Next is Donatello. His interactions with Leo rely more heavily on events from Tortured Souls (which I don't think I elaborated on) so if you find this piece at all confusing, please let me know so I may correct it.

Onward.

Aftermath

Tortured Souls One-shots

II. Donnie

"Donnie…"

How?

"Thank you."

How could his brother actually thank him for it? How on earth could Leo… After everything he'd done…

"How could you!?"

It all repeated over and over in front of him. Every mistake.

"He trusted you! We both did! And now he's probably not coming back!"

Every failure.

"Don!"

"But Leo—"

"GO!"

Burying him in guilt.

"Thank you."

How could he be forgiven so easily?

His brother stirred, mercifully pulling Don from his thoughts. He stood up, leaning over the exam table to speak softly. "Leo?"

"Donnie…"

Don blew out a sigh of relief. It had been six hours since Leo last regained consciousness and his fever had only gotten worse as time passed, making Don worry his brother wouldn't wake at all. "Hey, how are you feeling? Is your arm still numb? Can you move your fingers at all?"

Something that was half chuckle half cough escaped his brother's lips. "One… at a… time…"

Despite how weak it was, Don felt himself relax upon hearing his brother's voice. How great it was to hear it again. He smiled. "Can you feel anything in your arm?"

There was a moment of silence as Leo's shoulder twitched and his arm began to move, but it stopped suddenly as he sucked in a breath, grimacing in pain. "Still… hurts. Can't feel… my fingers."

Don tried not to let the disappointment show in his face. "Are you having any troubles breathing? Any nausea at all?"

"M'fine…" Leo coughed, furrowing his brow as sweat trickled down it. "Hot."

"I know. We turned off some of the heaters to help lower the temperature, but you're still going to feel a bit warm."

Turning that answer around in his head a moment, Leo looked up with tired eyes. "Infection?"

Don nodded; his brother was ever observant. "Yeah."

"My arm?"

Don looked away, shame preventing him from holding his brother's gaze any longer. "Yeah." Leo's eyes closed, breathing a meditative breath. Leave it to his oldest brother to keep a cool head even when grievously injured and sick. There had to be a part of him that was worried. "Leo…" But what could Don say to make any of this better? "It's… it's going to be alright. You'll get better. I'll fix you up and you'll be back on your feet in no time." With more conviction than he felt, he added, "I promise."

Leo managed a small smile, hearing that familiar tone of Don trying to convince himself as he spoke. "I know, Don. I trust you."

Trusted for no reason, forgiven when he didn't deserve it. Guilt like an arrow pierced Don's heart. "Leo I—…" He stumbled over the apology in his head, unable to even think it without feeling tears well up in his eyes. He never knew guilt could hurt this much. "I want you to know, I never blamed you for what happened. Any of it. It wasn't your fault—I was just scared! I thought Mikey was going to… and Raph… and I shouldn't have…"

"Don… it's OK."

"No, it's not! I shouldn't have done that, I shouldn't have blamed you. I—I—" No no, don't go there. Step on that emotional landmine and there might not be any coming back. Leo needed him to be strong, not—But he couldn't help himself. "—I shouldn't have left!"

Even through the haze in his eyes, Leo could see his brother starting to tremble. "Donnie…"

"I didn't want to!"

"I know—"

But Don's emotions were in control and they weren't stopping. "The clock was ticking, the door was closing, Mikey and Raph were both shouting and—I couldn't think straight! I couldn't process it! And then you said to leave and I knew if we didn't then Mikey and Raph—and I couldn't let that happen! I couldn't!"

"Don, it wasn't—"

"I was tired, I couldn't think of another way out! I know there had to be one, I know there was another solution—there's always a way out! But I wasn't fast enough to think of it. And then Shredder pulled loose and the door closed and—And I left! I left you behind! Left you there to die!" His voice began to break as he held a palm against his eye, trying to stifle the tears, his mind assaulting him with the image of his brother facing Shredder as they drove off. As he drove off. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Leo! I—" But words were no longer enough. His heart was trying to spill too many emotions at once and Don couldn't keep up with them. He choked back a sob, mumbling over and over, "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"

A minute that felt like an eternity passed, and Don finally found the strength to reign himself back in. Never in his life had his emotions run so rampant on him as they had this past week, and he prayed never again. He hated not having control over them. Turning away to rub out the last of the tears, Don steadied himself with a deep breath before turning back to—

Leo was… smiling? Why would he… was he delirious?

"Don." He gestured with a nod for his brother to come closer, which Don did, breathing away the last of his outburst. "Give me your hand." Gently wiggling his good arm free of Mikey's sleeping grasp, Leo waited as Don stared at him in confusion before finally doing as told. Guiding his brother's hand to Mikey's neck, he waited a moment before asking, "Do you feel that?"

"His pulse? Yeah, but—" Leo motioned for him to do the same to Raph, who was passed out in his chair beside Don. He nodded. "Ok, I feel his pulse too, but I don't under—"

Leo took Don's hand in his own again and placed it on top of his plastron, over his heart.

"Leo, I don't see—"

"Because of you…"

Don's breath hitched. He'd been dreading this… the moment his brother finally lashed out for everything Don had done wrong.

"They're alive… because of you." Leo finally found the strength to focus his gaze, watching as his brother's eyes widened. "You got them out. Got them home." With nothing but admiration in his eyes, Leo squeezed his brother's hand tighter, hoping his words would be taken to heart. Words were all he had right now. "You… saved them, Don. And you're saving… me too." He paused, suppressing a cough so Don could hear the adamancy in his voice. "None of this… is your fault."

Don cracked.

Bowing his head to rest on Leo's chest, he let himself cry, finding endless comfort from Leo's hand coming to rest on his head, holding him. He was acting like such a child and he didn't care. He needed this. Needed to feel Leo near him. To feel his strength and determination and reassurance.

"It's OK, little brother… It's over. We're home."

And for the first time since being here, it truly felt like home. Mikey and Raph were safe and healing, and now Leo was back, comforting as he always did. It didn't rid Don of his guilt, but hearing his brother didn't blame him was a relief incapable of being expressed in words. Only tears.

"Shell, I missed you, Leo."

The elder managed a small smile. "Missed… you…"

Looking up at his brother, Don saw his eyes roll towards his skull and his head lilt to the side. "Leo!?" Don was standing back up in an instant as his brother's body began to shake. "Leo!" The convulsions were so intense they woke Mikey from his slumber.

"Huh!? Don, what's—!?"

"Mikey, help me roll him on his side!" The two moved Leo into a recovery position, Don careful to place his injured arm at his side as gently as possible. Splinter and April emerged from the kitchen as Raph and Casey awoke with a start, standing immediately upon feeling the fear blanketing the room.

"What the heck is going—!?"

"A febrile seizure, we need to cool him down! Now!" As everyone ran to find ice and cold cloths to cover Leo's body, Don held his brother, staring down at the pain now marring his face. Not a minute ago he was smiling… "Hold on, Leo." Leo trusted him. He had to make this right. "I'll fix this, I promise."

There was no way he would lose his brother again. Couldn't. "Just hold on. Please…"

But Leo only got worse, walking to the edge of his mortality with every hour. And Don realized he couldn't keep his promise. He couldn't save his brother. Not all of him.

He would never forgive himself.

8 Months Later

"Get him on the table! Mikey, grab the gauze!"

"Where—"

"Last drawer on your left."

"Guys, I'm fine. There's no need to—"

"Shut it, Fearless. Sit your ass down."

"My sons, what has happ—Leonardo!"

"I'm alright, Sensei. It's not as bad as it looks."

"Like shell it ain't! You took a knife to the side!"

"It's not that deep. A few stitches and I'll be—Ah!"

"Sit still, Leo! I can't get a good look. Mikey, grab the flashlight on that table."

"He's gonna be OK, right Don?"

"I'll be fine, Mikey."

"Not by the time I'm through with you. I told you to pull back, we had it under control! You wouldn't have gotten hurt if you'da done what you were—"

"Raphael." Splinter's commanding voice rose above the chaos, silencing everyone in the room. "You and Michelangelo will come with me and explain what happened."

Mikey's eyes widened in alarm, glancing from his Sensei to Leo. "But—!"

"Your brother will be alright. Allow Donatello room to work and come with me."

There was no more argument. Raph growled his frustration, mumbling incoherently under his breath as he glared at his eldest brother one last time before stomping reluctantly out of the room.

Mikey looked once more at the blood running down his brother's side and was reluctant to move away. "But…"

"I'll be fine, Mikey." Leo gave a reassuring smile, watching as Mikey was guided from the room by Sensei, staring back at his brothers the whole time. "That was dramatic."

"You can't blame them." Don spoke mechanically, more focused on Leo's injury than their conversation. "Lie down, I need better light."

Leo pulled his legs onto the table, rolling onto his left side so his right was facing toward the light. "All I did was protect your blind side."

"You jumped in front of a sword, Leo. That's reason enough for us to be concerned."

Neither spoke as Don took to cleaning and stitching his brother's wound. The cut was on a diagonal, under the shoulder and down across the front torso. Fortunately it hadn't been strong enough to penetrate through Leo's plastron, so the only part bleeding was by his shoulder. Less fortunately, that part of Leo's body was still healing, making it much more sensitive and less prone to repair. "It's going to take a while to heal, but I think you'll live. Provided you actually allow yourself time to heal." Eyeing his brother, Don added. "Away from the dojo."

"I get it, Don." Leo sat up slowly, hiding a grimace, and noticed the look his brother gave him before turning away to put his supplies back. "What?"

"You could stand to be more careful. You're still not back to full streng—"

"I'm fine. Misjudged my angle, that's all."

Don couldn't help but note the slight edge in his brother's voice and replied in kind. "You were careless and you know it." It only dawned on him after his rebuttal that Leo was probably as upset as the rest of them that he'd been hit, knowing his perfectionist nature. But his brother spoke before he could correct himself.

"…You're angry with me, too."

Don sighed. "Not angry, I'm not Raph." Leo smiled at that. "Just worried. We all are."

"Don't be." The edge grew sharper still. "You've all been worrying a little too much lately. I don't need—"

"We worry about you because you throw your limitations to the wind when it comes to protecting us. Even if we don't want it."

The irritation that slipped into Don's tone caused Leo to pause for a beat. Sighing to keep his own frustration under control, Leo continued calmly. "What was I supposed to do, Don? Let that Foot bot kill you?"

"You're supposed to trust that I can handle myself."

"I do, but no one's perfect. You were left wide open. I couldn't just let you die—"

"But it's fine if you do!?" Don couldn't help his raised voice. It annoyed him to no end that Leo didn't see the error of his thinking, and once again his emotions were slowly taking control. "Why is that? Why is OK for you to sacrifice yourself for us, but not the other way around!? Why is OK for you to die, but not us!?"

Leo was caught off-guard by his brother's reaction, but remained patient. He could see Don was on a roll and wasn't stopping now that he had ground. "It's not—"

"Is it because you think we'd be alright without you? Because we wouldn't!"

"You would—"

"We weren't!" Silence filled the room, drawing out the tension like a blade. Don turned away to lean on the counter and prevent Leo from seeing the raw pain in his face. "We know what it's like to live without you, Leo. Because we've experienced it! I know it was only for a week, but it may as well have been a lifetime because that's what it felt like! It felt like a nightmare that was never going to end!"

Leo's features pulled tight; it hurt to hear his brother so upset over him.

"We were lost, Leo! We didn't know what we were supposed to do or how on earth we were supposed to continue without you. Not a minute passed when we weren't desperately wishing you'd come back. Especially while Raph was Injured! We needed you and you weren't… you were gone. And it was the worst thing in the world feeling that kind of emptiness." Pausing to force his emotions into submission, Don took a deep breath and spoke with determination. "I never want to feel that kind of pain again. I can't…"

The slight crack in his brother's voice jerked Leo's heart sharply. "Don…"

"I know we've been a bit overprotective lately, but it has nothing to do with your arm. We just… we can't stand the idea of losing you again. It hurts too much…"

Leo sighed a long breath, taking in his brother's words and bracing himself against the wall of emotion he knew would crack with what he was about to admit. "…You're not the only ones who are scared."

Don looked solemnly at his brother who's eyes had drifted to the floor.

"I still hear Raph's screams. Still feel his blood coating my fingers. I still see Mikey lying beaten in that cage. Still feel that moment when I sent him away…"

Don also threw his gaze to the floor, remembering that terrible moment in grave detail.

"When Shredder flooded the prison and you were drowning… when I found you and you weren't breathing, had no pulse…" Leo had to drag in another breath to keep himself in check. "I relive that moment every day. I can't stop seeing it. Stop feeling it. That moment when I thought you were dead because I'd taken too long."

Don brought sympathetic eyes up to his brother. "Leo…"

"I saw that sword coming at you and all I could think of was that moment. I had to do something. I couldn't…"

Don's voice softened from the anger he'd felt earlier. "I understand. Really I do. But there had to have been a better way. A safer way. Why did you have to—"

"I forgot, Don." Leo confessed, closing his eyes a moment to hide his shame. "I blocked the first strike with my left and spun to block the next with my right. It was reflex. Muscle memory. After eight months I'm still not used to…"

Don watched his brother grip his stumped shoulder, anger apparent in his features. But with another deep breath, the anger was gone, replaced with Leo's usual calm expression.

"I'm sorry I frightened you. I didn't mean for this to happen. It won't…" Leo stopped himself, knowing he couldn't promise what he was about to. "…I'll do better next time."

Don smiled; Leo was steadfast as ever. It would never cease to amaze him how perseverant his brother was. How much comfort his unending determination offered. How necessary he was to the family. To the team.

To Don.

Looking back up to his brother, Don saw him leaving the room and suddenly felt guilty for the conversation ending there. "Leo—"

"I'm going to apologize to the others."

"Leo, wait." His elder brother paused but didn't turn around. "You don't have to-I mean, it wasn't—…" Don sighed. "Thank you. For having my back. I'm glad you're still out there with us."

For a long moment Leo stood unmoving, to the point where Don wondered if he'd said something wrong. But just before he could ask, Leo turned. "Thanks Donnie."

The genuine smile his brother offered melted Don's worries in an instant, and the relief was so unexpected, he couldn't help but add with a light laugh, "I missed you, Leo." This sort of comfort had been all but non-existent 8 months ago.

Leo shook his head humorously. "You too, little bro." He meant it. With how rattled Don had been after the incident, it was only a few months ago he'd started acting more like himself and actually interacting with everyone again. And Leo was grateful to have his brother back.

But as the elder turned to leave, his smile fell away, leaving only a bitter pull to his features. He believed his brother was thankful to have him out on patrol, but he knew it wasn't thanks to the skills he brought with him. He was barely half the fighter he used to be and was causing more harm than good most days. It was only a matter of time before his inadequacies got one of them hurt.

He was drowning in his failings, and for once wasn't sure he could find the strength to fight his way out.

Shrugging his shoulders, Leo wiped the bitterness from his face before coming into view of the others who were still in the main room with Sensei. They didn't know his fears and he wouldn't tell them. Couldn't.

He was too ashamed.

Honestly, this was difficult. I wanted so badly to make this about Donnie helping Leo find his place again, but Leo refused to cooperate with me. Stubborn turtle.

As always, comments and critiques are warmly accepted.

End of Line

-TRAaP