IV

"So?"

Nicaise peered across the table at Laurent, who was absorbed in his cell phone. What else was new? He'd been messaging Damen almost 24/7 over the past few days, trying to iron out the details on their collaboration. Or, at least, that was what Laurent claimed they were doing. Once, Nicaise had snuck a look at the messages while Laurent was in the bathroom, and it seemed like nothing but (awkward) flirting to him. Damen had some kind of obsession with using emoticons. Embarrassing. Even more embarrassing were his brother's one word responses. To anyone who didn't know him as well as Nicaise did, he would likely seem disinterested. He wasn't sure what it said about Damen that he had been undeterred, but he felt that it was probably a good sign.

Laurent hadn't seemed to hear him. His cheeks had suddenly gone an uncharacteristically bright shade of pink. Nicaise wished that he knew what Damen had said to elicit such a response. He'd have to snoop on his phone later, if the opportunity arose. "Laurent?" He sipped at his milk, glancing at his brother, whose attention he had finally garnered, over the rim of the cup.

"Hmm?" Nicaise sat his glass down and gestured towards the cell phone, which had been set aside – if only because Laurent couldn't cut his meat and type at the same time.

"Have you two worked out the details, or have you been too busy flirting?"

Laurent dropped his knife. Nicaise was both relieved and impressed that he didn't cut himself. "We aren't flirting," Laurent said.

"It looks like flirting." The blush, which had been nearly gone, was back with a vengeance. "What did he say to you just now?"

His brother hesitated, then handed over his phone. He looked as though he were mentally steeling himself for an argument. Still, Nicaise knew that he wouldn't have given him the phone if he didn't want to talk about… whatever it was that they needed to talk about. He scrolled up through the last half hours' worth of messages. Damen, it seemed, had spent five minutes complimenting Laurent's hair. Nicaise was proud of himself for managing to keep a neutral expression.

These two were hopeless.

Those messages, however, weren't the ones Laurent wanted to talk to him about.

[6:16] so, i was thinking
[6:16] I'm impressed.
[6:16] oh, fuck you :P
[6:17] What were you thinking about?
[6:17] wouldn't it be easiest to collab if we were
[6:17] you know?
[6:17] together?
[6:19] Together?
[6:20] yeah. i mean, online multiplayer is fine but
[6:21] you've never played before
[6:21] so i was thinking that you could just come over here?

It was a thought that Nicaise had had, too. Laurent understandably didn't have the appropriate set-up for a gaming channel, not to mention that he'd never played a video game in his life – well, unless Pacman at the arcade counted, and he hadn't been particularly good at Pacman. It had seemed obvious to Nicaise that Laurent would have to go to Damen's. Apparently, it hadn't seemed obvious to Laurent. He had yet to reply to the message.

"What's the big deal?" Nicaise asked, passing the phone back to his brother.

Laurent shot him a look that clearly said, you know exactly what the big deal is. What he said aloud, however, was: "This wasn't what I expected. Maybe this was a mistake."

"You can't back down now!" Not after all of the trouble to which Nicaise had gone to get them talking.

He knew what Laurent was doing. He would argue against going, would insist that everything was going to go horribly wrong, would come up with excuse after excuse as to why he couldn't possibly leave home… but, deep down, he wanted to go. He just wanted Nicaise to reassure him. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"What's the worst that could happen?" Laurent repeated, in a tone that gave Nicaise the impression that he had absolutely no idea and was trying to think of a valid response. "I hardly know him. He could be a – oh, I don't know…"

"If you were about to say, 'mass murderer,' I am judging you so hard right now. You're being ridiculous. This is Damen. He signs his messages with smiley faces. There's not a dangerous bone in his body."

"Anyone can sign a message with emoticons, Nicaise."

As if on cue, his phone lit up with a new message – or messages. Damen tended to send several at a time. His thoughts flowed too quickly to be contained in a single message.

[6:29] fuck
[6:29] i scared you, didn't i?
[6:29] forget i suggested it, ok?
[6:30] i can talk you through setting up online multiplayer
[6:30] not a problem
[6:30] or we don't have to do it at all, if you don't want to
[6:30] i'm fine just messaging
[6:31] y'know, just being friends
[6:31] we are friends, right?
[6:31] i hope we're friends :)
[6:32] laurent?
[6:33] you're not mad, are you? :/

Nicaise blinked. "He's eager."

"He's nice," said Laurent. Nicaise thought it was strange, the way Damen made Laurent forget his words. Words were his brother's defense, his most trustworthy weapon. He could wield them with precision. It was different with Damen. When Laurent spoke of Damen, his words fell away until he was left with nothing but the basest of adjectives. Nice. He wondered what words Laurent had wanted to use and had been unable to string together.

Laurent peered down at the screen, the blush rising back into his cheeks. "He's really nice," he said faintly.

"He's probably just busy," Nikandros was saying. Damen had ceased listening to him five minutes ago in favor of pacing his living room.

He shouldn't have suggested it. No wonder Laurent had stopped answering him. They'd only known each other for a few days, during which time Damen had (according to Nikandros) flirted with Laurent relentlessly. Damen thought that was a bit of an exaggeration, although… he tended to flirt without realizing. Come to think of it, he'd waxed poetic about Laurent's hair a little while ago…

Still, it wasn't as though Laurent hadn't been flirting with him, too. At least, Damen thought he was flirting. He never could tell for certain when it came to Laurent. To most people, what Damen had chosen to interpret as good-natured teasing would seem like insults – Laurent's response to Damen's 'I was thinking' message earlier, for example. If his videos were anything to go on, Laurent thought about his words very carefully. Damen had watched him decimatenovels in seconds flat with nothing but a scathing insult and an ill-tempered look. He felt that, if Laurent's aim was to truly offend him, he would know.

Besides, this was Laurent's idea in the first place. He was the one to contact Damen. Why go to the effort if he didn't like Damen? Sure, a collaboration between the two of them would be certain to get a ridiculous amount of views, but Laurent didn't seem the type of person who would suffer through a collaboration with somebody he couldn't stand.

Sometimes (and maybe it was just wishful thinking), Damen had the feeling that Laurent liked him just as much as Damen liked Laurent. The other night, for example, Laurent had casually slipped, 'I like the new shades,' into their conversation. Damen hadn't mentioned his new sunglasses to Laurent – why would he? But he had posted a picture to his Instagram. Funny thing was, he knew for a fact that Laurent didn't follow him on any of his social media accounts. He wasn't sure what to make of that. He thought, occasionally, that he had Laurent de Vere figured out; then, something happened to confuse him all over again.

God, what on earth had possessed him to invite Laurent over? It hadn't been his initial plan, but then he'd begun thinking about the – well, the logistics of it. He already had the perfect set-up. Nik joined him for recordings and streams all the time. It seemed like more of a hassle on Laurent's part to try to collaborate from home, and the Nintendo servers were sketchy at even the best of times. The chances of something going wrong were fairly high, and Laurent had made it perfectly clear that a miserable attempt at Pacman had been his last adventure in gaming. Wouldn't it be easier if he was physically there to help Laurent if he had any trouble?

"Damen," Nikandros interrupted his thoughts. "You're overreacting."

"I don't think I am."

Before Nik could say anything else, Damen's phone chimed and he nearly tripped over his own feet in his rush to get to it.

[6:50] I'm not mad.
[6:50] you're not?
[6:51] good. i'm glad.
[6:51] Yes.

[6:52] yes?
[6:52] We're friends.
[6:53] oh. great :D
[6:54] Do you have a minute?
[6:54] I thought we could get in a call.

No sooner had he sent the words 'get in a call' but Damen was calling him. "Eager," Nicaise said, snorting. Laurent rolled his eyes and answered, trying to swallow down his nerves. This was the first time they'd spoken over video-call. If Damen was anxious, too, he didn't show it. He was all smiles, waving enthusiastically at Laurent, who found that he couldn't help but smile back.

"Hey! Nik, say hello!" Damen tilted his phone so Laurent was able to see Nikandros, lounging on the sofa beside him. He looked as interested in talking to Laurent as Laurent was in talking to him – that is to say, not at all.

"Hi." Nik tossed up a hand in greeting before returning his attention to his own cell phone.

"Hi," Laurent replied dryly. Nicaise, in the background, clapped a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter. "Anyway, I – thought we should talk about your suggestion." Damen looked nervous, now. It made Laurent feel a little guilty for having ignored his messages for so long.

"If you don't want to come," said Damen hurriedly, "that's fine. I mean it. I just – see, I thought that it would be easiest? Since you don't know what you're doing, and you don't really have a gaming set-up? Or, I mean, we could scratch the gaming idea entirely. I can read. I don't mind reading."

"I haven't seen you read a book since high school," Laurent heard Nikandros mutter. Damen elbowed him in the side. If he'd tried to conceal the action from the camera's view, he'd done a poor job.

"No, it's… it's fine," Laurent said. "I just – I wasn't expecting you to suggest it." That was an understatement. He wasn't sure what he had expected – the two of them to continue on forever the way they'd been? Possibly. There was a safety in it. There were no consequences. Damen could tell him that he was beautiful – and he had, in not so many words – and Laurent could smile and blush, and Damen would be none the wiser. Likewise, Laurent could pay Damen compliments and never have to know how they were received. He could imagine that Damen was lying awake at night smiling at his ceiling and wondering if Laurent was doing the same.

(He was. Always.)

This was different. There was no safety net in face-to-face interactions. There was no pretending, no imagining. If he smiled, Damen would know. If he laughed, Damen would know. If he was terrified out of his fucking mind, as he was right now, Damen would know. Laurent didn't want Damen to know.

There was a reason Jord was his only friend. He tended to scare everyone else away with his brusqueness and his sarcasm and his general inability to act like a normal human being. Nicaise disagreed. He often told him that he scared people away on purpose, that he was afraid to get too close to anyone.

Maybe he was right. Or, maybe, he was half right. Laurent wasn't afraid of getting close to Damen. He was afraid of getting close to Damen and then messing it up.

Over text messaging, there was still a sense of non-reality to all of this. If Damen stopped talking to him tomorrow, it would hurt, but he would get over it. Maybe not in a day, or a week, or a month – but eventually, it would fade and seem like little more than a dream. He would tell himself that it made no sense to miss somebody he'd hardly known, and after a time, he would learn to believe it.

Now it was real. He could seeDamen, and Damen could see him. Damen had smiled at him, had been glad to see him – and Laurent couldn't help but think that it wouldn't last. Things had changed. Now, when Damen inevitably tired of him, Laurent would be able to see it happening. There would be no more hiding behind a screen, protecting himself with carefully chosen words. Over texting, Laurent could keep himself from saying something wrong. He had the power to recall the words before he sent them.

In real life, he had no such talent. It didn't matter when it came to Nicaise. Nicaise knew him. There was very little he could say to his brother that would genuinely hurt his feelings. Damen, however…

Yes, when this friendship or flirtation or whatever it was eventually ran its course, Laurent knew that it would be his fault. He wasn't so proud that he couldn't admit it to himself: he was scared. He was scared because he couldn't remember the last time he'd been as happy as Damen was capable of making him.

(That was a lie; he'd been thirteen.)

He was scared because he didn't want to lose this. He was scared because he didn't want to be the reason he lost it. Not everybody in the world is going to disappoint you, Nicaise had said. He wasn't sure that 'everybody' included himself.

He constantly disappointed himself.

"It's fine," he said again. He wasn't sure if he was trying to reassure Damen, or himself. "I'm fine." Very rarely had he felt less fine. He was feeling more anxious with each second that passed.

"You don't look fine." Damen looked concerned, the corners of his mouth curved downward, and Laurent wondered just how pale his face had become. He glanced sidelong at Nicaise, who had ceased his laughter in favor of staring at Laurent worriedly. Nicaise rose, moving to the chair beside his, and wrapped his hand around Laurent's free one.

Laurent was glad for the contact. It was one of the few things that could help to calm him down when he got this way.

He decided that he didn't like when Damen frowned. He liked it even less when he was the cause. This was what he'd been afraid of – they'd spoken to each other for less than five minutes, and he'd already upset Damen.

"Look," Damen was saying, "if you don't want to come and stay with me, you don't have to. I'm serious, okay? I'm not mad." His voice sounded very far away, as though heard from underwater. Laurent thought idly that he'd never learned to swim.

Everything was beginning to seem a little muddled. He wanted to repeat that he was fine, but he couldn't seem to find the words. He could hear Nicaise addressing Damen: "Give me a few minutes with him, okay? I'll call you right back." Nicaise must have taken the phone; Laurent didn't think he was holding it anymore.

If Damen had responded, Laurent hadn't heard him. The only thing he was aware of was Nicaise's hand squeezing his. He squeezed back. It made him feel a little better – but only just. He forced himself to focus on his brother's face. He looked concerned, but not afraid. He didn't think that Nicaise was ever afraid.

"Laurent?" He zeroed in on his name, latched onto his brother's voice. "It's going to be okay. Alright? Breathe." Nicaise drew in a breath, pressing Laurent's hand as he exhaled. Laurent did as he was told, matching his breaths to his brother's until he no longer felt as though he were suffocating. They sat quietly, still holding hands, for a few minutes longer. When he was sure it was safe to do so, Nicaise let go of Laurent's hand and hugged him, instead.

Nicaise was used to dealing with him when he was like this; Laurent hated it. He hated feeling as though his brother was taking care of him, instead of the other way around. That was the way it was supposed to be.

He knew that if he said it aloud, Nicaise would tell him to get the fuck over himself and accept help when it was offered to him. Sometimes, he thought that Nicaise was smarter than him. He thought that Nicaise probably knew him better than he knew himself.

"Sorry," he muttered. Nicaise made a disgruntled sound, as if to say that Laurent didn't need to apologize.

"Do you want me to call him back? You'll be alright?"

Laurent didn't answer, because he wasn't sure. He wondered what Damen must think of him. He wondered if Damen would even want to talk to him, after seeing him react so poorly to a harmless suggestion.

Nicaise sighed. "Whatever you're so worried about… it's not going to happen. I know it won't. Did you see the way he was looking at you? I'm pretty sure you could stab that guy in the throat and he'd thank you for it."

Laurent rolled his eyes. Nicaise was more optimistic than he was, which was saying something, because Nicaise was a proper pessimist. "You can tell me that I'm being an idiot. It won't hurt my feelings."

"You're not being an idiot." He must have really meant it, because Nicaise never passed up the opportunity to tell Laurent when he was being stupid. "I don't blame you for being scared. I just – I know you. Whatever you've convinced yourself is going to happen is fifty times worse than anything that actually could happen."

Laurent wanted to argue, but couldn't find the energy. "Maybe I should tell him to forget about the collab altogether."

"Is that what you really want," asked Nicaise doubtfully, "or are you just running away?"

[7:15] Hi, this is Nicaise.
[7:16] is he ok?
[7:16] i freaked him out, didn't i?
[7:16] He's fine.
[7:17] You didn't freak him out.
[7:17] He freaked himself out. He overthinks.
[7:18] i've noticed.
[7:19] if he doesn't want to do the video, he doesn't have to.
[7:19] Can I be honest for a sec?
[7:20] shoot
[7:21] I sent you the email.
[7:22] that
[7:22] explains so much
[7:23] Don't get me wrong.
[7:24] He wanted to talk to you.
[7:24] He's just not a great people person. He needed the push.
[7:25] to reiterate
[7:25] he doesn't have to do the video
[7:26] we can just be friends
[7:27] assuming he still wants to be
[7:27] why isn't he talking to me? you said he's ok?
[7:28] He's doing the dishes. Needed a distraction.
[7:29] He wants to do the video.
[7:29] You don't mind if I come, do you?
[7:30] will it make him happy
[7:30] If he leaves me here, he'll spend the entire week worrying.
[7:30] sure. come along. i have room.
[7:31] Thanks. I'll have him call you back in a bit.
[7:31] And Damen?
[7:32] ?
[7:32] Hurt my brother and I'll fucking kill you.

"Nice kid," said Nikandros, eying the messages over Damen's shoulder. "Dude, are you sure this is a good idea? You met this guy, what? Three days ago? And now he's coming to stay with you, and he's bringing his little brother? What's next, meeting the future in-laws?"

Damen rolled his eyes. "He is a nice kid." He chose to ignore the rest of what Nik had said. He knew how crazy all of this was. He knew that it didn't make any sense that he felt so strongly for someone he hardly knew. He just… didn't care. "I'd kill for a brother like him." It was endearing, how much effort Nicaise had put into helping them meet. Note to self: give Nicaise a high five when you see him.

(It made his heart warm, knowing for a fact that Laurent had apparently been as smitten with Damen as Damen had been with him.)

"Well, it'd be pretty fucking hard to have a worse brother than yours."

"Thanks for the reminder."

[7:34] i'd expect nothing less.

A few minutes later, he received another Skype call from Laurent. The blond looked significantly calmer than he had before. Never underestimate the power of doing the dishes, Damen supposed.

"I'm sorry for earlier." It was the first thing out of his mouth, without so much as a hello. Damen shook his head.

"Don't be. Your brother talked to me."

"I know. I hope he didn't bother you."

"Of course not. I'm glad you're alright."

A silence fell between them, but it wasn't awkward. Laurent's cheeks had taken on a faint tinge of pink. It was a struggle for Damen to contain his delight. "I don't – have many friends." Judging by the look on his face, that wasn't what Laurent had meant to say, but it didn't make it any less true. "I was nervous. I… panicked. It wasn't your fault."

"Nicaise said that you still wanted to do the video?"

Laurent was quiet for so long that Damen wondered if he hadn't heard. "Yes," he said finally. "His spring break starts on Saturday, and lasts for a week. Would that be alright? We don't have to stay for the entire week, of course. I wouldn't want to impose."

"You wouldn't be imposing. Things have been quiet around here, since…"

"Jokaste?"

When Damen met Laurent's eyes, he could tell that Laurent hadn't meant to say that aloud. He looked positively furious with himself for having mentioned her name. Damen couldn't understand why. It was no secret that they'd broken up. "Yeah. It'll be good to have a distraction. For you, too, I think?"

Laurent's brow furrowed. "For me?"

"I don't know. You always seem tense, I guess. Anxious." He wondered what Laurent would say if he told him that he'd pinpointed quite a few of his nervous habits. He wondered what he'd say if he told him that he could provide timestamps for some of them. 'At 2:36 in your Dracula review, you twirl a lock of hair around your finger for so long that it stays curled through the rest of the video.' He wondered what Laurent would say if he told him that he'd lain awake one night at three in the morning thinking about how nice that curl had looked in Laurent's hair. "You need a break."

"Maybe I do," Laurent agreed. He smiled.

Damen wondered what Laurent would say if he told him that he'd never seen anything more beautiful than his smile.

A/N: Again, thanks so much for reading! As always, any feedback is much appreciated! This story is posted on Ao3 under the username labeautelivresque. I also have a Ko-Fi, if you would like to support my writing with a donation. You can find the link to my page pinned to my Twitter account, kath_lightfoot. I'll also be posting updates/snippets of upcoming chapters to my Twitter, so you can all feel free to follow me there. I'm almost always on, screaming over Capri or YOI or one of my dozens of other fandoms.

Thanks again!