Ethan could barely hear the knocking at the door. It was hollow and a little weak. Not what he would expect from a pair of nurse's hands, but when he answered the door he understood.
Her arms were full of groceries as she jostled them about. Immediately guilt beset him that she had carried the groceries up the stairs on her own. She had side-stepped any attempts at his chivalry.
"Let me get those," he said advancing forward.
But April spun and twirled like a ballerina passed him.
"I got it," she laughed.
The move let her take in his place. It was nice, not unlike hers but his kitchen was bigger and aesthetically pleasing, probably more so than hers.
"Alright Dr. Choi, this is a nice kitchen," she said turning; the groceries still in her arms.
"Ethan," he corrected her with a dimpled smirk.
With an exhaustive smile; April rolled her eyes. He pulled at one of the bags from her but it caught onto one of the buttons on her shirt; making it to rise. April could feel the cool air whisk up her shirt as she looked down.
"OH!" she shrieked as the button pulled.
For a split-second Ethan saw her small swollen stomach and pink laced bra and it not only aroused him but it made him feel guilty again. That little bump housed a tiny human. Hers and Tate's.
"Sorry," Ethan apologized; his dimples now a deep groove of crimson.
April couldn't keep from laughing. For her part, she thought it was just funny and watching Ethan, a grown man, turn pink was a bit ludicrous to her. It made no sense, after all as doctor, and a soldier he had seen so much more. He'd always came off so collected and assured; especially at work. They had to be, but outside of the job he was almost dorky.
"Where should I set up?" April asked.
Ethan was happy to escape anymore embarrassment; Crush 4, Ethan 0.
"Right here," he motioned towards his countertop.
April looked around as she got out the potatoes and fish from her bag. Ethan pulled out his cutting board and an assortment of knives for her to pick from. But she had pre-measured and sliced and chopped most of her spices, herbs, and vegetables so she was putting the food together in a speed Ethan had never seen anyone else achieve; aside from cooking shows. She wiped her hands on a towel and twisted around.
"Its gotta sit together for a bit," she said, "Show me around Casa de Choi," she teased.
Ethan swallowed hard as his cheeks burned when April hooked her arm around his.
"Okay, but there isn't much to see, it's a fairly small space." He admitted.
They were already standing in the great room, so he showed her his bathroom, and a small space where his boxing bag hung.
"And is that where the magic happens?" April teased pointing to his bedroom.
Ethan let out an unexpected laugh, "Not much magic these days," as he pulled the door closed.
"Hmm why's that? I'm sure there is someone who would love these rock-hard arms pulled around them," April was blushing a little now, "…what happened to that doctor?" April asked as she patted his arm.
"Vicky?"
April nodded.
"She deployed to Germany," he answered somberly.
"Oh…I'm sorry I didn't-," April said apologetically.
"It's fine, really, it's the life…the one she chose and the one we're all used to," he admitted.
"Really?"
"Yeah, my dad was enlisted too, we moved a lot," he confessed.
April nodded again although she felt a little bad. Her family immigrated here but she had deep roots and had been raised in Chicago her entire life.
"Is this your dad?" April asked.
She had broken off and was in his living room looking at his books and trinkets before stumbling upon a picture of a man in a uniform looking serious; and an awful lot like Ethan.
"That's actually my grandfather …my mother's father," he said.
April smirked, "He's handsome."
Ethan scoffed a bit. He realized he had many of the same questions for her when he was in her home, but the music; and dancing with her, had eclipsed his senses and any ability to form a connection via thoughtful inquisition. In all truthfulness being at her house that night had been exhilarating. Her despair had brought them closer and in-between his awkward moments he could feel a connection to her but he just knew she didn't feel the same or couldn't. Not now.
"I wonder what my grandfather looked like," April remarked hopelessly.
"You don't know?" Ethan implored.
"No, my mother fell for my father but I guess my grandfather didn't approve, they married in secret and my dad whisked her away to the states," April said tracing her fingertip over the frame.
"Isn't that the kind of romance women want?"
April shrugged, "I'm sure someone does but Latino and Hispanic families are different…we defer to the men… machismo...it's a thing," April admitted, "Anyway three years passed and my mother was pregnant with me and feeling nostalgic. I guess she figured enough time had passed… and my abuela missed her, so they went back. But he'd died that morning."
"That's a cold break," Ethan said dryly.
"Yeah she just barely missed him. My mom had walked in the house ten minutes after the ambulance had taken him away…my middle name is Layton…after him."
It was in these little moments that he wanted to pull her in and kiss her. He wanted to feel that closeness; pacify her sadness. To see if it made her lips taste bitter, did happiness make them sweet? This was the irrationality and wonder of a crush. He'd kissed plenty of women to know flesh and spit and mush and lips were lips. But in these tiny spaces of time when she opened the book of her life and he could read those pages. Or even when he had to interpret them; when her body, draped lazily but strong against him as her emotion spilled on his shoulders during the tail end of their clumsy Samba. The color that illuminated around her when she was lost in thought. The irrationality led him to believe that a kiss from her would be different; like unsweetened chocolate or the confection of sun-tea candies.
"What?" April asked.
Ethan was staring at her, unblinking; falling in love with the potential recipes of her lips.
"Sorry, um your story it…it's sad," he said hoping to save face from his thoughts.
"It's life," she said in an upbeat voice, "I need to check on the food!"
She clapped her hands together and began humming the beat to the music of "Latina Mujer."
The smell of garlic and fish hung in the air. Ethan loved fish. It was hard to be Asian and not enjoy it. The meal was April's idea and a common Brazilian dish but she had to admit that the aroma was starting to turn her off. Fortunately the actual taste of the soup was delicious.
"Well I'm not sleepy yet…kind of shocked," April laughed as they finished eating.
"Am I that boring," Ethan teased.
"Kind of…," April started before giggling.
Ethan's mouth dropped before he joined in laughing.
"Okay, Miss Adventure, let's play a little game," he propositioned.
He felt some of the confidence return.
"Hmm…alright but you have to crack out that ice-cream I saw you buy at the store."
"Eh, I ate it all," he answered swiftly.
"No you didn't," she shot back.
"Yeah you're right I didn't but dang…it's mine," he teased.
"I would say tequila or rum but-," she started before she pointed to her stomach.
"Shots? It's two o'clock in the afternoon," Ethan answered astonished.
"You want to play or not? I mean all you're doing is proving you're as boring as I thought you were," April teased.
"You're on," Ethan said folding his arms.
"So what game are we playing?" she asked
"Interesting how you want to eat ice cream and drink but have no idea what game we're playing," he jabbed humorlessly.
"You're stalling," April said.
"Alright I'll let you pick. You have a choice of Twenty Questions, Two Truths and a Lie, or I Never," he announced.
"College rears its ugly head again," April started, "Uh...okay um I Never."
"And how were you going to fold in this drinking and ice-cream eating?" he asked.
"Really, you've never played I Never?"
"Fair enough, it's been awhile, but I go first," he said putting the ice cream and bottle of vodka in the middle of the table.
Before the first question could even be asked there was knock at the door. April looked over to Ethan. He looked confused as he got up to answer it. It was Jeff. He let him in and he turned to see April and then quickly back at Ethan with his eyebrow raised.
"Hey Jeff," April yelled.
"Hi April…shocked to see you here," he admitted looking at the table. "What are you two up to?" He asked as he lifted the bottle off the table, "Ethan you wouldn't be contributing to the consumption of alcohol by a pregnant woman? The bottle warns against it right here," he joked pointing to the back of the label.
"These are my shots," she said using her spoon to tap the tub of ice cream.
"We're playing I Never," April said, "You want to play?"
"Sure," Jeff said patting Ethan's back as he went to his cabinet and got out another shot glass.
"So, what have we never done so far?" Jeff asked.
"We hadn't started yet," Ethan all but grumbled.
April eyed him confused by his attitude.
"It was Dr. Ch- I mean Ethan's turn," April said.
"Ooh I can't wait Dr. Choi," Jeff teased.
This was all too much fun for him but Ethan was irritated at Jeff being there; poking at his unrequited crush.
"I have never started one career hoping to do another," he said antagonizing Jeff.
Jeff poured a small shot and April popped open the top to the ice-cream.
"Alright Sexton," Jeff said deeply exhaling to escape the harshness of the vodka down his throat, "What was the other career?"
"Doctor, Mr. Fireman," April said.
"Don't forget Ranger," Jeff sassed.
"Really?" Ethan asked looking at April, "What stopped you?"
"Machismo," April said succinctly, "My turn!"
"I have never dated anyone in the same profession as me," she said laughing at the cheap shot.
"Not yet," Jeff mumbled.
Ethan pushed the shot up and into Jeff's mouth as he took his own. April just looked perplexed. Tate wouldn't be pursuing a career in medicine anytime soon.
"Okay my turn," Jeff said wincing to get the taste of vodka away.
"I have never wanted to have sex with a pregnant woman," Jeff announced completely breaking the veil of secrecy.
"Hey, hold-on!" April started, "Wait, wait, wait, do either of you actually, factually know that?" April yelled.
Ethan; whose face was showing his annoyance at Jeff, began to dissolve at the thought.
"I mean we don't show for a while," April said, "So, drink," she commanded.
Ethan filled both of their glasses and then turned to April.
"Are you going to grab a scoop?" he asked.
"I'm good," she said confidently.
"Wow! Now if you say Natalie I might die," Jeff announced.
April just shook her head and laughed and then looked away.
"I actually came over to see if Ethan would be up for helping me study a bit, not get drunk, as much fun as this is," he announced standing up. "But I can see I walked into a trap so I think that's as much I Never as I can do."
"Bye Jeff…quitter!" April yelled as he walked to the door.
Jeff waved one last time as Ethan walked him to the door. He mouthed the words "I'm going to kill you" as Jeff winked and he closed the door.
"Well I think that I'll probably have to follow suit too," Ethan said apologetically.
"Yeah, I should probably clean up," April said.
They split dish duty again and April packed up the special pot she used to make the soup. Ethan kept the leftovers as a part of their cultural exchange as she had done with his in her fridge. April got her bag together and the rest of her belongings as Ethan walked her out.
"You know I was just joking," April started.
"Yeah, I know, I mean pregnant women are obviously… gorgeous," Ethan said looking down, "But I didn't think you actually thought about sleeping with one."
"I wasn't joking about that!" April said a little offended.
"Oh!" Ethan exclaimed rubbing his neck and then laughing.
"I meant about you being boring," April admitted.
"Oh that."
"The last couple of days have been good, I haven't had to…you know think too much…so for that…thank you for not being boring."
"You're welcome...I think," Ethan said laughing at her admission.
"Bye Ethan."
She was half down the hall when he walked out.
"Hey April!" he called to her.
She turned to see him standing in the middle of the hall.
"If you find yourself…thinking too much, I have these hilarious B-movies that I sometimes watch…if you know you ever wanted to not do that," he offered.
She nodded and smiled before turning around and walking down the stairs.
Ethan stood in the hall as the weight of her words wrapped him, constricting him tighter until the weight was too much. Crushing.

April walked up the stairs and went to her door. There was a bundle of roses in front. A small card attached.
"April it's been two weeks and I can't take not seeing you anymore, please call me. I just need to hear your voice, know you're okay. I love you. Do you still love me?"
Tate.
April slid her hand across her stomach as the life they created fluttered and moved for the first time. A tiny kick. A single tear welled in the side of her eye. She pulled her phone from her pocket and plopped on the couch. She went to her favorites and pressed the button down for Tate's number
"April."
"I miss you too and yes I still love you but that's all I know right now…okay."
She clicked the end button and placed the phone down and curled up on her couch before the flood of tears started again. When she awoke the roses sat across from her on the coffee table. A reminder of all the responsibilities and indecision that she still had awaiting her. She couldn't be confined to those thoughts again.
Ethan was no lightweight but the heavy potatoes and shots of vodka had him replicating April's behavior on his couch before the robust knock at the door awoke him. He hadn't been completely asleep, he had been laying there for the last five minutes deciding if it was worth it to get up or just vegetate more. When he arose to answer the door, he wondered if it was Jeff, part of him hoped it would be so he could ring his neck for his earlier antics but instead it was April.
"Hey, I know we just hung out…um you know what…I think I woke you. I'm sorry. I'll go."
"No, I was awake just being lazy, come in."
"I thought we could try those B-movies…I brought my own ice-cream this time," she said with a smile as she raised the bag.
He noticed the smile didn't reach her eyes again. They stood in one of those quiet moments that always made him want to touch her or kiss her. But he knew better, just as he knew why those moments occurred.
"Tate?" he asked.
She nodded as tears tried to well in her eyes but she shoved them back in her closet and took a deep breath with another hollow smile.
"C'mon," he said as he put an arm around her and shut the door.