Winter is here, and no one embodies it more than Ethan as he has decided to put his feelings for April on ice.

Chicago is known as the Windy City, when walking downtown the fury of those winds swirling about can make one think that's where the name originates, but it's not. It's the flighty, flakey, politicians. Whose allegiances and commitments could change with a gust of wind; and no one was embodying that more than Ethan Choi.

The winds of change had blown in a chill to signal the beginning of winter; and Ethan's demeanor matched its coolness. He was back to the stoic, focused, military man everyone knew and respected. But he also let his friendship with April blow away too. After he watched her walk off with Tate he let his crush walk away with her too. It wasn't that he didn't still feel deeply for her or wonder about her at night when he was alone. It was that he knew that her life was headed in a direction he couldn't really follow. He couldn't check in on her like he used to so instead he started unchecking off all the imperfections of the women he'd harshly judged.

Throughout the weeks there wasn't a redhead too short, a lovely radiologist too awkward, or laugh from a blonde at the end of the bar too annoying to endure. Crush 4; Ethan 3. It all helped him to get his focus back to behaving as a single man and more importantly off April. He casually avoided her calls and answered her with one worded text messages. But they still worked together.

"Hey Ethan, Noah was asking me about maybe trying to get together to study with you and Jeff…I could maybe help too," April suggested.

"Oh… yeah tell him to call me anytime," Ethan answered as he started to walk off; his hand in his pocket his finger fiddling.

His answer hadn't really addressed her offer. This was how he played it. Close to the vest and dodgy.

"Um, so Tate is getting together with some old teammates and friends to go out for his bachelor party this weekend, I thought maybe we could try another one of those B-movies," she offered.

She looked expectant, but Ethan avoided her eyes, he found he could keep his crush at bay if he avoided them. So, they shot to the ground. He used the distraction to rack brain as if he was thinking about his plans. Really, he was just thinking of a lie; an excuse to not entertain his crush.

"I can't …I have date on Saturday…," he answered.

April should've expected that answer. It had become an excuse almost all the time. Nothing about their time together suggested he was such a lady's man. He wasn't supposed to be dating, he didn't date, right? Or at least that's what it felt like with him. But then she thought to the gladiator-esque body that she'd seen in his kitchen and him being single didn't make any sense either.

"Wow… another one…anyone I know?" she quizzed him with an awkward smile.

"Uh no, I've got to start my shift so…," he said still avoiding her eyes.

He swiftly walked past her and into the heart of the ED. April could feel that there was something off but the more thought she gave it; the more she thought about why, or even how she felt about it, the more it made her feel uncomfortable. She and Tate were happy, their baby was healthy, and their wedding was in two months at St. Augustine's. Life was perfect, and she had everything she wanted.

…

The Chicago wind blew in more than cold it also blew in a one of the worst blizzards the city had seen that winter and with it came the snow to shovel, salt in the streets, and sadly slick roads. Which meant a busy ED.

"Damn, it's really coming down," Tate observed with a mug of cocoa in his hand.

When he turned April was putting on her jacket. He froze and then started in.

"No way, absolutely not!"

"Tate there was a major car wreck, a pile -up, and the hospital needs all hands-on deck," April explained as she hastily looked for her snow boots.

"They need their pregnant nurse to risk her safety and that of her unborn baby to get on this dangerous road and help?" He pleaded as he set his mug down and walked towards her.

"Tate, how many times are we going to do this? I mean if I don't make you happy…-," April started.

"-You don't get to do this every time I disagree with your hours, this is a legitimate concern, it's dangerous out there and you just finished a twelve-hour rotation yesterday!"

"We can argue about it or you can help me shovel the driveway," April said as she laced up her boots.

"That's not happening, sit down," he grumbled.

He went outside and ten minutes later he came in and handed her his keys.

"Take the Escalade, it's safer than your little Honda."

He helped her into the truck and gave her kiss.

"Please be careful."

"I always am," she answered with a smile.

"I meant with my car," Tate teased.

"Shut up," April replied humorously.

…

April slipped into the ED and she arrived just in time too; Dr. Latham and Dr. Rhodes were giving the rundown of triage directives. Not moments later the first crash patients began swamping the ED and it was time to roll. Times like these were hard to get too caught up talking or worrying about anyone which is why almost half-way through her shift April realized she hadn't seen Ethan or Jeff. She learned they were the first to get out there, mostly because of their experiences in other jobs and the military.

…

The loud explosion of the of gas turned fire ball was engulfing the sedan; but the screams and smells of charred flesh seem to rise faster than the smoke. Ethan helped to pull the man out of the car as they got to the ambulance. Jeff would've helped but the trail of blood leading to the woods had caught his attention and it had him following the path to a woman; pregnant and unconscious.

Chaos and cold ruled the streets and unfortunately it would follow to the ED. When they arrived the triage team immediately dismissed Ethan's patient as Jeff and Dr. Wheeler treated the pregnant woman.

"His injuries are too severe, and his outlook is certain, supplies are needed elsewhere Dr. Choi, make him comfortable and move on," Dr. Latham announced calmly, and succinctly before strolling away to determine someone else's fate.

Ethan felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. This was not him, this was not his credo, not his mantra. April helped him put in a IO in on his hopeless patient before Dr. Latham reprimanded him. April wanted to console him and say something quickly, but she was being pulled in every direction. Helping Dr. Halstead set a young boy's hips, administering meds, and bandaging wounds. But none shook her quite like the impromptu delivery for the young black woman Jeff had found. April stayed calm and cool and helpful; doing her job but seeing the woman completely unconscious as she missed one of the most important moments in her life flushed April with anxiousness. It reminded her of the dream and the impending doom of uncertainty.

While taking the baby upstairs to the NICU she couldn't help letting her mind wander to her dream; her nightmare. To missing the birth of her own baby. When she got the little guy settled she hit the lobby.

…

It was like there was almost no one around and it seemed like time was moving in rapid succession everywhere except for Ethan and his patient. A large man burned throughout most of his body; his prognosis was definite. It was death. But there was Ethan like the little engine that could trying his best just to keep the man alive long enough to see his wife. Everyone else was running around making hard decisions, bandaging, treating, consoling, and helping people left and right but he stuck with that man as his health descended. April was too busy to walk over and speak to him, but they caught each other's eyes quickly. He let his eyes linger a moment too long as they fell to the floor again. His control was wavering.

"Are you married?" the man managed to ask weakly.

Ethan shook his head no.

"I looked that same way at my wife when I saw her the first time after a long trip," he continued, "It's cold…," he observed.

"You've lost a lot of sensation in your body because your nerves are dead…damaged from the burns," Ethan answered somberly.

Ethan then had to explain to him that his body would begin shutting down around him and he would need to be put on a ventilator.

"I won't be able to speak," the man realized.

"No, but when your wife gets here I will remove the ventilator… you'll be able to say goodbye."

Ethan did his best to absorb the burgeoning sadness in his tone and the emotions overwhelming him. He began hooking the patient up to the ventilator.

They stood there as the unspoken of his fate expanded and contracted with each breath he took; ironically aided to him by Ethan.

Mortality; life, these things were so friable, fleeting, and cruel. No man would ever be present for his own death but that didn't mean that he couldn't watch death glide to his front door, sit next to him, and then cradle him until his final breath. Ethan would have to play that role and it wasn't what he signed up for when he became a doctor. They could do more to make him comfortable, but the supplies were low. He just sat there withering away and Ethan was absorbing every ragged breath towards his deterioration. His helplessness a casual reminder of everything he was running from; mainly his feelings for April. His helplessness at not being able to be with her. What he would give to just be able to say what he needed to. Show her how he felt; a kiss.

…

"Tell Dr. Choi we need the ventilator April," a doctor called out.

April nodded stiffly. She hurried still in nurses' mode; really ED mode, but softened momentarily to propose the question.

"Dr. Choi, they need the ventilator," April stated.

"He just needs a more time!" Ethan snapped back.

He'd never raised his voice to her, sure there were times of stress in the ED when strain or even urgency was felt in their tone, but this was different. April; slightly startled, slanted her head concerned. When Ethan's eyes met hers, the anguish was brimming; threatening to overflow, and so were his tears. He was adamant about not stopping when the weak movement and will of his patient tapped his hand. When Ethan looked down the man's eyes said it all.

"You tried, and thank you so much for doing so, but I'm ready…it's okay."

He blinked not wanting the tears to drip but they did when he removed the ventilator. The monitor went flat seconds later. He called the time of death. April stood in the doorway watching the passing. Life in the ED was like this. She had brought one life in and moments later watched another slipped away. Ethan almost looked ashamed at tearing up in front of her, but it was really the shame he felt at taking his anger out on her.

April carefully took the ventilator and hustled to give it to the next patient in need. They wouldn't see each other till the end of the shift. She went upstairs as the woman whose baby she helped deliver was awake. It gave her so much joy to see them reunited as she placed him in her arms.

"Soon April," Jeff remarked behind her as he put a hand on her shoulder.

April smoothed her hand over her swollen stomach. She was showing more these days; finally, and with barely four months to go she would be having this moment of her own too.

They walked out of her hospital room.

"I can't believe you found her, it really could've went the other way," April observed.

"I know it was lucky! Jeff started, "What do we say around here, 'We got the win?'" he asked.

"Exactly…well not everyone did," she answered as they both stopped at the hospital loading zone and saw Ethan talking to Sarah.

"I was glad to be back in the ED," Sarah stated.

Ethan raised his eyebrow towards her in surprise.

"You can fix people's bodies but their minds…whooo," she remarked with a smile.

If she knew sometimes you couldn't fix their bodies and it was the minds of those who tried that were taxed she might've had some nuance to her words. Ethan just nodded. He realized there probably wasn't much anyone could say over his feelings of failure and melancholy over his night. He headed up to the roof to be alone. April watched and headed to the computer station to grab her coat and talk to him.

The air was cold, frigid, and crisp against Ethan's face, but his stoicism acted as blanket; draping him. The creak of the door wasn't heard over the wind.

"You should have a jacket on," April stated softly.

He turned, and his eyes softened a little at her concern, but he couldn't let himself play with those ideas anymore and he was in no mood emotionally to battle his day and his feelings for her. He slid his hand in his pocket; fiddling his fingers.

"I'm sorry for being so curt earlier," he started.

"Don't be, you know maybe-," April began before he cut her off.

"-But if you don't mind…I'd actually like to be alone," he finished and then turned around.

April conceded and turned to the door. She turned back to him wondering what had happened to them; to their friendship. She realized maybe there wasn't as much there as she thought. This was second time she felt like she was walking away from a moment in history; a snapshot in time that could easily open another universe if she pressed him further. Instead she turned just as he turned to watch her pass through the door and down the stairs. He felt like he was doing the right thing for himself; he wasn't in a place to handle things so avoiding them was working out.

…

Tate had an amazing tailor who'd custom made all his suits and a large portion of his clothing. Standing at 6'5 and over two-hundred pounds the man had a presence for sure and none other than when he was in a suit.

"Dang, look at you!" April observed.

Tate did a twirl for her as he strolled over to the side of the bed she was sitting on the edge of.

"So, what do you guys have planned?" she asked.

"Drinks and appetizers at this lounge Rakeed booked, and then dinner at some poshy spot and then a little gambling," Tate answered.

"Hmm…no women?" April probed with a smirk.

"I said no dancers or strippers, but Ra's a mess, so I can only hope he listened," he laughed.

"Hmm," April remarked with pursed lips.

"And what about you…no plans with Eeeethan?" he teased.

"Why are you saying his name like that?" April questioned with a perplexed look.

"Oh, c'mon babe," Tate began.

"-C'mon what?"

"You really don't see it?"

April shook her head with the same curious smile.

"It's whatever…soon you'll be Mrs. Jenkins and then we will have little Jenkins number two and everything we want," he stated as he bent down to kiss her.

April smiled while she ran her hand over her stomach; she watched Tate leave. She sat there thinking about her plans for the evening and even more so about what Tate said. She zoned out on the thought as she sat on the couch with a bowl of popcorn in her lap watching a Hitchcock film. It was the closest to the theme she and Ethan had started. She then thought to him.

"You don't take up enough room in my life."

She shook off the memory. It was ridiculous; especially if his behavior recently had been any indicator. However, she had to admit that she wanted someone to hang out with; so, she texted Noah.

"Wanna come over and keep me company?" she asked.

"I can't, I'm studying with Dr. Choi and Jeff and then in about an hour I'm going to meet Tate for some gambling and maybe some girls," Noah responded.

"Some what?"

"Nothing."

April placed her phone down and thought about Ethan's excuse. Maybe his date was cancelled.

…

"Noah, you may want to focus more considering you're leaving early," Ethan reprimanded.

Noah looked up from his phone and set it down.

"Sorry Dr. Choi, I have this bachelor party later and April," he said casually as he tilted his phone up.

"What about April?" Ethan asked but he kept it neutral.

He was doing a better job these days looking as though he didn't care.

"Ah nothing she was just seeing what I was up to, usually she highlights whole sections of my textbook for me…so I think that's what I'll ask her do tomorrow," he answered as he closed his books.

Jeff just silently shook his head with a smirk as he wrote on a piece of paper next to his medical book.

Noah thanked them and then took off.

"Man, that guy is unbelievable sometimes," Jeff observed after the door closed.

Ethan just shook his head. He wondered why April would even want to help him especially if she he had enough skill to be of assistance to a medical student. She could be using it on herself.

Before he could really ruminate on it he put it to the back of his mind. Jeff was watching him play the mental gymnastics via his eyes.

"Have you talked to her at all?" he asked.

Normally Jeff teased him relentlessly but even he had noticed the change in his personality. How he had quickly gone from a lovesick puppy to hardened bachelor bedding different women in and out his apartment.

"No, I mean why would I?" he asked as if the months earlier hadn't happened.

"Hey…I get it. I gave Natalie space cause I needed it more than anything, but we're at least civil. We actually got together the other night to toast Jeff's birthday, it was good for us because we were all friends."

"Well…good for you," Ethan remarked genuinely although it came across a bit passive aggressive.

"I'm just saying; there's a way you know?"

"I think my way is working fine," Ethan answered succinctly.

Jeff looked back down at his book and shook his head. Ethan went back to writing questions for him. The room feel silent as the scribbling from their pens occupied the space. Outside the Chicago winds howled and swirled as coolness flowed through the city; through Ethan.