Tania

School was terrible.

I knew it would be, as I attempted to pass the time before my first day by reading on the sofa. Emmett was playing some first-person shooter video game as he sat close by on one of the armchairs.

I could barely focus on the words, reading a page and then realising I had no idea what I'd just read. Then while repeating that several times, I kept glancing at the TV.

"Just switch to your secondary weapon. It's faster than reloading," I told him, keeping my eyes on the page and smirking when I heard him huff.

"Have you even played this game?" he growled.

"I don't need to," I replied. "They're all the same."

Emmett threw the controller at me. Without looking, I stuck my hand up and caught it. "Fine, T. Five headshots. Go."

I narrowed my eyes and put the book down, crossing my legs on the sofa. I gripped the plastic tightly, but not enough to break the controller. It had been a while since I'd played anything. Jasper and I had been travelling light. There were a few hotel stays, but there wasn't much point in buying a console to play on for a couple of hours only to get rid of it. Plus, that would have involved being around humans.

I tried to concentrate, ignoring Emmett's laughter as I opened up the settings screen to memorise the controls. I closed the menu, reloading in a dark alley of an abandoned street. Pushing forwards, I managed to get my first headshot on an NPC thug. Blood splattered across the screen.

After the forth headshot, Emmett was shaking his head, "No way are you going to get the next one."

I kept my mouth shut, ready to prove him wrong as another thug came up from behind my character and started stabbing. Spinning the camera around, I shot him in the stomach and then stabbed him in the neck.

"I knew you couldn't do it!" Emmett yelled, punching the air and grinning.

My lips in a tight line, I chucked the controller onto the sofa cushion next to me. "I have to get ready for school." I shot him a glare.

His smile faltered. "We don't have to leave for hours, yet?"

But I was already stomping up the stairs, not daring to touch the banister in case I damaged it, curling my hands into fists. I decided I really had to break something, so I jumped out the window on the landing of the second floor.

Behind the house, I made my way past the tree line to the nearest boulder and punched it hard.

The rock crumbled as my fist collided with stone. It was enough force that would've completely shattered all the bones in my hand had I been human. Feeling my nerves start to calm down, I punched the rock a second time, cracking it in two.

I took some deep breaths, placing both palms against one side and then placing my forehead against the cold rock for a few minutes.

It was just a bloody game. Is this how today's going to go? I thought, sighing.

Back inside, the hangers scraped across the metal bar in the wardrobe as I tried to decide what to wear. There were still a few hours left before we had to leave, but getting prepared seemed to stop the dread rising so much in my stomach.

In the end, I pulled on some black trousers, long-sleeved top with a cute butterfly design printed on it, complete with a hoodie. Even though there didn't seem to be any sunrises in Forks, it was light outside so I walked downstairs into the empty kitchen.

I switched on the kettle and opened a sealed box of teabags praying no one would enter the kitchen. Or at least, I hoped they wouldn't ask me what I was doing. It had become some sort of ritual that always seemed to help me relax, to help me feel normal.

I lifted the hot mug to my lips. The steam wafted up to my nose. I closed my eyes, inhaling the fumes of a drink I hadn't quite had enough of in my past life. Behind my eyelids I could see her. My mother, in our old kitchen before we moved to the city, before vampires and the supernatural existed. I remembered her and I with our special mugs as we sat at the kitchen table watching our tiny TV in the corner.

But she wasn't gone. I could imagine her five thousand miles away with her own cup of tea, her hazel eyes probably tired and a distant smile at one of the stupid reality TV shows we indulged in. That's not how I was able to see her, though, for I only recalled her genuine happiness. Apart from that picture from the magazine I'd kept, hidden at the bottom of my backpack.

"T, I'm sorry about-," Emmett's voice as he entered the kitchen made my eyes snap open.

Instantly, I held the mug over the sink. Hot tea splashed down the drain.

He gave me a curious and amused look. "What were you-?"

"Nothing!" I ran the tap, washing away the brown liquid left behind and rinsing out the cup.

Before he could continue interrogating me, I placed the mug down onto the draining board and stepped over to him. "I'm sorry, too. I'm a bit of a sore loser." I tried to smile. From his expression I knew he could see right through me.

I expected him to repeat his question. Maybe he would tell me I'm crazy, that it was about time I got over it and embraced this life.

He simply patted my arm. "You just need some practice. And then a rematch."

I exhaled in relief and nodded, going to leave.

Emmett called out behind me, "By the way."

I turned, my eyes slightly wider than normal.

"I am going to re-challenge you for that crown, Mario Kart Queen."

"You're on." I laughed.

A few hours later I was lying on the bed, my headphones on so loud the music drained out the rest of the noises in the house. I closed my eyes, letting the beat do it's job to keep me calm. I hoped to keep my emotions in check. That way my soulmate might actually trust me. As much as I listened, the dread still settled below the surface.

I felt a hand on my arm and I opened my eyes to see Jasper smiling softly down at me. I turned the volume down.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked.

"Yes." I stood up from the bed and picked up my backpack from the floor, already packed with everything I needed.

I slid on an elegant black waterproof jacket Alice and I had bought in Seattle and followed Jasper down the stairs to the garage. There were so many of us we needed two cars. Emmett rode with Rosalie in her red convertible with Alice in the back. Jasper and I sat in the back of Edward's Volvo.

"Don't be nervous," Jasper said to me, as Edward drove through the town towards the high school. "You'll do fine."

I wanted to tell him I wasn't that worried about hurting anyone, just the fact I had no idea what was in store for me at an American high school. My mind was swimming with questions ranging from 'what do I need to know for the lessons?' to 'will all the kids hate me?'. Except I couldn't quite find my voice so I just nodded and looked out the window, giving Jasper's hand a squeeze and concentrating on the songs.

Edward stopped the car after only a few minutes. We had arrived.

I switched the music off and put the headphones into my bag.

"The high school's small," Edward looked at me over his shoulder, "So at least one of us will probably be in all of your classes, Tania."

I swallowed, forcing myself to speak. "Am I supposed to keep my distance from all the humans? Surely, they'll know I'm different."

Jasper put a hand on my knee. "They will, just like you did. They won't know why."

Almost every part of me wanted to stay in the car. So badly, did I want to not go back to school, for Edward to just drive us somewhere else and never stop while I listen to my playlist and watch the world fly past. I knew it couldn't be that way. My coven had done so much for me and for them to keep their semi-permanent place in Forks, I had to do my part to fit in. I owed them that much.

So I got out of the car and walked hand in hand with Jasper to the office, keeping my eyes forward, ignoring the stares from the other students.

Without my music, though, I still heard their whispers.

"More Cullens?" "They're holding hands. They must be together, too." "Where do these kids come from?" "How are they all so hot?"

Jasper squeezed my hand, comfortingly. Two minutes and I was already sick of school.

Inside the building, the lady at the desk handed us our schedules. I studied mine, cringing at some of the classes on the piece of paper. Gym? Biology? Algebra? I looked up at Jasper, who frowned upon seeing my dismay.

I grabbed his schedule, grimacing as I peered down the list of his subjects. None of them matched mine.

"I know what we talked about yesterday, but isn't there any way I can be in the same classes as you?" I whispered to him, so that the lady at the desk wouldn't hear me.

Jasper took his schedule back, "It's ok, darlin'. Like Edward said, it's unlikely you'll be alone. Let's see what everyone else has."

"Ok," I agreed, and we started walking back to the others.

By the time we had returned, there were even more students in the car park. Despite there not being as many as there were in England, there were still a lot of humans in one place. At least when Alice and I had been in Seattle, we had the option to leave when it got too much. Here, people would notice my absence.

Alice touched my arm, smiling. "Tania, we have Gym and English together. And you have Art with Rosalie."

"Algebra?" I questioned.

Silence. My stomach did a flip as Edward and Jasper exchanged concerned looks. They were having a secret conversation, I knew.

"It's fine," I mumbled in a small voice.

The bell rang.

It wasn't fine.

"I'll see you at lunch, ok, Tania?" Jasper gave me a peck on the lips, stroking my hair. I watched him walk away towards one of the buildings.

Alice linked her arm with mine, "This is going to be fun," she giggled.

The first lesson was actually not bad.

Alice took a seat beside me near the back of the classroom. Emmett sat behind us. When the teacher came in, she introduced me to the class and then got straight on with it, thankfully. All through the hour I tried to focus on what she was saying, making notes about Jane Austen. I glanced across the room and I noticed a guy peeking at me and then writing a note. When he lifted the slip of paper to pass to his friend I saw what was written. Dibs.

I shot him a glare. His eyes widened. He sat back in his seat, uncomfortably, face forwards. The boy didn't dare look back at me for the rest of the lesson. Alice, shaking next to me, had to put a hand on her mouth to stop herself from laughing out loud.

The remainder of the day didn't go so well.

After a stressful hour of trying to keep my strength and speed under control during volleyball (something I'd never played before but was decent at, thanks to vampire reflexes), I sketched the ugliest and out of shape bowl of fruit in the world.

I greedily welcomed Jasper's arms in the canteen. Cafeteria. Whatever.

"How's your day going?" he asked, hugging me tightly.

"Ok," I lied, burying my face in his smooth shirt. "You?"

"Better now."

I breathed in deeply, Jasper's scent filling my lungs and chasing away the aching in my throat. Once we pulled out of the hug, however, I automatically continued breathing and the aching came back.

We kept close to each other throughout lunch. I moved the food around my plate, feeling the eyes of the other students on me. No one had really had the chance to approach me, yet, since I'd been with the Cullens for the first half of the day. I knew it wouldn't stay that way. I'd have to talk to someone eventually.

My thoughts were confirmed when my Biology teacher had decided I was to sit next to a girl called Angela.

She was friendly enough as she waved at me so I knew where to sit down. "Hi, I'm Angela."

She held out a hand but I didn't take it, suddenly hyper aware of my cold skin. I pulled my sleeves down, hoping she'd think I was just insecure. I gave her a small smile before I took my seat on the stool. "Hi, I'm Tania."

Angela didn't seem to think anything of it as she moved her hand to push up her glasses instead, still smiling at me. "How do you like Forks so far?"

I shrugged, trying to swallow away the small flames. "It's small."

Angela laughed. "Where are you from?"

"England." I replied.

She tilted her head, her smile fading a bit. Clearly, she wanted to know what happened and why I was living in Washington. I had heard her listening to Jessica and Lauren gossiping over lunch. Though I'd also heard her trying, in the nicest way possible, to get them to mind their own business.

"Carlisle and Esme are my godparents," I explained, glancing at the back of Edward's bronze hair before turning back to Angela. "My mother," I paused, choosing my words carefully, "can't take care of me anymore. So here I am."

Edward didn't look around, but I saw the phone in his hand under the desk immediately as he sent a text to Carlisle. It had been agreed that the story was my mother had died. I couldn't bring myself to say it.

The lesson went slowly. I leant on my hand, my elbow on the desk, listening to the teacher rattle on about stuff I'd never heard of.

About halfway through, Mr. Mason set everyone to a task and he came over to Angela and I at our desk. "Are you keeping up?" he asked me.

I shook my head, "I haven't been in a science lesson since GCSEs." I told him. And then at his silent confusion, I said, "Basically ninth grade."

He nodded, "Don't worry, we'll catch you right up. Angela can help you, right Angela?"

She grinned, opening her text book between us.

But even with Angela's help, some of it was still confusing. At the end of the lesson, Mr. Mason handed me a text book and a list of websites and other books to look at. I thanked him and met a glowering Edward just outside the classroom.

"Why did you say that to Angela?" he interrogated, blocking my path.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't lie." I told him, stepping to the side to move past.

"Well, learn," he hissed. "We can't all have different stories about you."

I walked away, not wanting to be around him any longer. There was only one lesson left and then I'd have to deal with him after.

It was the worst lesson ever.

As soon as I walked through the door, I noticed the only available seat was next to the boy from English. When he saw me coming towards him he paled, sinking into the blue plastic chair.

"H-hi," he stammered, keeping his head down over his books.

"Hi," I mumbled.

We didn't speak to each other for the rest of the lesson. The teacher, a firm woman who didn't look like she'd take shit from anyone, started calling people up to solve equations on the board.

Luckily, she didn't pick me, allowing me to spend the next forty-five minutes staring at numbers, letters, and lines all mixed together on the page and not understanding anything.

Towards the end of the lesson, she started picking on people again and I kept my head down in my book, avoiding eye contact with her at all costs.

It didn't work.

"Tania, maybe you can answer this one."

I frowned, my head slowly moving upwards. Twenty pairs of eyes were on me.

"What's x?" she asked, her brow softening slightly, her eyes hopeful.

My lips parted and I glanced at the board. It was a mess of numbers and symbols. There was not enough time, even with my extra speed. Someone behind me sniggered. "I don't know." I mumbled.

"Come on," she went through what was there, trying to help me get to the answer. She moved her hand in a circle, "So x is…?"

I sat there in silence.

The boy next to me cleared his throat. "It's twelve."

She sighed, folding her arms, "Did I ask you, Mike?"

"Somebody had to answer." He shot me a glance, a cocky grin on his face.

I didn't look at him, not even to glare to put him in his place.

The bell rung. I rushed out of the room, and marched over to Edwards car without even looking at the others, putting my headphones on and turning the volume all the way up.

I knew Edward and Jasper were arguing in the car, but I kept my eyes directed to the glass. The light rain drops raced each other down the window. Finally, as we slowed near to the house, I turned off the music and slid my headphones off so they hung around my neck.

"I'm sorry for what I said." I apologised. "I just couldn't say she was dead."

"It's ok, Tania," Jasper placed a hand on my shoulder. He turned his head towards the front. "Edward, we can say she's-," he lowered his voice slightly in respect, "in a coma or something."

Edward growled.

Jasper disregarded the noise Edward made, raising his voice back up with authority, "What exactly did you say in Biology?" he asked me.

"I said 'My mother can't take care of me anymore.'" I quoted.

He shook his head, "What the hell? That's nothing. Edward, you completely overreacted."

"It implies she's still alive!" Edward stopped the car and got out. He slammed the door.

Jasper and I exited as well.

"Hardly." Jasper snapped at his brother. "Tania didn't exactly announce her mother is alive and well.

"What is going on?" Rosalie interrupted the argument, having just pulled up behind us in the garage.

"Oh nothing, just Tania contradicting her story by telling everyone at school her mother is still alive." Edward spluttered, sarcastically.

"What?" Rosalie looked at me, confused.

Alice rolled her eyes, shutting the car door. "Oh, Edward, shut up."

"There's nothing to worry about. He is overreacting." Jasper exclaimed.

"I told Angela in biology my mother is unable to look after me anymore." I spoke. "Apparently, that's implying she's still alive."

"It is," said Rosalie, "But that's pretty vague."

"I think it's fine." Alice came over to stand next to me. "More importantly, today has been a huge step. Going to school, and maybe even making a friend." She smiled, encouragingly.

I returned the smile to her, grateful.

"I agree with Alice," Emmett added.

"I just think you could have been clearer," said Edward. "It's important for everyone."

"I know," I told him, "And I apologise."

"Saying sorry can't erase what you said. We're lucky. This time."

Jasper shook his head, "Are you done?"

Edward gave him one last hard look and stormed away.

At the top of the stairs that led down to the garage, Esme saw us and stood up from the sofa where she'd been reading.

"How was school?" she asked, smiling warmly at me.

Awful, I wanted to tell her. Her smile made me want to give her every detail about how the whispers about the Cullens followed me all throughout the halls, how my throat ached whenever I took a breath, how I was humiliated in algebra and never wanted to go back, and how part of me wished I could be human again.

"Fine," I mumbled.

In the dining room, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice and I all sat around the table doing our homework. It took Emmett, Rosalie and Alice all of ten minutes, leaving Jasper and I alone.

I could tell Jasper was finished, already. He twirled his pen, leaning back on the back legs of his chair.

I stared at the foreign language of algebra, not even having done one question.

Jasper lowered his chair back down, reaching out a hand and resting it on my wrist. "I love you," he said.

I didn't look up from the book. "Love you."

"Do you need help?" he asked, giving me his charming side smile. "I can tutor you, if you want."

So much for less time with each other, I thought bitterly. I did want his help, I just felt like an idiot for not understanding it. I didn't want to do algebra in the first place and it wouldn't even be the last time. The Cullens had been doing school over and over. I'd be doing math with them. Forever. Frozen in classrooms. Rotten vegetables in the back of the freezer everyone forgot about and threw away upon discovery.

Jasper sighed, taking away his hand and leaning back in his chair. I realised I hadn't said anything, or even looked up.

And then he spoke, "Will anything make you happy?"

I peeled my eyes away from the book and stared at him.

He opened his mouth quickly, "I'm sorry. It just came out. I didn't mean it."

"I know," I whispered.

My hands moved automatically. I was putting away my books into my backpack and pulling my coat on.

"Tania," Jasper stood up, trying to take my hand. I pulled my hand back, focusing on putting my things away, unable to look at him.

"Tania, please. Where are you going?" he tried to follow me through the house to the front door.

"I have to be on my own for a while." I muttered, taking the headphones out of my bag.

He seemed to accept that because he didn't follow me. I closed the front door and put my headphones on, walking briskly at human pace.

Heavy beats flowed through my ear drums. I turned up the volume to the max, loud enough to do some real damage to a human.

I didn't know where I was going, I just knew I had to get out of there. After a few hours of walking, the rain had stopped, however it was getting dark. I'd made my way through town and trees enclosed the road on both sides.

Part of me was surprised Jasper hadn't come looking for me, the other was glad he'd let me go. My phone buzzed in my bag several times and stopped. I kept walking, letting the music consume me.

The whole walk, my hands had been curled into fists like I was wishing hard. Perhaps wishing I could walk and listen to the heavy drumming and electric guitar forever. That I wouldn't have to go back to school and face Jasper and the rest of the coven. That I could fly home again.

A pair of headlights cut through the darkness. The air caught in my throat. I knew the car that raced past me and stopped just ahead. It was Carlisle's black Mercedes.

I didn't know if I was glad or even more upset someone had come to get me. There wasn't time to decide, as Carlisle and Esme got out.

I stopped walking, biting my lower lip to stop it from trembling. I muted my headphones, pulling them down around my neck.

"I-," I started to speak, "I'm sorry. I needed to go for a walk. I'll come back, now." My fists had uncurled and I had to press my right thumb into my left palm to stop my hands from shaking.

They stood in front of me, the light from the car behind them though their concerned faces were clear.

"Carlisle, about earlier-," my voice started to crack.

"It's nothing to worry about," he assured me.

"Tania," Esme softly touched my arm, her bright amber eyes gazing into mine. "What's wrong?"

I choked out a sob. In an instant she had enveloped me in her arms. My face screwed up against her shoulder. Some strangled crying came out of my mouth as I let up the air that had been stuck in my throat. It was such a horrible sound, I would have been embarrassed in another situation.

Esme didn't seem to care, holding me tighter. I could feel another hand on my back, which must have been Carlisle's.

"I'm sorry," I whimpered.

"Don't you ever apologise for being emotional." Esme scolded gently, stroking my hair.

"I-I just miss her so much. My mother. And I can't pretend she's dead. I should be with her. I should be spending time with her before she-," I cut off, my chin resting on Esme's shoulder. "It's impossible, I know. It really hurts."

I stepped back, out of the hug. Though Esme kept her hand on my arm, and Carlisle rubbed my back as they both listened.

"And school isn't fine," I told Esme. "I'm awful at every subject and I was humiliated in algebra in front of the class because I didn't know the answer. Some boy tried to claim 'dibs' on me and now he thinks I'm an idiot along with a bunch of others. Oh, and this morning I beat up a boulder because I only got four out of five headshots in a stupid video game."

Even though, she probably didn't understand some of what I'd said, Esme pulled me towards her again for another hug. I appreciatively hugged her back especially glad since what I wanted to say then, I could never have said to their faces.

"I am so thankful for everything you've all done for me. Honestly, I am. I love all of you. I wish there was a way I could repay you, but I-," I hesitated. "There's a part of me that just wishes I was human again."

It was then that Carlisle wrapped his arms around both of us. "I know," he murmured.

We all stood there on the side of the road in the dim light for a few minutes, hugging. Standing between the two of them I could still feel the pain inside me, but I also felt so loved at the same time.

"We thought this would happen," Esme smiled sadly as we ended the hug.

"And we want you to know," Carlisle spoke, his hand on my shoulder, "you're not alone."

"This transition was always going to be difficult, but we can help make it a bit easier for you. If school is too much, you don't have to go."

I frowned, "What about trying to fit in-?"

Esme looked to Carlisle. "There's always another way," she said.

"I don't know," I mumbled.

"It's something to think about," said Carlisle.

I nodded. "Thank you. Both of you." I glanced at each of them.

"We just want you to be happy," Esme exclaimed.

The three of us walked towards the car. When I thought about it I realised I had been near over a hundred humans that day, and I hadn't imagined killing any of them.

It's been over a week since I last updated, I think. But 4,670 words! I'm pretty sure that's double last chapters word count. They're getting longer!

I'd love some more reviews! Even if you only have a few words, it would be great to read them for motivation to continue :)