There are days that one can track exactly what happened; all because of one event. She remembered that she decided on eggs instead of cereal for breakfast. April remembered perfectly squeezing the last creamy mixture of her favorite conditioner from the bottle as she smoothed it over the ends of her curls. She remembered the way the water sounded as it rushed over her swollen stomach; smacking the shower floor. The toy transformer Eric left on the floor; it was the last thing she saw before she walked upstairs. The very last feeling was always the moment before bed. Like clockwork she would feel the foreign and fun feeling of the little legs and, elbows of her growing baby. A thankful reminder of how far they'd gotten.

The simplicity of a perfect day. A memory of the last happy day.

Little did April know, this would be the last time she would ever feel the baby move.

…

Ethan's distance had been felt and read loud and clear. The two passed each other with a stiff nod here and there but they rarely spoke. Noah saw him more than April anymore. Maggie had quietly slipped back into the role of being April's go to. Mostly because she wanted to be her midwife. They talked birthing plans and when she confirmed that it was onto names. April's pregnancy was a surprise, her TB was a surprise, even Tate's proposal was shock. So, she thought why not one more. They'd decided to not learn the sex of the baby, but Maggie was adamant.

"So, I am onto J, Jeremiah if it's a boy and Jacinta if it's a girl," Maggie pitched.

"Hmm, Jeremiah Sexton-Jenkins…," April nodded in agreement, "I like it."

"So, it's a boy?!" Maggie asked excitedly.

"Or Jacinta Sexton-Jenkins," she teased.

"You like torturing me, don't you?" Maggie sassed.

"A little," April laughed, "But hey if I can wait twenty more weeks so can you!" April exclaimed with a smile.

April was charged with overseeing the waiting room for the day. It was like splitting duties with Maggie, but she'd gotten comfortable with taking on the responsibility. It felt like another new horizon for her. She would be married, a mother, and maybe a career wise one day she could be tapped to head the ED.

She scanned the waiting room looking for the name of the next patient she called out. It was in that action that made her eyes fall upon a young woman. Hopeful at each announcement but wary in the face when her name was not the one picked. April gave her an apologetic smile and promised it would be soon, but soon still wasn't soon enough as the woman named Melody began to collect her things.

"It was probably stupid of me to think I could squeeze in on my lunch break," she confessed.

Melody leaned over to put her shoes on, when April noticed they were off to begin with.

"Your feet hurt?" April asked.

"Yeah, they've been swelling a lot lately," she answered.

Normally this would be a stupid question posed to a working woman; all their feet hurt, but lethargy and flu-like symptoms were worrying to April. She knelt to look like at Melody's ankles. They were swollen alright, but soft when she pressed her thumb against them.

"Pitting edema," April observed, "Listen, please stick around a little longer and I promise we'll get in you in."

Her concern convinced Melody and she stayed until she was admitted. Elsewhere in the ED Ethan was working Natalie. They'd admitted a paraplegic with an infection of mysterious origin. The case was interesting and engrossing to Ethan as an ex-combat vet and his fascination with infectious diseases. He and Natalie were so busy running tests and trying to figure out why the man had a strange cluster of foreign stem cells in his back, so he hadn't thought much about April. He passed her a couple of times and the two didn't even exchange a nod. He had finally gotten his vibe across and they were practically back to square one. He thought maybe soon he could attempt to talk to her again. Hopefully smooth over his avoidant behavior once his crush was properly extinguished. When exactly, he didn't know, and more importantly would there be a friendship to salvage? It wasn't something that had even crossed his mind.

When April passed Ethan, she was for sure he was just as focused on his patients as she was but, she couldn't get the excuse he had for not hanging out last Saturday out of her mind, or all the women who seemed to be around constantly; pushing her to the side. It was back to the thoughts that made her uncomfortable.

She finally called Melody's name and helped her into a room. Will was almost as alarmed as April at the woman's age and symptoms. Immediately, Will heard a crackling sound in her chest and her blood pressure was dangerously low.

"I don't understand? Heart failure," Melody said, "I walk instead of taking public transportation, eat healthy, I go to spin religiously," she continued.

April nodded, "Hopefully we'll get you back to those spin classes," she remarked.

Melody nodded in agreement and then slowly closed her eyes, soon the machines monitoring her were blaring and April was on her chest performing compression's.

Will shocked her twice before a weak pulse brought her back. She was immediately wheeled to the CATH-lab.

"Good call April, help would've not gotten to her in time if she'd went home," Will commented.

April nodded again; receiving the compliment, but she was worried about Melody. She was so young, barely had any time in the world, and her heart of all things was failing her. It was just so backwards. April wanted to wait until they got her a room, so she could find out her prognosis, but her ultrasound appointment was approaching.

"Because of the TB Dr. Lee likes to see me once every two weeks," April said to Maggie as she collected her bag and grabbed her sweater.

"Well we're fine here, you can leave afterward," Maggie stated; observing the slowness of the ED.

April nodded and jumped on the elevator to the upstairs. It had been become a familiar routine. April would hear the muffled heartbeat as Dr. Lee would take pictures measuring the baby's head and body. Everything after that first ultrasound had been going swimmingly; until now.

The expectant sound of the muffled beating just wasn't there. It halted any further assessment of the baby. Confusion set in first. Was something wrong with the equipment? Then panic and fear as April studied the micro expressions in Dr. Lee's face; her eyes. Eventually she pulled the tool gliding across April's abdomen off and soberly stated.

"I'm sorry, there's no heartbeat."

April spoke three languages fluently and none of them could help her understand Dr. Lee's words.

"Wha-," April started, "Check again…please," she begged.

Dr. Lee's face held no hope. That had been exactly what she'd been doing for the last five minutes as the harsh silence floated in the room instead of the beat of a tiny heart. None of it was making sense, but it didn't stop the reality, as painful as it was. April had almost made it out her first trimester and because of that fact miscarrying naturally was not likely or safe.

"We'll need to schedule a D&C. You know the nurses up there; we could do it today," Dr. Lee stated as she put the ultrasound tools away.

The finality in her words were almost too much to bear. April's eye welled with tears and the emotional whiplash hit her again. All of this would be done and scheduled and executed before the days end. How in the world had life become this quick burst, of color, and magic, and then fade almost immediately?

"I need to get back to work," April started.

Dr. Lee's stern disposition melted, "April no one would fault you for not returning to work."

"There's a patient I'm worried about… but I'll schedule it, end of the day; first thing in the morning at the latest," April stated as she tried fruitlessly to dry her tears.

She quickly grabbed her things and practically ran out of the office. It wasn't to Melody; not yet, it was towards the cafeteria. She wasn't hungry, in fact food was the last thing on her mind. But she found what she wanted and paid for it even quicker than she ran from Dr. Lee's office. She hustled to the restroom and set her bag on the counter before the hiss of carbonation escaped her soda water. She quickly took a swig as the bubbles burned her throat and violently went down.

Denial

The baby had loved the effervescence of soda water and always sent a playful kick or rapid movement over its excitement of the beverage. But nothing. She desperately gulped more down as the water leaked around the corners of her mouth and dotted her shirt. She waited a moment. Nothing happened. She went to grab the bottle again, to down the last of it, but it was empty.

"Ahh," she screamed as she threw the bottle across the bathroom.

Anger

She used the counter to keep herself up and she loudly sobbed as the last crumble of hope forced her into the inevitable. The baby was gone. How she would have savored that final kick she felt last night in bed if she knew it would be the last. Was that it's goodbye? When did it happen? How? Why? Questions were the only reality as the rest of the world was surreal right now. She stood up and cleaned up her face before walking to hospital lobby. April needed to make sure she was not tethered to anymore loss today.

"Hey how'd the ultrasound go?" Maggie asked optimistically.

"All good," April answered convincingly.

"Any news on Melody?" April asked switching the subject.

She hadn't even thought about why she lied or how she would present the truth in the next 24 hours when she was no longer pregnant, and visibly showing, but she knew that she had to help; April could not do helplessness. She couldn't sit in too long.

They knew she needed to be admitted but they kept her in the ED until a room was freed up.

"Is there anyone I can call for you?" April asked as she sat next to her.

"My parents are divorced and I'm the only child so…could you just sit with me?" Melody asked.

April would've said yes anyway but it was her eyes that really got to April as it stirred the feelings of loss. If Melody was about to lose this fight, then she would not lose alone.

…

She sat with Melody; her own emotions held with tissue paper, tight, but fragile as the tears endangered her composure minute by minute. She eyed the monitor intently as Melody drifted to sleep. She could do this; she could stay with her. She could make sure this heart stayed beating. Melody wouldn't be alone. It was such cruel irony.

Technically neither had her baby. The little life had been cradled in her womb; deep inside her; safe but ultimately alone. Alone listening to her heartbeat as its own slowly stopped. No one there to tell it to keep going.

Everyday had been gift; they had fought so hard to get there but it wasn't enough. She had fought Will when she was worried the TB meds could harm the baby, she fought Tate to keep going with the pregnancy, wrestled with her own guilt of keeping herself alive even when it endangered the baby, and she had begun to fight Dr. Lee to keep searching for life inside her womb. She fought and lost. Not with Melody.

…

Will came back with the conclusive results. Melody would need a heart transplant or;

"Or what?" April quizzed him.

"There's a treatment but-," he started.

"-But what?" April asked pressing him further.

"It's not tested, there's a lot of unknowns and I don't like the unknowns."

The ghost of Jennifer Baker was holding Will back.

"Isn't it worth the risk, the option? She may not survive another cardiac event," April pleaded.

They presented Melody with the option and she looked to the trusting eyes of April. She knew, she'd flirted with death earlier in the day and she was afraid of another taste, so she said yes. Will was nervous; scared even, but he approved it and April sent it through the IV. They waited with baited breath and slowly Melody's stats went up, her heart performance steadily began to climb. Will excitedly look to April and she smiled back. A win; finally. They walked out of her room as Will soared on the outcome.

"You don't look happy," he noticed.

Her smile barely carried to her cheeks; let alone her eyes.

"No, I'm happy," April answered less convincingly than before.

Will nodded, taking her word for it and went back to monitor Melody. April took a walk around the hospital; up to the pediatric wing to look at all the babies.

….

It was said that death could glide to a man's front door but what about a child's crib or mother's womb? Death hadn't just visited April; she was carrying it, as it sucked the life from her well of hope. She felt like a mist of plague being around all the joy of the children's laughter. She spotted Dr. Wheeler doing tricks for some kids in pediatric oncology. She went up one more floor; the maternity floor, and saw the handful of babies up there; bundled and safe as family and friends marveled through the glass. The harsh reminder of how much room death was taking inside her. She went back down to the ED and called upstairs to schedule her D&C. Goodbye would be today.

…

Maggie didn't try to look for it, it was just there. April's name being typed into the screen along with the saddest abbreviations she could've anticipated next to it. She finished what she was doing and raced downstairs.

"April," Maggie called out.

April didn't have much more to draw from, the well of hope was dry and her emotional energy was tapped cleaned.

"I saw your name…for a D&C?" Maggie stated confused as she stepped towards her.

"Dr. Lee…she couldn't…we didn't hear," April began to crumble.

Maggie pulled her in and for a moment April almost lost all control as the tears formed and fell from her eyes. But with the introduction of Maggie knowing it would soon need to be shared with others. April wanted to be strong; for Tate, for Eric. She couldn't lose it again like she had in the bathroom. So, most of her anguish sat numb inside her.

"What do you need? What can I do?" Maggie asked going into work mode.

"Can you call Tate for me? I need to get ready…for…it," April choked.

Maggie nodded, and April got on the elevator to head to a procedure room. Maggie walked over to the phone and called Tate. She was doing her best to keep it together, but tears welled in her own eyes over the awful sound Tate made through the phone. It was the same sound let out by April in the bathroom. A raw, guttural noise. Older than the invention of words; a sound so stripped down of pleasantry and manners it would crumble the very core of any human when heard; not unlike a roar among lions. She began to wipe the tears away when Will came up next to her.

"Everything okay Maggie?" he asked

"No, Dr. Halstead it's not," she answered.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked helplessly.

"Yeah, um- the medication April's on doesn't have a reaction with doxycycline, does it?" she asked.

"Um- no but why would she need that, that's normally given to treat infections," he started, "Does she have one? Why wasn't I on contacted on this?" he asked.

"Isn't it often used for chlamydia, Rocky Mountain Fever, rosacea and after D&C's or with amoxicillin to fight off infection or possible infection," Jeff stated as he walked up.

He was proud of the studying he'd done over the course of the last couple of months with Ethan. Maggie watched Will put together.

"Oh no," Will started, "That's too bad," he finished shaking his head.

"What is?" Jeff probed.

"April's baby, it's gone. Listen, this just stays here for now, we need to let her do this in her own time okay?" Maggie instructed.

She took off towards the elevator hoping to facilitate any questions April may not have had the courage or strength to answer with the staff upstairs. Tate arrived moments later, he tried and failed to hold his composure as he saw April curled up in bed. Maggie hugged him and then left the room. April felt groggy over the sedative she'd been given but it didn't do much but numb some of the increasing emotions sitting beneath her guilt. She couldn't help to feel it again. Even as Tate held her hand supportive as her feet sat in the stir-ups her eyes toward the ceiling. Guilt was beginning to build inside of her. Stacking as she heard each instrument click against the surgical tool table. The last large blow coming from the sucking sound of the machine that pulling death from her womb.

That machine took a piece of April with it, her child, her heart, her hope and even though she didn't realize it at the time. It was taking the spirit of her relationship to Tate.

…

A couple hours passed, and April was cleared to leave. They sent her home with a small bag of information, some post-partum pads, and grief counseling brochures. They rode the elevator down and almost like a soldier being laid to rest Will, Maggie, and Jeff stood in an unintentional line as she walked by. Their heads hung in sadness for the couple. April just stared ahead dazed and traumatized. Tate gave a small conciliatory nod Maggie's way before they disappeared through the automatic double doors.

"What's with the parade?" Ethan joked as he asked Jeff.

Remembering Maggie's words and seeing the broken wills of two people was enough.

"Not now man," Jeff answered before walking off.

Ethan furrowed his brow and headed to the lounge to collect his things. He didn't realize it, but a lot of hopes had and were ending in that moment. Things he's wished for.

"Maybe if she wasn't pregnant."