warning: this story contains mature content that isn't suitable for younger readers. in no way am i trying to romanticize suicide.

A/N: thanks to everyone who has read and is continuing to rad this story. don't forget to review or ask questions so i can make the story better. cheers, enjoy!

"ahh, Merlin. Just the person i wanted to see."

Walking into Gwen's chambers Merlin didn't know what to expect, he certainly didn't expect Gwen to be stood beside her wooden dining table with an ugly yellow dress sprawled across it.

"can you fix it?" inquired Gwen noticing how Merlin was eyeing the dress (if you could call it that.)

"Gwen i'm a sorcerer, not a tailor...or a miracle worker for that matter."

Gwen chuckled lightly at Merlin's all to familiar (but recently un-present) sarcasm. She had miss that more than she realised. Only now when she laughed with him did she fully understand how much Merlin had changed through the years of knowing him. He had came to Camelot a young, slightly naive young man but then he grew up, almost to fast. One day he was a happy joyful man, the next his smile had dropped like he suddenly realised how much death and destruction he had caused (even if he had everybody's best intentions in mind.) But he never stopped caring for his friends, his family. That's why Gwen loved him, no matter what he went through (that she now knows is alot) he would always put his friends health and saftey before his own.

"please there must be something you can do"

"you know Gwen, since coming to Camelot i have seen all manners of abominations...but that dress. It is by far the worst."

"Merlin!" Gwen laughed as she wrapped her skinny coco arms around her mini waist

"i'm sorry it's just" Merlin bursted out laughing.

"ugly" Gwen finished for him.

Merlin nodded as a real smiled formed on his lips. Gwen always knew how to make him smile even when he didn't want was kind of scary.

"Merlin please"

"i'll see what i can do. i may be a powerful sorcerer but this may be beyond me."

Gwen gave him the look. The look that meant 'Merlin don't fuck with me.' Merlin has seen this look few times but it always messed him up.

"Nu meaht pu begalan"

Merlin's eyes turned a piercing gold as the once ugly yellow dress had now transformed into a beautiful teal green with hand embedded jewels all around the neckline. Merlin was extremely pleased when Gwen floated out from behind the blind. She looked stunning with the dress wrapping around her slender figure perfectly.

"Merlin, it's beautiful"

"thank you, i'm a man of many talents."

"i don't know why Arthur didn't see that before."

Merlin's grin dropped so suddenly it almost took Gwen by surprise. By the mention of Arthur, Merlin remembered why he was here. He wasn't meant to be laughing or feeling happy. He had become so numb recently he forgot how good it felt to smile, laugh. Gwen had to go ruin it by mentioning Arthur, whenever he thinks of Arthur, Merlin remembers how it was his fault Arthur died. It was Merlin's fault that the dragon was released, it was his fault Morgana turned evil, it was Merlin's fault that Mordred stabbed Arthur. If Merlin just killed that small druid boy non of that would of happened. it's all Merlins fault!

a single unwanted tear falls down Merlin's cheek.

"Merlin, i'm sorry"

"goodbye Gwen"

three down, three to go.