This chapter is shorter than usual, kind of wanted to get this out because it's been awhile and with writer's block kicking my ass, I wanted to have a victory not matter how small it is.
Niylah and Clarke hit rough waters
Clarke and Lexa spend more time together. It is more from Clarke's point of view, you see her battle with old feelings while dealing with her argument with Niylah. Please note just because Clarke is experience old feelings does not mean she will act on them, I just found it more realistic to show the readers this battle. The ball is definitely in Lexa's side of the court, but it is a slow burner so appreciate every single one of you that still with me. Truly means a lot!
xx
"Hey." Clarke's voice was deep and husky, as she left a kiss on the warm body that was facing away from her. "You didn't fall asleep on me did you?"
A humorous laugh echoed out, before shuffling to face the intern "God, that was one time."
"It was our first time, to be correct." Clarke said with pride.
"You surprised me, I wasn't expecting—" Niylah bit her lip, trying to contain her arousal as flashbacks to that night came flooding back. "My stamina has improved since then." She added with a blushing laugh.
Clarke buried her laughter in the duvet before meeting Niylah's beautiful eyes.
"I like spending time with you Clarke-" Niylah paused and Clarke sees something flicker in those hazel eyes, causing a crease to form in between her eyebrows, as she tried to decipher what it could possible mean. An unwelcomed shot of adrenaline was injected into her heart and for a split second her chest felt hollow, before the beating organ announced its presence; pounding against her ribcage.
Niylah's voice filled the silence, and the model's words brought Clarke's fear to the surface.
"Clarke, I usually never ask for more than this moment." Niylah bit her lip, as her nerves rushed to the surface, but she needed Clarke to hear these words. "But then you turn my world upside down, now I need to know what I am to you. What is it we are doing? "
"Niylah-" Clarke spoke softly, but the model cut her off quickly.
"Whenever I try to figure it out, you find a way to change the subject, and most of the time it leads to us having sex." She scoffed humorously, not realising the weight of her words were having on the young blonde next to her.
Clarke never felt more exposed in her life, and the intern cursed the irony as she lay naked next to the woman, who was making her feel raw. Clarke shot out of bed, searching eagerly for her bra, but settled for the white vest top that lingered on the post of her bed.
"Clarke." Niylah cooed, with her eyes shut wishing she didn't open her mouth.
"I get it. You want answers; it was inevitable this conversation would come up. And you know what Niylah, I like you, I do but you had no right to basically tell me I'm emotionally unavailable; that I use sex, as some type of diversion." The intern glared at the dirty blonde, before turning her attention back to find her clothes.
"What? Clarke, No! I didn't mean it like that. I never meant to upset you. This was my terrible attempt to tell you I want more than just sex. I just wish you would talk to me, you are so guarded Clarke; I can see it in your eyes, just let me in, you can trust me." Niylah pleaded emotionally.
An angry scoff erupted from Clarke's throat, her rage boiled to the surface and the stupidity of the girl in front of her.
"Why did you think, I brought you here. This was me opening up to Niylah. " Clakre gestured around the room, that's when she noticed her bra; walking over to it and picked it up, turning to face Niylah.
The model's facial expression changed, as the realisation washed over her.
"I'm not good at communicating my feelings, so I show them. You don't understand how hard it is for to be here, and share this with you." Clarke's voice is soft and vulnerable, not able to look Niylah in the eyes; instead opting to put her bra on.
"I do know" Niylah jumped out of bed, not caring about covering her body as she moved her way to Clarke. "I could see how this place changed you; the emotions that surfaced in your eyes. That's why I thought-" The model bowed her head, as she looked over to the bed. Clarke watched the movement, and quickly cut her off with a clipped tone.
"You thought that's why we just had sex? To fill some kind of void? To run away from the emotions I was experiencing? Well looks like you've got me all figured out, guess there's no need to talk about it anymore, when you have all the answers" Clarke left, not giving Niylah a second look.
"Fuck." Niylah gasped irritably; cursing herself for ruining the night. No matter how hard she tried to get Clarke to see where she was coming from, she just kept making things ten times worse.
Xx
Clarke walked into a twenty four hour diner, not wanting to go back to the party. She fiddled with the menu, her eyes scanned over it out of habit, but no information was being registered, as her argument with Niylah lingered in her mind.
"What can I get you, love?" A woman's voice broke her out of her thoughts. Doreen if her name tag is right.
"I'll have a coffee for now please" Clarke smiled.
"Coming right up." The waitress turned to grab the pot of coffee, and poured it into a cup.
"Thank you."
"You're the second girl to come in here, looking like they've got the weight of the world on their shoulders. You girls are so young and beautiful, you should be having fun." The woman let out a gentle laugh.
"The second?" Clarke questioned.
The waitress nodded her head to the side, the blonde followed the gesture and her eyes flashed in surprise to find Lexa sitting alone at a booth, her elbows on the table with her fingertips supporting her head, as she stared down at her coffee.
A small smile grew on Clarke's face, removing the scowl that once resided on her face. The waitress hummed knowingly, as she watched the transformation before her eyes. She poured another coffee into a cup and handed it over to the blonde.
The intern looked at the older woman inquisitively, by the second cup of coffee.
"She's been staring at that coffee for twenty minutes, I bet its cold now. " Doreen smiled, and Clarke got the hint; blushing slightly at the insinuation.
Clarke nodded with a smile of appreciation, before she started to make her way over to the brunette who still hasn't noticed her present.
"Out of all the twenty-four hour diners-" The blonde started to speak
"Clarke?" The name was spoken with a slight hesitancy, surprised that the blonde was standing in front of her.
"-you walk into my favourite one. Can I join you? I've got fresh coffee" Clarke offered with a dashing smile.
Lexa didn't speak; she accepted the intern's offer, with curt nod and a small smirk that continued to grow on her face. She graciously took the coffee that was handed to her.
"What are you doing here?" Lexa asked curiously.
Clarke locked eyes with green, she could see the concern in them, but it held back and that's when the blonde knew Lexa wasn't going to pry the information out of her.
"I'm running away." Clarke joked; taking a sip of her coffee. A pleased tone hummed into the air, as the hot drink oozes done her throat; instantly warming up her body.
Lexa didn't realise she was staring at the intern, until that soft voice broke her out of her trance.
"I can ask you the same thing. What are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep. The party was still going strong, when I left thirty minutes ago. I stumbled across this place; something about it pulled me in." Lexa glance around the diner.
Clarke smiled, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear; knowing exactly what the brunette was talking about, this place held a special place in her heart.
Lexa's smile soon dropped slightly when she saw a few bruises just below the blonde's ear. When blue met green, Clarke could see the struck expression Lexa was given off; she suddenly became very aware of what she was looking at.
Clarke not-so-casually flicked her hair back to cover up them back up.
"So what's good to eat here?" Lexa says eagerly scanning the menu; she misses the grateful smile from Clarke.
Xx
After twenty minutes of Doreen taking their orders, she reappeared placing the mouth-watering food in front of the girls.
"If you need anything else, just let me know. Enjoy." The waitress smiled brightly, before it turned into a lopsided smirk when she turned to face Clarke. The intern looked back acquisitively, not understanding the not so subtle expression.
"Thank you" Lexa said; not noticing a somewhat unspoken conversation happening between Doreen and Clarke. Her voice then turns to one of excitement "This smells so good."
Clarke looked away from Doreen, smiling at the goofball in front of her, she thought she heard the waitress mumble "uh huh", as she walked away but the intern didn't dwell on it. It occurred to her that maybe the older woman was right, seeing Lexa so care-free, as she eagerly placed syrup on top of her pancakes with her lips turned in trying to contain her hunger. It was huge change from the girl who looked like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders, maybe life should be more.
"I know these pancakes are probably not as good as mine, but you should try them they're pretty close." Lexa teased; realising Clarke is yet to touch them
"Uh" Clarke mumbled before catching on. "Oh, yeah well don't let it go to your head, but you did ruin pancakes for me. None have ever tasted as good as yours."
Lexa met blue, and she gave an earnest smile, but Clarke could have sworn she thought she was blushing. The blonde couldn't take the scrutiny of those green orbs, so she distracted herself by reaching for the syrup and pouring it on her pancakes before she decided to change the subject.
"When you do have to go back to the hospital?" Clarke asked a bit strained, as thoughts on Niylah's argument came to mind; 'whenever I try to figure it out, you find a way to change the subject' Huh? It's what Clarke does best, when something becomes too much, she looks for a way out.
"Monday, Dr. Grif- Abby forced me to take the weekend off." Lexa replied; clearly not liking the time off.
"She cares about you." The blonde said with ease.
Lexa was taken off guard by the statement. She just watched, as Clarke cut into her pancake.
"My mom is the best kind of hypocrite out there, she hates watching people burn the candle at both ends, but she willing does it herself every day." The blonde girl shrugged, used to her mom's work behaviour.
"Is that what she thinks, that I'm struggling because I'm n-" Lexa turned defensive.
"Lexa." Clarke reached out and grabbed her hand to stop her from spiralling.
"Listen to me; I don't think my mom has a single bad thought about you, she hasn't said anything specific to me. I was just merely stating that you both work hard, everyone deserves time off." The intern clarified.
Lexa smiled sheepishly; somewhat embarrassed by her assumption that Dr. Griffin spoke to Clarke about her.
Clarke watched the brunette visibly relax, who was trying to hide her face when she scoffed out a laugh for her stupidity. A somewhat comfortable silence materialised over their booth, as Lexa tried to gain her composure. It was only then Clarke realised she was producing small circles with her thumb, on Lexa's hand. Why did it feel so natural? The intern wondered. The brunette quickly noticed the action after Clarke's gaze fell downwards.
Clarke cleared her throat, removing her hand from Lexa's; hoping a change of subject wouldn't be entirely obvious. It was coming very apparent to the blonde how often she does change a subject, knowing that Niylah was at least right about that, they needed to talk.
"So your family are coming down tomorrow. I feel like we should leave you and Costia to have a peaceful meal with them."
"With Anya at the table, there's no such thing as peaceful." Lexa smirked; follow the intern's lead of the change of subject, not wanting to dwell on what just happened.
"How is Anya?" Clarke smiled brightly at the mention of the girl that helped her during her panic attack years ago.
"She's good; she actually works for NYPD; so she's probably going to kick my ass for not seeing her sooner." The brunette scoffed.
"You don't seem to be too worried about that outcome." The blonde spoke softly, like she knew a secret.
Lexa eyes shot up to meet Clarke's, almost forgetting that this girl in front of her has always been able to read her like a book.
"That's Anya's way to show she cares." The corner of the brunette's lips pulled into a smile.
Clarke had to break her eye contact, feeling like her fourteen year old self again, as some old feelings started to break through the cracks. The blonde was too stubborn to allow them to resurface, and even more stubborn to have Octavia say the words 'I told you so'.
"I only met Anya briefly, but I instantly knew you both had this- special bond. I was always envy of that for the longest time, I always wanted a sibling until I realised I had Octavia all along. She means the world to me, my rock, and my sister." Clarke smiled at the thought of her best friend.
"To, having special people in our lives." Lexa raised her glass of strawberry milkshake.
Clarke laughed at the action, almost forgetting how much of a dork the brunette was. She grabbed her glass and tapped it against Lexa's.
"To special people in our lives, I'll drink to that." Clarke said; feeling a shift between her and Lexa once the words left her mouth.
She tried to divert the situation by sipping on her straw; but it was to no avail her eyes never leaving green ones, wondering if the brunette caught on to the double meaning. If Lexa did, she didn't let it show she just smiled at the blonde, as she drank her strawberry milkshake.
xx