Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis - and all the characters and settings related to the show - do not belong to me, obviously. That credit goes to MGM, Brad Wright and Robert C. Cooper. The plot of this little story, however, does.

A/N – Hello again! Thank you all for your kind words after the last chapter. I'm really glad you still think I'm doing a good job with this story and with the SGA characters (and Jett). Hopefully you'll like this chapter just as much – enjoy!

~ Alone ~

Part Eight

"Rodney, for the love of - will you please sit still!" Jennifer chastised as Rodney fidgeted for the fifth time in as many minutes. They were alone in his bedroom, sat cross-legged opposite each other on the cold, hard floor beside his bed, but even though he knew that no one else could see what they were doing, Rodney still couldn't help but feel incredibly uncomfortable and self-conscious about the whole thing. He fidgeted again, almost as if each jerky movement was against his will and therefore ultimately beyond his control, but Jennifer didn't seem to care either way. She glared at him, opening her mouth to speak...

"Look, can we just get this farce over with already?" Rodney asked, trying to hide his growing apprehension behind his usual veil of snark and sarcasm. Judging the flash of hurt that crossed Jennifer's face, he'd not only failed in that small task, but he'd also upset her, which certainly hadn't been his intention. Damn, he was no good at this.

"Not if you keep thinking of it as a farce," Jennifer muttered, face flushing slightly. "If you don't want to do this, you just have to say so…"

Rodney sighed to himself. Well aware that he was in the wrong this time, he held back the sudden urge to unload his own frustration onto her. She looked tired, worn-out, and Rodney knew that it was because she'd already spent the last couple of days trying to go through the whole process with Teyla and Ronon; so far, to no avail.

The fact that Rodney, of all people, was her last hope…well, he obviously wasn't doing much to reassure her that it was even worth the extra effort. Damn…

He decided that a swift tactical retreat was in order.

"Look, I'm sorry," Rodney replied quietly, not really sure if he meant it or not; although he supposed it didn't really matter. He was here. He still thought it was a stupid idea, but he was willing to try; sort of. That was the important thing.

Well, that, and finding Sheppard.

"So, how do you want to do this?" he asked her, shifting again in an effort to get comfortable. She didn't comment on his fidgeting this time. It was her own peace offering and he appreciated it. "What do I need to do?"

"First of all, you need to relax, Rodney," she replied softly, a small knowing smile on her face. Rodney rolled his eyes, but dutifully let his shoulders fall back slightly. It wasn't much, but it was about as relaxed as he ever got. It would have to do.

"Okay, now what?" he asked impatiently. He still felt wildly uncomfortable, but he tried to hide it. The truth was though, he had no idea why he was doing this. Had anyone else been watching, he was sure he wouldn't be, but he trusted Jennifer. And if it led to an epiphany about Sheppard, then he supposed it would be worth the discomfort. Not that he would ever admit as much to Sheppard of course…

"Rodney…"

"Look, this is about as relaxed as I can be with my best friend missing," he replied, trying, and once again failing, to hide his irritability. "Take it or leave it."

"Okay," she replied, holding her hands up in the universal sign of surrender. "Okay, we'll try it."

"So, I'm relaxed," he continued, folding his arms and shifting his legs once again. "Now what?"

"Close your eyes," she replied, and he did. "Now, I want you to listen to my voice, and only my voice. Ignore everything else. The world outside doesn't matter, not right now. Just listen to my voice, okay?"

"Okay," Rodney nodded. He took a deep breath and released it slowly. This wasn't going to work, he knew that, but he supposed she did have a nice voice. Really…nice…

"Good," she praised softly. "Now, listen closely, allow my voice to drown everything else out. Hear the sound of the words going up and down. Okay, Rodney? Can you hear it? Up and down. Like a swing. Up and down. Up and down…"

For the next few minutes, Rodney allowed her words to flow over him, almost like a wave of calmness, and he found himself relaxing almost against his will. It was strangely hypnotic…

"Up and down. Up…and down..."

Rodney could almost feel himself swinging along with her words. Up then down. Up then down.

Then, in an instant, he was gone. Down, down, until he knew no more.

"Dammit..."

Tired and achy, John pulled himself up off the floor of the jumper and stretched his muscles, trying to work a little life into his battered body.

Today marked the end of his third week in exile, and already life had fallen into a routine of sorts for the Colonel. His days - almost always wet and miserable - invariably began with Jett slobbering all over his face in an effort to wake him up. As today was no different in that respect, John wiped the side of his head until the offending drool was gone, then reached down to give Jett a morning belly rub. It wasn't an ideal, obviously, but he supposed there were worse ways to wake up. It definitely beat his alarm clock back on Atlantis...

John shook his head and then started on his new morning routine.

Once he was up, he and Jett would usually eat something for breakfast – usually some berries or nuts he'd scrounged the day before - and then he would spend the rest of the day either hunting with Jett, scavenging for more supplies, or trying to fix the jumper.

He'd gotten a lot better at the first two tasks, particularly with Jett's help, but the last task was proving to be somewhat of a frustration. He was no idiot, no matter how he presented himself to everyone, but he was missing vital equipment, not to mention a plethora of spare parts, and more importantly – although he'd never admit as much to the man himself - McKay's brain.

John sighed as he rolled his shoulders and stretched his back, trying to prepare himself for another long day of monotonous survival. Fixing the jumper was at least giving him something to focus on, but he'd already given up on the gate and the DHD as lost causes. The damage from Rodney's explosion was just too great, so he knew that there was no way in hell he'd be able to fix either of them, even with McKay's brain. The jumper, however, had survived the explosion completely intact, so John was hopeful there was still life in there somewhere, even it seemed to be stubbornly hiding from him at the moment.

Although, in the end John supposed it didn't really matter either way. It kept him busy during the long, lonely days, and it helped him to keep his mind occupied, which in turn helped him to get through each day without going completely stir-crazy.

And as sad as it was to admit, 'not going crazy' was about the best he could hope for at the moment.

John stretched his back one more time, then pulled on his jacket. Time to go back out into the wild, unpredictable land he now called home.

He'd worry about going crazy another day.

For once, it wasn't raining.

"Come on, buddy," John cajoled as Jett dutifully followed his new master through the tightly packed forest.

When he'd left the jumper that morning, he'd discovered that it was a reasonably warm, dry day - the first one he'd experienced since landing on this planet - so John had decided that it would be a good opportunity for him and Jett to explore a little further afield. He didn't know where he was going or what he was going to find, but felt good to be doing something other than just surviving.

"Just a few more minutes then we'll take a break,' he continued, frowning slightly. Jett was still recovering from extensive and life-threatening injuries, so John had vowed to keep a close eye on the dog as he followed on behind him. He had tried to convince Jett to stay behind and wait for him at the jumper, but in the end, he hadn't had much choice. Jett had been very reluctant to allow John to go anywhere without him. John couldn't help but smile at the thought – it was like he'd adopted a puppy. A huge, furry, alien puppy.

"Just a little bit longer, pal," John continued quietly, hacking his way through a little more of the undergrowth. Jett panted behind him, but didn't seemed to be in any pain, so John focused back on their path. The trees and plants had begun to thin out a little bit, but it was still hard work, forcing him to use every ounce of energy he had on the task.

John revelled in it.

He'd always been an active person, even as a kid. In fact, he remembered spending pretty much his entire childhood outside; running, jumping, climbing, swimming. Anything, as long as he was doing something. He'd hated sitting still, always worried that he'd miss out on something cool if he wasn't around to see it.

As he'd grown up, that feeling had transformed into a desire to fly. From about the age of 10, it had been all he'd wanted to do. His dad had disagreed strongly – so strongly that it had caused a rift to form between them that he still hadn't come to terms with all these years later – but John hadn't let that stop him at the time. He'd signed up for the Air Force without his dad's permission and without using a cent of the old man's money, and he'd left home, vowing never to return.

He'd kept that promise too, right up until his father's funeral a couple of years ago.

Shaking his head slightly, John wiped the sweat off his face and decided to take a breather. He took out his canteen and drank deeply from it. Then he bent down and offered some water to Jett, who eagerly lapped it up. Whilst Jett drank, John allowed his thoughts to wander.

In a career spanning twenty years, John had been all over the world and had even explored a few other worlds as well. In that time, he'd seen things he'd never dreamed of seeing, and he'd done things he wished to hell he hadn't. It had been tough, had ruined his marriage and ultimately it had even changed the way he thought about life itself, but he didn't regret joining up.

He'd been part of something so much bigger than himself. He'd channelled his active nature into his career until he'd finally arrived at a place where he could actually make a difference. Where he could matter.

Atlantis.

But now, he had nothing. The old man would be proud, John thought sarcastically as put his canteen away and set off again, immediately hacking his way through yet another thick section of undergrowth.

Three weeks alone would be tough on anyone, but for John, old securities had already started to rear their ugly heads, and it was getting harder and harder to push them away.

Deep down he knew his team would be looking for him, that they wouldn't give up on him, but…

Did they care? Did they actually want to find him, or had they just been pretending to be his friends the whole time? John wasn't sure he knew anymore, and he hated himself for that. Hated himself for doubting his friends, and hated them for giving him something to doubt.

Please don't leave me…

The truth was, his time so far on this planet – full of pain, cold nights, and loneliness - reminded him of the time he'd spent in Antarctica. He'd been abandoned then too, left to fend for himself in a harsh, unforgiving environment, only back then at least he'd had a roof over his head, sporadic human company, and a square meal three times a day. He'd also had the luxury of taking one of the helicopters out for a fly whenever he'd felt like it.

John sighed. He missed flying with an ache that sank deep into his soul. The fact that he actually had access to a jumper - just one that couldn't fly - only made the ache worse. John had tried everything he could think of to get the thing to light up, but it was useless. He couldn't feel anything, even when he reached out with his mind, and that told him that there was something going on that he didn't understand.

Something on the planet was stopping it working.

John shook his head and carried on marching forward, pausing every few minutes to hack at the vegetation. It wasn't like he would be able do anything about it. Even if by some miracle he could figure out what had killed the jumper, the odds were that he wouldn't be able do anything to fix it.

And if he couldn't even fix that, what the hell was the point in trying? Was it worth all the frustration and disappoint just to avoid going crazy with boredom?

Truthfully, John didn't know. He didn't know anything anymore.

But since he didn't have any better ideas, and since he had a big, overgrown puppy to feed and keep occupied, he kept walking, exploring, and searching, all in the hope that one day some he would find a better reason to keep going. A reason to keep fighting.

A reason to keep living.

"Tell me what you can see, Rodney," Jennifer asked quietly. She watched as Rodney took a slow breath, eyes still closed as he seemed to relive the events of three weeks ago. He was silent, but Jennifer knew better than to push him for an answer. He was normally so tightly wound that she was surprised she managed to get him under at all. Now only time would tell if was going to be worth the effort.

"I'm standing by the DHD," Rodney replied, his voice oddly flat. "We're waiting."

"Can you see Colonel Sheppard?"

"Ronon's holding him back," Rodney replied. "Sheppard doesn't look happy."

Jennifer wouldn't have expected him to, but she knew better than to say that out loud.

"Teyla is talking to the Priest," Rodney continued quietly.

"Are you still on PX6-662?"

"Yes," Rodney replied, eyes still closed. "But the Priest is dialling the gate now. We're getting ready to leave."

Jennifer felt her heartrate increase. "Can you see the gate address?"

"No," Rodney replied after moment's hesitation. "Me, Ronon and Teyla are trying to get Sheppard into the jumper. He isn't going without a fight."

Damn, Jennifer thought, although again she resisted verbalising it. Since Ronon and Teyla hadn't seen anything either, she'd been hoping that they would have more luck with Rodney. She felt her hope dwindle more and more with each passing second, but she persevered. They owed Colonel Sheppard that much at least…

"Okay, you're doing really well, Rodney," She praised quietly. "Keep going. What's happening now?"

"I'm getting into the pilot's chair," Rodney continued. "We're taking off."

"Are you going through the gate?"

"Yes…wait, not yet," Rodney replied. "We will be, but the Priest hasn't said we can go yet. There's some sort of blessing ceremony first."

Jennifer nodded, even though she knew he couldn't see her.

"He's saying something to his people. I think it's part of the ceremony, but I can't make out what he's saying. Something about…purgatory?"

Jennifer felt a fluttering in her chest. That was new. "That's good, Rodney. Now, focus on his words. Can you make anything else out? Anything that might tell you where you're going."

Rodney frowned. "I can't hear…Sheppard's shouting too loudly."

He seemed agitated, and Jennifer wasn't sure if it was because he couldn't hear what the Priest was saying, or if it was because of what he could hear instead.

"Okay, okay, it doesn't matter," Jennifer soothed, trying to calm him down. "What's happening now?"

"We're getting ready to go," Rodney replied. "Yes, the Priest has finally given us the go-ahead. Sheppard can't stop us now. Ronon and Teyla have got him under control. We're on our way."

"Can you see any of the symbols as you're flying past?" Jennifer asked, pressing a little harder. "Can you make out anything at all?"

"No," Rodney replied, grimacing slightly with the effort. "We're moving too fast. It's too late…we're through."

"Damn," Jennifer muttered dejectedly. She'd honestly believed that hypnotism would work, but so far it hadn't given them any useful information that they didn't already know…

"Wait," Rodney continued, stiffening. "Something's wrong."

"Is it the Colonel?"

"No," Rodney replied, shaking his head.

"Have you made it to the other planet yet?"

"Yes, but it's the jumper. It's lost all power. I'm trying to keep us in the air, but…I can't. Oh, god, we're going down. I…can't stop…"

He jerked, and Jennifer wondered if he was reliving the crash. Judging by their lack of serious injuries, it hadn't been a bad one, but he seemed so distressed that she had to physically stop herself from touching him. She didn't want to bring him out of the hypnotised state just yet, and even though she wasn't entirely sure what purpose it would serve for Rodney to experience this again, she decided to stick with her instincts.

"Rodney? Are you okay?" she asked.

"Ow," he replied, eyes still firmly closed. "That hurt."

"Are you injured?" she asked, the doctor in her unable to move on until she knew for sure.

"Not really," he replied, he lifted a hand to his forehead. "Just banged my head. Sheppard seems to be the worst off. I think he bounced around a bit when we hit the floor."

"Is he conscious?" Jennifer asked.

"Yes, he looks a bit groggy, but he's still trying to get away," Rodney continued, his voice devoid of all emotion. "I think he's about to…oh."

"What?"

"Ronon hit him," Rodney replied blankly. "We're climbing out of the jumper. It's dead, but I managed to get the hatch open. Ronon's pulling Sheppard out, but he's still struggling."

"He's a fighter," Jennifer commented before she could help it.

"He's should stop before…oh."

She was almost afraid to ask. "What?"

"Teyla hit him this time," Rodney replied, his face still devoid of all emotion. "Now they're dragging him to a nearby tree. Ronon's got some rope. I think they're going to tie him to it."

"And what are you doing, Rodney?"

"I'm looking at the DHD," he replied, frowning. "I was going to dial it, but it looks dead as well. I need to get to work."

Jennifer gave him a couple of minutes to "work" before she decided she needed to push him along a little bit.

"Have you managed to fix it yet, Rodney?"

He scowled, eyes still closed. "That's what Ronon and Teyla keep asking. It's not as easy as it looks, you know."

"I know, Rodney," Jennifer replied. "But why don't we try fast-forwarding a little bit. You've fixed the DHD. What now?"

"I'm rigging a bomb," Rodney replied.

"A bomb?"

"On the DHD," he explained. "Can't let Sheppard get away."

"I thought he was tied up," Jennifer asked.

"He is," Rodney replied. "But he's sneaky. He'll probably get out of the ropes as soon as we've gone."

"And that would be bad?" Jennifer asked.

"I don't know," Rodney shrugged, face still blank, eyes still closed. "I can't….I think he has to say on the planet. That's what we were told to do. To take him and leave him there. It was his…purgatory. It was…important that he stayed."

"What had he done to deserve being left in purgatory?"

"I don't know," Rodney replied, and Jennifer could almost feel his stress levels rising.

"Okay, okay," she placated. "Let's move on. You've rigged the explosive around the DHD. What next?"

"I've set it on a timer, so now I'm calling to Ronon and Teyla. We need to go."

"And the Colonel?"

Rodney doesn't answer, too lost in the memory. "I'm dialling the gate. I can hear Sheppard…he's screaming at me, begging at us to let him go, but…I don't know why we don't."

"Rodney…"

"It's too late. The wormhole has engaged and I'm radioing ahead to Atlantis to let them know that we're on our way back. They have our IDC. We're free to go through. Sheppard is…"

"What?"

"He's still struggling. He doesn't want to be left behind," Rodney replied. "'We don't leave our people behind'; that's what he always says."

"He does," Jennifer nodded.

Rodney didn't seem to hear her. He was becoming more and more upset with each passing second.

"I don't want...I don't want to leave him," Rodney continued, babbling slightly. "But I'm walking towards the gate. Why are we leaving him? I don't – "

"Rodney calm down – "

"I...I don't want to leave him!" Rodney replied. "We don't leave our people behind…"

"Rodney," Jennifer tried, but she quickly decided that there was no sense in prolonging this anymore. She had a feeling that they'd already got as much from the whole experience as they were ever going to get. It was time to bring him back.

"Okay, Rodney," she began. "It's okay. When I tap your shoulder, you'll be back in the room. You'll remember what we talked about, but you'll feel separate from it. It will be like a memory again, and you'll be safely back on Atlantis. Okay?"

He didn't respond, but she did it anyway.

"Okay, Rodney," Jennifer said. Then she tapped his shoulder, just like she'd conditioned. "You're back."

He didn't respond. His eyes remained firmly closed and his face...it still had the blank look of hypnotism. Jennifer felt her heart stop. Something was wrong...

She tapped him again, "Rodney? Rodney, listen to me. You're back. It's over." She almost slapped his shoulder in desperation. "Dammit Rodney, you're back!"

His eyes flew open, and he was gasping as if he had just run a marathon. He blinked a few times, then squinted in her direction.

"Jennifer?"

"Rodney?" Jennifer asked, alarmed. She didn't know what to do. Neither Ronon nor Teyla had had this strong a reaction to the experience. Trust Rodney to be different...

"I…" he began, then he closed his eyes, almost as if he was trying to commit something to memory.

"What is it?" she asked cautiously. She'd recorded the session, so she wasn't worried about him forgetting anything he'd said, but there seemed to be more to his actions than that. She decided to trust her instincts and give him time.

"I...have an idea. I think," he replied, finally opening his eyes again. She saw fear, pain, guilt and…hope?

"An idea?" she asked, heart pounding. "For…"

"Sheppard," Rodney replied. He closed his eyes briefly, and when he hoped them, his fire was back. "I think I know how we can find Sheppard."

A/N – So, what did you think? John's finding life on the planet tough (no surprise there), but things are finally looking up for the Atlantis crew, although you'll have to wait to find out what Rodney's big idea is, and whether it will actually be successful (although how often is Rodney wrong?). Anyway, keep up the wonderful support – I'd love to hear from you all. For now though, and until next time, thanks for reading!