Chapter Nineteen
"Organs"
I am sorry this is always how it goes
The wind blows loudest when you've got your eyes closed
But I never changed a single color that I breathe
So you could have tried to take a closer look at me
I am tired of punching in the wind
I am tired of letting it all in
And I should eat you up and spit you right out
I should not care but I don't know how
...
I am sorry for the trouble, I suppose
My blood runs red but my body feels so cold
I guess I could swim for days in the salty sea
But in the end the waves will discolor me
So I take off my face
Because it reminds me how it all went wrong
And I pull out my tongue
Because it reminds me how it all went wrong
And I cough up my lungs
Because they remind me how it all went wrong
But I leave in my heart
Because I don't want to stay in the dark
Jude
This was potentially one of the worst days of Jude's life. And he had had some pretty terrible days.
"Brother?" Said Posey, frowning. "But..." She looked from Jude to Adam, and back again. She looked exhausted, and Jude wished they could just get her to the medical bay and leave. He wished Adam had never taken off his helmet, wished Jude had never seen the scar through Adam's top lip. The one Jude had given him. Of all the places, of all the times to run into him, why now?
"What are you doing here?" She asked, looking back to Adam.
"That's a long story." Said Adam, running his hands through his hair, an impressive feat while wearing Power Armor. "But, that can be sorted out later. The important thing is, you're not dead!" Adam let out something between a sob and a laugh and Jude clenched his fists, looking anywhere but at his brother. His brother.
"Why did you think Jude was dead, exactly?" Asked Posey, and Adam let out a sigh.
"I found our father." He began. "I asked him if he'd been home, and he said yes, and that you were gone and...I lost it, Jude. You don't know what I was like, I was a mess. I was on my way back to find you, to bring you with me when I found dad in Rivet City, drunk out of his mind and he told me you were dead. That Raiders had found the house and killed you."
"And you believed that?" Asked Jude, raising an eyebrow. "You believed Dad?"
"Yes I believed that!" Exclaimed Adam, looking pleadingly him. Damn Adam and his puppy dog eyes, they always got him whatever he wanted. "I was fifteen years old! What was I supposed to believe!"
Jude shook his head. If he thought Posey, with all her questions and prodding, was bad for the wall that he'd built, this...well this was a battering ram. An impact that was still sending shockwaves. Adam. Here. Adam, alive. Adam, still apparently not blaming Jude for what was irrefutably his fault.
"I can't do this right now." He muttered, turning away and raking his fingers through his already wild hair. "Where's this medical bay? Can't you see that she's hurt?"
"Right of course," Said Adam, looking chagrined. "this way." Posey shot Jude a concerned look that made his insides squirm with guilt. After what she'd been through in the last few hours, she was still concerned for him? He felt selfish suddenly, claiming this moment with his own personal drama when Posey should have been allowed to grieve in peace. He shouldn't be having a reunion with his long lost brother when Posey had just lost the only family she'd had. He felt like he shouldn't be having a reunion with Adam at all. The part of him that had a brother, had a family, had been boarded up and plastered over. He didn't even know if he could be that person anymore.
"Jude," Tried Adam again but Jude shook his head, refusing to meet his eyes.
"Not now." He insisted under his breath, looking over at Posey. "Later."
Adam lowered his eyes and nodded once, holding the door open for them and leading them into a building saying over his shoulder, "This is the A-Ring, the medical bay is in the B-Ring, which can only be accessed through here. I'm afraid the only real medical aid we have is Sawbones, and he's a bit, er, unreliable, but there's plenty of supplies there and I can find one of our other medics if-"
"I don't need a medic." Said Posey, though Jude thought otherwise. She was pale and shaking, her lips appeared bluish and when slipped his hand into her own, her skin was clammy and cold. "I just need a some supplies."
"Of course," Said Adam, "We've got a large supply of stimpacks, and,"
"No Stimpacks." Said Posey shaking her head, "Just let me see what you've got."
Jude looked uneasily down at her. Her hand felt limp in his, when before, holding her hand had felt like touching a live wire. Adam noted the worry in Jude's eyes, and the way his fingers curled over Posey's silently, before opening a door to a dimly lit room. There was a Mister Gutsy robot that said in a sharp, authoritative voice:
"Presence detected. This unit is activated."
"We're not really sure how this thing became a floating encyclopedia on surgical procedures." Said Adam, closing the door behind them. "But there's something wrong with it, its motor functions are erratic, and it's medical subsystem knowledge is faulty. Anytime it tries to perform even a minor procedure on someone, they usually end up more injured than when they started. We call it Sawbones, as a bit of a joke."
"And that's all the mighty Brotherhood of Steel have to patch up their recruits?" Asked Jude raising his eyebrow. "So much for being a beacon of Pre-War technology."
"We've been a bit busy." Said Adam with a frown.
Posey was rifling around in the filing cabinets, making a small stack of the medical supplies she needed on the gurney in the center of the room.
"Please state the nature of the medical emergency." Said Sawbones, floating after Posey. She pushed the robot away, wincing as she pulled her arms out of her Vault suit.
"Jude, hand me those scissors." She said, jerking her chin toward a pair of medical scissors resting on a rolling cart next to him.
"Are you sure you don't want me to fetch a Medic?" Asked Adam, looking worriedly at the blackened and blistered skin on Posey's side. "Star Paladin Cross is very capable, and she's use to dealing with Laser Rifle burns."
"I can handle it." Said Posey, cutting away her burned and bloodied undershirt. Jude could see where the fabric had seared into her skin before he quickly turned away, glaring daggers at Adam who hadn't quite realized what Posey intended to do and was a little slow to do the same.
"We need to talk." He said, blushing slightly, but looking down intently at Jude,
"Why?" Asked Jude, crossing his arms and glaring at the door knob.
"Why?!" Demanded Adam, "Because I thought you were dead for Steel's sake!"
"Yeah well you didn't bother to check to see if the drunk old man was actually right, did you?"
"I-" Adam cut off with a huff, looking down at Jude with an expression of exasperation. He took a deep breath and said, calmly. "Take a walk with me. I can show you around the Citadel."
"I don't give a damn about your Citadel." Said Jude with a scowl.
"Then just walk with me because I'm your brother who you haven't seen for fourteen years." Said Adam impatiently. "Why are you being like this?"
"What do you want me to be like? The last time I saw you, I was ten years old and-"
There was blood on the laundry line and everything was over.
"Just take a walk with me." Said Adam in a low voice, and he slipped out, trusting Jude would follow him. Like Jude had always followed him. Until one day, he hadn't.
"Jude,"
He felt Posey's hand on his shoulder.
"Go talk to him." She said quietly.
"I don't know what I'd say." He murmured, staring at the door Adam had vanished through.
"Does it matter?" She asked, gently turning him to face her, her Vault suit zipped back up, though with the absence of her undershirt he could see much more of her Deathclaw scars than before, the still red and puckered lines jagged across her pale skin. Her fingers were cold against his shoulder, even through his shirt, and her lips still looked blue. But her eyes, while still hollow, didn't waver from his.
"You're freezing." He said, dropping her gaze taking her hand in his. "Posey, you're sick, you need-"
"I'm in shock and I know exactly what I need, Jude." She said impatiently. "I can take care of myself but what I need is for you to talk to your brother. You've been given a second chance here, do you realize how lucky you are?"
Jude barely restrained a snort. Lucky, he'd never been lucky in his life.
"Go talk to your brother." She repeated, turning away and carefully shrugging into her Tunnel Snakes jacket. "I'll be waiting outside the Citadel for you."
"We don't have to wait around, Posey." He muttered, "We can just go."
"Go where?" She demanded, turning to face him, and Jude was surprised to see anger kindling in her eyes. "Where the hell am I supposed to go now? No one is waiting for me. I'm not in a hurry to get anywhere because I have nowhere I want to be, except away from here. So just talk to your brother, and come find me when you're done."
She pushed past him, gingerly shouldering her bag and her gun and shoving away the still insistent Sawbones.
"Posey," He said quietly, feeling his stomach clench, "I didn't-"
"Please, Jude." She said, turning back to him and Jude had to repress a shudder. Her eyes, usually bright, lively and narrowed slightly in a smile, were blank and the skin around them taut. She opened her mouth slightly, clearly on the verge of saying something else, but she stopped herself, shaking her head and stepping out into the hall. Jude followed, and saw Adam, standing straight and upright directly across from the door, murmuring something to Posey and pointing back the way they'd come. Posey nodded, and without looking back at either of them, carried on up the hall.
Jude watched her go, clenching his jaw and drumming his fingers against his thigh, worry twisting his insides. Jude couldn't remember the last time he'd worried about anyone before, he didn't remember it being such an awful experience.
"So what exactly happened at the Memorial?" Asked Adam, joining Jude and folding his arms as he watched Posey vanish around the bend. "And how did you get caught up in it? How did you even get away from the old place?"
"Walked." Said Jude shortly, watching the corner Posey had rounded. "It's generally how people get around the Wasteland."
Adam shot him a withering look, and it was suddenly so obvious that this man was the same person who'd read him Grognak the Barbarian, and taught him how to tie his shoes and whistle that it almost sent Jude reeling.
"You know," He remarked, struggling to keep his voice even, "you haven't changed a bit."
"Can't say the same for you," Said Adam, turning and nodding back up the hall, the opposite direction Posey had taken. "Never thought I'd see the day where I could actually look my baby brother in the eye. I never thought you'd hit your growth spurt."
"I never thought I'd see you again." Said Jude flatly. Adam looked down, biting the inside of his cheek.
"You left me there." Continued Jude, his tone challenging but low as they passed more Brotherhood members, completely outfitted in Power Armor, although Jude could still feel their eyes on the pair of them. "I was ten years old and you left me behind."
"I thought you'd be safer at the house." Said Adam, refusing to meet his gaze, nodding to his cohorts as they passed. "I didn't mean to be gone as long as I was."
"We could have gone together. We could have gone looking for Dad together." Said Jude, feeling an old anger bubble under his skin, one that slipped through the cracks of his carefully plastered over memory banks.
Adam didn't speak until they were along a stretch of uninhabited corridor before he rounded on Jude and said, harshly under his breath
"I did what I had to, okay? I did what I'd always done, looked out for my little brother!"
"By leaving me alone for years?" Demanded Jude, not troubling to keep his voice down now and refusing to balk at Adam's glare. Adam clearly didn't want an audience, but that didn't mean Jude couldn't put on a show.
"I almost died out there, Adam!"
"Yeah well so did I!" He snapped. "It's a damn good thing I didn't take you with me because I barely made it four miles before I got taken in by a couple of slavers."
Jude tried not to register his surprise. "How'd you get out of that one." He asked, keeping his face as impassive as possible as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the wall. "Lecture them to death?"
Adam rolled his eyes, "No," He said, annoyed. Jude repressed a smirk. Even now, Jude knew how to get a rise out of him. "I was rescued by a passing Brotherhood Paladin. But by that time we were nearly to Paradise Falls, miles away from the house and I had no idea how to get back. The Paladin dropped me off at Rivet City, after he taught me a few tips and tricks and gave me a better gun than your old pea shooter, and a couple of days later, I ran into Dad, and he told me you were dead."
"You found Dad within a couple of weeks?" Said Jude incredulously. "It took me three months to find that bastard!"
"Do you have any idea where he is now?" Asked Adam, his poker stiff posture relaxing somewhat, clearly relieved that Jude's hostility had somewhat diminished.
"Dead probably." Said Jude with a shrug, looking down to avoid Adam's questioning eyes. "When I found him he was too busy being piss drunk and getting beaten senseless by Mister Burke's goons to talk much. Didn't even recognize me."
"When did you find him?"
"Back in '70."
"But, how did you get to Rivet City?" Asked Adam with a slight frown, "How did you even make it to the Potomac by yourself? What happened to you?"
Jude shrugged again, uncomfortable at the blatant questioning. And he'd thought Posey was bad. "I managed." He said, scuffing his booted toe against the floor. "Joined up with some Mercs after I found Dad. The leader, well, he was in the bar the same time dad and the goons were, guess he thought I had promise since I tried to take on three full grown mobsters by myself. He stopped them from slaughtering me, and then let me join his company."
"You were a mercenary?" Said Adam, wrinkling his nose in distaste. "Which company?"
"Oh like you and the rest of these jerks in tin cans are so much better." Said Jude snidely. "Just because you have fancier armor and a high and mighty mantra doesn't mean anything. You're just overpaid Mercs."
"The Brotherhood," Started Adam with a scowl,
"The Brotherhood hasn't done squat as far as I'm concerned." Said Jude, once again feeling the beginnings of anger curdle in his stomach. "You had to have known what those Eggheads were attempting in the Memorial. It wasn't a secret. Hell, you're Elder Lyons said 'it was as he'd feared'. Why didn't you step up and do something as soon as you saw those Birds? You must've known it was the Enclave. Nobody else as tech like that anymore. But no, you just sat in your cozy Pentagon and watched while good people died!"
"It was a private project!" Said Adam, his scowl deepening into an uncharacteristically ugly look. "We had no business-"
"It became your business the second those Birds touched down!" Shouted Jude, "The Enclave has a beef with the Brotherhood, they always have! You should have done something!"
"Like what!" Fired back Adam, "What would you like me to do, Jude? You've always had the big bright ideas, so what exactly is your suggestion? I go against my superiors and launch a covert operation for a project that was doomed from the start? I didn't know you had anything to do with Project Purity!"
"Would you have done anything, even if you did?" Challenged Jude. "Or would you just take it on the word of an old drunk that I was dead?"
"I was a kid!" Yelled Adam, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "It was my first time out in the Wasteland, I had no idea how to get back to you in the first place, and all I had was the word of an old drunk who use to be our father! What was I supposed to do with that! If I could go back, I would, but I can't! People make mistakes! You just can't let them go, you never could!"
Jude pushed off the wall, shaking his head.
"I can't do this." He muttered, "I thought I could, but I can't. What am I even suppose to say to you, Adam? What do you want me to say?"
"All I ever wanted was to get my little brother back." Said Adam fervently. "Just say you'll give me a chance to explain myself!"
"I already did."
"No, all you've done is cuss me out for joining the Brotherhood. You're being completely unreasonable."
"Yeah well," Said Jude nastily, shouldering past him. "you should be use to that."
"Jude! You can't do this to me!" Said Adam harshly, catching his arm as he passed. "I believed for fourteen that you were dead," His brown eyes were boring into his, but Jude looked away. "and I thought that it was my fault. Do you know what that did to me?"
Jude froze, looking slowly up at his brother, feeling his stomach drop away. Adam still had that stupid cowlick, right above his temple. "Yeah." Said Jude, ripping his arm free from Adam's grip. "I know exactly what it did to you."
"Oh, Jude," Adam's face crumpled, "Jude, no. No that's not what I-"
"I've got to go find Posey."
"Jude! Wait, I'm sorry,"
"You've got nothing to be sorry about." He said, refusing to look back and striding up the corridor. He felt like the walls were pressing in, the hallway narrowing up ahead and he concentrated on the thought of fresh air and finding Posey, pushing back the panic building in his chest and the demons stirring in his mind, sniffing the air and raising their heads.
"Jude!" Said Adam earnestly, catching up to him and taking him by the shoulder "Jude, what happened to Mom, that wasn't-"
"Don't!" Hissed Jude, jumping away from him as if his hand were a branding iron. "Don't talk about Mom."
"It wasn't your fault!" Insisted Adam, looking pleadingly up at him with his big brown eyes. His mother's eyes.
"Then who's was it?" He demanded, and Jude loathed the tremble in his voice. He'd kept it at bay for so long. "Don't feed me that bullshit. I didn't believe it then, and you can be damn sure I don't believe it now. What happened, that day. That was on me. So yeah, I know exactly what it did to you."
"Jude,"
"I gotta go, I'm-"
Sorry, exhausted, screwed up beyond belief
"I gotta go." He mumbled, and he all but ran up the corridor.
Posey wasn't all that difficult to find. He didn't see any other members of Project Purity, and the Brotherhood ignored him completely, which suited him just fine. When he finally made it to the outer ring of the Citadel, and the enormous gate ground shut behind him, he could see the small figure of Posey, hunched at the base of the sturdy wall, staring listlessly out at the Wasteland. He was glad to see when he approached that her lips were at least a little less blue, and she'd changed into a dry Vault suit, with her Tunnel Snakes jacket drawn tight around her shoulders.
"Hey." He said softly, walking over and carefully lowering himself down to sit beside her.
She didn't speak, just laid her head against his shoulder and Jude shifted a little closer.
"How's your burn?" He asked.
"Cleaned and bandaged." Her voice was quiet and completely devoid of any emotion.
"How," His voice died and he cleared his throat a little, "how are you."
He knew that was a stupid question. Beyond stupid. She apparently thought so too, because she didn't respond. She didn't even look at him as she sat up, wrapping her arms around herself, wary of her burn.
"I'm tired." She said at last. "I don't want to be here, but I don't know where else to go. I just...I want to go home, Jude." Tears were welling in her eyes now. "I just wanna go home." She repeated weakly.
Jude froze, looking down at her with wide eyes, as Posey ducked her head, taking a steadying breath.
"Like, the Vault?" He asked hesitantly. Part of him, the part of him he hated, was terrified she'd say yes, because he knew that if she did, he wouldn't be able to follow. But there he was, being selfish again. Of course she'd want to leave the Wasteland, of course she was tired of the place, but Posey shook her head, tears leaking out of the corners of her closed eyes.
"No, not like the Vault." She sniffed, wiping her face with the heel of her hand. "I don't know. It's not...it's not the place for me. For a while I thought, maybe that damn memorial building but now," She broke off, drawing her knees to her chest and resting her forehead against them, crying weakly into her hands. "I-I-I'm sorry." She sobbed, "I t-thought I could stop, b-but-"
"We'll go back to Megaton." Said Jude quickly, "We'll go back, you've got your house there. We can figure it out there."
"I can't stop crying." She said numbly, and it seemed true enough, tears continuously bubbled out of her eyes, sliding down her face and dripping off her chin.
"So what?" Said Jude quietly, "No one's around to see, and even if they were, who cares? You're allowed to grieve, Posey. You're allowed to cry."
"You're gettin' soft, Colorado." She said tremulously, looking at him and attempting to smile, her lips twitching half heartedly.
"I thought I told you," He murmured, brushing her hair away from her face. "To call me Jude."
She looked away, laying her head back on his shoulder and he draped his arm around her, pulling her closer. She'd always seemed larger than life, with those big blue eyes and winning smiles, but now...She felt so small, her body convulsing with sobs too big for her tiny frame.
"I don't know what I'm going to do." She whispered into his chest, her shoulders hunched and eyes screwed up tight. "What am I supposed to do?"
"You go on." He said simply, holding her a little tighter. "It's all you can do. I know that seems like asking a lot right now, but..." He paused, wondering if he was about to over do it, then wondering if he even cared about that anymore. "But until you tell me to get lost," He said slowly, "I'm gonna stick with you, Blondie. Partners. That's what we agreed on."
"Until we found-"
"That's what you said." He argued, looking down at her. "I just said partners. But I'm with you, as long as you want me to be."
"You are getting soft." She hiccuped, and Jude looked down with a half smile.
"Maybe." He murmured, "But if I am, it's all your fault."
"I'll gladly take the blame for that." She said, looking up at him and Jude pulled her to her feet, and wrapped his arms around her. The top of her head just brushed his chin, and her arms felt surprisingly firm as she held herself as close as she could, until he could feel her heart beating against his own chest.
"You're gonna make it through this, Blondie." He said into her hair. "It won't be easy. Hell, it might be the hardest thing you've ever done but you're gonna make it through this."
"I don't know, I-"
"You don't need to know what you're gonna do next, yet." He said, "Not yet. You just work on making it through this moment. Then the next. Focus on the now. Don't worry about the later."
She held him tighter, and Jude hugged her back, closing his eyes against the pain he could feel in the desperation of her grip, in the shuddering breath that caught in her throat and the warmth of her tears against his shirt.
"I don't know what I'm gonna do." She whispered, and Jude pressed his lips to the top of her head, drawing his hand down her tangled hair.
"You're gonna kick it in the ass, Blondie." He said, "Maybe not right away, but you will. You're gonna make it through."
She drew back a little, but Jude could still feel where she'd been, the shape of her pressed so firmly against himself that she'd made a permanent mark on Him.
"We're gonna make it through." She corrected, and Jude felt his lips twitch as he nodded slowly.
"Yes we are." He said, as she slipped her arms around him again, laying her head against his chest, her scarred ear pressed over his heart. "Yes we are."
Burke
Mister Burke could not believe the sight in front of him. A high ranking, widely feared, Enclave Colonel, looking defeated and rumpled. And all because of a nineteen year old girl.
"They got away." He repeated in disbelief. "One ninety pound girl and a surly mechanic against the Enclave! And they got away! Colonel, when I called you up with this information instead of sending some of my own men, I expected results that matched your reputation."
"James Bennett has always been a fool." Said Colonel Autumn stiffly, his eyes flashing dangerously as he looked down his nose at Burke, seated behind his oaken desk. "I just never realized how far his heroic idiocy would reach. He nearly blew us all up, slowed us down enough to give that girl time to take shelter with the Brotherhood of Steel. If you want to go knocking on their door, be my guest."
Burke scowled, drumming his fingers on the head of his cane. Really, at this point, he felt a growing sense of admiration for this Vault girl. She was much more resourceful than he'd first thought.
"Where's the girl's father now?" He asked, getting laboriously to his feet, leaning on his steel tipped cane and strolling over to the window. "And is that dark haired Wasteland filth still trailing after her?"
"The mercenary? I believe so. Her father's dead. The fool."
"Well," Said Burke grimly, looking down at his stiff leg with a scowl, he'd managed to get the Wastelander's bullet out, but despite liberal doses of Stimpacks, his leg still wasn't up to snuff. "at least I may still have the pleasure of killing that insolent pup myself. What about your Purifier? What state is it in?"
"Bennett's actions have seriously compromised it." Spat Autumn bitterly, "Although, with the aid of Anna Holt, one of his team members, we should eventually be able to get it functioning again. The problem is only Bennett, Doctor Li, and his daughter knew why the Pre-War mainframe was so valuable. Holt said they mentioned an essential piece of Vault-Tec equipment that they needed found to complete the Purifier, but she has no idea what that would be."
"So," Said Burke slowly, looking out over the desolate area around Tenpenny Tower, "you need the girl. Does she know of her father's fate?"
"Yes, she was present when the imbecile killed himself."
"And she's taken refuge with the Brotherhood?"
"I believe so, I don't yet have sources inside the citadel itself, but I have heard rumors that it accepted some new inhabitants."
"I happen to know for a fact that the girl owns a house in Megaton, surely she will show up there, but in the meantime, if you'd like my advice," Drawled Burke, turning away from the window and looking at the Colonel with a smile.
"Get on with it, Burke." Said the man impatiently, and Burke's grin widened.
"Wait." He said simply. "The girl will return to Project Purity. It may take time, but she will return to the Project, and she will lead you exactly where you need to go. And see if you can't get a man on the inside at the Citadel. It shouldn't be too difficult, The Brotherhood may be a bunch of stiffs, but they are only human. They have weakness."
"You're sure she will not abandon the Project?" Asked Autumn shrewdly, and Burke made his careful way back to his seat.
"For a time, perhaps. The silly creature will no doubt be incapacitated with grief at the sacrifice of her fool of a father, but, she will be back." He said confidently, lowering himself back to his desk chair, "That's why your man on the inside will be so valuable. He, or she, can alert you the moment she comes back for 'The Betterment of Humanity'." Said Burke, his tone sharp and business like, "With a project like this, the girl won't be able to help herself. She's a bleeding heart if I've ever met one. Worse, perhaps even than her father."
"And when she does come back," Said Autumn snidely, "What exactly would you have me do with her?"
"Get whatever information out of her that you can," Said Burke with a shrug. "If she refuses to crack, bring her here. I'm sure I can get something out of her. I'd prefer you to bring her by, alive in any case."
Autumn thought for a moment, his forehead creasing as he frowned deeply, considering Burke's, undoubtedly flawless, proposition.
"Mister Burke," Said Autumn at last, giving him a cold smile. "it has been a pleasure doing business with you."
"Likewise, Colonel." Said Burke, tipping his head forward. "Please, if you have any further questions, don't hesitate to ask. My door is always open."
"Noted." Said Autumn, inclining his own head.
"Don't fret, Colonel." Said Burke easily, reaching forward and pouring himself a measure of brandy from the decanter on his desk. "My guess? You'll have the girl within the month."
Posey
Posey wished she could have slept longer.
The walk back to Megaton had sufficiently drained her, and although Jude's murmured words at the gates of the Citadel had certainly helped, the distant shape of the Jefferson Memorial building as they passed sent a pang through her heart, that she hadn't quite been able
to shake. She'd pushed all thought from her mind with relative success while they'd traveled. Jude hadn't spoken about Adam, and Posey didn't speak at all. She just planted one foot in front of the other steadily. Her feet carrying her onward almost of their own accord. At least until they actually reached Megaton.
She didn't voice her thoughts as they stood inside the gates of the dusty little settlement, and Posey's eyes roved over the rusted buildings and ramshackle shacks feeling her breathing hitch. How could it still look the same? She'd been gone for months, and everything within that short time had changed irrevocably. So how could Lucas Simms still be wearing that damn hat? How could the letters on Moriarty's saloon still flicker in the dull evening light as if the world hadn't ended. Again.
"Well I'll be, Miss Bennett." Said Simms' voice jovially as he approached the pair of them. "Mister Colorado, what a pleasure it is to see you again. Thought maybe you'd given up on little old Megaton."
"After all the trouble we went through to save this sorry heap?" Said Jude raising his eyebrows. "Not likely."
Posey didn't speak, just stared over the sheriff's shoulder at the bomb resting in the middle of the town. Confessor Cromwell was still at it with his sermons. What would her father have thought of the man worshiping an atom bomb? He would have been respectful to Cromwell himself but Posey knew he wouldn't be able to reign in the glint in his eye or the smirk as he looked over at her, knowing she would find it just as funny and as ironic as he. She'd thought the next time she'd be back to Megaton, it would have been with him. She would have shown him the bomb that he'd been so proud to hear she'd disarmed, and would have introduced him to Gob, shown him the house she had now. He would have been so impressed. He would have made a joke that she was really so grown up. His little girl, a proud homeowner.
"Miss Bennett? Are you alright, girlie?"
Posey blinked, and two tears as quick and fast as quicksilver darted down her cheeks as she wrenched her gaze back to Lucas Simms.
"Yes." She said, although her reply was so delayed and belayed by her tears that the situation was almost laughable. She might have laughed herself if it didn't feel like her thoracic cavity had been suddenly filled with lead. "Excuse us, Sheriff. We've got some stuff to sell."
"Of course," He said, and Posey was surprised at the gentleness in his tone. "You have a good night now, you hear?"
"Thank you." She said, attempting a smile, although it felt wooden even to herself.
"What're we selling?" Asked Jude as they walked towards Craterside Supply, and Posey clutched the strap of her duffel so tightly her knuckles turned white.
"That Plasma Rifle I picked up." She said, refusing to meet his gaze and see the incredulous look that must have been spreading across his face.
"You sure? That gun is pretty potent, it took care of those Enclave no-"
"I don't want it." She said harshly, "If you do, feel free, but I don't want anything to do with it, or the Enclave, ever again."
Jude didn't speak again as they stepped up to Craterside Supply and pushed the door open, Posey already slinging the Plasma Rifle off her shoulder. Moria caught sight of them and brightened immediately,
"Oh you're back!" She cried, clapping her hands together. "Ready for more research? You have to have found your daddy by now!"
She thought she'd have been safe there. Safe from reminders of what she'd lost, but apparently not. The last thing she'd remembered was passing her bags to Jude and turning on the spot, pushing her way out of Craterside Supply and practically marching back to her house, which was mercifully empty. Gob was nowhere to be seen, nor any hint that he'd been staying there for the past three months, other than the framed picture on the bookshelf resting face down, another small mercy. Her head was swimming by the time she'd made up to her room and collapsed on the rickety bed, feeling a new sort of exhaustion creep up on her. A sort of tired that transcended itchy eyes and sore muscles. She barely managing to wrestle her Pip-Boy off and throw it on the desk before she let her eyes close, finally giving in to the black that had been dancing on the edge of her vision and plunging into darkness.
She wished she could have slept longer.
Instead, she lay staring up at the ceiling of her room, watching as the shafts of moonlight fell around her in the dark. It hadn't taken long for the deadly cocktail of despair, anger and grief to wash over her again and send her reeling. She had no idea what time it was. It was dark, that much was obvious. It had to be hours after they'd arrived at Megaton, and Posey felt a gnawing pit in her stomach. Whether it was due to hunger or grief, she couldn't decide. All she wanted to do sleep, and if possible, not wake up for several days, or better yet, wake up in a world where she'd never set foot in that damn memorial building. A world where her father...
She curled in on herself, squeezing her eyes shut and biting her lips to hold back sobs. She willed herself to fall back into that blissful abyss of dreamless sleep she'd been enjoying. When it was obvious that that wasn't going to happen, she got to her feet, shuffling across the floor and out onto the landing. She could hear Jude sleeping in the next room, and she paused at his door, listening to his steady breathing through the thin metal before continuing down the stairs. She considered waking him, but decided against it. Best let him sleep, he'd done enough for her as it was.
Wadsworth floated about the lower floor, straightening the two books on the shelf, and using one of his many appendages to run a rag across each one's cover before placing it back on the shelf.
"Oh! Good evening, madam! I didn't expect to see you, Master Jude informed me that you had retired for the night."
"Can't sleep." Said Posey softly, wrapping her arms around herself, more as an effort to keep herself together rather than conserve body heat. "Where's Gob? He's staying here, isn't he?"
"Mister Gob said he didn't feel comfortable staying here," Said Wadsworth, his eyestalk dropping slightly. "I'm very sorry Madam, I do hope it wasn't any indiscretion on my part that drove him away."
"Didn't feel comfortable?" Said Posey in surprise. "But,"
Her voice faded as Wadsworth drifted into the puddle of moonlight in the center of the room, and his reflective surface gleamed in the pearly light. Though the reflection was warped and rounded, it still showed her plainly enough, and in the dull light drifting from the slats in the roof, Posey looked more like her father than she ever had before.
She took an involuntary step backward, and could feel herself shaking.
"I say, Madam." Said Wadsworth in concern, thankfully floating out of the moonlight, and the image faded slightly, though it was still visible. "You look awfully unwell, please,"
"I-I-I'm fine." She said through trembling lips, "just... Stay out of the light, please."
Not that it would do anything. She already saw in her father, and the glass separating them spattered in blood.
"Run...Run!"
She twisted her fingers in the roots of her hair, and didn't realize she'd collapsed until she heard Wadsworth's worried voice,
Could robots be worried?
"Madam? Madam, shall I fetch Master Jude?"
"No." Gasped Posey, "No, I'm alright."
Her hair felt too heavy, like it was strangling her as it weighed against her face, neck and back, loose and swaying and she remembered all the times her father had smoothed back her tangled locks, trying to soothe her.
"Wadsworth, I need scissors." Said Posey suddenly, "Please, do you-"
"I don't know if I'm authorized to give you anything sharp while you're in this state, Madam." Continued Wadsworth anxiously, "May I inquire why?"
"I need them!" Snapped Posey, "My hair, it's too long, I need-"
"Why is that all!" Said Wadsworth brightly, "A haircut! Why of course I can provide that! Shall we conduct this outside? It will be much easier to clean up, I believe."
"You," Said Posey in shock as Wadsworth drifted over to the door, waiting for her to open it. "You can cut my hair?" She asked, getting unsteadily to her feet.
"I'm programmed with dozens of haircuts." Said Wadsworth happily. "Would you like The Sophisticate? The Domestic Goddess? Or perhaps The Seductress would be more fitting, I rather think-"
"Just cut it off." Said Posey shortly, shoving open the door and walking out onto the balcony, relishing in the cool breeze washing over her skin as she dragged a wobbly chair away from an equally unsteady table as Wadsworth followed after her, one of his appendages converting into a small pair of hairdressing scissors. "I want it short." She continued, taking a seat in the chair.
"How short, Madam?"
"Here." She grabbed a chunk of hair and held it out, snatching up the scissors in her own hand and snipped. A long, pale blonde lock drifted to the floor and Posey released the scissors and hair, which now just tickled her jaw.
"That length." She said, sitting back. "Cut it all to that length."
"Right away, madam. I think this new style shall be most becoming."
Posey sat stiffly upright while Wadsworth worked, staring straight out over Megaton, bathed in the moon and the electric lights strung over the town. All was silent, except the gentle hum of Wadsworth's thrusters keeping him airborne and the snip of the scissors, and Posey felt simultaneously relieved by the quiet and smothered by it.
"Posey?"
Posey turned just as Wordsworth said, "There you are, Madam. Would you like me to style it for you?"
"No," She said quietly as Jude stepped out from the doorway onto the balcony, looking warily from Wadsworth to her and back again. "It's fine, Wadsworth, thank you."
The ends of her hair just brushed her neck, raising goosebumps along it. Jude's own hair was mussed from sleep, though his eyes were alert and sharp, and Posey noticed he had a pistol gripped tight in his hand. He was staring at her, and she noticed his shoulders notably relaxed as she stood, though his eyes remained wary.
"It's too hot for long hair." She said, shivering as a breeze ghosted over her. "Besides," She reached up and tugged on the ends, "I-It's practical, you know. I can still pull it back, and it won't get in the way, or be as hard to wash. Don't," her voice caught in her throat, and she cleared it. "Don't you like it?" She asked, forcing her tone to be light.
Jude hadn't moved, his eyes was unwavering, their green subdued in the dim light of the moon.
"Yeah." He said simply, "Yeah. It looks great."
"You think?" She asked, and she could feel the tell tale burn behind her eyes and lump in her throat. Damn, she wished she weren't so used to that feeling.
Jude nodded and Posey fought to keep her bottom lip from trembling. She wasn't a child anymore. She wasn't going to blubber and her father wasn't going to be there to smooth back her tousled tresses or tell her everything was going to be alright. So, she bit her lip and clenched her fists and walked towards the house on shaky legs. She pushed back the tears as Wadsworth swept up the hacked off hair, and Jude stepped aside to let her pass, leaving the door open for Wadsworth. Jude set the gun on the end of the bookshelf as Wadsworth drifted back inside, closing and locking the door behind him.
"A new haircut can really turn your life around, you know." Said Wadsworth sagely, nodding his eyestalk up and down. "I think this new style suits you very well, Madam."
"Thanks." Said Posey, turning away and looking at the still face down picture frame. She thought about fixing it, but hesitated. She didn't know if she could bare to see her and her father's happy face, smiling up at her.
"You wanna talk?" Asked Jude quietly, sitting down on the steps and looking over at her, resting his folded arms on his knees. Posey shrugged, feeling the ends of her hair tickle her shoulders as she did so. "C'mere." Said Jude, scooting closer to the wall, leaning back against it and freeing up space on the step beside him. Posey sat, bringing her knees up to her chest despite the stinging pain caused by her burn.
"He was right, you know." She said dully after a pause, and Jude just looked at her, silent and waiting. "My Dad. He said," She cleared her throat and let her chin rest on her knee. "He said, 'after tomorrow, nothing will ever be the same again.' and he was right."
Jude still didn't speak, and Posey wanted to hug him and at the same time, order him away. She didn't know what to say to him. She didn't know what she wanted from him. She didn't know anything, anymore.
"Wadsworth said Gob didn't feel comfortable here." Said Posey, looking out at the blank room before them. "I don't get it. This can't be worse than Moriarty's Saloon."
"It wasn't the house itself, I'm sure." Said Jude quietly. "It was the offer. Some people aren't very good at accepting help."
"It doesn't make any sense." she said, shaking her head. Her hair swished against the back of her neck, causing her to shiver again. "Why couldn't he just stay here?"
"Couldn't tell 'ya." Said Jude with a shrug. "Maybe he thought it was charity. People don't know how to deal with charity nowadays."
"I was just trying to be his friend."
"People don't have friends up here."
"I've got you." She murmured, looking over at him. "Aren't you my friend?" Jude smiled and looked away,
"Yeah, but we're not exactly what you'd call normal. Especially by Wasteland standards."
"What's normal, by Wasteland standards?"
"Grumpy, hostile and selfish."
"Well, you fit at least two of those requirements." Said Posey. She didn't quite smile, but she felt her lips at least twitch a little.
"Rude. I'm a damn ray of sunshine, Blondie."
Posey looked away, shaking her head. "What did you and Adam talk about? He's the one who's hat I've been wearing, right?"
Jude nodded, sobering up at once. "Yeah, that was his. I use to have one too, but mine was blue."
"What did you talk about?" She asked again, looking over at him again, but Jude didn't meet her eyes.
"Not much." He said quietly. "We...we don't really see eye to eye anymore, I guess. Then again, we never really did in the first place. But, he was still my older brother. I dunno, I thought he'd died out there. I never thought I'd see him again, and so when I did, and he was with the Brotherhood, I.." His voice died and he shook his head. "Adam always said he was going to make a difference. When we played cops and robbers, he was always the cop. He'd lap up stories about the Brotherhood, and he always wanted to be in charge. It really shouldn't come as much of a surprise."
"How old is he?"
"Twenty-Nine. He's five years older than me."
"He didn't look that much older than you."
"Yeah, well, he's always had a babyface. And that stupid cowlick."
"So you didn't get along then. I'm sorry that I made you go talk to him."
"Nah, we got along fine as kids." Said Jude with a shrug. "I mean, we were brothers. We beat each other up all the time and communicated primarily in punches and name calling, but he was my brother. He use to read me Grognak the Barbarian, even though my mom hated that comic, she'd let it happen, because it was one of the only times we'd stop wrestling. He was a good brother. He always shared, before my mom even told him to. He always knew what to say to get my dad to calm down if he came home drunk."
"Where did you live? When you were growing up, I mean." Asked Posey, resting her chin on her hand and looking over at him. Jude never spoke about his childhood, not if he could help it, but now that she had him on the subject...
"A little ways West of Fort Independence." Said Jude, "It's where the Brotherhood Outcasts have set up base. An old Pre-War house my parents fixed up best they could. My dad had a deal with the Outcasts. He'd trade any Pre-War tech he'd find for supplies, and the Outcasts would leave us alone, and make sure no Raiders went out that way. Pretty great setup. Better than most had."
"So your dad was a Scavenger."
"Yeah. He was gone a lot." Said Jude, bracing his shoulder against the corrugated tin wall and picking at a rust spot. "But I didn't mind. My mom and Adam were always around, and Dad was always a little distant anyway. He always tried to boss us around when he was home."
"So your problem with authority began young." Said Posey, raising an eyebrow.
"Well he wasn't around enough to even know me, let alone boss me around." Said Jude defensively. "But, he'd always lay off after my Mom would say something. As pisspoor of a Dad he was, he really loved her."
"What was your mom's name?" Asked Posey softly, watching Jude's shoulder tense slightly, the way the always did when she'd ask questions.
"Adaline." He said quietly. "My dad would call her Addy."
"That's a beautiful name."
"It really suited her."
"What did she look like?"
"A lot like Adam, actually. She had dark hair, and brown eyes."
"Did she have freckles?"
"Tons." Said Jude, his lips twitching up in a smile. "All over her face and shoulders. She" He let out a light laugh. "She use to call them Angel Kisses. And, she had this...this accent, I guess you'd say. No idea where she came from, but the way she'd talk... It was slow, and the way she'd say R's was really... soft. I dunno, that's a terrible way to describe it. She said it was old and southern. South of what, I have no idea, but her family had always talked like that."
"You know, my mom believed in God too." Said Posey, looking over at him, watching his profile and the way his Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, and the line of his neck as it disappeared into the collar of his shirt. "She read the Bible. My dad didn't, but he said she believed in God until the day she died, even if the other members of Project Purity made fun of her for it."
"I think your mom and my mom would've gotten along." Said Jude, coughing to clear his throat. "I dunno about my dad and your dad, but our moms would've been friends, I'm sure."
"Would your mom," Her voice died and she looked away, shyly. "would your mom have liked me, do you think?"
"Definitely." Said Jude at once, "She would have loved you. No doubt about that."
"I wish I could have known her."
"Yeah. Me too." He was quiet for a moment before saying slowly. "So..." He watched her warily as he shifted a little on the step, leaning back against the wall. "Your hair, it looks nice."
Posey tugged on a lock near her face, watching the pale strands glow nearly silver in the moonlight.
"Why did you cut it?" He asked quietly.
"It was getting too long." She said with a shrug. "And..." She swallowed hard, the corners of her eyes prickling "I just...I look a lot like him."
Her throat went dry and she shook her head. "All I see now, anytime I see myself, is something I'm never going to get back." She croaked, hanging her head. She wanted to clench her fists tight. She wanted to feel the bite in her skin. But she couldn't. She'd promised. "I don't know why I thought cutting my hair would change that. It won't change that. I'll always look like him."
Jude didn't speak, just watched her for a minute before he got carefully to his feet, "Just a second." He murmured, before turning and heading up the stairs. She turned and watched him go with a small frown, but he was only gone for a few seconds before he was back again, a grubby paper package in his hands. He lowered himself back down next to her, looking a little nervous as he looked from his newspaper wrapped package to her. "I, uh...I got you something." He said, a little awkwardly.
"What for?" She asked in surprise, looking from his gift up to him.
"Your birthday."
Posey looked down, forcing her breathing to remain slow and even. "Not really worth celebrating anymore." She said quietly. "You didn't have to get me anything."
"I didn't buy it." He said, holding it out to her. "I found it."
"That explains it," She said wryly. "I knew my favorite tightwad wouldn't spend any caps on little old me."
"Just open your present." Said Jude flatly, and Posey's lips twitched again as she accepted it. She thought she could already tell what it was the second she held it, but she tore the paper away anyway to reveal the dark red cover of a book, with a branching tree on the left side, with white, raised text reading:
"To Kill a Mockingbird." She said slowly, looking up from the cover to Jude, who was looking almost nervous. "Sounds a little morbid."
"I don't think it's about killing birds, Blondie." He muttered, rolling his eyes.
"Why? Have you read it?"
"Not much of a reader." Said Jude, drawing one knee up to his chest and wrapping an arm around it. "Just, thought you'd like it."
"I do." She said gently, looking back down at the book, running her fingers over the title, feeling it under the pads of her fingers. "I really do. Thank you,Jude."
Jude shrugged, scrubbing the back of his neck and stretching his legs out, crossing them at the ankle as Posey carefully opened the book, thumbing through the pages and taking a deep breath as the smell of old, dusty paper washed over her. She was sure it was just her imagination, but her breathing seemed to come a little easier, and the tense knots in her shoulders relaxed as she held the book in her hands. She opened it to the front page, cleared her throat and began: "'When he was nearly thirteen, my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the elbow.'"
"What're you doing?" Asked Jude, looking at her with raised eyebrows.
"You said you didn't think it was about killing birds. Don't you want to know if you're right?"
"I told you. I'm not much of a reader."
"That's why I'm reading it for you." She said simply.
"It's a long book," He said, "you wanna sit on these stairs all night?"
"We can move upstairs." Said Posey with a shrug, "But aren't you at least a little curious?"
"I guess." Admitted Jude carefully, and Posey got to her feet, holding the book to her chest as Jude led the way back up the stairs and Posey turned into to her room, settling down on the bed, propping herself up against the wall as Jude sat next to her.
"Comfy?" She asked, and Jude nodded, interlocking his hands behind his head and closing his eyes as Posey repeated: "When he was nearly thirteen, my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the elbow. When it healed, and Jem's fears of never being able to play football were assuaged, he was seldom self-conscious about his injury."
She kept reading, even as Jude's head began to nod. Soon, he'd fallen asleep, slipping down on the bed and propping his head on top of his arm, but she stayed up, sitting up against Jude's sleeping form and reading by the light of the moon and her Pip-Boy until her own eyelids grew heavy, deeply embedded in the town of Maycomb. It wasn't until the words started to swim across the page that Posey finally put it down, making careful note in her mind that she'd stopped at chapter eight before laying the book gently next to her Pip-Boy and flicking off the light. The bed was narrow, and Jude sprawled across it and it would have been easier to just claim the other bed, but Posey stayed on the sliver of mattress available to her, letting Harper Lee's words fill her mind as she closed her eyes, letting Jude's legs tangle with her own as she pushed him gently closer to the wall, snuggling in closer to him, feeling his breath, warm and even against the back of her neck.
She wished she could have slept longer.
An: So, sorry about the delay, but I'm afraid it's only going to get worse from here, friends. I can't tell you how much it means to me for all of you that have stuck with the story this long, but I think I'm going to have to take a hiatus soon. Is that something you take? I don't know. I might get one more chapter up, but it's unfortunately not likely before I'm going to be forced to take a little break for a while. I'm going to be out of the country for a while, and with no access to a computer :(
But, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and the rest of this story up to this point. I certainly have :) this chapter's song is Organs by Of Monsters and Men. Thanks to my lovely reviewers, I love you very very much. I can't tell you how much. Please let me know what you think of this chapter, and the one before if you haven't already. It was a rough one.
Thanks for reading!
xoxoxo
Living Pretty