Dear Derek;

There are so many things I should say to you, so many things I want to say, but just can't find the words... There are things you need to hear, deserve to hear from me, but I'm afraid I'm a coward and I can't bear to say them. For that, I'm sorry.

I know you don't think it's wise, but I'm going to find my father. I can't stay here any longer, knowing there's safety waiting for me out there. We'll go somewhere where we can't be found and my father will protect me. When we're safe, I'll let you know. And if you ever decide you need to escape, there will always be a place for you.

You've been the best friend I've ever had and everyday I'm grateful to have met you, even if it was perhaps under unfortunate circumstances. I'll never be able to repay you for the kindness you've shown me, even if I live a hundred lifetimes. You're a good guy – you make the people around you feel good. I hope you know that.

I'm sure you're probably confused about our night together and I want you to know that it wasn't a mistake. You could never be a mistake. I don't regret what happened, but even if I could have stayed, I think one night was all it ever could have been. But for that one night, I felt more cared for, more genuinely loved than I've ever felt with anyone and I thank you for making me feel worthy of it.

I'm sorry that I had to leave. I wish you could have come with me. I don't know what our life would have looked like – like you said, we're only kids – but we'd have each other. And I think that would have been enough. But you love your family so much and I respect that – it's one of the things I love about you.

Yes...I said love. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but loving you could never be one of them. I think, in another life, under different circumstances we could have made things work between us. We could have had a life together, been happy. Been in love. It just wasn't meant to be this time around. Perhaps, there's another universe out there somewhere where things have worked better for us.

I hope you find a way to heal from all the hurt that's been wrought upon you. I hope you can help others, the way you've helped me. I hope that you'll find happiness in life, find love – someone you can share every part of yourself with, without fear, someone who will love you in all the ways I never could.

And, if one day our paths cross again – and I hope fate is kind enough that they do – I hope you know that your love, your support, is the reason I will still be alive.

Please stay safe. Please be brave. Please never doubt how much you mean to me.

Love,

Emily