Edit: Uploading issues forced me to delete this chapter and re-upload. Hopefully it won't happen again.

Raphael's turn. It's a bit longer than the others, but I think Raph and Leo had the most to work out post Tortured Souls. Just be grateful it's not longer, took me forever to trim this thing from a full blown chapter story.

Aftermath

Tortured Souls One-Shots

III. Raph

They were going to drown.

The thought didn't frighten Raph in the least. All he could think about—all his panic and fear was focused on—was his younger brothers, locked in their cells across the way, clinging tightly to each other for dear life. They were going to drown, and he'd have to sit there and watch.

Don was first.

He must have known it was coming because the minute the first cough escaped he'd pulled away from Mikey, probably trying to spare the kid from having to hold his own brother as he suffocated.

It was only seconds, agonizing and terrifying, before Don stilled, convulsions ceasing as his eyes closed.

Then Mikey coughed. And Raph's world fell apart.

He screamed. Out of anger, out of desperation, out of fear. His entire being was tearing apart from the inside out at having to watch his family die in front of him. Now his head was spinning, his vision was blurring, and he felt his lungs on the verge of forcing his brain to take control and breathe.

It was his turn.

Suddenly the room was draining. Raph clawed above the water with whatever strength was left in him, dragging in the largest breath of oxygen he'd ever taken. He looked to the door that had opened, freeing them from their watery graves.

And there stood Leo. His older brother. Littered in minor burns and bleeding from a nasty cut in his arm. He'd fought to free himself from Shredder. Fought to free them from drowning.

Fought and won.

Leo always won.

"Don, do something!"

"He's lost too much blood! There's nothing I can—"

"Then take mine!"

"No Raph!" Don turned on his brother, his panic peaking through the calm of his eyes. "You're still injured. Taking blood now would only—"

"He's dying, Don!" The room fell into silence, Leo's shallow and haggard breathing the only sound to be heard. Raph clenched his fists at his side, growling as he continued. "You and I are the only ones compatible with him, and we can't risk you passing out right now." Don was silent as he held his brother's stare. His eyes said he already knew the logic, he just hated the outcome.

"Raph, the risk is too—"

"I don't give a damn about the risk!" Raph watched as his brother seemed to war over the idea in his head, probably going over every possible thing that could go wrong. Patience had never been Raph's forte. "I'll do it myself if I have to, but it won't be pretty."

Don looked down to their eldest sibling's frail body and sighed heavily. "Fine. Sit." Gathering his meagre supplies as Raph shifted his chair to the other side of the bed, Don hooked his two older brothers to each other, blood flowing from Raph's right arm into Leo's left. "You're going to pass out. Your body's not strong enough yet for—"

"I know." He didn't care.

They were nearly all on the boat. Shredder was fighting Leo, and as usual, his brother was holding his own. Fighting to keep them all safe. Fighting to get home.

The clock was running down, the doors to the hangar were closing, the complex would explode in a manner of minutes, and his brother still fought. Still remained where he was, keeping Shredder from attacking the three of them who were too weak to hold their own.

And then they drove off. They left him there to fend for himself. To fight for his life.

To fight for their lives.

Alone.

And somehow, Leo survived. Came back.

Won.

Leo always won.

"Don?" Mikey watched as his brother washed his hands, eyes lost and face blank. "What do we do now? Is he gonna be OK?"

It took a moment for Don to answer, his mind still focused on all the blood draining down the sink. "I… I don't know, Mikey. We can only wait and see."

Dread bowled over the room, knocking any attempts at conversation from their thoughts. Mikey looked from Don to Leo, fear slowly growing in his features. The silence only made it all worse.

"He'll be fine." All eyes turned to Raph as he spoke, his glare focused on the rise and fall of his brother's chest. "Fearless never quits. He'll be alright."

There was something about the confidence in how he said it that made no one object. They wanted it to be true.

Begged it to be.

"Raph," He could practically feel Leo's pain as his own. Every word he spoke looked like agony. Yet still he fought. "Raph, keep going."

"Leo get up!" Raph was scared. But not of the darkness pulling him away, he was scared of Leo leaving. He could see Leo's heart practically lurch from his chest with desire to help, but whatever held him down was far too powerful.

Then Leo looked at him, actual fear in his eyes. Raph couldn't remember if he'd ever seen that there before. It chilled his blood. "Don't quit, Raph." His brother's words were almost indiscernible behind Raph's wall of fear, but he clamoured to hear them. Clung to them. With everything that was in him.

"Find home." With what looked like the last of his strength, Leo found his brother's eyes and held them, both knowing it could be the last time they locked.

"Raph…"

"I'm here, Leo." A hand on Leo's shoulder, strong and steady, cut through the shadows. The weightlessness disappeared as he felt himself fall back into his body. "We're home." Sleep beckoned, but the hand on his shoulder anchored him, granting enough strength for him to hold tight to consciousness.

Raph could see the struggle as his brother attempted to open his eyes. If he hadn't been so desperate to see Leo awake, he would have told the idiot to rest some more. But their fearless leader had only been conscious a handful of times since his return, and Raph had been passed out for most of them.

He needed to see Leo's eyes. Make sure he was still here. Still fighting to stay with them.

"Mornin' sleeping beauty." He said as Leo's lids finally parted.

"Raph." It sounded more like a sigh of relief than anything else.

The younger turtle gave his brother's shoulder a slightly tighter squeeze. "Still here." Leo's dull eyes wandered weakly across the room and Raph saw the worry already setting in. "April and Casey went to get some more meds, Don and Sensei are talking in the kitchen, and Mikey's right here." He stepped aside so Leo could see their baby brother asleep in the chair, his head on Leo's arm and hand clasped tightly around his brother's. "Everyone's safe." The worry didn't completely disappear from Leo's face, but he breathed a shallow sigh of relief. He opened his mouth to speak, but his voice was so weak, Raph couldn't hear him. "What?" He asked, bending closer to his brother's face.

"Are you… alright?"

Raph shook his head, gawking. "Me? For cryin' out loud, Leo, I ain't the one lyin' in bed covered in bandages like a mummy."

"You… look terrible."

That earned a slight smirk from the younger turtle. "Yeah, well, you ain't winnin' no beauty contests either."

There was a drawn out pause as Leo closed his eyes to breathe, and Raph couldn't help the spike in his heartbeat when it took longer than expected for his brother's chest to rise and fall.

"Your… shoulder…?"

The way Leo's voice sounded—all weak and strained like he'd been shouting for days on end—made Raph want to force him to shut up. He couldn't take hearing it. But his worry was outmatched by the comfort of hearing Leo awake. Alive. Not that he'd ever admit it.

"Raph?"

The younger turtle blinked away his worry and rolled his eyes. "It's fine. I told you it'd take more than that bucket head to bring me down." His brother seemed to almost smile at that. "Now stop worrying about the rest of the world for a few minutes, shut yer trap and rest. If you don't get better soon, Mikey's gonna permanently fuse your hands together."

Leo's head lilted to the side, looking to their youngest sibling with his brow furrowed in concern. "How—" He paused, trying to swallow to wet his throat so it didn't hurt so much to talk. "How is he?"

"Tired. I don't think the kid's used to getting so little sleep."

Leo nodded to the bandages. "His chest?"

"Healing. Don says he'll be back to his usual pain-in-the-ass antics in the next few weeks."

That seemed to settle some more of the worry in Leo's face. "And Don?"

Raph looked to the door, not sure how honestly he should answer that question. "He's… fine. Apparently Leatherhead was here last week and fixed him up, but I don't think he's been sleepin' much."

Leo nodded knowingly, following his brother's gaze to the door. "Make sure… he eats. Don… forgets about… food… when he's worried."

Raph couldn't take hearing Leo's voice so weak anymore. "What'd I say about worrying over everyone else? We're fine, Fearless. Shut up and get some sleep or I'll knock you out myself." Leo did as instructed, but the minute he closed his eyes, the shuttering breath he took made Raph want to shake him awake again.

"It was… so… real."

Raph blinked in confusion. "What?"

"The void." Raph tensed at the mention. "I saw you… pulled away. I thought…" Leo swallowed thickly again, finding it far more difficult to speak than it should be. "I thought you were…"

"I ain't." Raph hated talking about this. "These guys brought me back, same as you."

Both siblings looked to their youngest brother. Even in sleep there was worry written all over his face. "They've… been through a lot."

"Yeah…" Raph folded his arms across his chest, staring at his baby brother as though he could wipe away the worry by looking hard enough. "Yeah, they have. So make it easier on 'em and get better already."

"OK." Leo blinked, taking a very long time to open his eyes again. "I'll… do that."

Falling into silence, Raph noticed his brother stare at Mikey again before looking to the door, unease working it's way back into his features. Always the worrywart. Raph blew out a long suffering sigh, placing his hand on Leo's shoulder and staring intently. Adamantly. "Rest, bro. I got them. I promise."

Another shuttering breath had Leo sighing, the worry draining from his features once more. "I know. You always… keep them… safe." It was an unexpected compliment that made Raph tense, not sure how to respond. He couldn't help but stare as his brother looked to him, a fond smile on his face. "Thank you… Raphael."

Raph stiffened, watching as Leo's eyes finally closed. His chest felt tight all of a sudden, but he swallowed back the emotions roiling to get out. Such honest adoration from Leo was rare, and Raph hadn't been ready for it.

Hadn't realized how much it meant to hear it.

Or how badly he wanted to hear it again.

Forcing his thoughts away, Raph grinned at his older brother. "It's good to have you back, Fearless." He only said it because he knew Leo was lost to sleep, but he felt the sentiment deep to his core. Raph wasn't ready for a world without his older brother, and he wasn't sure he ever wanted to be.

Ever could be.

Looking back at Mikey and then to the door, Raph considered what Leo had said about Don and food. Now that he thought of it, he couldn't remember seeing Don eat anything since Leo's miraculous return. The idiot. He made a mental note. "Figures the genius would be the one to—"

He paused, staring down at his brother. His chest wasn't moving anymore. "Leo?" Leaning close to listen for breath, Raph heard nothing. He held his fear at bay, placing two fingers to Leo's carotid and waiting. Waiting.

Nothing.

Raph moved without thought, placing his hands over his brother's chest and pumping, feeling his own heart rate spike immediately. "DON!"

The purple masked turtle was there in an instant, his eyes wide as he came upon the scene. No questions were asked, he simply started up his overworked life-support machine, placing the mask over Leo's beak.

"What happened!?" Mikey cried, eyes brimming with tears at having woken to chaos and fear. Again. Again!

"I have a pulse." Don announced mechanically, moving Raph aside to assess Leo's vitals. It was barely thirty seconds before he cursed under his breath, pumping his brother's chest again.

"Don! What's going—"

"His heart keeps stopping." Came Don's quick reply, not looking away from Leo. "Probably the blood loss from the amputation."

Raph barely waited for Don to finish, grabbing the needle and tubing before even registering he'd moved.

"I'll do it." Don stepped in, grabbing the supplies and sitting Raph right next to Leo.

Mikey watched the blood flow through the tube from Raph into their eldest and clung tightly to their leader's hand. "Come on, Leo." Not again. Please not again.

Raph glared at his brother when Don cursed and started CPR once more. "Don't you dare." He leaned in close, clasping his brother's shoulder once again. "I got you too, Leo. And I ain't lettin' go." His grip tightened as fear drowned his heart. "So you sure as hell better not."

Leo never gave up. "Fight, bro."

Leo was always fighting for his family. "For us."

Fighting to keep them safe and together. Whole. "Don't quit."

And Leo always won.

"Find home."

Always.

9 Months Later

Raph swiped down, attacking an invisible enemy from above and having to imagine the satisfying crunch of bone. What he wouldn't give to have a thug to pound on right now.

Twisting to attack another ghost, Raph couldn't stop playing the events of the day in his head. Like a drum pounding on his skull, it beat across his vision with every movement he made.

Again. It almost happened again.

Anger roiled in his stomach as he swung his sai around ferociously, begging for there to be a Foot or a Dragon there for him to—

He suddenly met resistance with a loud clang of metal against metal. Raph looked up to see his older brother standing in front of him, sword raised, fight stance in place, blocking his sai. Had Raph been in a more amiable mood, he might have grinned at the opportunity. But tonight wasn't a time for grinning.

Tightening his fists around his weapons, Raph threw an attack from the left, forcing Leo to move his guard up and step back.

The spar had begun.

Normally, Raph was very careful when sparring with his brother. Since Leo's amputation, his fighting prowess hadn't been up to par, so Raph always made sure not to take things too far.

But not tonight. Tonight he was too heated. Angry. He needed something to attack without mercy and Leo had offered himself as a willing sacrifice.

The battle waged for what must have been an hour before Raph even registered the sweat dripping down his brow. He was too caught up in the fight. Too caught up in the memories.

In the fear.

A swipe to his right caught him off guard, and Raph had to twist to let his shell take the blow. He growled, turning around to lock weapons with Leo.

His martyrus older brother who seemed bound and determined to scare his brothers out of their wits.

Who didn't follow orders because he knew better.

Knew better than Raph.

Outrage shot through Raph's body, blinding him to reason. He used Leo's careful guarding of his right shoulder to attack the left. When Leo blocked, Raph turned, ramming himself into his older brothers stumped limb, sending him skidding several feet.

It took Leo a moment to recover, hiding his pain behind a scowl. But when he looked up readying his sword for more, Raphael was no longer attacking with his weapons.

Only words.

"It was a bomb, Leo! I told you to get back, not run towards it! What if you hadn't thrown it off the dock in time!? What if one of the soldiers got passed us and slowed you down!? What if—What the shell were you thinking!?"

Raph could feel his anger mounting as Leo just stood there, staring at him with that neutral expression plastered on his face.

"Do you have any idea how terrified Mikey and Don were? They thought we were gonna have to watch you blow yourself up! Again! We thought you were—Shell, you're such an idiot! I know you don't trust me to lead, but you don't have to get yourself killed to prove your point! Why in the hell would you pull a stunt like that after everything we went through!? What the hell is the matter with you!?"

Raph was barely aware he was still speaking. His mind and emotions were running far faster than he could ever hope to keep pace with. Rage clouded his vision and for a moment, he could only feel pain. That terrifying pain in his chest like when he thought his brother had died.

When he'd watched Leo stay behind. When the doors had closed him in. When they drove off without him.

When the bomb had gone off.

"AHHH!" Raph shouted. Something loud and guttural and wordless, turning his shell to his brother and throwing his sai at the wall with enough force to penetrate deep into the concrete, sprouting cracks in all directions.

Control came back slowly as Raph huffed in deep gulps of air. When his vision finally cleared, he turned and saw Leo standing there, staring, shame written plainly on his face.

Shame. Raph couldn't say it wasn't deserved. He was a terrible leader. Every mission they'd been on since Raph took charge had been one disaster after another. He wasn't good enough for this. Never could be.

Leo should be ashamed of him.

He was ashamed of himself.

He tensed when Leo started speaking, preparing for a fight.

"It's terrifying, isn't it? All that responsibility… it's supposed to come with power, but more often than not it just makes you feel powerless. Because it doesn't matter how much you train or how prepared you are or what strategies you think of, life is too unpredictable. People make choices that you can't control, things happen that you weren't expecting, and something almost always goes wrong."

It was the tone of his voice more so than his words that caught Raph off guard. He turned slightly further towards his brother, still huffing deep breaths. Leo sounded so… small. It wasn't right.

"That's why it's never about a successful mission. It's never about how well you performed or what strategies worked or who did their job and obeyed orders." Leo paused, his eyes finding the floor. "It's about coming home. It's about staying together and making sure everyone makes it back to their bed intact. Every time. If you can get everyone home alive, you've lead your team well. Done your job. And that's all that can be expected of you."

Raph was completely silent. Still. He couldn't help but stare as Leo closed his eyes, the faintest of smiles on his face as he called forth a memory.

"About a month into our first patrols, I had a break down. I came to the dojo, kneeled before Sensei, and cried my eyes out."

Raph's eye ridges rose in surprise at the confession, but he said nothing.

"It was after our first encounter with the Foot. We all only barely made it home, and even a week after, I couldn't shake that feeling… the fear of knowing I'd almost got you all killed. I didn't sleep for almost ten days."

A vague image of a younger Leonardo stumbling around the dojo with dark bags under his eyes bubbled to the surface of Raph's memory. He remembered thinking at the time that Leo was just overworking himself with training, like usual. He had no idea...

"When I finally went to see Sensei about it, I cried, and I begged him to make someone else leader because I was too scared of failing again. That's when he told me that success wasn't in getting the mission done, it was in coming home. Staying together." Shrugging, Leo admitted, "I still have trouble with it. I still can't help but get angry or disappointed when a mission goes south or a patrol ends in disaster, because I know I should be capable of being successful and keeping you guys safe. But Sensei was right… the most important thing should always be coming home."

Raph barely noticed his own silence, his mind was too lost in the words Leo had spoken. He honestly couldn't remember the last time his brother had been so open with him. If ever.

Suddenly, Raph felt a hand on his shoulder, and it was only then that he realized he'd been shaking. But he couldn't tell which emotion was causing the tremble, rage or fear? Turning with a glare that was more stubborn than angry, he faced his brother.

"You're a good leader, Raph. I've never thought otherwise. I don't know why you don't believe me, but it's the truth. You're learning strategy and restraint and level-headedness at a rapid rate and you've even managed to be more patient when Mikey jokes during a battle, which is something I still haven't mastered."

Raph would have smirked at that if he wasn't so enwrapped in the fondness beaming from Leo's eyes. When did he become so candid and forthcoming? And why did it mean so much to hear it? See it.

Feel it.

"The bomb wasn't… it didn't have anything to do with your leadership. I wasn't trying to question your strategy, I just… I panicked." Leo looked away a moment, something in his eyes that Raph couldn't see, before turning back. "I couldn't shake the feeling that we wouldn't be able to fight our way out before it went off. But I saw the clock, judged the distance, and with you three holding the line, I knew I could get to the water in time to chuck it and run."

Despite understanding the explanation and knowing he would have done the same thing, Raph still couldn't help the twinge of irritation at his brother's actions. "…It was still dangerous, Leo. Unnecessarily dangerous. If anything had gone wrong—"

"I know." There it was again, shame creeping into his brother's face. And for the first time, Raph began to realize it wasn't aimed at him. But quick as it had come, it was hidden, and Raph didn't have a chance to ask before Leo rendered him speechless again. "I'm sorry that I've made you think I don't trust you. I do. You always keep them safe, and that's what matters most."

Raph's shoulder's hitched as he tried to hide how hungry his heart was to hear those words.

"And I'm sorry about tonight. I didn't mean to—for any of this—…" Leo sighed heavily. "I'll do better."

Raph stared at his brother. He felt Leo squeeze his shoulder and couldn't shake the feeling that it was to draw comfort for himself rather than give it to Raph. Time seemed to freeze as Raph went over Leo's words in his head over and over, unable to stop his chest from tightening at the relief he felt in hearing how sincerely his brother trusted him.

But nothing compared to the knowledge that Leo was honestly making an effort not to be the martyr he usually was. He'd panicked and acted. Raph couldn't really fault him for that. It was immeasurably weird to hear coming from Leo, but still… the realization that his older brother made mistakes too was more comforting than it should have been.

Finally unclenching his fists, Raph clamped his hand on his brother's wrist that was still on his shoulder. "Never thought I'd live to see the day when you actually made a mistake, Fearless."

"I make them all the time. I just blame them on Mikey."

Both exchanged a smirk before Raph noticed blood dripping down Leo's shoulder. His gaze drew Leo's, who quickly covered it with his hand.

"Just hit a soft spot. Doesn't hurt."

But guilt still jolted through Raph's veins. "I shouldn't've—"

"I gave you the opening, not your fault for taking it." Stepping away from his brother to pry the sai from the wall—which took more effort than expected—Leo looked the weapon over, eyeing the red leather hilt. "But if you still need to blow off some steam, I wouldn't mind a rematch. Still can't move fast enough to block on that side without leaving myself exposed." He held the sai out to his brother, a glint in his eye. "I could use the practice."

The tension in Leo's shoulders as he spoke of his weakness was obvious. Looked like Raph wasn't the only one in need of punching his way through some issues. And if sparring would help his brother, Raph was happy to oblige. He took his sai and spun it in his hand in sync with the other. "If you think you're up to it. But I ain't goin' easy."

"Didn't ask you to." Walking back to where his katana lay on the floor, Leo picked it up and held it a moment. With his shell to his brother, he knew Raph couldn't see, so he allowed the irritation and disgrace to run through his eyes for a moment.

It was getting harder and harder to keep hidden. But Leo wasn't willing to accept help just yet. Couldn't. He'd clearly been burdening his family enough with worry and concern as of late, they didn't need his self-doubt on top of it.

He could figure this out on his own. Had to.

For himself and for them.

Breathing deep and closing in the emotions, Leo turned to a ready stance, eyeing his brother with determination in his eyes. Raphael wouldn't hold back. If Leo could hold his own against his brother, he would know he was improving.

"You ready to get your ass handed to you?"

Leo couldn't help but grin at the smug smirk on Raph's face. "Ready to watch you try."

Raph snorted a quick laugh as he spun his sai again, dropping low to match Leo's stance. With all the injuries they'd had to heal from this year, it felt like ages since he last sparred with his older brother. He was practically vibrating in anticipation. "Damn it's good to have you back, Fearless."

Leo was caught off guard by the sudden statement, but kept it off his face. His grin spread wide as he twirled his katana. "Give it ten minutes."

The two held each other's eyes for a moment, each determined to express what they never could in words:

I need this. I need you.

Seconds later, the dojo erupted with the clashing of metal and grunts of exertion that went on for several hours, neither brother willing to admit defeat.

Neither ready to leave the other's company.

There'll be at least one more chapter for Splinter, but I might be willing to write more, inspiration depending. Who would you guys like to read about and why? Gimme a scene and I'd probably be willing to write it.

As always, corrections and critiques are welcome.

End of Line

-TRAaP