"So, what's going with April?' Jeff asked.
He leaned back into his chair. His intense blues eyes interrogative towards Ethan. Ethan looked up from his beer; innocent, wide, and sheepish. He tried but failed at keeping the flush look from his face. He shrugged half feigning confusion.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"Ethan…. c'mon you were typing her name in and the last I knew Will was the only non-OB doctor handling her TB case… did something happen? Is she okay…are you?" Jeff asked smiling and as he brought his glass up to his mouth.
"Yes," he said rolling his eyes, "It was long day for everyone, but she just seemed different after her appointment," Ethan confessed still a little ashamed at his prying.
"Why didn't you just ask her?" Jeff questioned.
Ethan shrugged again thinking to her hesitation as she had allowed him to discuss his issues and challenges of the day while she seemed trapped in hers. Jeff just shook his head with a smile and the two discussed the rest of their shift and how Jeff was doing with medical school.
…
Dinner was decidedly tense as April and Tate ate and did not discuss what he wanted so badly to talk about. It hurt her to think that he was so quick and willing to not give their baby a chance at all. So, they ate in quiet but not in peace. The tension followed upstairs as they got into bed and laid in the dark room; neither asleep.
"April…babe…please," Tate finally said.
"Tay," April answered pointily at his plea.
Tate sat up and clicked on the light before turning to her.
"I know it's your body but there are other things to consider here April," he said.
"I don't see any Tate…I told you no…I don't want to talk about that," April snapped back.
"Fine don't talk, but can you at least listen?!" he pleaded.
She nodded begrudgingly.
"I looked up the effects of this anencephaly and it's serious April, I mean there's nothing good that comes from this. Our odds of the baby surviving are low with that defect, so say you carry to term but instead of celebrating a life we plan a funeral," he pleaded.
The worry and stress in his tone and in his eyes made April's soften as she looked to him.
"You aren't a parent yet, but I am, I love my son more than anything so the idea of burying him before he buries me is not something I take lightly; just the thought is heart breaking and that is another thing April," Tate said grabbing her hand and placing it in his, "What about Eric? We aren't going to live forever which means he will be the one that will have to look after his sister or brother if the baby does make it past all these huge hurdles…this affects all of us."
April's eyes had begun to fill with tears. It wasn't fair; none of it.
"From the moment, I found out that my TB meds weren't working because of my birth control thus causing this pregnancy I have done nothing but think about the baby, I was willing to give my life for this child…so no Tate I'm not a parent yet but I still love this baby and I can remember giving you the option of leaving," April said letting go of his hand as she began to get up.
"April c'mon I was never going to leave, this isn't a competition of who loves the baby more, but it is different for me. I'm not carrying the baby, I don't get the connection of feeling him or her move day in and out, but why am I being made into some kind of monster for not wanting to go through the heartbreak of a very likely death once the baby is born?"
"As opposed to me going through it now, you're right Tate, we should save your feelings in lieu of mine," she whimpered.
April got up and grabbed her pants.
"April, where are you going?" Tate asked frustrated.
"To my apartment," she answered.
Tate exhaled in frustration as she slammed the door behind him; leaving him in bed. She tried not to cry; this was a challenge, and neither of them were wrong but it was ultimately April's decision. She got in the car and drove to her apartment.
When she arrived, she looked in the fridge to grab some juice but it was bare. April spent all her time at Tate's and was slowly moving in with him as they merged their lives together. His home was large enough and had a few guest bedrooms she could've slept in, but her apartment was home. It was still surrounded with all her things; the things that were her, and she still had another seven months left on the lease. The irony. When the baby was born was when she would be done living here.
"I should just stay here with the baby and not move in," April thought as she slid her finger over the top of a frame.
She got into bed and true to her condition she was out like a light. Her bladder and rumbling stomach awoke her the next day but her bare fridge was reminder that she needed to head to the store.
She was off for the day and could indulge in a few things. She got in the shower and headed to Mariano's for a few items. Her mind was trying it's best to think of light meals and easy quick foods to eat. She hated the idea that she couldn't return to Tate's but she couldn't be there not with all the pressure. She was staring for a long time at the pineapples; thinking of all the meals she could eat with it.
"I like them with a grilled pork teriyaki and cilantro rice, but they're also just nice to look at," he said.
April looked over, snapping out of her daze, to Ethan.
"Dr. Choi, I didn't see you there," she said.
"It's me that doesn't normally see you here," Ethan remarked, "So you going to buy that pineapple?"
"Uh-I don't know….," April said almost dazed again.
"Hmm well they say you should smell its butt," Ethan said seriously.
"What?" April said with a laugh.
"Dead serious, if you smell the bottom and it smells like nothing than it's not ready but if it smells sweet, it's ripe and ready…like this," he said picking it up and smelling it.
He moved it over to her and she sniffed it.
"What does your nose tell you?" he asked
"It's smells sweet," April said with a smile.
"Then this one is definitely a keeper," he said handing it to her.
April put it in her small cart and smiled at him. It was nice to see her smile but the joy didn't make it to her eyes. Ethan couldn't help but notice. It was the same far and away look of sorrow she had the night before. He still couldn't ask and he had no idea why not.
"Thanks Dr. Choi. I'll let you finish your shopping."
Ethan nodded. He would've helped her pick every item in the store if she needed it. April bought some cereal, eggs, fish, chicken, vegetables, bread, and the beautiful pineapple picked out for her. She needed paper towels and few other mundane necessity items. Her small cart was packed. She got out to her car and popped the trunk; bending down to grab the first bag.
"Please," he said.
There again was Ethan he had a hand under the bag already.
"Oh, you don't have to do that it's under thirty pounds…all of it," April said sheepishly.
"I don't mind," he said.
She looked away, it made her feel a little foolish. She wasn't a damsel in distress, but it was in that moment as he picked up the bags she saw the rock-hard biceps that often went unnoticed by her mostly because of the fast pace of their profession. He only had one bag of his own in his hand.
"I'm sure Tate can help you get these in," he said with a reassuring smile.
Instantly her eyes filled with tears and she looked away.
"April?" he asked.
"It's really no big deal…um thank you Dr. Choi," she said as she jumped in her car.
April felt even sillier crying in front of him than she had letting him carry her bags. He walked over to her side of the door.
"I'm sorry did I say something wrong?" he implored.
"No," she whimpered, "You've been very kind…thanks," she said putting on her seat belt.
She was trying to hold it together. The embarrassment hadn't shaken off.
"This is about your appointment, isn't it?" he blurted out.
April stopped and looked up stunned. Ethan walked over to her passenger side and opened the door and sat inside. It was bold, a move even he couldn't have foreseen himself doing but it bothered him to see her this upset and with no one to talk to.
"I'm sorry it's just you walked into work full of joy...hope, and then you left looking so empty and I just wondered if it wasn't because of your doctor's appointment," Ethan admitted.
April stared at him before laying her head on the wheel and sobbing.
"Okay…out," Ethan commanded, "I'm driving."
He was surprising himself left and right with her tears she was able to point to their destination. Ethan used those strong and ultimately valuable arms to bring up all her groceries. She sat on her couch puffy eyed as Ethan put away her perishables. To her surprise he pulled out a knife and cut up the pineapple. Her nose was correct, it was ripe indeed. He searched her cabinets and found a bowl.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked as he sat the bowl in front of her.
"The baby is measuring on the small side, it could be my TB meds, it may not be, but the risk is anencephaly and Tate…," she whimpered, "Tate thinks we should terminate the pregnancy...I don't," April confessed as she used her fork to toss around the pineapple.
"So, you don't even know if the baby has anencephaly… it's just a worry?" Ethan asked.
April nodded.
"Well I would say don't get ahead of yourselves, it's something to look out for not unlike a million-other diagnosis' we look out for when someone's lifestyle, genetics, or even medication is a factor," he said reassuringly.
April nodded again and absorbed his words. All this grief and they were easily jumping the gun. His advice made her feel better and her stomach reminded her she hadn't eaten. She swallowed a chunk of the pineapple and scrunched her nose.
"No good?" he questioned at her reaction.
"No, it always cracks me up; the almost acidic spiky taste pineapple has," April admitted.
"That's because pineapples are one of the rare foods that fight back," Ethan said.
"Really?!" April laughed.
Ethan nodded seriously but with a smile, "But you have to let it ripen but even then, it still fights," he said as he laid his hand on her stomach.
It was yet another crazy action he didn't count on or expect out of himself. She looked down at his hand on her stomach and she blushed. Ethan snatched it away quickly and stood up.
"Well I should let you eat and go about your day," he said nervously.
He picked up his bag from her counter. April set the bowl on her coffee table and walked him to the door.
"Thanks Dr. Choi," April said as she opened the door to let him out.
"Ethan…we're not at work," he corrected.
"Thanks…Ethan…for everything," April answered hesitatingly.
He nodded and smiled and she turned to close the door. April felt better almost immediately but it wasn't lost on her that she was standing in her apartment. She'd left Tate and she still needed more time; especially if she was going to save their baby.