Wade climbed through the SUV and paused by the closed window, waiting. He could hear people coming towards him. Angry people coming towards him. Angry people with guns coming towards him.

None of that was a particularly good thing. Angry people with guns meant he could get shot. Getting shot would mean blood. And blood would mean that Amy would feel squeamish. She probably wouldn't even baby him, and that made Wade's face set into a frown.

Now there was no way he was going to get shot or any blood on him. Just so Amy would baby him and not because the idea of Amy being squeamish because of him made his stomach do a flip like he had just read a fanfiction, because fanfiction was horrible.

Fanfiction was so horrible, in fact, that it made perfect sense for an author to forget that Wade was supposed to roll down the SUV's window, like he was doing now, and poking his head out of the SUV to say, "Hey!"

Wade would have continued on, but the barrage of bullets coming his way made him drop back down with a shout of, "Oh!" He decided to stay down until he could hear the men started towards him, probably confused.

So Wade threw his hands out the open window in a 'pause' signal. "Wait! You may be wondering, why the red suit? Well, that's so bad guys can't see me bleed." He pointed to one of the men on the right, who, if Wade was remembering correctly, wearing very stylish brown pants. Shame they would be ruined though, which he explained to the men so that they would be on the same page.

It was only fair.

"This guy's got the right idea. He wore the brown pants."

It took a moment for what Wade had said to settle in. But once it did it was very clear that the men did not find his perfectly-innocent-joke-that-didn't-indirectly-imply-that-he-was-going-to-kill-them-all that funny. They made this clear by starting to shoot at the car again.

Now Wade was a reasonable person. He had quickly brought his hands down when they had started to shoot at him and he honestly didn't mind too much. He could understand that his joke might not have been liked.

But he did not think the reasonable reaction was to shoot at him. That made Wade angry. And angry Wade…angry Wade was not nice.

"Fine! I only have twelve bullets, so you're going to have to share," he yelled to the annoying shooting people.

Wade turned towards where the camera would be, if he was in a movie, and said directly to it and the billions of people watching the camera, "Let's count 'em down."

He jumped out of the open window and shot two of the men in the head, killing them both. The rest of the men had paused in their shooting to see to see what Wade was going to do. When he killed their friends, they quickly restarted their bullets as Wade landed on the ground neatly.

10 bullet left.

There was the sound of an accelerating engine, causing Wade to turn just in time for the rider to shoot him in the arm.

"Shit," Wade cursed. He held up his arm and peered through the very painful hole, that was already closing up, just in time to see motorcycle coming very fast towards him.

"Mother fucker! Ten." He shot and missed the rider. "Shit! Nine." He shot again, and missed. "Fuck! Eight" One again, he shot and missed the rider. "Shit fuck!" He yelled. Wade leaped over a car and took aim, but by that point he had lost his chance and there was no way he could waste his remaining bullets on a shot he would not make.

That would be stupid.

"Bad Deadpool," he reprimanded himself with a shake of his head.

But then Wade noticed one of the men sneaking around the car, and since this man was unware that Wade knew what he was doing, Wade was able to sneakily kill the man by shooting him in the head.

"Seven. Good Deadpool," he praised himself.

Another man began to shoot at Wade. Logically, Wade hide behind a car and listened as the man reloaded his gun and shoot some more as he stomped over to the car, jumped up on the car…

And Wade was waiting for him in a very sexy pose. The man glared, growled, and tried to fire his gun. But it didn't work. Instead, it just clicked.

"Someone's not counting," Wade said smugly. And then he shot the man in the head. "Six."

Two men started to approach Wade, one with a grenade he was planning on throwing at Wade. 'Planning' was the key word in that sentence, because Wade shot it with his fifth bullet while it was still in the man's hand. This caused the grenade to blow both men up.

Honestly, that was a cause for celebration. So Wade celebrated it. He started to dance…until he was shot from behind. Wade allowed himself to fall over, acting as if he had really sustained a wound from the shot. He could see from his mask that a man was coming towards him. He hadn't noticed Wade's gun poking up from his between his legs.

In fact, he didn't notice that Wade was even alive until he groaned, "Four," and then shot the man. His death must have come as a surprise for him.

But Wade didn't have the time or the strength to worry about that. He was focused on the pain he was feeling as he got up from the ground. "Ah! Right up main street," he complained. Even if his bullet wounds healed, they still hurt a shit ton.

Turning towards the man he had just shot, Wade couldn't help but shoot him twice more. "Three! Two! Stupid!" And then he sighed, "Worth it."

Of course, more men had to start shooting at Wade, because he was just that popular.

But Wade had problems to deal with. Three problems with guns, to be specific. He had ducked behind a car as soon as the next round of bullets had started towards him. He could hear them approaching and he knew, with only one bullet left and three of them, that he only had one chance…

He leapt into the air and over the car all while shooting his last bullet at the men, who had lined themselves up diagonally. The bullet went through one head…two head…three head! The shell dropped to the ground as the three men fell down next to it, thoroughly dead.

Bringing his smoking pistol up to his nose, Wade inhaled deeply and smirked. "Ooh. I'm touching myself tonight."

Yet Wade still had work to do. And that work involved skipping through the bodies he had just killed and practically singing, "Francis! Francis!"

Seeing a car, Wade searched it and growled as he let the door slam shut behind him. "What the shit biscuit! Where you at, Francis?"

Behind him, Wade heard a noise that suspiciously sounded like someone was getting up from the pile of very dead bodies. So he turned around to see a very large man with muscles and a glare getting up from the pile of very dead bodies.

"Ugh. You're not Francis," He pointed out with a grimace under his mask. He pointedly did not mention the bullet hole that had lodged itself in the man's forehead. It's like acne. Ya don't comment on the acne.

But since Wade had to comment on something, he instead pointed at the sleeves the man was rolling up. "Really? Rolling up the sleeves?"

The man, undeterred by the bullet in his forehead or the cliché rolling of his sleeves, pulled out two knives and started to charge Wade.

With a sigh, Wade pulled out his swords and skewered the man.

You're probably thinking, 'Why am I reading this? It's a fanfiction. It only rehashes what happened in the movie. And it's not even under the movie tab!' Well, I completely agree with the sentiment. It's a fanfiction. And I, Wade, do not like fanfiction. Especially of my movie.

However, this going to go differently than the movie. And it will have some of the same stuff as the movie. At its heart though, this fanfiction is a love story. A love story between a very innocent person and someone who was born…not innocent.

And yeah, this is murder. But some of the best love stories start with a murder. And to tell it right, I gotta take you back to way before I squeezed this ass into red spandex.

Two Years Ago

A man, Mr. Merchant, was wearing very sparkly bedazzled jeans and a very pissed off expression on his face. "Look, what if I slow it down for you? I didn't order the pizza," He snapped to the very confused teenage pizza delivery man who was taking up his fucking time.

"Is this 7348 Red Ledge Drive? Are you Mr. Merchant?" The pizza delivery boy, Jeremy asked, reading off the address of the slip his boss had given him.

"Yeah, the Mr. Merchant, who didn't order the fucking pie!" Merchant yelled.

"Then who placed the call?" Jeremy asked, really not expecting to get an answer besides more yelling.

But he got an answer. From the bathroom of the apartment, a completely different man's voice called, "I did." And then the person who owned the voice, Wade Wilson, stepped out and gave a friendly smile to Jeremy. "Pineapple and olive? Sweet and salty."

Jeremy nodded as he handed over the pizza box.

Merchant, who had seemed to be rendered to a state of shock, finally remembered that he had a mouth. "Fuck are you? The fuck you doing in my crib?" he demanded.

In both a simple and well-thought out response, Wade took out his pistol and pointed it at Merchant, who held up his hands and backed away.

"Is it bread crust?" Wade asked casually. He had specifically made sure it was not bread crust.

Jeremy swallowed audibly before answering. "Oh, God, I hope not."

Eyeing the gun very carefully, Merchant started to speak rapidly to Wade, who had turned to look at him. "Woah, man, look. If this is about that poker game, I told him, I told Howie that uh…Just uh, just take whatever you want," he offered as he took out his wallet and handed it to Wade.

Wade took the wallet and said, "Thanks." He opened it up, checked the bills inside, and pocketed it.

And then Jeremy spoke up. "Sir, before you do anything to him, mind if I get a big tip?"

Wade blinked at him. "Jeremy, is it? Wade Wilson. That is ah, a no go on the tiperoo, Jer. I'm not here for him. I'm here for you," he said while holding up a gold card with Jeremy's name on it.

Merchant breathed an audible sigh of relief. "Oh, hey, wow, dodged a big time bullet on that one!" he said while putting his hands down and backing up several steps.

Wade turned and faced him, still pointing the gun at him. "You're not out of the woods yet. You need to seriously ease-up on the bedazzling. They're jeans, not a chandelier. P.S., I am keeping your wallet. You did kind of give it to me."

"Hey, look man, can I just have my Sam's Card –" Merchant started to ask.

"I will shoot your fucking cat," Wade interrupted him with a threat.

Merchant's mouth dropped open and hung like that for several seconds before remembered to close it. "I don't even know what that means. I don't have a cat."

"Then who's kitty litter did I just shit in?" Wade asked, reasonably.

No one answered, or said anything else for several moments.

Wade shrugged, really not that bothered, and turned towards Jeremy with the gun casually hanging by his side. "Anywho, tell me something, what situation isn't improved by pizza? Do you happen to know a Megan, Orflowsky? Orlavsky? Orlovsky? Am I getting that right?"

Jeremy, of course, nodded. Wade smiled. "Good."

To reward himself, he ate some of the pizza. It was good pizza, pizza that he was going to eat for the rest of the night and then regret because it was so greasy. So really good fucking pizza.

"Cause she knows you. Jeremy, I belong to a group of guys who take a dime to beat a fella down," Wade explained casually. He could see Jeremy swallow hard and his eyes widen at his description.

Just to make sure that Jeremy realized just how much of an asshole he could be, Wade handed a slice of the pizza to Merchant, who hesitantly reached for it only for it to drop to the floor.

"And Megan, she's not made of money, but lucky for her, I got a soft spot," Wade said with a shrug and another bite of pizza.

"I'm, uh…" Jeremy started to stammer.

"A stalker," Wade finished for him. "Threats hurt, Jer. But not nearly as much as serrated steel. So keep away from Megan. Cool?"

Jeremy quickly nodded. "Yes, sir," he agreed readily.

Wade smiled. "Kay, we're cool," he said with a shrug.

Jeremy blinked and shifted, as if he was expecting someone to pop out and grab him from behind. "Wait, we are?" he checked.

"Yeah, totally done."

The tension started to drain from the room as Wade, then Merchant, and finally Jeremy started to laugh. Wade pointed over at Merchant and chuckled, "You should have seen your face!"

"I didn't know what to do. I was so scared," Merchant admitted with a laugh and a shake of his head at that emotion, never mind the fact that Wade could tell he was still very scared.

"Soft spot, remember?" Wade pointed out with a shrug.

And then, very suddenly, Wade dropped the pizza box, lunged at Jeremy, and slammed the teenage boy against the wall, all while holding him by the neck. "Read a book in her general direction again, and you will learn in the worst of ways that I have some hard spots too. That came out wrong. Or did it?" He smirked and then kissed Jeremy's cheek.

Very appropriately, Jeremy whimpered.

A couple of hours later that night, Wade tracked down Megan at a skate park. The box of pizza was in his hand and he had taken some sun glasses to try out. They really weren't his style, at all, but Wade also knew he could pull off anything.

"Megan," Wade greeted as he stepped up in front of a group of teenage girls who were sitting on the sideline. He took great pleasure in throwing down the pizza box, which fell open to reveal a pile of photos with Jeremy and Wade, the latter holding a gun at the former, and Jeremy holding a handwritten 'I'm sorry' sign.

"You've heard the last of Jeremy. He's sorry," Wade said, and the stains that were on Jeremy's pants directly agreed with that.

"No friggin' way!" Megan gasped as she knelt down and started to look at the photos.

"Shoulda brought my roller blades, show these kids how it's done," Wade commented as he looked around the park.

Megan got up from the ground and hugged him tight enough to make him stagger a bit. He patted her on the back and smiled at the rest of the group. "And that's why we do it. But mostly the money."

"Think you could fuck up my step-dad?" One of the girls asked.

"If I give a guy a pavement facial, it's cause he's earned it."

Seeing that there really wasn't anything left for him to do, Wade started to head out when Megan shouted behind him, "Hey, wait! You're my hero."

Wade turned around so that he was walking backwards so that Megan could see him shake his head. "No, no, no, no, no. That I ain't."

Nope. Never will be.

Wade knew where he was going. He walked down the familiar sidewalk that led to a familiar alley. As a man passed him that he recognized, Wade took the opportunity to punch the man in the balls, causing the man to sigh and say, "Fuck you, Wade."

I'm just a bad guy who gets paid to fuck-up worse guys.

Wade entered the familiar building and breathed in deeply. There was something almost comforting of the scent of cheap alcohol and the sweat of everyone in there. It wasn't a good smell, in fact he had seen some people gag when they came in, but to Wade it meant he was home.

Welcome to Sister Margaret's. It's like a job fair for mercenaries. Think of us like really fucked up tooth fairies, except we knock out the teeth and take the cash. You best hope we never see your name on a gold card.

Greeting a few men as he walked through the bar, Wade stopped at the bar and smiled at the two bartenders, Weasel and Amy.

While Weasel looked the part of a bartender who worked at Sister Margaret's, Amy did not. She had long red hair tied back in a ponytail and always wore a floral dress of some kind. She had a bright smile and she was, well, cute!

Even her voice was cute. When she greeted him with a, "How did it go with Jeremy?" she sounded a bit like a Disney princess speaking.

Wade smiled and took out the gold car and placed it on the bar. Amy grabbed it and then started to dig around for the envelope when he paused her with, "And I ain't taking any babysitting money, alright? Make sure that gets back to Miss, uh…"

"Megan Orlovsky?" Amy reminded.

Wade nodded. "Her," he agreed.

Amy gave him that special smile she gave everyone when they did something she was happy about. "That's so sweet of you, Wade," she commended. "You deserve something special. What drink do you want, it's on the house."

Wade drummed his fingers on the top. "Hmmm, how about a blowjob?"

Amy's face turned crimson. She looked down at the bar and then started to play with the end of her ponytail. "Of course, Wade," she agreed in a softer voice that was higher pitched then the one she usually spoke in.

Turning away, she started to make the drink as Weasel walked over to Wade and started to talk to him. The drink making process gave her time to have her blush lessen and her mind to stop circling in stupid fantasies, like the always did when Wade was nearby.

She had started working at the bar only a few years ago. Everyone had been so welcoming to her, even if some of them did tease her in the specific goal to make her blush. But on her second shift, when Weasel was busy making up the official list for the deadpool, Wade had walked into the bar and had given her a flirty smile and had asked,

"What's a sweet thing like you doing here?"

She had, somehow, stammered out some sort of reply that must have made her looked insane. Weasel, hearing her, had come over to check on her and had ended up having her go make Wade's drink while they chatted. Ever since that first meeting, though, Amy had completely fallen for Wade. There was something about his smile, or maybe it was his eyes? Whatever it was, it made Amy's entire body feel light as a feather.

Of course Weasel knew how Amy felt about Wade. It was obvious to anyone who had seen them interact, he claimed, but Amy always pointed out that, if it was so obvious, why hadn't Wade noticed?

Still, there were sometimes she thought he noticed. Like just now when he had asked for a blowjob. Sure, it was his regular drink, but, well, couldn't Amy have hope that it meant something else this time?

"Has Amy gotten your money yet?" Amy heard Weasel ask from behind her. She froze. Technically, giving Wade an 'on the house drink' was against the rules.

"Nope! My drink's on the house." Even with her back turned, Amy could imagine the smug smirk on his face.

She could also feel Weasel's eyes as he turned around, stared at her back for a long minute, and then turned back to Wade. "You did something warm-blooded again, didn't you? I bet you let the kid off easy, too."

"Oh, he's not a bad kid, he's…Just a little light stalking. I was way worse than him when I was his age. I was traveling to exotic places. Baghdad, Mogadishu, Jacksonville. Meeting new and exciting people," Wade replied.

"And killing them, yeah. I've seen your instagram. So what was special forces doing in Jacksonville?"

Amy frowned. She had also seen the Instagram, Weasel had shown it to her in one of his many attempts to convince her to not keep wanting Wade. It didn't work.

"That's classified. They have wonderful T.G.I. Friday's."

Amy stared down at the drink, which had long since been done, and sighed. She really couldn't hold off facing Wade. It was always hard to see his face and not allow her hands to noticeably shake. But Wade ordered this drink all the time, and he knew, just like she knew, that the drink had to be ready by now.

So she fixed a smile to her face, turned around, and placed the drink on the bar top in front of Wade, all while trying to ignore the smile that lit up his face at the sight of it. "Alright, Kalua, Bailey's, and whipped cream. Here is your blowjob from me." Amy could already feel her face blushing hard. "Do you have to order that?"

Just giving her a melting smile, Wade got the attention of Kelly, which made Amy quickly look down. Kelly was one of the waitresses and, while she was very sweet and kind, she was also very pretty. Far prettier than Amy.

"Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. Could you bring that over to Bob, please? And tell him it's from Buck."

Kelly nodded and gave Wade a big smile that Amy could still see despite her eyes fixed firmly on the bar.

"Wade," Amy started after enough seconds to compose herself. "That really wasn't nice."

Wade shrugged. "I don't take the shits, I just disturb them."

As it often did, a commotion broke out in the rest of the building, which made Amy side-step to the side to be able to see properly. Despite her heels, she was not tall enough to see over the sat down Wade.

Bob, who had gotten the blowjob from 'Buck,' had not taken the implied insult well. He had gotten to his feet, marched over to Buck, and had punched him in the face. Buck, who had no idea what was going on, got to his feet and started to punch back, which caused an all-out fight between the two.

Amy sighed and poured a drink for herself, Wade, and Weasel. Hers was just water, she had never been able to stomach alcohol, while Wade's and Weasel's were just a normal beer.

Wade smirked at Weasel and offered his glass for his to hit together, which he did. "Cheers. To your health."

Weasel just shook his head. "Fuck you," he replied without much enthusiasm.

One of the fighting men picked up a stool, making Amy and Weasel wince. "I just bought that stool," Amy said with another wince as the stool was broken over the another man's back.

Thankfully, the fight was fairly short and one of the mercs got the better of the other one and knocked him to the floor. "Stay the fuck down," he yelled at him.

Amy quickly stepped out of the relative safety of the bar and walked over to the fallen man. Everyone spread for her, and one of the men even mumbled an apology over the fight.

She just gave him a wane smile and then knelt by the man and placed her hand on his wrist. The bar was silent was everyone waited for her verdict. She got to her feet. "He's still breathing," she said.

Many of the people groaned in the bar, less than pleased with the results, but they stopped when Amy frowned at them.

Everyone liked Amy. She was a nice ear that didn't give a sarcastic and barbed reply to their woes like Weasel did, and she would always hold them to a standard that felt…right. She gave them respect that the rest of the world didn't.

So when Amy frowned at them, many of the people who had groaned now looked down at the ground in shame. Already, several people who had taken part in the fight started to clean up.

Heading back over to the bar, Amy gave Wade her best glare.

"That wasn't funny, Wade," She informed him.

Wade had the dignity to look bashful. "Yeah," he agreed half-heartedly.

Her hands on her hips, Amy looked over at Weasel. "Did anybody win today?"

Weasel shook his head. "Nobody." He gave Wade a side-eye. "Nice try, Wade."

"You got me. I picked Boothe in the deadpool. Who'd you pick?"

"I picked Bill Cosby," Amy admitted.

Wade laughed loudly. "You actually picked someone?" He held up his hand. "That deserves a high-five."

Smiling, Amy gave him a high-five. She then blushed and looked down at the bar. "I'm glad you approve."

"It took me forever to convince her to do it," Weasel informed Wade in a stage whisper. "She hated the idea of gaining something from someone else dying."

"I still really don't approve," Amy put in.

Weasel rolled his eyes. "I know, I know."

"You never answered my question. Who'd you pick?" Wade asked.

Weasel suddenly became very busy with cleaning the bar top. "You know, Wade, uh, um…"

Wade's mouth dropped open. "No… You did not bet on me to die." Tilting back to check, Wade read the deadpool and then looked at Weasel and shook his head. "You bet on me to die. Wow. Mother fucker, you're the world's worst friend. But joke's on you. I'm living to 102, and then moving to the city of Detroit."

Weasel sighed. "I'm sorry, I just wanted to win money. I never win anything."

"Yes you do," Amy cut in. "You beat me in Life the other day."

Wade chuckled. "You guys played Life together? What are you, 80s and in a retirement home?"

Amy looked down. "I like the game," she said in a soft voice. She knew, logically, that Wade was just teasing her. But that didn't make it hurt less.

Wade shrugged. "Whatever." Getting to his feet, he called to the rest of the bar, "Soldiers of fortune, drinks on me!"

Of course, everyone cheered and raised their glasses to Wade in thanks. Weasel sighed. "Domestic! Nothing imported," he informed the people who were giving them odd looks.

Weasel was the one who saw the women approach Wade first. He quickly turned to Amy, who was starting to prep for the drink orders they were about to get, and quickly asked, "Do you want to take off early?"

Amy frowned and checked her watch. "I still have a few hours left. Besides, I can't leave you when everyone is about to order drinks."

Weasel was about to protest, but he saw Amy's eyes flick to Wade, and he saw the way her expression change as she saw Vanessa, a girl with long dark brown hair and an outfit that left little to be imagine for the reason she came to the bar.

And Weasel knew that Amy heard Vanessa's innuendo filled greeting of, "Woah, woah, woah, woah, baby. You sure you wanna shoot your full wad?"

"You sure you don't want to take off?" Weasel asked Amy in a lower voice.

Amy looked down at the top and took a deep, long breath. "He's an adult, Weasel, and so am I. We're both free to make our own decisions, and I should respect his…his decision."

"I could enforce the 'no prostitute rule,'" Weasel offered.

"Is that an actual rule?"

"Well, no," Weasel admitted.

Amy shook her head. "You're sweet Weasel, but that's okay."

She made it her goal to not look over at Wade and Vanessa. Even when Vanessa laughed at Wade's jokes. Even when Vanessa flirted hard, and even when Wade flirted back harder. But she broke her goal when she heard Wade ask: "Hey, what…What can I get for, uh…$275 and a yogurt lite rewards card?"

And then Vanessa replied with, "Maybe about forty-eight minutes of whatever the fuck you want."

She put the yogurt card into Wade's mouth and swaggered out, with Wade watching her every move.

Wade looked over at Weasel. "Did she just put a gift card in your mouth?" Weasel asked after sighing.

Amy watched out of the corner of her eyes as Wade walked out of the bar and after Vanessa. She blinked rapidly and her breathing sped up as Wade walked away from her and to Vanessa.

I am so sorry this is late. But I hope I made up for the wait with the introduction of Amy!

I love Amy so much. She's really different from my other OCs, Kayla and Susan, who would have yelled at Wade long before now that they like him and they want to go on a date, etc. She's kind of in a slight fantasy world that if she waits long enough, Wade will notice her/pay attention. As you will see in the next chapter, there is a reason for this.

Also, since this is only going to go on for about 10 more weeks, please vote on the poll on my profile for what story you want to replace this one!

And now...review time:

YaoiLovinKitsune: I know! Deadpool is such a great character that I think it's a real shame that there aren't many OCs out there for him. I really liked Vanessa in the movie but I was always kind angry that she didn't leave him. He really acted like a dick to her imo.