Warning: this story contains mature content that may not be suitable for younger readers. in no way am i trying to romanticize suicide.

A/N: thanks to everyone who has followed me and reviewed, this is the last chapter before Merlin goes to talk to Arthur soooooooooo enjoy!

Walking outside in search for his friend Merlin only noticed how dark it had gotten, the chill of the nights air had hit Merlin, like water on fire. Wrapping his arms around himself, Merlin walked further into the training grounds in hope of finding Gwaine. Stalking deeper into the patch of grass high above the court yard a shadowy figure started to emerge from the black of the night.

"Gwaine?" Merlin called out hoping for some form of response.

"Merlin!" Gwaine shouted

Jogging towards his friend, Gwaine's hair started to bounce effortlessly his smile as entrancing as ever. Gwaine stopped just in front of the raven haired boy visibly pleased to see Merlin.

"to what do i owe the pleasure?"

Apart from Arthur, Gwaine had always been his closest friend for so many years. Although he is pissed off his head most the time Gwaine was always there for his friends especially the tall slender sorcerer. Merlin got so caught up in the moment that he all to suddenly latched onto Gwaine like his life depended on it. Confused by his friends sudden attachment to him, Gwaine started to process what was happening and put a re-assuring hand on Merlin's back. The comfort made Merlin want to cry again but he restrained himself.

Pulling back Gwaine took a few seconds to study Merlin's facial features to find out why Merlin had hugged him so desperately.

"Merlin...are you ok?"

"honestly. No"

This concerned Gwaine as he never liked to see Merlin upset or hurt.

"What is it? Merlin please, i'm always here for you"

"i'm just..i have to leave here."

"why? where are you going?"

"honestly i don't know."

"I can come with you, we could go together somewhere far away."

Gwaine has always been willing to drop everything for Merlin. he had been the first person in Camelot to show him kindness and made Gwaine feel welcomed. Gwaine never forgot that, even when he was made a knight and deemed higher than Merlin he never changed.

"i can't ask you to do that, Camelot needs you, Arthur needs you. You're an amazing warrior, your talents are at better use here."

"You know i'd drop everything for you?"

"and i you, but you can't come with me, not this time."

"i shall miss you."

Merlin latched onto his friend again but this time Gwaine didn't have to process anything, he hugged Merlin just as fiercely. Neither man wanted to let go as they knew as soon as they did their friendship would be over.

"I'm sorry" Merlin murmured into the knights shoulder.

pulling away from his friend Merlin started to walk back into the castle that had once been his home.

five down, one to go.