Hey, gang. So does 2016 suck, or what? I mean, I hope it's better for you than I'm feeling about it right now.
My apologies if my writing gets a little weird. I've been all stressed out and all I want to write is some fantasy where Cophine and the sestras get evidence against He Who Should Not Have Been Elected and throw him and all his cronies in prison. That sounds pretty good, right? Yeah. And then I want to cry or throttle someone. Good thing I'm in therapy!
Anyhoo, here's the latest chapter. It's not a happy one, just so you're warned in case you're feeling a tad fragile, as I am. Sorry.

There was a lot of cursing and shouting in disbelief. Of course there was. Sarah was the mama bear of us all. Her accent became increasingly thicker as she asked me questions, then she went briefly silent when I told her about Kira's call.

"Sarah?" I asked.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm here. It's just… that kid, you know?" I nodded even though she couldn't see it.

"Yeah, I know."

"Bloody hell!" she erupted again, and I could practically feel the whirling desperation of her agitated state, her mind going into battle mode. "Is there anything else you saw, anything else you can think of, that could tell us who they are?"

"I'm sorry, that's all I've got. I've been thinking it over since it happened. Mika is on it, though. You know what she can do."

"Yeah, but we have a more immediate need," she pointed out. "Everyone, all the sisters need to get a warning. They've got to hunker down or take precautions. We don't know how big this thing is."

"Right," I agreed. "But I'm gonna need help with that, because I have too much on my hands to call a phone tree, or something." I was getting so tired from the constant rush of adrenaline and emotion that I was beginning to feel woozy, noticing the trembling in my hands with a strange, detached concern.

"That's all Allison," she gruffed. "I'll get her on it. Maybe Krystal can help out. We need all hands on deck. Shit."

"Yeah," was all I could say to that, tangling my fingers in my dreads. The was a soft noise behind me, but I startled, turning to see that it was Teo returning from Sevvy's room. He gave me a concerned yet supportive look and tiptoed behind me into the kitchen.

"OK. I'm gonna have to reach my contacts at the agency and the bureau, but… I don't know what to tell 'em. They've come through in the past, but, shit, Cos, how do we know who to trust?"

"I don't know, Sarah. We just have to go with their track record with dealing with us, right? We tried to do this all on our own before, but it was a nightmare. I didn't think anyone could be trusted when I was on walkabout, but it turned out the decision you guys made to go to the press and the Feds finally got us free from DYAD. Or at least we thought… I… do you think this could be them, or Topside?"

"Damned if I know. Ugh. It seems a little rinky-dink to be government, but who at DYAD and Topside was left? We have no idea. We just—" Her voice stopped abruptly. Shit, did our connection go down? Is someone tapping in? my brain bleated.

"Sarah?" I asked lowly, breaking out into a cold sweat. It was still quiet, but then I heard it: the faint sound of her ragged breathing. "Sar?"

"We know who this is," she finally answered, her voice all simmering rage. "Cosima, this all happened since you've been back with Delphine. It has to be her."

I felt like I had been shooting upward in a high-speed elevator, only to have the bottom drop out. No.

"No," I pushed out aloud. "No no no… it can't be."

"Cos, think about it. All those years without a thing happening and then she shows up—"

"NO," I barked, feeling my self control slip. "NO WAY, Sarah. She loves me, and I love her. I know that. She wouldn't—"

"Where is she now?" Sarah asked, and I could hear a steely edge slipping into her voice.

"She's—" I fumbled for a moment, my mouth open, then shook my head. "She's at a conference, Sarah. She can't… After all this time distrusting her, after everything, you can't—"

"Did you call her?" My sister asked, and I briefly remembered a world in which she was not my sister, when I was young and blissfully unaware. Before Beth and I had that fateful conversation, and my life went all Twilight Zone. Of course I'd been stunned, but there was the evidence right in front of me, and then I was… I was curious. I'd even been excited. What were the chances this was all a, a fever-dream or coma trance, and if I just shouted loud enough, ran far enough, I could find the edges, bust out into the "real world" as I thought I'd known it…?

I was breathing. My heart was beating. I was here, in the now, at a very familiar dining table, with a very familiar voice coming through the telephone, and my son was breathing and sleeping just in the other room. I had a scar on my thumb from that time Shay startled me while I was chopping carrots. I had the shifting of clothes against my skin, and the dwindling twilight shining red and blue through the spaces between the tree leaves, the window. I had the weight and balance of over a decade of life lived, of real feelings and experiences, after finding out the improbable circumstances of my creation.

And I had a love. A soulmate.

"Cosima," Sarah prodded, and I took a trembling breath.

"I couldn't reach her." My voice sounded weak in my ears. No. Not again. "Sarah, she's just at a conference—"

"When did you last speak with her?" my sister-clone butted in, and she sounded all too sure of the answer.

"It's… it's only been a couple days, Sarah. I left her messages, but… she could be very busy—"

"I thought you guys were in contact every day." Fuck. Fuck it, Sarah, fuck you… "Cos, I'm sorry. But you have to wake up."

But that's exactly what I want to do, Sarah. To wake up and have all of this never happened. There was no man in a black suit. There was no threatening letter and there was no bad reason that my girlfriend hadn't responded to my calls or texts for some time, now…

I felt a hitch and a rumbling inside my chest, and it came: a choking, gagging, a rush of bile and then was I going to throw up or was I coughing? I was gagging and coughing and my hand flew to my mouth and I leaned into the table, giving it most of my weight as I couldn't carry it on my own. I was making a noise and Teo came running in and asking "Cosima, are you alright?" as tears leaked from my eyes and out of my nose and tickled my throat and I moaned and looked down…

And my hand was clean. There was no blood. Only the sheen of tears, the flecks of spittle.

I let myself breathe again, feeling the air fill me, feeling my limbs as solid, even if I couldn't trust my own thoughts. Teo was clutching at my shoulders, face full of alarm and worry and fear, and I had to— I couldn't—

"I have to hang up, now," I whispered, the velar consonant at the beginning of my name in her voice being cut off as I pressed the button. I didn't move.

"¿Querida…?" Teo asked me, and my eyes found his.

Then I crumpled into his chest and sobbed.