It wasn't supposed to have been like this. Grasstail had only wanted to address the fundamental problems with continuing their relationship. Did Watersplash not care if they got caught?! Maybe she didn't, considering how much all her Clanmates loved her. Even if they found out she'd broken the warrior code, no cat would want to banish or otherwise seriously punish their supposed future saviour. What Watersplash didn't seem to grasp was that Grasstail didn't have that luxury. Even Sandstar had long ago given up the notion that he could be the cat the prophecy spoke of. Grasstail was just as ordinary cat, and he'd face severe consequences if he was found to have been having relations with a RiverClan cat.
When their disagreement began to escalate into a fierce exchange of insults, Grasstail had ridden the wave of building anger, letting his frustration with Watersplash be the driving force behind his words. When she leaped at him, snarling, he realized with a jolt that he had made a huge mistake. Watersplash seemed to realize it too, as she hesitated after pinning him to the ground. Grasstail should have tried to reason with her in that brief pause, but the sting of her claws digging into his shoulders drew a snarl from deep in his throat and he pushed her off, raking his claws down her cheek.
She hissed, her tail fluffed up in outrage. "You rotten crowfood-eater," she spat. "How dare you do that to me?!"
"You attacked me first, beebrain," Grasstail reminded her in a harsh meow. "I was just defending myself."
"You accused me of murder!" Watersplash shot back, her eyes flashing with a deadly glint.
"I did no such thing," Grasstail harrumphed. "You just took it out of context."
"Don't play dumb with me," she spat. "You said I was responsible for my littermate's death."
Grasstail flinched; he had to admit he'd spoken out of line. He didn't really believe that the death of Watersplash's littermate could possibly have been her fault- he knew her, and she would never have intended for such a thing to happen. Even so, pointing out the truth of what had happened hardly counted as an accusation of murder- Watersplash herself had admitted to her own actions having played a part in the kit's death.
Watersplash must have taken his silence as surrender, because her fur flattened out and she slid her claws partway back into her paws- although Grasstail could still see their tips protruding into the ground.
They stood on the marshy ground by the broken halfbridge for a long time, staring at each other. Grasstail kept expecting Watersplash to lunge at him again, and every time he blinked he half-expected to find her suddenly closer to him. But she remained where she was, about a tail-length away, for well past long enough to make it uncomfortable. Grasstail wanted desperately to break the silence, but he couldn't say anything in this situation.
Finally, Watersplash collected herself. "Thank you for your time," she meowed coolly, dipping her head as though Grasstail was a stranger. "I don't expect to be seeing you again anytime soon."
She turned to leave.
"Watersplash, wait," Grasstail blurted, overcome with a swirling miasma of guilt. "I didn't mean it!" She momentarily turned to glance hopefully back at him, but then grimaced and looked away. Not wanting to let the best part of his life walk away so easily, Grasstail hurried after her, matching her pace easily as she stormed through the long grass. "I'm sorry," he meowed, silently begging her to turn and face him. "I don't know what I was thinking. I made a mistake!"
"Go home, Grasstail," Watersplash hissed, angling her muzzle away from him. "We can meet here again tomorrow night and talk this over," she seceded when Grasstail continued trotting after her. "Tonight, I'm done with you."
Grasstail backed down. He'd thought he could convince Watersplash, but she wasn't playing around, and he didn't want to fight her anymore. "Tomorrow night?" he echoed, a spark of hope rising inside him. "Promise?"
Watersplash finally turned to look at him, causing his stomach to do a flip. How could he ever have been so rabbit-brained as to try to push her away?! "I promise," she purred, drawing her tail under his chin. Her purr was empty and vacant, and despite her words, Grasstail couldn't quite bring himself to believe that their relationship was still salvageable after all. Nevertheless, he let her leave this time, and he returned to WindClan, trying to hold onto the hope that they really would meet and talk things over the next night.
Watersplash drew in one shaky breath after another, trying not to let her whiskers quiver too much. She didn't want to give away how distraught she was, especially not to Smokefur- or Beavertail, for that matter. She just wanted to sink into her nest- or better yet, sink into the ground and disappear forever. How could things have gone so wrong in such a short amount of time?
"Are you okay?" Smokefur meowed gently, resting his tail on her back for comfort. "No offense, but you kind of look like a mess."
"I'm fine," Watersplash sniffled, burying her face in her paws and curling up into an even tighter ball.
"You don't look it," Smokefur muttered. Watersplash could tell he was trying hard to hide it, but she heard an edge of worry creep into his tone. She realized how devastating it must have been to have had Patchfur go missing at the same time as a ShadowClan cat. Had he connected the dots and determined that they'd run away together? Or did he still have no idea if his brother was even alive? Watersplash wondered if he was worried about the same thing happening to her.
If that's the case, he may as well set his worries aside, she thought. There's no way Grasstail and I have a future together. Not after last night.
"Please just leave me alone," she mewed, cringing as she realized she sounded like a kit. Smokefur sighed but complied; he exited the warriors' den and left Watersplash to wallow in her self-pity. Good, she thought.
Watersplash remained alone in the den, crying into her nest, for the rest of the morning. Her stomach protested loudly, but the thought of food make her feel sick. At one point Shellsong popped in to check on her, muttering that she was worried, and dropped half a small pike at Watersplash's paws. Watersplash bleakly muttered a thank-you and sniffed at the offering but couldn't bring herself to take a bite, pushing it aside so she wouldn't have to look at it.
Hoping to StarClan that no cat could hear her, she shouted into her nest, muffling her tearful snarls with soft moss and feathers. "That… that… fish-brain!" she yelled, spitting out the last word like it was a much worse insult than it was. "I hate him! I wish he'd die!"
Even as the words escaped her mouth, Watersplash knew she didn't mean what she said. Grasstail had made a mistake. So what? She'd made plenty mistakes of her own. Sure, Grasstail's mistakes were usually worse, but…
Maybe the really frustrating thing wasn't Grasstail. Maybe it was the fact that Watersplash still loved him.
Sometimes in the early afternoon, Minnowleap poked her head in, wrinkling her nose when she saw the pike Watersplash had pushed aside. "It's a shame to waste perfectly good fresh-kill like that, isn't it?" she sniffed, padding into the den and staring down at Watersplash. "Shellsong told me she caught that just for you."
"Then why was it already half-eaten when she gave it to me?" Watersplash grumbled, pointedly ignoring the fact that her mother had barged in without any warning.
Minnowleap narrowed her eyes and gave a quick flick of her tail. "Anyway, I came in here to remind you of your duties as a mentor, which you seem to have forgotten," she meowed, dropping the subject of the pike entirely. "Emberpaw is counting on you to take her out for battle training today. So stop lazing around, get out of that nest, and go fetch your apprentice!"
Watersplash groaned. Sometimes she wished she didn't have an apprentice. She still did what she was told of course, but it was a serious challenge for her to hoist herself out of her nest, and she felt like she was dragging herself over to the apprentices' den to wake up Emberpaw.
Once she was out in the wilderness, she had to admit that she started to feel better. It felt good to get some fresh air and clear her head, and she decided that she'd have something to eat when they got back- by that point she'd practically be starving. Everything that had gone down with Grasstail still weighed heavy on her shoulders, even if for a moment or two she could forget it, but maybe it was best that he was out of her life now. Watersplash needed to be the best warrior possible, and she couldn't do that if she was breaking the warrior code. Now that she wouldn't have a tom in her life anymore, she could concentrate on bettering herself and serving her Clan, like she was supposed to.
Even so, during the battle training, she found it hard to stay energized, and Emberpaw ended up scrambling all over her, winning even when Watersplash was supposed to be demonstrating how to use a move. Her mind kept returning to her and Grasstail's brief but heart-wrenching exchange of blows. What if she'd seriously hurt him?! She hadn't, or course, but it would have been so easy in the heat of the moment to bite down too hard, or sink her claws in too deep…
"Can you show me how to fight in the water?" Emberpaw's mew broke through the fog that had settled around Watersplash's perception. "I wanna know how to drown somebody! Only if I have to, though," she added quickly.
"That's a bit morbid, isn't it?" Watersplash mumbled. "The warrior code explicitly states that we shouldn't kill other cats unless it's strictly necessary. There are sometimes deaths in battles, of course, but most of the time fatalities are unintentional- it's what separates a warrior from a rogue."
Emberpaw flicked her tail dismissively. "Okay, I guess I don't have to drown them," she conceded. "But can I at least learn how to fight off an attacker in the water?"
"I don't think you'll ever need to do that," Watersplash meowed. "Not a cat, in any case. Only RiverClan cats know how to swim, and unless we ever have a traitor among us, fighting in the water just isn't a necessary skill."
"Aww," Emberpaw muttered, her stubby tail drooping. "But it'd be so cool to fight them underwater! It would be like when Smokepaw and I play around in the stream, but even better!"
Watersplash decided to change the subject. She was too tired for a conversation with Emberpaw- those tended to go in circles. "Do you want to learn how to throw off a larger attacker?" she suggested instead. "This is a vital skill, not only for larger cats, but also predators like badgers or foxes."
Emberpaw meowed a reluctant agreement, and Watersplash pinned her down and instructed her on how to throw her off. Even with claws sheathed, Emberpaw's blows were painful, and Watersplash bit back a yowl of pain as a tiny hind paw dug into her stomach. Battle training had never hurt before. What was wrong with her?!
It really shouldn't have come as a surprise that Watersplash wasn't at the halfbridge. Grasstail had only half-expected her to remember, anyway. But expected or not, it didn't feel good to sneak away to the halfbridge and not find her waiting for him. He waited for her for some time, but as moonhigh drew near it became clear she wasn't coming.
Maybe the word was disappointing. Grasstail hadn't felt disappointed in a very long time, because he never got his hopes up. He didn't think he'd turn out to be anything special, so he didn't bat an eye when his life was dull and predictable. He'd known, despite Podtail's display of hopefulness, that Owlwing would die after being bitten by an adder, so it hadn't come as the crushing blow that it had to his littermates when his prediction proved to be accurate. It had still hurt to lose his mother, but he'd known it was going to happen, and there had been nothing he could have done about it. Bad things happened; that was just how life was.
The initial day after their fight he'd tried to hold on to the thread of hope that they might still have a chance of reconciling, and had gone down to the lake to fetch water for Gorsewind when he'd been asked.
He hadn't been able to bring himself to look at the elder as he layed down the dripping moss next to him. It was all because of Gorsewind's story that he had tried to break things off with Watersplash in the first place. Maybe all relationships really were doomed to fail. Grasstail had never been convinced of true love's existence until he'd thought he'd been experiencing it himself, but since it was over now, what was what telling him? If even something as good as what they'd had could end so abruptly, it looked like nothing mattered after all.
After going down to the twoleg halfbridge and finding that Watersplash had forgotten her promise to meet him there again- again, not exactly surprising, but still unpleasant to find out he was right- Grasstail stopped even pretending to care about anything. He remained in his nest for the entire day, only leaving once to make dirt and then coming back as soon as he was done. Berryheart expressed her concern very vocally, but he held his paws over his ears so he couldn't hear her. Appleshine simply glared at him, and he knew she was judging him. Whatever. She had every right to judge him. He was worthless.
The next few days passed in mostly the same manner. Grasstail hadn't eaten at all the day before, so Rabbitleap brought him part of a rabbit and insisted he eat it. Grasstail pushed it away, but his father was firm, practically threatening to punish him unless he ate. "You can't tell me what to do," Grasstail muttered."I'm not a kit."
"No, but you're my kit," Rabbitleap meowed sternly. "And if you're not going to leave that nest, the least I can do is make sure you don't starve to death."
Grasstail ended up taking a couple bites out of the rabbit, out of guilt more than anything. He knew his father meant well, but couldn't he see that this was Grasstail's problem alone? No cat could fix what had gone wrong- what he'd made go wrong. The best thing that would ever happen to Grasstail was gone, and he knew she wouldn't be coming back to him- not after what he'd said to her.
His Clanmates kept badgering him, of course. Berryheart would try to talk to him when she settled in next to him in the evening, and though Appleshine would still turn with a humph and face the other way, even she tried to coax him out of his nest form time to time. It seemed like every cat was suddenly on his case- Seedpelt, Barkstripe, even Spikeear of all cats. Even Sandstar himself came to talk to Grasstail once- no doubt just trying to get him to start actively serving WindClan again. It was a pointless effort. Grasstail had no reason to serve such a weak and pathetic Clan.
"Grasstail, I've noticed you haven't joined any patrols lately," Sandstar began, speaking very gently as if Grasstail were a kit he didn't want to upset. "In fact, it's been days since you've set paw outside camp at all. Roseflower is finding it difficult to organize patrols when we're down a warrior."
"Roseflower is finding it difficult to organize patrols because she's going senile," Grasstail spat. "She probably can't remember which cats are alive and which cats are dead."
Sandstar's sunken eyes darkened. "Watch your tongue," he warned. "Roseflower is your senior by countless seasons."
Grasstail snorted, which only made Sandstar's disapproving look deepen. "Yeah, I know how old she is," he scoffed. "That's exactly the problem."
He hoped Sandstar would be offended enough to just leave right then and there, but the leader was a stubborn old fleabag. He launched into some contrived, rabbit-brained speech about how every cat was vital to the well-being of their Clan. Grasstail blocked most of it out, and was glad when Sandstar finally left him alone. He wished every cat would just leave him alone.
It was only a few minutes later that Podtail padded into the warriors' den and sat down next to him. Grasstail groaned. "What is it now?"
"I just spoke with Sandstar," Podtail meowed darkly. "We both agree- all of your Clanmates do- that you have a serious problem, Grasstail."
"Yeah, yeah." Grasstail twitched his tail irritably, hoping the medicine cat would take a hint and stop bothering him. "What, are you going to kick me out of WindClan or something?" he added dryly. He didn't think that would really happen, but even if it did he honestly wouldn't care that much.
Podtail's shoulders heaved with a heavy sigh- a funny sight on his thin frame. "We won't banish you. In fact, you're not going to be punished at all- something you can thank me for, by the way," he meowed. "Sandstar wanted to hold you accountable for your behavior, but I told him it's not really your fault."
Grasstail sat up a little, intrigued- or at least as intrigued as he could be by anything. "Could you get to the point, please?" he grumbled.
"I'm diagnosing you with depression." Podtail's meow was so clipped and professional that Grasstail was stunned. Sure, he'd told the medicine cat to get to the point, but… "Now, depression can't be treated as easily as a broken bone or a case of whitecough," Podtail continued. "But I can give you some herbs that will help you function as an active warrior."
Grasstail wasn't too keen on the idea of eating a bunch of herbs to make him act normal or whatever, but he got the feeling Podtail wasn't going to take no for an answer. "Fine," he grunted. "Just leave me along for now, okay?"
"Of course," Podtail meowed with a dip of his head. Grasstail was pleasantly surprised when he left without tossing in a few last-minute words of encouragement. Maybe the medicine cat wasn't so bad after all.