And I'm back... I am sorry for so many things. I never intended this hiatus to be this long, it was supposed to be just while I did my GCSES, but then I moved into sixth form and so many things meant I just never had the time or mindset to write.

Massive thank you to everyone that read this story and is reading, and especially to everyone that reviewed. That is why I have picked this story back up, because I looked through some reviews last night and I felt so bad for leaving this story for so long.

I know this chapter is short and im also sorry for that but hopefully its a start? I hope some of you are still reading... But I can understand if you have given up with this story. I should be able to update more now Im on a gap year before uni and only work part time but no guarantees especially not over the christmas period...

Sorry for any mistakes in this, I'm not sure if this fits in with the rest of the story so I may delete this chapter and re do it... Its currently 3:48 am where i am and i should be asleep but I stayed up to write this so it is probably not my best work...

Hope this okay for anyone still here

Leslie and Kelly sat at their breakfast bar and just stayed silent for a while.

"Do you think hell be OK?" Severide finally broke the silence.

"Yes. Not now, maybe not for a while. But eventually? With your help? I think he will be" Shay said optimistically.

"I hope your right" Severide replied before sighing and silence consumed the pair once again.

Shay soon stood up, putting a hand on Severide's shoulder,

"I'm going to bed now, I'll see you in the morning. You need to sleep, Matt's gonna need you whether he knows it or not" Shay gave a slight smile before heading off to her room to sleep. Severide stayed at his seat for a few more moments just thinking quietly before he stood up and headed to bed himself.

Matt managed to sleep for a few hours before his thoughts turned to Hallie, he woke up with tears running down his face, he did not have a nightmare, rather a happy memory of him and Hallie, it wasn't even a special memory, it was just an everyday memory of them together for lunch, Hallie was smiling happily as Matt would joke about being stupid. Matt sat up in the bed and put his head in his hands and sobbed. He would never see that smile again. He now truly had no one. He knew they had had their ups and downs but they always got through it, they were back together and going to be stronger than ever. Why did this have to happen. He of course blamed himself, if he had not switched shifts, or if he had just waited a little while longer before doing so he would have been on the truck responding to the fire. He might have been able to save her. But now she was gone. Matt got up from the bed. There was momentary confusion as he turned on the light and saw he was in a room that was not his own but he quickly placed the room as one of Severide and Shay's. He quickly picked up his jacket and put it on, he remade the bed so everything was tidy, he then quietly left the room and slowly exited the building.

It was now dark outside but Matt did not care, he walked and walked, he did not know where he was going, he just knew he needed to walk. The cold air eventually started to get to him, the next bench he saw, he sat down on and tucked his hands deeper into his jacket pockets. Breathing out a long breath he looked to the sky and again thought of Hallie. Speaking out loud he spoke to her.

"I'm so sorry Hallie. I should not have been so stupid and changed shifts. I should have stuck it out. I could've saved you. But instead I was doing other things. I am so sorry. You helped so many people. You deserved to live. It should be me that is no longer here. Not you. You don't deserve this" Matt broke down in tears as he finished talking. Unbeknownst to him, Severide was standing just behind him, he had heard everything he had said. He heard Matt leaving his room as he was not able to sleep, and so he quietly followed Matt knowing he would not want to talk to him so instead opted to just follow and see where he went. Severide chose this time to make his presence known, he stepped closer to Matt and spoke

"There was nothing you could've done Matt, there was no way anyone could've saved her. And don't you dare say it should be you that died again. We had this with Darden! Your life is not worth less than theirs! I'm sorry your having a bad time but don't you dare say you wish you were them! They both helped so many people. As you do. What makes you think they should survive and you should die?" Severide found himself getting angry, he was upset for Matt and upset for Darden having brought him up again but also angry that Matt thought his life was not worth less than theirs. He knew Matt was having a bad time but outright saying he thought he should be dead was to much for Severide to hear. Matt stood up as he began to speak again, turning to face Severide.

"Darden had such a great family and friends! He had people that cared deeply for him! His death affected many people! The same with Hallie! She had built relationships with all her patients and all of her co-workers! The death does not just affect them it affects all the people that knew them! So you know what, I should be the one that died! There would be less impact on people! And don't start on about how you and the other guys at the fire house do care because I've had it. I don't care any more Severide. Darden and Hallie had things to live for. What have I got? I am alone. All of, the, time. I cant do it any more Severide. The one person I had left is gone now! What am I supposed to do!" Matt's voice cracked on the final word. Severide noticed Matt's leg begin to shake just before they gave out and Matt went crashing to the floor, kneeling on the cold floor he broke out into more sobs, he could not control the emotions going through his mind. Severide reacted instantly, he rushed forward as soon as he saw Matt going down, he knelt down beside him putting his arm around him.

"Its gonna be OK buddy, we're gonna get this all sorted and its all gonna be OK" Severide now tried to comfort Matt, the time for getting angry was not now, now Matt needed support and Severide needed to provide that for him. He sat with Matt mostly silent, offering words of support when he felt they were needed, but when Matt's sobs finally seemed to be slowing, Severide pulled out his phone and quickly dialled Shay, whilst Matt was still to distracted to notice what he was doing, he asked Shay to come pick them up.

Severide looked at Matt and questioned his own actions recently. Why did we not help him sooner. A few moments later Shay turned up with the car pulling up right next to them.

Please review, it really inspires me to write and I would love to know if people are still reading this!

Sorry and Thank you once again.