A/N: Hello, friends. I'm so sorry that this post is late again. But I have an excuse! I've been sick and either asleep or pretty distracted for the last couple days. Well, that, and I'm just a terrible person. ;)

Thank you so much for reading and for all your comments. You are the regenerating neurons that keep me writing when I think the fic lobe of my brain has shorted out. :)

I was shifting in my chair, uncomfortable from maintaining that position so long, when Teo came up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders.

"I think it's time you took a break," he said, giving my aching traps a squeeze. "You're going to go cross-eyed if you stare at that screen much longer." I let out a little groan when he squeezed the muscles again, reminding me I was tensing my body more than usual. I did a couple head rolls and felt my neck make some satisfying crackles.

"I know, I know. It's just I'm tired of taking up you guys' space and I'm tired of only communicating with Delphine with electronic devices. I thought I'd find some place that just… clicked for me, you know? And here I am, distracted by the idea of settling in a fixed place, of how close I should be to anyone for visiting, of how much money to beg from my friend so I have enough but won't feel like a deadbeat. I mean, I'll be shifting my gigs around, too. I don't know how long it might take to pay back a loan."

I had started going great guns on finding good places to live and figuring out where I could get work as soon as Delphine had left (later than intended, since we both kept avoiding the reality of the separation for her return to campus.) The problem was, I'd be all enthusiastic, and then the patterns and messages of my past would kick in, making me question every decision. Would I be safe settling down? Would it be good for my life, for my relationship with Delphine? How would it affect my little family here? How much could I let go of my secrets? I definitely wanted to do this, to find a house or apartment where I could see her more often and be more involved with Sevvy's life, but my mind would skip between all sorts of different ways to handle it. I tried to analyze things as objectively and scientifically as possible, but then my emotions would chime in and I'd realize again that detachment wouldn't work, here. I'd try to stretch and meditate and let my mind be open to whatever could happen, and my brain fed me about 95% visions of domestic bliss with my lover and my kid, just, like, holding each other and working at the kitchen table together and going shopping or doing the dishes or all that shit. But it was the 5% that got me, because that 5% was all fear that something bad would happen. I had thought I was beyond my past with my sisters, DYAD, my illness, all that craziness, but it turned out I was beyond it as long as I kept moving. I had seriously, completely changed my life to get away from all that. It made sense that considering changing things again would bring thoughts about that back. I just didn't have to like it.

But I did have to stop chasing my own tail and getting frustrated with myself about it. This kind of post-trauma stress happens. And even if my trauma was years ago, it was a pretty big trauma. Not to mention it changed my whole life. In some ways, maybe for the better. But I'd have to get to know myself as Not-Running Cosima, even if I continued to edit out things about my life from my family and friends.

I mean, a fucking clone. You know? Probably you don't. But trust me on this, that's a big, weird secret, and lying about it all this time, well… what to reveal? How should I go about it? How hurt would people be when they found out about the lies and omissions? How freaked out? Should I maybe still not tell anybody, or was it Teo and Michael's right to know, if I was going to be with them and Sevvy so much more often? I knew I had to take things slow, feel out my true intentions and path, but even all the lessons in yoga and meditation and energy work sometimes faltered in the face of the Leda business.

"Well, you know you don't have to figure out everything at once. That's what you would tell me, right?" Teo pointed out, and he was right. I let out another small moan of agitation and a sigh. Be Here Now, I repeated in my mind, hoping it would develop from being a familiar chant to an actual practice, as I was stumbling a bit at doing it now.

"Right," I admitted. "I guess I'm getting pretty tense and crabby. Ugh, and I probably have low blood sugar. I should find a snack…"

I rose with the intention of plodding to the kitchen, but he kept his hands on my shoulders and started gently massaging them. That stopped me in my tracks. Who's gonna say no to that?

"Why don't you and I get out of this house and get something to eat? I've got some shopping to do, and if I have to hear Michael explain ornamental hedges to our son any more, I'm going to lose it worse than Soraya Montenegro with a box of tarantulas."

"Wait, was that before or after Maria got her memory back?"

"Cosima!" He clutched his pearls, offended. I had violated the sacred storytelling of the telenovela, all the worse because that particular character was a diva-legend.

"Well, I've only watched it once or twice, not twelve thousand like some people!" We both cracked up.

"C'mon. I'm in the mood for some seafood and I want to pick out new towels for the house," he prompted, poking me lightly.

"You don't have to tell me twice!" I exclaimed with hyperbolic enthusiasm, slamming the laptop shut, and took off out the door. He was still laughing when I came back in to get my shoes and purse.