and completes the physical exam.
Finally, it is done, and Isabella is tucked in to bed by the private nurse, the lights are dimmed, and the prescribed sedative is administered via IV fluid. This is the situation Edward finds as he barges back in the moment the door is opened by the exiting nurse's aide, having heard the doctor's disturbing report given to his father moments earlier.
Vowing to himself never to leave her alone again, he repeats the vow to Bella as he pulls up a chair next to her bedside and gathers her hand in his, tucking hair behind her ears and stroking gently across her forehead and her cheeks, drying the tears that have—in his passionately-held opinion—lain there far too long.
Her eyes are closed and she pretends to be asleep, but she hears him, and feels him, and is comforted so that the tears stop and her breathing evens out and soon, she is asleep.
Rose, meanwhile, has been chastened by the doctor's report, feeling again the burden of having colluded with her vulnerable friend for as many months as they had lived in the city in her jogging trips alone through Central Park. She walks in slowly behind Edward, biting back her own tears as she sees her friend laying pale in the hospital bed and reflects on how much worse it could have been.
She pulls a chair to the opposite side from Edward, and sits gingerly down, but says nothing nor takes Bella's hand. Instead, she watches, for hours, as morning becomes afternoon and afternoon winds down towards night.
Finally, just as dinner is brought in through the door for Bella and her two guards, Bella's eyes open and she stares, puzzled, at Rosalie.
"Rose? Where am I?" she asks, and Rosalie jumps, having been lost in thought for quite some time.
"Good evening, sweetheart," Edward chimes in from nearby, making Bella squeak like a startled mouse, then turn to look at him.
"Edward?" she says hesitantly, afraid to believe it is true he is there for two opposing reasons.
"Of course," he chastens her good-naturedly. "I told you that you're mine now. Where did you think I would be?"
Bella furrows her brow, trying to puzzle the answer out. "Um, at home?" she asks, and he just smiles at her, spreading a wide hand against her head and looking down on her with such affection and warmth she has to close her eyes again, even as she smiles back at its loveliness.
Her eyes open again a moment later as the doctor in charge of her care, "Dr. Carmen," as she introduces herself to Bella, treating her both as a family friend (for indeed she knows Carlisle and Esme well), and, perhaps subconsciously, as someone younger than an adult, walks in, high heels clicking, to check on her high-status patient.
"Good! You're awake!" she says cheerfully, stopping a moment to check the most recent vitals on the nearby computer log. Then standing to the side long enough for Edward to finally, if grudgingly, slide his chair down enough for her to approach Bella directly, she looks in Bella's eyes and listens to her heart.
"Well, sweetheart, I think the sedative did the trick. You look a lot better than you did coming in this morning."
Bella smiles at her shyly; offers, "I feel better too, thank you very much. I'm so sorry—"
Edward cuts her off with a growled, "Isabella," and Dr. Carmen too puts a hand on Bella's shoulder and leans in a little to say, "You have nothing to apologize for, Isabella. You had a very scary thing happen to you, and your body responded as bodies do. The question is, are you going to sleep better tonight here, or at home, because that's what you need more than anything now: rest, and lots of it. What do you think, kiddo? Should I send you home with your posse here? The hospital isn't usually the best place to rest up."
Bella nods shyly, although the truth was, she would have rather stayed right where she was for, well, forever. But she wasn't going to admit that, or ask for anything, so she agrees with what she thinks she is meant to agree with.
And that would have been that, but for Rosalie.
"Dr. Mazzano," Rosalie speaks up, using the doctor's last name and her own very best lawyer-I-mean-business tone, "I really think Bella is resting here better than she does at home. Maybe I could get a sleeper chair and keep her company for the night?"
Dr. Carmen, a little surprised—and a little annoyed—to be contradicted, raises her brows and says, "Well, I suppose that would be alright, if it's alright with you, Isabella," and looking back down at the wide-eyed girl, who is afraid to believe she might get exactly what she wanted, Dr. Carmen sees exactly the same head-nod from before and starts to clue in.
But not before Edward speaks up. "Really, Rosalie, I think we should go with the professional advice here. There are a lot of downsides to a hospital stay, the noise and lighting disturbances the least of it, and if Dr. Mazanno doesn't see any compelling reason for Isabella to stay overnight, I would rather see her tucked in to her own bed, at home."
Rosalie starts in, "Can I get that in writing then? Because the way you were talking earlier made it sound like you were planning to take her home with you, and that is not acceptable."
Dr. Carmen heads off the brewing fight by standing up straight and saying, "Mr. Cullen, Ms. Hale, could I have a minute alone with my patient, please?" Rosalie and Edward stare at each other for a few moments, neither making a move, until the doctor turns to the doorway where Carlisle is standing quietly and adds, "Dr. Cullen, would you kindly page security for me?"
"I will do so gladly, Dr. Mazzano, if they don't move now. Edward, Rosalie, come with me and we'll discuss post-discharge plans," then looking straight at Rosalie, he reassures and says, "the three of us."
Rose looks down at Bella, and says, "Are you okay with me leaving you for a minute? He's," and she nods her head towards Edward without looking at him, "coming too, right?" and she skewers Edward with a cold, hard glare.
Edward's immune to all her glaring, and her coldness, being rather frigid himself most of the time…except now. And now, with the warmth against his hands of Bella's body, he is loathe to move, and takes his time doing it, stroking his thumb against her cheek, raising her hand to his lips to kiss it, and tucking her hair behind her ear once more in a move that is becoming the most welcome habit.
The doctor clears her throat, and Carlisle summons from the doorway, "Edward, I really will have to call security, son; please don't make me do that."
Edward is unconcerned; his own security is standing by outside the doorway, but he doesn't want a fight, of any kind, and he's already won the game of chicken with Rose. Smiling down at Bella, he says, "I'll be right there, Dad." Then he adds in softer tones, "If that's alright with you, baby girl?"
This melts Bella, as he knew it would, and all she can do is stare at him and nod, making him grin. "That's my girl; I'll be right back." Then bending down, he kisses her forehead and lays his head against her own for a blissful moment before squeezing her hand and setting it gently down on the bed.
"I'll be right outside the door; call if you need me," he says once more, knowing full well how impossible that would be but wanting it said, again, just the same. He isn't concerned the way he was before though, for he feels in control again, and sees Dr. Mazzano now as his in-the-moment deputy in caring for Isabella. Given his wealth and influence, with Bella as visibly attached to him as she has just been, he knows he will have his way and will be the one directing Bella's discharge and future care. Stepping out now is not leaving her alone as he regrettably had that morning, but merely playing well his part in the surface-level social niceties that now point in an unbreakable line to the conclusion of his soon-to-be exit with his girl securely in his arms.
Then to the doctor, he says, "I'm in agreement with you, Dr. Mazzano, and I'm sure when you talk to Isabella without her roommate present, she'll agree with you as well. Rosalie means well, but she's a little overbearing."
"I heard that!" says a shrill Rosalie in reply, who cannot help but follow up with, "You're one to talk, Edward Cullen."
Edward winks at the doctor and at Bella, and then saunters to the door, where his father claps him on the shoulder and ushers him out, closing the door behind them.
Turning back to Bella, Dr. Carmen pulls up a chair and settles in for a chat. "Now then, Isabella, let's have the honest story. Where will you rest well tonight?"
Needing to reply with something other than a head nod, Bella is at first at a loss for words. Dr. Carmen is patient, however, and finally Bella offers up, "If I don't need to be in the hospital, I probably shouldn't take up the bed, right?"
This earnest concern for others as the most important deciding factor in the girl's mind is a bit of a shock for the necessarily-jaded Dr. Carmen, and she takes a moment to respond. "Well, we're nowhere near at capacity right now, so that is neither here nor there, though it's really lovely of you to consider it. What I'm most concerned about at this time is your health and well-being. There seems to be some conflict between your two friends. Are you more comfortable with one or the other of them?"
Bella was quick to explain, "Edward isn't really my friend; he's Rose's friend. Sort of a boyfriend, I guess, but I don't think that part is probably going to work out. But he's the brother of her brother's girlfriend, and they're going to get married, so they're kind of family. And I'm Rose's roommate, so that's how I know Edward. He's very kind," and that's all she could say, blushing madly at this point.
Dr. Carmen knows enough about Edward from her time at the Cullens' dining table and from the fringes of New York High Society where she circulates, that she immediately spots Bella's enormous misread of the situation. Drumming her fingers a few times as she does when she's thinking something through, she finally decides she owes it to her patient to explain this to her.
"Isabella, honey," she starts, feeling very maternal or at least big-sisterly, "I don't think Edward Cullen's kindness has anything to do with how he's treating you. He is interested in you, girlfriend, as in boyfriend interested." As she uses the term, she realizes it doesn't quite capture the flavor of the possessively protective way he interacts with the girl, but it was closer than "the friend of my roommate," so she lets it stand.
Bella's blush is immediate and burning; her eyes well with tears and her fingers grip the blankets tucked around her until her knuckles are white. Shaking her head, she chokes out, "I don't think so, Dr. Carmen. I mean, that can't…there's no way…" and then, at a loss for words to explain how impossible it is for someone like Edward Cullen to want to be with someone like her, she stops and just bites her lip, trying her hardest not to cry.
"I'm sorry I upset you, Isabella," Dr. Carmen says gently, feeling true concern now for the girl's mental state and mentally rewriting both her case notes and treatment plan as a result. "I think that the trauma today was more severe than we realized," she leaves out the part about how that is because she now thinks Bella was psychologically compromised to start with, "and that you'd better stay with us at least a little while longer. I also have a friend I'd like to visit with you; someone better than me at the talking end of things. I'm killer with a scalpel and an x-ray, but not your first pick for understanding feelings."
Bella just nods, full-out crying now, and doesn't respond to Dr. Carmen's little pun, so the doctor sighs and reaches out to pat Bella's shoulder again, saying, "It will be okay, sweetheart. You're someplace safe, with lots of people around to help you figure things out. I'm heading home for the night after I make some arrangements for your care, but I'll be back bright and early in the morning, and we'll talk again then, okay?"
And once again, Bella nods, feeling a little worried now that what seemed so safe just a few minutes before now has the flavor of a psychiatric hospitalization—something she is unfortunately and most unpleasantly familiar with, and not wanting anything to do with ever again. So finally, she speaks up. "Um, Dr. Carmen?"
"Yes, Bella?" the doctor says, half-turned already to start for the door and get the psychiatric referral process started.
"I really don't think I need to stay here tonight," Bella offers brightly, the fear suddenly present in the room for her helping to stop the tears and adding conviction to her voice. Going over the events of the last few minutes and making guesses at what has caused the doctor to start to treat her like a problem instead of a normal person, she adds, "I'm sorry I've been crying a lot. I'm not actually upset, I just cry when I'm tired or, you know, overwhelmed a little. I know that sounds crazy," she apologizes, as cagey as any lawyer in convincing a judge that the opposite is true.
She hits her target. The doctor is immediately and happily reassured that there's nothing wrong with the sweet girl, and her plans for psychiatric referral disappear with much gratitude for the time she's just been saved in phone calls and charting. "Oh, Isabella, no apologies necessary, sweetheart. You have had a very trying day; crying is to be expected. It's part of the recovery process. But I do need to know, where are you most comfortable? Is there something you want to tell me about Edward Cullen, or your roommate? They both seem…very intense about you."
"That's because they're both intense people. And I think they both like to fight. I don't mind; and I don't care where I am tonight, I feel so much better. But I think it's probably easier if I just go home. Rose will take me, I know."
Dr. Carmen smiles at the girl. This is sounding sensible to her; this is a reaction she can understand and support. "I have a feeling they will both want to take you home, but maybe we'll let Dr. Cullen work that out between them. I'll just go and get them started on those arrangements, alright?"
Bella nods and manages a quiet, "Thank you, Dr. Carmen," unspeakably relieved at the return to normal doctor-patient interaction at the same time she is sad to be leaving this temporary safe haven and going back to her normal, overwhelming and rather lonely life…or so she thinks.
What actually happens is a bit of an explosion in the hallway, as Edward responds to the doctor's news that she is going to discharge Isabella as soon as "appropriate arrangements have been made for her care that night," with the statement: "Perfect. We could have medical coverage arranged in my condo. Dad, do you think we should have an MD present, or is a nurse the best choice?"
Dr. Cullen doesn't get a chance to respond before Rosalie is at her battle station, saying archly, "It doesn't matter who you arrange to be in your condo tonight, Edward, because Bella is coming home with me. The doctor said she should recuperate at home, and that's what she's going to do." And looking to the doctor for back-up, Rosalie rests her case.
The doctor, however, is wary of appearing to side against any part of the powerful, old-money Platt-Cullen clan, not to mention the richest individual on the hospital's top donor list, and, having been reassured by Bella's reactions that there's no ethical need for her to get involved in the aftercare planning, deftly sidesteps with the comment, "I'm going to check back down in the ER to wrap things up for the night; I'll be back in half-an-hour or so to sign off on the paperwork. You all just let me know what you work out, and that's what I'll put in the discharge plans." Then turning to face Carlisle directly, she says, "Thanks for the referral, Carlisle. I'll see you in a few?"
And Carlisle smiles warmly at one of his favorite protégés, and nods as he returns the thanks with his own. "Thanks for taking such good care of our Isabella, Carmen. As you can see, we have a few things to work out, but I promise I'll keep them in line and we'll be ready for you when you get back. Say 'Good night' to the crew down there for me, please."
"Will do, Sir." And Dr. Carmen is off like a shot, even in her high heels, a sound Rose usually feels is very satisfying when she's the one striding off in her Manolos but tonight is undone by the lack of sisterly support she's just experienced from a fellow woman warrior.
Resignedly taking up her own cause, she launches in. "Carlisle, please protect Bella here. She needs to feel safe right now, and I don't see how taking her someplace new with strangers is going to accomplish that. She needs to be in her own bed, in her own home, and I'll put in the order for an Uber right now to get her there."
Rose brings out her cell to accomplish this, a fact Edward is unconcerned with as he has already texted both Taylor and Mrs. Jones, his housekeeper, with detailed instructions and is at the door of Bella's hospital room, ready to put his plan into action.
Carlisle stops him as he is opening the door with a sharp, "Edward, I don't think we're done here yet. Let's keep this discussion out of the patient's room, please."
"No worries, Dad," Edward says, borrowing one of his younger brother's favorite lines. "I talked with mom earlier today, and she's busy getting the best guest room ready for Isabella. Your house seems like an excellent compromise between Rosalie's place and mine—and it comes with 24-hour physician access, so that's a plus. Alice is on board too, at a very high volume. I would have thought they'd have texted you?"
Carlisle responds drily, "As you well know, I don't text. And Esme knows not to call me at the hospital unless it's an emergency. Exactly when were you planning on involving me and Rosalie in the planning?"
"About now, I'd say. Rose, I'm having clothes brought over to me at Esme and Carlisle's, where I'll be staying with Bella for the immediate future. You're welcome to join us, for the night or longer, and I have a private car standing by outside ready to take you wherever you wish to go, including home first to get clothes if you'd like to join us later. I'm sure my mom and Alice would be happy to lend you things, but size might be an issue as you're taller than both of them. Dad, ask Dr. Carmen please whom she recommends for follow-up care, and make sure I'm down to get the rest of the lab results as soon as they're in. Taylor's going to drive us, so if you want to leave your car here I can have someone bring it home later."
After that speech, both Carlisle and Rose find themselves without much to say. Edward waits a moment, his hand still on the open door, then says, "Alright then, since we all seem to be in agreement, I'll go get Isabella ready for discharge."
And before Rose can get out more than a frustrated, "But—" Edward is through the door and closing it again behind him.
"Ugh! He is insufferable!" escapes her lips next, before she remembers she is standing next to the insufferable man's father.
Turning to Carlisle, she starts a half-hearted apology, but is quickly cut short by Carlisle's agreement. "Yes, I'm afraid he always has been a bit bossy, but then, he means well. And it is true that my wife will take excellent care of Isabella. What do you think, Rosalie; are you willing to stay with us for a day or two, 'til we get Isabella back on her feet again?"
"I have no problem staying with you Carlisle, and I appreciate the invitation from you," she can't help but emphasize, "but I have a feeling that giving in to Edward on tonight means losing control of Bella forever." And before she can quite believe her uncharacteristic open honesty, Rosalie starts to cry.
Carlisle is surprised, but moves quickly to comfort her, gingerly extending an arm and then wrapping the other around the crying young woman as she moves into his embrace. Rosalie has been without a father figure, at least an affectionate one, for a very long time, and she soaks up the reassurance of Carlisle's arms, gently heavy against her.
He doesn't speak until her crying has almost stopped, then offers, "I see how much Isabella means to you, Rosalie. It must be hard having someone as…forceful as Edward weighing in on her life too now."
Rosalie stands up straight, both embarrassed and comforted in spite of herself, and dabs at her cheeks and eyes carefully to try to avoid any further damage to her make-up. Playing down the vulnerability of the moment, she says as effortlessly as she can manage, "Well, I'm still her oldest friend, and her roommate. What happened today was…an exception. She'll be better tomorrow; she always is."
Eager to find a peaceful place for them all to leave the hospital in relative harmony, Carlisle quickly concurs. "Yes, I'm sure she will be. Do you want to go home and get clothes for yourself and Bella, then? If you leave now, we'll probably arrive to my house about the same time—discharge paperwork always takes a while."
Rose looks towards the closed door and weighs her options; a moment later she nods, adding, "I'll just tell Bella where I'm going."
Carlisle smiles and nods back, happy to see a peaceful resolution and not at all displeased that it involves himself and his wife. Esme is never as happy as when the house is full, and he rather likes it also.
Rose meanwhile is through the door and to Bella's bedside as Edward is helping her into a deep blue button-down shirt that Rose has never seen before. "Where did that come from?" she asks sharply as she reaches out and touches the material; it's soft as the fine silk it is.
Edward looks briefly her way before concentrating on buttoning the pearl buttons down the front. "Taylor brought it in earlier. The color really suits you, Isabella—you look ravishing."
Bella of course blushes as red as the shirt is blue, and Rose snorts. "Where do I find the car, Romeo?" she snarks at him, finding it hard to stay still and wait for the answer.
"I'll text them to bring it around to the front entrance. Are you ready now?"
A quick nod, and Edward brings out his phone after the last button is in, his fingers flying to make the arrangements.
Done, Edward looks back up at Rose and Bella having a silent, lip-reading conversation.
"Talking about me, ladies?" he asks with humor, and Bella's head drops, her cheeks even warmer than before.
Rose, on the other hand, is pissed. "It's none of your g-d business what we're talking about! Bella, why don't you come with me. "
Edward doesn't give Bella a chance to answer, but moves in front of her, blocking her from Rose's view, and says, painfully politely, "Isabella isn't dressed yet, Rose. Go ahead; we'll see you at Esme and Carlisle's."
Rose stands stock-still for a moment, weighing her options. Edward mimics her stance, not moving from his position in front of Bella.
Finally, Rose's shoulders cave and she huffs, "Fine. I'm going to get clothes for one night, for Bella and for me. Is that alright with you, sweetie?" she asks of Bella, moving to Edward's side to gauge her friend's reaction.
"Yes, Rose," Bella whispers, having no real idea of what was just proposed, but agreeing as she almost always does with whatever her friend wants.
"I love you, Bella!" Rose cries and moves in quickly to hug her friend. Bella, surprised, nonetheless hugs back, laying her head on Rose's shoulder and adding easily, "I love you too, Rosie. I'm sorry I wasted your Saturday—"
"Not a waste," Rose cuts her off as she pulls back, holding Bella by the shoulders as she looks down onto Bella's brown head. "I mean it, B—look at me," and Bella does. "It wasn't a waste, and I'm sorry I didn't go running with you this morning, and every morning. We'll start tomorrow, okay?"
A throat clearing by Edward reminds Rose that tomorrow morning they won't be in their apartment, so she begrudgingly amends it to, "Or the day after; whenever I get you home and out of Bossy-Pants' clutches."
Bella giggles at this, as Rose knew she would, and Rose laughs too.
Edward, however, is not amused, not by his new name but even less by the idea of Bella ever running in New York City again. He says so. "Isabella is running in public ever again over my dead body, you do realize."
Which gives Rose the exit line she's looking for, and she flings back, "If that's what it takes, so be it," before giving Bella a quick kiss on the cheek and then turning on her heel and stalking out the door. "See you in an hour!" she calls back to Bella just before the door closes behind her.
"Unbelievable," Edward mutters as he turns back to Isabella and grabs the black yoga pants off the bed to pull on her dangling legs.
He stops when the pants are up past Bella's knees, and looks up at her from under lowered brows. Bella instantly blushes and looks away, to the floor beside him. "So you think I'm bossy?" he asks nonchalantly, reaching up for a long moccasin-style slipper as he does and biting back a smile.
Bella swallows, blanches, grabs one hand with the other and winds her fingers together. Her heart beats fast, nausea rises, she's blinking back tears when Edward, in a feat of great coordination and elegant ease, pulls her to standing with a strong arm around her waist and raises the yoga pants all the way up.
He straightens, and then he pats, and pulls, and cups the back of the now crying head against him. "Shhhhh, Isabella, baby girl, I'm not mad at you."
This surprises her. "You're not?" she asks, shocked.
Dropping easily to a crouch in front of her, his hands again at her waist, Edward looks up into her beautifully and oh-so-naievely surprised face and grins. Lifting one hand to wipe the tears from her cheeks and nose, he says gently, "No, sweetheart, I'm not."
Isabella is caught in his gaze, so keeps staring at the intense green eyes beneath her, trying to understand. He had seemed mad, at least at Rosalie. And Rose had been rude; she didn't mean what she said, but it wasn't very polite. And she herself had giggled—and here the thinking process ends and the crying process picks up again, and Edward stops staring and stands and gathers her inside his protective arms once more.
"What's wrong, Isabella?" he asks, but he's not asking, and Isabella knows it. She feels it.
So she answers, with a lot more straightforwardness than is usual for her. "I laughed at you!" she moans, followed by, "I'm so—"
But she doesn't get to finish the words, because Edward's hand lifts to her face and tilts it upwards and Edward's lips—his lips!—drop onto her own and stop her with a gentle kiss. His thumb rubs circles against her jaw as he oh-so-slowly pulls away, then kisses in a circle around her face, finishing with the tip of her nose.
As he kisses, during the slow descent and ascent from each precious place on her skin, he says, "I told you – you aren't to – apologize – to me or anyone else – ever again."
Bella can't help but resist this; it's too nonsensical given how often in every day she feels she's done something wrong. "But what do I do when I make a mistake?"
Edward pauses, returning her anxious, inquisitive stare with his own calmly certain gaze. "You let me fix it, if it needs fixing, whatever it is."
Edward watches, inwardly gloating, as Bella puzzles this out and raises the inevitable objection. "But that's not right!"
Holding her eyes with his own, one hand goes back to her jaw to keep her head steadily facing him as the other tightens at her waist and he moves forward just enough so that her legs feel his and know they cannot run.
"Isabella," he drawls out slowly, watching from the corners of his eyes the goosebumps that erupt at the tone and promise of his voice, "now I decide what's right or wrong—not you."
She blinks; she hasn't heard his words so much as felt them, and she doesn't know at all how she feels in return. In the marrow of her bones is a warmth and certainty she has never felt before and is instantly drawn to; in the deepest pools of her abdomen there is a stirring she doesn't understand that she is both excited and frightened by; and in her mind is an intellectual outrage and fear of the future—especially the inevitable (or so she believes) return to the always-alone reality she's experienced all her life before now—that seems to require her to prove the lie of this man right away, before she gets dangerously and irreparably caught up in it herself.
"No," she says, though it doesn't sound like she means it yet.
Edward laughs; Edward is elated; Edward can't believe his luck in finding this girl, both so worthy of his attentions and so deliciously difficult in receiving them.
"She says, 'No,'" he repeats to the universe with a laugh, pulling his universe's center in against him once more with a firm and feeling hug.
And the center cannot help but yield, and breathe heavily against the wonder of the chest that shelters and surrounds her, and—to Edward's elation—as the hug goes on, to oh-so-tentatively raise her own arms to almost-rest against the hips she fits so perfectly between.
As she feels the denim against her arms, Bella recoils, pulling her arms away to hang awkwardly in the air, shocked at how intimate she'd allowed herself to be.
"I liked those arms where they were," Edward says firmly, and reaches his own backwards while pulling Bella's arms with them around his waist, shaping them against his own body and even hooking her thumbs in his waistband to make them stay put.
Bella does stay put for a moment out of shock, but at a knocking on the door and the announcement, "It's Dr. Carmen!" as the doctor indeed enters, she squeaks and pulls all appendages back into herself as close as they can get with her own body still held tightly against Edward's.
"Hello, Dr. Carmen," Edward says confidently as he half-turns to face her without relaxing his hold on Isabella one bit. "As you can see, we're ready to go."
Then, catching sight of the IV lead still inserted in Isabella's hand, he clarifies, "Except for the IV, of course."
"I'll have one of the nursing staff in to deal with that as soon as we're done; I understand you're all heading to the Cullens' for the night?"
"Yes, that seemed the best solution. Are there any more lab results in before we go?"
"We've got the hemoglobin levels back. She's a little low; nothing dangerous and it's pretty common for a young woman to be a little low, but I would start her on an iron supplement."
"Are you writing a prescription for it?"
"I could, but I actually think the best iron supplement is an herbal tonic sold over-the-counter at health food stores. It's expensive though, so where cost is an issue I do still prescribe standard iron pills; they're terribly constipating, however."
At the mention of the word "constipating," Bella, who has not felt remotely concerned about this conversation as it didn't feel before as if it has anything to do with her, flushes bright red and turns her face to hide against Edward's side, which is easily done as he is now sitting next to her on the edge of the hospital bed where he has just settled them both, one of his arms still tightly wrapped around her and the other hand holding both of hers.
Edward chuckles at Bella's exquisitely-sensitive embarrassment reaction, and the slightly-sadistic yet very-overprotective fun he's going to have tweaking it over the years, and squeezes her even more tightly against him as he says, "Good thing money's no issue then, isn't it? What is the name of the herbal brand you recommend?"
And Edward types in a text to his staff as Dr. Mazzano spells out the name, assuring that before she goes to bed that night Bella will be started on a new health regimen, only the first of many overseen by Edward like a protective nanny or officious mother hen…or perhaps a beguilingly handsome male Mary Poppins, especially when he approaches her in his bossy-wheedling way, full spoon in hand.
XxXxXx
Have to leave it there; sorry so long between updates!Usual disclaimers apply.Including the one about all the characters being the intellectual property of one Ms. S. Meyer, whom I hope is fully enjoying her life and her family after all that she gave the rest of the world…us relational high-feelers especially.
As usual, I'm affixing a story start from my ridiculous collection to read if you like with the caveat that it may never go any farther (I obviously have enough to work on already, but can never seem to help myself when a new angle for observing Edward's deliciously paternal-flavored protective but still genuinely-passionate love for Bella unfold). It's even more unrealistic and almost-certainly-tragic-in-real-life than usual—forgive me, please.
My long-distance, internet-mediated love and best wishes to you, whoever you are. I may not know you, but I'm glad you exist. Xoxo liza
Bella gets lost in Las Vegas hotel…had gone down to the basement…looking for the laundry? Something that might have ended up there? Is led down wrong hallways by someone working for Aro; ends up in Aro's lair. Taken home by him; told later that there was an explosion – a terrorist attack – and the whole hotel went up in flames, killing her family. He reassures her that he wants to keep her; have her be his niece. She's unsure what to do; suggests maybe she should call some other relatives; he says "Let me make those calls for you, dear heart. Surely you don't want to have such conversations yourself."
She reluctantly agrees, not wanting to offend him, and gives him the names of her extended family. He promises to call, and pretends he does, relaying warm wishes from the different people, and saying they all said to let Aro take care of her, to stay safe there. She hadn't even thought of trying to include a fictitious person on the list as a test, so she has no way of knowing whether what he's saying is true or not; doesn't have any good reason – other than a persistent feeling of uneasiness – not to believe him.
She thinks about trying to call a friend herself, but there aren't any phones in the mansion (on enormous private grounds) where she's staying, other than the cell phones on individuals. She asks Aro once if she could borrow his phone. "What do you need a phone for, dear girl?" he asks, as if she's asked to borrow his jet plane, or samurai sword.
"Um, to call a friend?" she answers meekly.
"My sweet, trust your Uncle Aro when I tell you now is not the time to have those conversations. Your friends know you are safe here with me, so you do not need to worry about them. And for yourself, well, my dear, take an old man's advice and let yourself grieve in peace for a while. When you're ready, you can start life anew. But until then, let me be your friend, and your family." And he smiles so warmly, B. can't help but respond warmly in return, allowing him to embrace her and returning his embrace with genuine gratitude and affection.
Meanwhile, Aro has been inviting Edward over to get to know Bella, thinking he might be convinced to acquire her (for a sizable sum, of course). Edward is initially outraged, but Bella's guilelessness, her naïve vulnerability, triggers his strong protective instinct, just as Aro suspected it would.
Bella of course adores Edward, and starts to see his visits as the reason for her existence, running down the enormous marble staircase and flinging herself into his arms when he comes over. Until the day Aro tells her they are leaving; going to his home in Italy. "There's someone there I want you to meet," he tells her, figuring that if Edward doesn't take her now, he'll get some money for her out of James, the heir of a mob family connected to his own.
This conversation is also the first time Aro allows Bella to get a glimpse of one of the other "girls" on the premises, and what they do. Bella is speechless, horrified both by the scene in front of her – while Aro speaks calmly to her as if nothing is out of the ordinary—and by the thought of leaving Edward. She turns and flees to her hiding spot in the gardens.
Aro and company of course know exactly where she is, and when Edward shows up later that day for his regular business meeting with Aro, Aro tells Edward of his plans to take Bella to Italy. "Unless, of course, you would like to make other plans for her?"
There's a pause as Edward hesitates. He hasn't wanted to involve himself in this, but he balks at the thought of leaving her in Aro's dubious protection. Edward himself had been naïve about the extent of Aro's badness, or he would have extricated himself from business dealings with Aro long ago. Indeed, his introduction to Isabella was made by savvy Aro just as Edward was looking to start a separation—and though Edward wants to hate that fact, he is drawn to Isabella enough that he can't quite manage that emotion.
Aro speaks again, "I hate to pressure you, my dear boy, [E manfully represses a snort], but she's really in her prime, and I cannot stand to see such a beautiful bloom go…unappreciated."
Edward looks up sharply. "Oh, I have no doubt you'll be able to find someone to appreciate her."
Aro smiles, not nicely, then responds, "Nor do I, young man. Nor do I."
There's another pause as the two men stare at each other, sizing each other up, before Edward sighs and asks flatly "Where is she?"
Aro smiles benevolently, knowing he's won this round, knowing he'll have this piece of leverage over Edward the rest of his life. "She's hiding in the garden. I'm afraid she didn't take the news of her pending relocation across the ocean too happily."
"Does she know?" Edward asks, and they both know what he's asking.
"She knows enough, after this morning," Aro responds with satisfaction.
Edward looks horrified. "You didn't…hurt her, did you?" he asks, desperate for the answer to be "No."
"Of course not," Aro says, managing to look aggrieved and affronted, but really ecstatic about how well Edward is playing into his hand. "I merely allowed her more of a look into the lives of other girls in this world, giving her a well-deserved opportunity to understand how lucky she is."
Edward does snort at this. "Yeah, lucky," he mutters under his breath.
"Edward, you wound me. After I go to the trouble of acquiring, and caring for, a lovely girl just for you-"
"Don't you ever accuse me of having anything to do with how you acquired that girl, Aro," Edward spits darkly, and with more vehemence than Aro would have thought Edward capable of. It both surprises Aro and makes him pleased, not feeling Edward a threat to him, and much preferring aggression to deference even in his adversaries. It of course makes his own aggression much more fun.
So Aro responds with unexpected good nature, "Well, my boy, if you feel that way so strongly…"
Edward responds archly, "I do."
Aro chuckles, "But I suppose you also would like the GPS coordinates for your lovely Isabella?"
Edward's eyes narrow; but he nods – briefly, curtly.
Edward goes to her, having downloaded the tracking application for Bella's chip (inserted without her awareness under the guise of a "vitamin shot" during an appointment with Aro's physician shortly after her arrival in Aro's home) onto his cell phone. Bella is huddled on the ground, her arms wrapped around her knees, staring into an ornamental pond with beautiful koi swimming. She doesn't even look up as he sits next to her, just lays her head on her arms. She had been crying, but isn't any more.
Neither of them say anything for a long time. Finally, Edward breaks the silence. "So now you know," he says quietly, matter-of-factly.
Bella pauses a moment, considering, and decides, yes, yes she does. She doesn't know everything, or even anything with any clarity, but she understands enough to make sense of his question, and his tone. So she nods.
He's watching her carefully, and when he sees her nod in the affirmative, with her still not looking at him or even raising her head, his heart breaks and he pulls her into his arms, saying "Oh, Isabella, baby girl; I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."
And now she starts to cry again, only this time it's sobs, gut-wrenching, heartbreaking sobs, as her murdered first innocence leaks out of her body and drains away. When it's gone, and the sobs are over, she lies still in his arms, willing herself to soak up as much of him and his presence as she is able, while she still can.
After the storm of Bella's first reaction has passed, and she is calm and safe for the moment in his arms, Edward finds himself absent-mindedly stroking her hair while considering his options. He concludes he has none: he cannot leave her here, and so he must take her under whatever conditions Aro applies.
Edward sighs heavily at this conclusion. Bella interprets this as his preparation to leave her, so she panics. Her body goes rigid, except for her breathing, which accelerates into rapid panting. Her fingers grip his suit jacket, and she whispers, "Please, please Edward; don't leave me here!"
Edward is quick to console, "Shhh, sweetheart; I'm not going anywhere without you."
He has to work on calming her for a while, his large hands running up and down her arms while his body rocks hers gently, before she can hear him. When his words finally break through her panic she says, "You're not?"
"No, sweetheart, I'm not," Edward answers with confidence. "Now let's go home."
He gathers her up in his arms and carries her back to the mansion. Aro is waiting for them, just inside the main back entryway, and beams at Edward – who is nauseous at the thought of what Aro will demand from him now. If it was just money, Edward would pay whatever amount and be glad of it. But Edward knows better. Aro already has more money than Edward (although it's close); it's power he will want.
And indeed it is.
Finally, when Edward has done his best to negotiate while it is obvious to all involved that he will say anything, do anything to leave there with the girl in his arms, they are "free" to go. Part of the agreement being that Bella will never truly be free again; and this is the part Edward most regrets, on which he most doubts himself. For he has agreed never to release her back to the outside world; never to allow her contact with her old friends and family; never to so much as leave her unsupervised for a moment.
This condition is more than what Aro bills it as, which is protection of his own identity and business dealings; this is Aro's sick and twisted way of trying to doom Edward and Bella's relationship, hoping in a perhaps not even fully conscious fashion that she will come to blame Edward for her captivity, and grow to hate Edward as a result. He underestimates however both her loyalty and docility, and though she is weighed down terribly by the thought of her family's suffering at her disappearance, Edward does all he can to lessen that burden for her and she grows only closer to him as a result.
Edward is ill-prepared for bringing Bella home, not having allowed himself to consciously dwell on what his heart was plotting, and so she has no warm, inviting room; no wardrobe; no jewelry; not a thing to indicate he wants her and has been hoping for her arrival. Bella doesn't care; she has him, and all she asks of life in that moment is to be able to remain in his arms forever. Lucky girl, despite apparent unluckiness, she is granted this wish far more fully than most mortals ever dream, let alone experience.
The ride home had been silent, Edward holding a clinging Bella in the back seat of his limo. Edward ignored his phone, made no calls to alert his staff or friends, and simply sat and held her, staring down at her brown head as he stroked her hair once more, trying to come to terms with what he has just done. She falls asleep during the ride, so when they arrive at Edward's own estate he carries a still-sleeping Bella over the threshold of her new home and up to his rooms.
There Edward stands, holding her, for a solid ten minutes, trying to think what to do next (it happens to be his housekeeper's day off, and so he is alone for the moment, which is normally how he likes it), when the bedroom door bursts open and there's Alice, beside herself with joyful anticipation. "You did it!" she whisper-shrieks, clasping her hands with joy and grinning with glee. "Let me see her," she demands, and silently runs over to where Edward is still cradling Bella in his arms.
Alice stands up on her tiptoes to get a better look, and is rewarded by Bella stirring and opening her eyes. When she sees Alice staring back at her, she shrieks just a little, and sits up straight, molding herself even more into Edward's chest and gripping his lapel tightly. "Shhhh, don't scare her, Alice," Edward chides as he wraps a protective arm more tightly around Bella, shielding her somewhat from Alice's view.
"She's not scared, silly," Alice says, unconcerned and simply moving to a new angle to continue her perusal of her new sister, "She's just surprised." Then without further ado, she says cheerfully, "Hi, Bella! I'm Alice. I knew Edward would bring you home today. I brought some clothes for you to wear, and some bath stuff and other things, and if Edward would just put you down [this was said with a little glare and pout in Edward's direction] for a minute, I could show you everything."
But Alice is a little overoptimistic in this assessment, and Bella starts shaking, the terror of her recent past starting to make itself felt now that it's safe to do so. Edward quickly sends Alice out to summon Esme and someone capable of getting nourishing food made for Bella. So as Bella descends into racking sobs, Edward sits down with her in his arms and rocks her, over and over. Neither one of them has any idea how long they have been sitting like this, but it's dark outside the windows in the room when Bella finally raises her head off of Edward's chest and calmly looks at him, without sobbing. They don't see this though, because Esme has drawn the curtains and started the electric fire (Edward is unwilling to tolerate the fire risk of real wood burning) in the fireplace and has a tray of chicken-noodle soup and fresh fruit juice—prepared by her own chef whom she brought over to Edward's house with her after receiving Alice's urgent phone call—sitting on a side table to the left of Edward's chair.
Bella studies Edward's face quietly for a moment, her expression solemn but with some hope alight in her eyes for the first time that day, and Edward notices this change and rejoices. He rejoices further when the girl—HIS girl, and this thought makes him ecstatic despite the disgust with which he views the manner in which Aro orchestrated her becoming that—reaches up and, ever so slowly, uncurls her fingers to gently stroke his cheek. He had been schooling his features to remain calm as she stared at him, not wanting to scare her with the large smile that threatens to break through, but as she moves her timid fingertips softly across his skin, he can no longer contain the smile. "Hello, beautiful," he says, reaching up and returning the gesture with his hand on her cheek, cupping her face as it still studies him. There's a moment of hesitation after he speaks, then Bella leans forward and flings her arms around his neck, squeezing him in an exuberant hug.
Edward laughs as he returns it, then gently loosens her arms, needing to breathe after all. Holding on to her arms, he smiles down at her, and says, "My mother and sister want to meet you, sweetheart. Do you think you could say 'Hello' to them now? If it's too much—" but he interrupts himself because she starts nodding shyly in answer to his question. "Good girl," he says as he leans down to kiss her cheek, and hugs her tightly to his chest. "If they overwhelm you, baby girl, I'll send them away, but they really want to see you for themselves, just for a moment." Bella has laid her head back down on his chest, and he's stroking her hair again, and he thinks to add, "I'll be right here," to which she nods her reassurance before reaching out and grabbing hold of his dress shirt, as she had done to his suit jacket back at Aro's.
Edward sees (and feels) this and knows she's scared, so calls out to his mother and Alice to come in so they can get the initial meeting over with as quickly as possible. He's fully braced to throw Alice out of his house if she can't control herself, and warns her of this intent with a stern look as she enters the room. "Quietly, Alice," he adds in admonition, as Alice dances for the second time that day towards the girl huddled on her brother's chest.
"I know, Edward," she huffs in a whisper back, before tentatively reaching out and placing her hand on Bella's back. Bella startles at the touch, as she had at Alice's whisper and even the sound of the door opening to let Alice through, but Alice leaves her hand in place, and Bella slowly raises her head to look at her. When their eyes meet, Alice's is so full of warmth and kindness that Bella is no longer afraid, at least of Alice, and smiles shyly at the stranger who seems so happy to see her there. Alice can't help but shriek quietly and clap her hands at the sight of Bella's smile, but it's very subdued (for her), so Edward only growls a warning "Alice" and leaves her be.
Meanwhile, Bella shifts her body to the side a little, with Edward helping her as he reads her intention to be able to see and speak to Alice while still remaining in as much contact with him as possible. So soon she is sitting sideways in Edward's lap, her side pressed up against his chest, and his arm draped around her, protecting her and providing a barrier she can just peek around and see Alice sitting in the chair she's drawn up close.
Alice squeaks again with enthusiasm, and though Bella retreats a little behind Edward's arm, she allows Alice to draw her hand forward and clasp it in both of Alice's own hands, squeezing it the way Alice would like to be hugging Bella's body. Bella warms more under the sunshine of Alice's affection, and she says a shy "Hello," to Alice as she allows her hand to be held by this exuberant stranger.
"Hi, Bella! I'm Alice, Edward's sister!" Alice bubbles out in response, leaning in a little closer. "I am so, so happy to meet you! We are going to have so much fun—"
Edward cuts her off here, with a stern "Alice, keep it short please."
Alice doesn't even look away, but acknowledges him saying, "I know, Edward. But Bella doesn't mind me talking, do you Bella?"
And Bella finds herself shaking her head "No," she doesn't mind, and is very surprised to realize how true that is.
That's it, for now, and maybe forever on this one. Not my best, but it's brought me some comfort, and so I offer it to you. Be well, be safe and most of all, be gentle with yourself! xo liza