warning: this story contains mature content and isn't suitable for younger viewers.

A/N: i would just like to say a quick thank you to everyone who has read this fanfic and has followed me. please review this story so i can make the next one better for you guys. this chapter is the longest one so far. Enjoy!

Merlin knew he wanted to say goodbye to everyone, the problem is, how? saying goodbye to Gaius was hard enough but what about Gwaine? Arthur? how could he say goodbye to his destiny, their destiny.

Gwen, he'll start with Gwen. She has always been understanding, caring nut not pushy. no, never pushy. she will listen but not ask to many questions (he hopped.) Ok, that settles it. Merlin will start with Gwen and then go find the knights (they'll most likely be in the armoury) Then...then he will say goodbye to Arthur-if he can.

"Merlin"

Merlin stopped dead in the middle of the corridor. Fuck! no. FUCK. He was meant to talk to Gwen first not Leon.

Merlin span on his heels and greeted Leon with a smile.

"Leon, is there anything you need?"

"um, no. Just wanted to say hello."

"hello" Merlin replied, his patience wairing thin.

Leon observed this, he noticed Merlin's smile didn't seem as bright as it used to be. It actually seemed slightly fake.

"is that all?" Merlin asked, slightly annoyed that Leon was staring at him.

"oh, sorry, yeah sure. i'll see you later i guess"

Merlin nodded slightly and set out to find Gwen...until Leon Spoke up again.

"Merlin, you don't think i'm that stupid do you?"

Fuck.

"you're my friend, i know when something is wrong." Leon's voice was dripping with concern.

Merlin span on his heels again. This time Leon wasn't greeted with a fake smile, actually there was no smile at all. Merlin just stared at him with deep meaning full eyes. He had to say goodbye to Leon. Screw the order! Leon had been his friend for many years, way before Arthur was king, when it wasn't acceptable to be friends with a mear servant. No! he has to say goodbye.

"Leon" Merlin spoke as he walked over to the tall, ginger man. "i'm sorry"

"what for?"

"Leaving"

"what do you mean?"

Merlin couldn't help himself. If one person was trusted to keep a secret, it was Leon. But Merlin couldn't tell him the full truth, Leon would surly tell Arthur before he had the chance to leave. It was to late he already told Leon he was leaving. Shit! why did he say that.

"Merlin?"

there was a pause. both men just stared at each other. At this exact moment Leon knew what his good friend was bound to do. Leon had been afraid of this. Although he had never voiced his concerns, Leon knew Merlin hadn't been himself these past few months and now...now he will have to face the concequences of being silent.

"i'm going to Ealdor to see my mum, she is very i'll and i need to look after her."

"why would you be sorry for that?"

"i may not be coming back."

Leon didn't believe him. Merlin had avoided his gaze and now Leon was sure of what Merlin was going to do. was it any of his business?...yes! yes it was, Merlin is his friend so it's up to Leon to look after him.

"Merlin...don't lie to me"

that made Merlin look up at Leon. By looking at the other mans facial expressions Merlin could tell he knew. what does he do know? is there any point in denying it? maybe if he denied it enough Leon would believe him.

"i don't know what you're on about. i'm going to Ealdor to help my mother."

"Merlin..please"

with those two words Merlin almost let everything spill out him like water from a tap. He was so close to telling Leon, to getting help. But he couldn't. If he told Leon, Leon would surly tell Arthur and then Merlin wouldn't be able to say goodbye.

"Leon, honestly. i have no clue what you're on about."

"i can see it in your eyes Merlin. you've lost faith in this world, lost hope in living."

Merlin let out a loud (slightly over-the-top) laugh to prove his point. Leon was taken aback by this. this was no laughing matter!

"ahhhh Leon. you really crack me up. do you honestly think i want to kill myself?"

there was no response.

"i promise you nothing is wrong, i don't want to hurt myself, i'm just going to Ealdor."

Leon still had the feeling Merlin was lying, but what could he do? Merlin has always been a happy, cheerful young man who tried to see the best in everyone. If he told anyone they would think he's mad (especially if Merlin keeps denying it as strongly as he is.) Instead Leon pulled the young boy into a hug. Merlin let this happen as he trusted Leon and if he was being hones, he wanted a hug right now (desperately.)

"i'll miss you"

"and i you"

Leon released Merlin and watched the young man as he walked away until he was out of sight.

Two down, four to go.