Still in mid-air from when he had been thrown, Wade was thinking to himself. And since he was in a fanfiction, that meant he was really talking aloud.
"Okay. Let's pro-con this superhero thing. Pro: they pull down a gaggle of ass. Dry cleaning-discounts, lucrative film deals both origin stories and larger ensemble team movies. Con: They're all lame-ass teacher's pets."
He landed with a grunt and looked up to see, shit fucking ass himself, Colossus, a giant man of metal, frowning at him. "You know I can hear you," he pointed out.
Wade got to his feet and shook his head. "I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to them," he corrected with a point to the computer screen…or whatever was looking at him.
Colossus turned to Francis, who had that annoying, probably British, smirk on his face. "Stay right here," he commanded. He turned back to Wade with a face that a disapproving pan might wear. "You've been warned before, Deadpool. This is a shameful and reckless use of your powers. You will both be coming with us."
Wade frowned briefly under his mask, but then he shook his head and the frown right off. Well, not right off. But the same idea applies. "Look, Colossus! I don't have time for the goody-two-shoes bullshit right now!" He paused and looked over at the teenage female next to Colossus. Her short black hair and bored expression gave off the impression that she was distinctly not interested.
Did that mean that readers weren't interested either? The horror of the thought made Wade nearly shake.
"And...you are?" he asked once the horrible idea had passed through him.
"Negasonic Teenage Warhead," the girl snapped, somehow making the literally best name in the entire fucking universe sound boring.
But Wade wasn't bored. He cocked his head to the side in his best imitation of a puppy, complete with the eyes, and said: "Negasonic Teenage...What the shit? That's the coolest name ever! So what, you're like his sidekick?"
Colossus frowned and crossed his arms almost defensively. As if Wade would ever hurt someone with that awesome of a name! "No, trainee," he corrected with a fond look to Negasonic.
Wade nodded sagely. They must have been on an unplanned teaching run. "Let me guess. X-men left you behind on, what, shit detail?"
Negasonic raised one of her eyebrows. "What does that make you?" she pointed out.
"Pretending you're not here, Negasonic Teenage Warhead. Trade names?" Turning around lightly, he punched Francis in the face and turned back to the two X-men.
"Can we go?" Negasonic huffed out to Colossus with a wave of her hand.
Wade bristled at the implication of him being boring to his party-crashing guests. "Look! I'm a teenage girl! I'd rather be anywhere than here. I'm all about long, sullen silences, followed by mean comments, followed by more silences. So what's it gonna be, huh? Long sullen silence, or mean comment? Go on."
There was a pause from Negasonic as she carefully regarded her options, likely thinking them over very carefully to pick which one would apply best with Wade…
She shrugged. "You've got me in a box here."
Wade punched the air. "Ah-hah!" He cheered, fully realizing just how rare it was to best a sullen teenager.
"We can't allow this Deadpool. Please, come quietly," Colossus said, cutting into the conversation with the same 'disapproving pan' look as before.
Wade glared at him. "You big, chrome, cock-gobbler!" he snapped.
Colossus frowned. "That's not nice." He pointed out.
"You're really gonna fuck this up for me? Trust me. That wheezing bag of dick tips has it coming! He's pure evil! Even Amy hates his guts! Besides, nobody's getting hurt!"
A body suddenly fell from the highway sign it had somehow gotten stuck to, causing the trio to turn around. Even Wade winced at the noise. "That guy was already up there when I got here," he said, which was completely and totally the truth.
He would never lie to his loyal readers.
Colossus shook his head. "Wade, you're better than this! Join us! Use your powers for good."
Not dignifying that with a response, Wade bent down a grabbed a metal disk from a car tire. He threw it like a frisbee over to Francis, smiling when it hit the man's head and sent it back against the wall of the bridge. "Heads up," he called over to him, just to be polite.
"Be a superhero!" Colossus pleaded.
Wade turned around to face Colossus. "Listen, the day I decide to become a crime-fighting shit-swizzler, who rooms with a bunch of other little whiners, at the Neverland mansion of some creepy, old, bald, Heaven's Gate-looking mother fucker, on that day...I'll send your shiny happy ass a friend request. But until then, I'm gonna do what I came here to do. Either that, or slap the bitch out of you."
"Wade…" Colossus tried.
"Hey-" Negasonic cut in, her brow furrowing.
"Zip it, Sinead!" he snapped at her.
She glowered at him and then snapped back at him, "Hey, douchepool!"
Ignoring her, he yelled to Francis as he turned, "And I hope you're watching!" He pointed to Francis…
For a long moment, Wade just stared at the spot where Francis had been sitting. He stared at the empty space. And then he gasped, his hands going to his cheeks. All the work he had put in, all the work Amy had put in, and none of the work that Weasel had put in…all for naught! He could just imagine Amy's frown when he told her that Francis had gotten away again. She'd be happy he was alright, sure…but she'd be disappointed. She was no fan of the shit bag either.
Colossus choose that unfortunate, heartbreaking time to lumber forwards and tisk, like some metal abomination of a hen, "Quite unfortunate."
Wade looked back at where Francis had been, and then at Colossus, and then at the space, and then at Colossus and then at the space and then at Colossus and…"That does it!"
The yell still fresh in the air, Wade jumped and hit Colossus on his head, breaking his own hand in the process. "Oh, Canada! That's not good."
"Wade, please," Colossus tried to placate.
But Wade was pass reason at this point – he was pissed. More so for Amy then himself. He hated to disappoint her and now he had to disappoint her with this. He knew, logically, that Amy hated death, and would likely feel bad if even Francis was dead, but he also knew that it would disappoint Amy and make her upset that he was upset. She was always so empathic like that. He could already see her frown and the way she would hug him and say 'Oh Wade, it's okay.' Even though it WASN'T okay and he was VERY, VERY ANGRY!
"Cock shot!" He yelled as he punched Colossus where his big metal dick should be…but it wasn't because Colossus was very strange. His hand also broke with the collusion. "Oh, your poor wife!" He said through totally not gritted teeth.
"You really should stop." Colossus said, looking down at him.
Wade just held up his hands, as if he was a fearsome dinosaur. "All the dinosaurs feared the T-rex."
Flipping in the air, he kicked Colossus' head with his foot, breaking it in the process. Wincing slightly, he heard Negasonic laughing in the background as Colossus just maintained the same concerned pot look.
"Ah! I promise this gets worse for you, big boy!" Wade vowed.
"This is embarrassing. Please, stay down." Colossus pleaded, looking down at Wade, who was still on the ground.
"You ever hear of the one-legged man in the ass-kicking contest?" Wade asked. He got to his foot, hoping on the one leg while trying, and failing, to hold his broken limbs.
"Do you have off switch?" Colossus grumbled, a frown as he eyed the hoping, little man in front of him.
"Yeah, it's right next to the prostate. Or is that the on switch?"
This seemed to be too much for Colossus. With a shake of his head, he snapped, "Enough!" He hit Wade with the back of his hand, sending him into a parked car. Negasonic laughed once again, watching with clear delight as Colossus walked over to Wade, who was groaning in pain, and handcuffed him. Turning around, Colossus started to walk towards Negasonic with Wade getting dragged on the ground next to them.
"Let us go talk to the professor," Colossus said with a sigh.
"McAvoy or Stewart? These timelines are so confusing. Dead or alive you're coming with me!"
Colossus just shook his head. "You will recover, Wade. You always do."
Snapping his arm back into place, Wade pulled out a knife and then paused. He turned to the lovely viewer, or reader, and hissed an aside, "You ever see 127 Hours? Spoiler alert."
He pulled out his trusty a knife, a gift from Amy, of all people. She really was the most peaceful person he had met. She had given it to him after she heard all that had happened when he was being 'cured' of cancer. She had said that she hoped that, should he ever wind up in a similar position, he could make some use with it. She likely hadn't been thinking of this as a situation, though Colossus and Amy had met and it hadn't gone well for Colossus. Seeing Amy so furious, her face starting to turn as red as her hair, was probably the best thing he had ever seen.
But back to the actual story. Wade used his gifted knife and started to saw off his hand. Negasonic noticed when he was nearly done and gagged. "Oh, my God. Nasty."
Colossus looked down, puzzled, only to get a hit of Wade's blood on his shiny metal face. Wade couldn't help but smirk. "Oh, there's the money shot, baby! Are you there God? It's me, Margaret."
He had timed it perfectly and, just as they arrived at the edge of the bridge, Wade was able to flip over the side, landing in the back of a truck that was driving past. His hand, a fallen comrade in his escape, was left flipping off Colossus.
"Rock, meet Bottom. When life ends up breath-takingly fucked, you can generally trace it back to one big, bad decision."
Once again, a really short chapter. I tried to cut the chapters in places that felt natural so some of the chapters end up being extremely long. Still, at least we're making progress. Looking back at the movie I really like the flashback parts better than the bridge scenes.
I know it's really Amy-lit, and unfortunately the next chapter is as well, but Wade does think about her a lot. With this chapter there isn't much to say besides that. At least we're off the bridge.