"You are truly talented Clarke." Lexa eyes remained fixed on the drawing.
Clarke furrowed her stare at the brunette. It wasn't the reaction she expected.
"Uh- thank you." She hesitated, her eyes still exploring Lexa's features.
The older girl laid the drawing flat on the table.
The blonde felt her heart return to her chest, when she saw the drawing was of her father. Caught up in the relieved feeling that washed over her body, she didn't hear Lexa speak.
"Clarke?"
"Hmm" she hummed
"You have his kindness in your eyes." Lexa repeated; smiling at Clarke before turning her attention back on the drawing "When did you draw this?"
Clarke didn't answer she just swallowed thickly at the comment.
"I'm sorry Clarke, we don't have to-." She mentally cursed at herself, momentarily forgetting about the blonde's troubles.
The blue eyed girl injected quickly "Do you want to know a secret."
"Only, if you want to tell it." The brunette offered a smile.
"I drew that last night, after waking up from a nightmare." Her voice was low and vulnerable.
"Your mom told me about the night terrors you've been having. You should have woken me up Clarke, I don't want to think you're alone, that's why I'm here." Lexa was concerned
A small smile tugged at the younger girl's lips. She liked hearing the sincerity in the brunette's voice. She soon realised they were just sitting in silence, waiting for Clarke to speak. "No." She shook head abruptly. "You don't understand. It wasn't like my other dreams that I had been having."
"If you don't mind me asking, why was it different?"
"I dreamt I was on the beach, my dad picked me up from behind and spun me around. I could feel the warm breeze in my hair, I could hear is laugh and feel is touch. It felt so real, just a normal summer day." Clarke closed her eyes at the many memories she had with her dad, detailing this dream.
Lexa watched the blonde, a wave of sadness washed over her; her heart tightening at the scene unfolding. She waited for the girl to continue.
"But when he finally puts me down; the sun was in my eyes when I tried to look at him. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't see him. He told me he loved me, and then he left."
"Clarke." Lexa croaked out. She was trying to deal with her own memories resurfacing as well as taking in the Griffin girl's emotions. This hit a bit too close to home, the brunette was struggling. She swallowed hard to fight the air that got stuck in her windpipe. She was grateful Clarke spoke, because no words could form from her tongue.
"I woke up, and just wanted to draw him. I needed to do it from memory, I'm scared that—"
"That you're forgetting what he looks like?"
Clarke's lips parted; not knowing how Lexa knew. She nodded in agreement.
Since Lexa started coming over to the house, her father hasn't occupied her mind as much. The blonde started to feel guilty.
Lexa scooted closer the blonde, grabbing her hands.
"You can never forget him, Clarke. I think you're drawing proves that, even if you don't believe me. It's hard but it's okay to move on, he will always be with you Clarke, even when moments go by, where he doesn't occupy your thoughts. Sadly time doesn't stand still, when you've lost someone, no matter how much you want it to."
Clarke thought about what the older girl said "Like in Grey's Anatomy, when Ellis Grey tells Meredith the carousel doesn't stop turning."
Lexa smile reached her cheeks. "Exactly, the world keeps spinning, forces you to go along with it. That's why your mom had to go back to work. She felt like it was time to take that step forward."
The blonde remained silence. She was scared of taking that step, to go back to being Clarke Griffin, a girl she no longer knew how to be.
"That's why your mom is worried about you."
"What do you mean?"
"Forget it Clarke, I didn't mean to say it."
"Well you have now. So spill it. Why is my mom worried? I have a right to know"
Lexa sighed deeply. "You've shut everyone out of your live, Clarke."
"I haven't" Clarke argued. I haven't shut you out; were the words that wanted to leave her tongue.
"When's the last time you saw your friend Octavia?" the brunette questioned hesitantly. She knew it was a bad idea, to get into this discussion now; especially noticing how defensive the younger has become.
The blonde wanted to bite back, but her best friends name, made her wordless.
Lexa didn't miss the guilt that corrupted the blonde's features.
"Why don't you invite her over tomorrow? I bet she misses you."
"Lexa-"
"I'm just saying,
"I'm not ready?" Clarke tiredly spoke; without another word, she got up and went upstairs.
"Clarke" Lexa called out; cursing at herself for pushing the girl too far. She never received an answer back.
"Two nights in a row." She noted to herself, as she slammed her body into the couch. That's two nights now that Clarke as ran away from her. "Awesome job." She growled.
Xx
Lexa felt a force of air enter her lungs, followed by powerful repetitive pushes on her chest; causing the water that was slowly suffocating her to leave her body. The eruption from her chest caused her body to abruptly wake her from her deep sleep, coughing vigorously, as the water was forced out of her body..
"Good girl!" the paramedic said; her hand moved to the young girl's pulse on her neck, it was weak. She cupped the brunette's face. She saw the girl's eyes meet hers for a second before they closed again. "Okay sweetie, I'm going to need to you to hold on just for a little longer, we nearly there."
Lexa woke up, in a sheet of sweat; her heart was racing. She rubbed over her chest, feeling a pressure pain that wouldn't go away. Her emotions bubbled to the surface; she tried with her every fibre in her body to fight the tears that started to fall down her face. She took slow deep breathes, but it wasn't a battle she could win, as she began to cry. She tried to muffle the sound, by burying her face deep into the pillow.
She can't remember the last time she had a nightmare about that fatal night.
Xx
Lexa didn't get much sleep, while the bed at the Griffin household was much more comfortable than her own; the brunette felt an urge to be home; to be in her own bedroom.
It was 9am, she went downstairs to find another envelope with Lexa written on it. Once again there was $50 more than there agreed payment. Lexa started to feel guilty; she doesn't know why Mrs Griffin keeps tipping her, when she keeps making things with Clarke worse.
She shuts the front door quietly, before fiddling with her bag trying to find her car keys.
"Lexa Woods" A confused voice appeared, getting her attention.
"Do I know you" Lexa tilted her head, taking in the younger brunette.
"Oh I—uh no." The girl blushed; feeling intimidated by Lexa's stare.
"But you know my name." She smirked
"You are—well um" the younger brunette stuttered. "Was the most popular girl in school, everyone knows your name." she shrugged
Lexa started to put the pieces together, but it all made sense when she saw the girl's necklace with her name on it.
"You're Octavia"
"You know my name?" Her lips parted, eyes widened.
Lexa laughed. "Clarke talks about you." It was a half lie, but she admired that this girl doesn't give up. So she vowed that she won't let Clarke give up on her friends; even though she might have pushed the blonde too hard yesterday.
"She does?" Her voice was vulnerable, not wanting to read too much in what the brunette was saying. It had been months since she spoke to her best friend, never getting passed Abby's words "She's not ready yet, honey."
Lexa noticed Octavia had zoned out, mostly likely thinking of her best friend. She didn't know why but she felt like she had to comfort her.
"She hasn't forgotten about you Octavia. Clarke went to a dark place, causing her to shut everyone out. It doesn't mean she doesn't care about you or that she doesn't miss you, quite the opposite. I just think she's scared."
"Scared of what? Me?" The younger girl hesitated.
"No" Lexa rushed out. "Clarke is figuring out, how to be her again, and-."
The younger girl furrowed in confusion; not really understanding what she meant.
"It's hard to explain" Lexa rubbed the back of neck; she knew what it was like to try step back into shoes that no longer exist anymore.
The girl simply nodded before curiosity got the better of her "How comes you're at the Griffin residence?"
"I-"Lexa thought of her words carefully. "Mrs Griffin hired me to keep Clarke company, when she works the night shift; so she's not alone."
Octavia nodded again, couldn't help but be jealous of the older girl.
"So your friends?" Lexa knew where this is going; she wasn't hiding her emotions very well.
"I guess you can say that, but it' not like she can get rid of me, she has no choice but to have me around." The brunette huffed out a laugh.
"Can you give her a message from me, please?"
"Of course."
"Tell her that I miss her and that I will be here waiting when she's ready." Octavia shifted her weight from one foot to another.
"I'll make sure she gets it." Lexa offered her a smile.
"Thank you." Octavia started to walk away, but her foot hesitated on the next step, she looked back.
Lexa caught this moment, knowing the girl wanted to say something else.
"Can you tell her that Wells keeps asking about her? I think he has a crush on her. Wants to know if she's coming back to school after the summer" Octavia suddenly beamed.
Lexa laughed. "I'll let her know."
Xx
Lexa walked into her house and threw herself on the sofa, letting her body sink into it. She released a loud sigh; thinking she was alone, but she soon realised she wasn't.
"You okay, sweetie." A gentle voice appeared.
"I messed up." The brunette groaned; no wanting this person to see that she had a relapse in having her night terrors. She turned the subject onto the other thing that occupied her mind.
"You didn't break anything at the Griffin residence did you, I'm not sure my yearly salary could cover it." The woman half joked, taking a seat on the couch.
"Very funny." Lexa replied deadpan before turning serious. "All I want to do is help her, but I just keep making things worse. I never thought it would be this hard, I'm not very good with detecting the emotions part, I pushed her-God I-."
"Talking about Clarke?" The woman grabbed Lexa's hand, calming her down. The green eyed girl nods to confirm. "That family has been through a lot." The woman eyes the younger brunette carefully. "I can see it's starting to take a toll on you honey. I told you taking this job wouldn't be a good idea, it's already making the memories resurface, isn't it?"
Damn it, how does she always know. Lexa frustratingly thought.
"Mom" Lexa swallowed thickly, squeezing her hand, trying to give her reassurance. "She needs me, I want to help her, just being on this side of the situation, is harder than I could have imagine."
"It's never easy Lexa." She replied croakily. "Just give her time, after all it worked for you; let her go at her own pace, she will find her footing eventually. Just be there when she's ready, and listen. You'll know what to do after that, there's no instructions how to deal with these situations, just instinct."
Lexa stared at the woman before, she has always been there for her, giving her guidance, when the brunette was too stubborn to listen. She was greatful that this person always knew what to say to make her feel better. "I love you." She admits; placing a kiss on her mom's cheek.
"I love you to the moon and back." She replied
"Only to the moon" Lexa acted shocked, as she stood up.
"Because that never gets old." Her mom laughed out a reply.
Lexa exited the room, and started to walk up the stairs before shouting out "And yet you always laugh."
She pushes her bedroom door open, she already feels an essence of security and comfort engulf her body. The brunette lies on her bed staring at the ceiling. Her mom wasn't wrong, spending time with Clarke, caused her own memories to resurface. Lexa acted strong; she always pushed her feelings deep down, pretending she was fine. She released a deep breath, hoping it would somehow push it back down again, but Pandora box had already spill its contents. After ten years, she was getting tired of fighting it. She couldn't avoid it anymore. Spending time with Clarke, she realised how much of a hypocrite she was being, there she was pushing Clarke to let people in. But truth is Lexa has been running away from her feelings since the accident, so much so that no one knows the truth about Lexa Woods, nor about her history. And that's the way she preferred it.
Her phone beeped, pulling her out of her thoughts. She looked at the App notification.
Message received from Imagination…
Xx
Note
Firstly, I had a reader comment on the dictionary I used. I am from England, so my laptop auto corrects mom to mum. As I am writing in an American setting, I've decided to keep this theme, but some mistakes might appear. I can only apologise in advance.
Secondly I know some of you, are looking forward to the future chapters, and trust me I am too. It will be so much easy to write. There will be 1 or 2 more chapters before the jump, just because I needed to develop why Clarke has this connection to Lexa, and I didn't want to rush it.
Sorry about the wait. Time flew by, and to be honest I got caught up reading fanfics, there so addictive.
Lastly thank you for reading.