Chapter Three – Knocking At Your Backdoor

The brothers drove around the streets for hours, but found no sign of the petite blonde. The drive had been mostly in silence, save for the occasional question from Sam, with a grunt for a response, and the cursing from Dean. They had made a couple of stops to do a thorough search of the possible hiding spots they passed, as well as to dispatch smaller groups of demons and bikers, but nothing had been turned up. Not even a sign that she had passed through any of the places they had been searching. They were running out of places to look, leaving Dean with one last anxious play. Her house was the only place he could think to look now, so he looped through the streets, desperately hoping to remember the route to her house, an address, or at very least to recognize the house. The idea of finding her and then losing her so soon was too much. Dean accelerated again, pushing the Impala to her limit. He silently apologized to his baby, but he knew she'd understand. She'd been through worse, and she'd live. The same could not be said for Buffy.

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"How long was I gone?"

Spike's voice was strained, choking back tears, "Hundred forty-seven days yesterday. Uh…hundred forty-eight today. 'Cept today doesn't count, does it? How long was it for you, where you were?" Spike's hand grasped hers softly.

Buffy paused, at first unsure of how to answer that question, "Longer."

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The sight of the delicate house on Revello Drive should have been a moment of immense relief, but that feeling was distinctly absent as Dean parked his car down the block from it. Finding the house was not the same as finding Buffy, and he couldn't possibly know if Buffy would be able to find her way here. At least, not in the state she was in when they had found her. Looking at the house, they noticed lights on inside, but there was no sight of the blonde nearby. Dean could only hope that she was inside, safe and sound. This part of the town appeared to be untouched by the chaos that had tainted what they had seen so far. That offered a small amount of comfort to the brothers.

Sam wouldn't say anything at the moment, but he recognized this house from a month or so ago when they had been in this town. He remembered parking in this exact spot as Dean went around the back of the house. Last time he had stayed in the car like his brother had instructed, but this time there was no way he was sitting this one out. He didn't know what they were doing here, and it may look quiet enough, but it wasn't safe out there alone. His brother was frantic, and frantic meant reckless. A reckless hunter generally ended up dead, so Sam knew that Dean needed someone to watch his back right now, even if he wouldn't ask for it.

Taking a deep breath, almost as though he was hoping to pull some courage from the air around him, Dean stepped out of the car. His gun was at the ready, his eyes scanning the surrounding area, but his focus remained on the house. He could see movement inside, and opted to stay low and stick to the shadows. He didn't know who, or what, was in the house. If it was simply her family and friends, Dean wasn't ready to explain himself to anyone. If there was any source of evil inside, Dean wouldn't hesitate to break the door down if he needed to, though he hoped that any introductions would be less abrupt and hasty than that. The two brothers stayed quiet as they made their way to the house. A quick peek in through the window revealed a group of people, all standing around someone who was sitting with her back to the window. She was wearing a white shirt now, and her hair was cleaned up and tied back, but he was sure it was her. He had found Buffy, and she had found her home.

"I, I think I ... just wanna go to sleep," Buffy spoke softly, like she was unsure of her own words.

God it felt good to hear her voice, even if it was through a pane of glass. It was the confirmation he needed that it was really her, that she was here, and that she really was okay. She had found her way home, and was with her friends and family. He recognized the group of people around her as the ones he had seen when he came to check on her sister. She would be okay here with them. He watched her leave the room, probably heading to bed as she had stated, and finally the relief he so needed washed over him.

Buffy was alive. She was alive and she was okay.

Sunnydale, however, was not. Even with the Slayer back, the demons were still trying to run this town. Dean may not have been able to save Buffy from Purgatory like he had wanted to, but he sure as hell wasn't going to force her into the fight so soon. He didn't know how long she had been back, but he was willing to hazard a guess that she was freshly brought back.

That confusion that was splashed on her face was familiar. He had gone through the same thing himself. An image flashed past his eyes of her hands. He had seen her knuckles briefly when he tried to approach her. They were cut and bloodied. He knew what she had done, now he understood. She clawed her way through her grave. He had done the same. He now understood why she had been so lost and disheveled. She had only just got back. God, if he had come out of his grave and found himself in a warzone like this, he would have been just as lost. Realization set in as he heard Cas' words play over in his head again. Cas knew she was coming back. That's why he wanted Dean nowhere near Sunnydale. Which could only mean that Cas knew more about what happened. It would seem that Dean wasn't the only one keeping secrets.

Buffy was dealing with a lot. With all this new context in Dean's head, he could understand how overwhelmed she must be feeling. Wrapping her head around being brought back from the dead was enough. She shouldn't have to worry about having to protect her town tonight. Finally Dean found something he could do to help, and it just so happened to be something he was good at. It was the least he could do. Dean stalked off back towards the Impala, carrying with him the image of Buffy sitting with her friends.

Buffy was alive. She was alive and she was okay.

Sam didn't need to see anything more than the back of the blonde's head to realize that this was the same girl they had seen earlier that night. It was the same girl that Dean had been pursuing, and he had known right where she would go. Obviously the last time they had visited this place he had been looking for her then as well. The hasty retreat they had taken that night told him that she hadn't been here that time. His brother had found the person he was supposed to check on, but not this blonde. She was here now, but Sam had no idea what that actually meant. Sam had no clue who this girl even was, but she was clearly important to Dean somehow. Even though he had gained more pieces of the puzzle, he was still missing some huge piece that would bring this whole mess into a clear image. There was no way for Dean to avoid it this time, and Sam figured that he was owed some answers. He had gone along with Dean for the entire time that he had been back, never questioning a thing. That was done now. The doors to the Impala were no sooner shut before Sam was on Dean, rapid-firing questions.

"Okay. Why are we here? Why have we been here before? Who is that girl? How do you know her? Why are you willing to risk our lives for her? Why was there a robot look-alike of her? What does she have to do with the cemetery we visited last time?"

Dean flinched at each question that Sam flung at him, mostly because he knew he was unable to continue running from them. It was time to give Sam something solid to chew on for a while, even if it wasn't the whole story. He had seen Buffy in the house and knew that Dean had been pursuing someone he knew. Maybe given some time Dean could come up with a lie, but at this point in time? He was tired. Far too tired to come up with some great fabrication that could explain away everything that had happened, not just tonight but over the last month or so.

Dean squeezed the corner of his eyes with a sigh.

"Dean?"

"I met her in Purgatory. She's the slayer."

"The slayer? As in the vampire slayer? 'One girl in all the world' slayer?" Sam sounded a cross between doubtful and stunned.

Dean nodded, "That's her."

"Slayers are real?"

"Very."

Sam thought a moment on that, "are the stories true?"

Dean gave a slight nod, "well they don't come with magic powers, but superpowers? Definitely. Strength. Agility. Speed. Heightened senses. She had 'em all."

"What was it like seeing her fight," Sam was slightly enamoured with the legend of the Slayer, and he couldn't help but question it as his eyes glinted like a child in a candy store.

"Incredible, Sammy. Absolutely incredible."

"I thought slayers were on the side of the good guys. How did she end up in Purgatory? How did she get out? With you?"

Dean's head was already throbbing from all the questions. That was the thing with Sam, one question would almost always spiral into ten. And those ten would take Dean deeper than he had ever wanted to go.

"She died, Sam. Somehow she ended up there instead of where she belonged. I have no clue how she's back, but she is," a pang of guilt washed over him when he thought back to his escape from Purgatory. "She was still trapped there when I got out." He purposely avoided his brother's eyes.

"You left her behind?" The confusion that laced Sam's question softened the blow, but it was still a low blow as far as Dean was concerned.

"I did not leave her behind!" Dean yelled, shooting his brother a withering look.

Dean's outburst signalled that question time was over. While he may not have uncovered much, Sam still felt satisfied that he got somewhere. As much as he wanted to know all about the slayer, beyond what they had read in books, now was obviously not the time. He'd let Dean vent his anger with some good old fashioned demon killing before he pushed him further.

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Buffy's voice was low and hoarse, barely recognizable as her own, "What did you do? Do you know what you did? You're like children. Your hands smell of death. Bitches! Filthy little bitches, rattling the bones. Did you cut the throat? Did you pat its head?" She was shouting now, "the blood dried on your hands, didn't it?"

The panic settled in for the two witches. Tara stared wide-eyed, seemingly frozen.

Willow reached for Tara who was muttering "Oh my god, oh my god…"

"You were stained. You still are. I know what you did!" Buffy continued to shout.

Willow leapt from the bed to switch the light on. When she turned around Buffy was gone.

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Dean wiped the blood off of his face with a grin. There was something about hacking off monster heads that seemed to make him feel better. More so since he returned from Purgatory, for sure. They had been fighting demons for hours, and he finally felt like they were making a dent in the population. They had left the Summers' house shortly before the sun had risen, and they had been hacking down demons ever since. It was late in the afternoon, closing in on the evening, and Dean knew he should be tired by now. No fatigue was settling in though, and this was the closest he had felt to Purgatory since he returned. At least in the waking world. It was the best part of Purgatory, being able to unleash completely. Anything that moved, died. No shades of grey needed to exist right now, and it helped erase some of the turmoil that Dean had been covering since seeing Buffy again, but not enough.

"I think the rest of them have all split," Sam stated, also wiping some demon blood from his face.

Dean had been giving him the silent treatment ever since the blow up in the car the previous night. Sam had hoped that clearing the gangs from the town would be enough to lighten Dean's mood, but obviously his expectations had been too high. They had killed a large number of beasts, and still the rage was obvious on Dean's face. Sam must have hit an exposed nerve with his comment, which he now regretted.

"Do you want to take another spin through town, just in case?" Sam kept prodding, hoping to get even a nod in response from Dean.

"Sure."

Well, one word was better than nothing.

A few laps through the streets proved mostly peaceful, and any demon they did come across was hightailing it away from Sunnydale. The brothers both figured that it was a combination of the slayer returning to town and their efforts to beat the gangs out. No matter the cause, Sunnydale seemed to have returned to a sleepy state. The only evidence left of the chaos was the bonfires, overturned cars, and broken windows. Nothing the people couldn't handle over the next few days. Only one stop remained before the hunters could too blow town.

"We stopping by the slayer's house?"

"Her name is Buffy."

"Okay. Are we stopping by Buffy's house before we head out?"

Dean nodded, "that's the plan anyways. I promised her I'd check in on her sister last time we were here. I gotta let her know that I at least did that."

"That's why we were here last time?"

Dean leaned his head back, sighing. "Ya, that was why. Buffy chose to stay back in Purgatory, but she needed someone to check on her sister. I promised I would do so when I got home. When I peeked in the windows last time, I saw her surrounded by friends. Had a watch dog of sorts outside too. She was safe, and I didn't have to worry about it."

"She chose to stay?"

Dean nodded, "at first anyways. Last minute she wanted to leave with me. We, uh, got interrupted. She ended up having to stay after all…" Dean trailed off, the memory of her pushing him through the portal still a fresh wound.

His hand instinctively raised to where her hand had hit him in the chest, as though he could still feel the impact. He could still see the expression on her face while they stood in front of the portal while Eve held tight onto her. Buffy didn't want to stay in that place any more than he would have wanted to, but yet in that moment it was the decision she made. She had made it so that he could escape, so that he could live. The sorrow in her eyes was staggering, and it killed him to know that she had changed her mind. That she wanted to go with him. It was only a split second that he had the chance to see how she truly felt, but it felt like a lifetime. Dean couldn't explain it to Sam, and he didn't want to. He just wanted to leave it at that.

"And the cemetery we stopped at?" Sam pried.

Dean tried to remain stone faced, but was starting to fail on that front. There were too many memories circling through his mind and it was hard to ignore them.

"I wanted to confirm her story. To see that she was actually dead," Dean paused. "I guess part of me wanted to make sure that people were visiting her there. That she wasn't forgotten."

Sam understood more than he was willing to let on. He hadn't been to Jess' grave in years, and he could only hope that other people were visiting her there. Both brothers knew that a person wasn't actually tied to their grave; that they weren't actually there. They also knew that the gravesite was just as much for the living as it was for the dead. It was crazy that a cement block could offer as much comfort as it did. Sam always felt closer to Jess when he did get to stop by it. It wasn't the same, visiting Jess as it was visiting Buffy, but Sam got it. He could see the guilt in his brother's eyes. It was the same guilt that Sam had carried over the years since Jess' death. This was the distress that Sam had been able to pick up on, he finally got it. He had thought knowing the truth would make him feel better, but it didn't.

"Alright," Sam said simply, knowing that there was nothing he could say to lighten the current mood, "let's go."

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"Uh, I do remember what I said. The promise. To protect her," Spike paused, struggling to get through what it was he wanted to say. "If I had done that, even if I didn't make it, you wouldn't have had to jump." Guilt marked his words.

"But I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but…after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again, do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways."

His voice softened, and it was so quiet that Buffy could barely hear him speak.

Spike took a deep breath, "Every night I save you."

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Pulling up to the house, parking in what the boys kind of saw as their own spot now, Dean was struck with an incredible sense of apprehension. He didn't know what he was expecting to happen, how she would react to him being here. What could he even say to her? She was back from the dead, pulled out of Purgatory, and she was home. There wasn't really a protocol for this kind of situation, and Dean had no idea how to even approach her at this point. She just got home, was he really willing to separate her from her friends right now, even for a minute? Was she ready to explain who he was? Was she ready to confront the memories of that place? Dean had thought about this moment nonstop since returning home, but the circumstances were completely different than he had been expecting. He thought he'd be seeing her as he saved her. Someone, or something, else had done the rescuing, not him. What kind of conversation lead in could he have now?

It was long dark now, and Dean sat in the Impala for an hour before he was able to even think about heading towards the house. He was afraid that Sam was going to make a big deal of things, but much to his surprise, and appreciation, Sam sat silently with him. Dean sat and waited until the last light in the house went out, casting the yard into blackness. He hoped that it would be Buffy that would answer the door, avoiding at least one awkward situation. With a deep breath, Dean found himself forcing his way across the yard. His years of training told him to take a lap around the house to make sure everything was clear of those biker gang demons before knocking on the door. No sense in dragging a fight right to her front door. Plus it gave him a little more time to work up his own courage. He had never felt this amount of nerves before. It wasn't a feeling that the Winchester enjoyed, and he had no real idea of how to cope with it. Dean walked a slower pace than normal, grateful that Sam wasn't around to take notice of that.

Coming around to the back of the house, Dean was surprised to find the slayer sitting on her back steps. Alone. Dean sucked back into the shadows of the trees to remain unseen. The slayer's senses picked up on him anyways, as her eyes snapped upwards toward where he had been standing. Buffy scanned the area carefully, but eventually stopped her search. She obviously knew someone was nearby, but she sensed it wasn't a threat. Dean was grateful for the time he had been given here, not only to prepare himself, but to watch her. It was the only peaceful moment he had ever had around her and his heart was practically singing at the thought that she was this close to him. For once he was able to see her at rest, without her senses being pushed into overdrive. In this moment she wasn't the prey, and she didn't have to be a predator. If even for a moment, she got to be Buffy. This was what Buffy was like in a world that was much less violent than Purgatory. In that moment Dean replaced his image of Buffy from Purgatory with this one.

He noticed that she looked overwhelmed, a little unsure of her surroundings, and a little disjointed. He remembered that feeling well, after being ripped out of hell. It was similar to the feeling when Cas grabbed him from limbo. Despite everything, Buffy looked much more like the woman he remembered meeting in Purgatory than she had when he had seen her earlier that night. He figured she was still adjusting to being back and started to regret his decision to approach her already, but at least she looked less lost. The last thing she needed was more to process right now, but he was here, and he couldn't leave without at least checking in. She would never forgive him if he left without a word. He wouldn't forgive himself either. He was about the step out of the shadows when a hand clamped firmly down on his shoulder. He spun around quickly to find himself face to face with Cas.

"Dean, I warned you not to do this," Cas's voice sounded like a parent who was scolding a petulant child.

"And since when do I ever listen to you? You knew I would come anyways," Dean kept his voice hushed so that Buffy wouldn't hear them.

"I expected you would make the trip, but I had hoped you would stay away from the slayer," Cas also lowered his voice.

Cas caught the look in Dean's eyes. It was one that he had never seen in the Winchester before, but he had seen it for centuries as he watched the people of Earth. Gabriel used to tease Cas relentlessly for not understanding the concept, for not recognizing it. For the first time he realized exactly what the draw was that the hunter had to the slayer. He had missed it before, but it was now as clear as day on Dean's face. If he had picked up on this sooner, he would have known that he could never halt Dean from traveling to Sunnydale. Cas felt guilt start to well up inside of him. Now he almost wished that he had alerted Dean to what the plan was regarding the slayer. Almost. Though now he understood even better why he couldn't have told him. There was too much at stake to allow Dean's prejudices to jeopardize her return. Regardless of his feelings for the slayer.

"How is she here, Cas? I thought you couldn't get her?"

"I couldn't. I am not responsible for her returning from Purgatory. There was a very powerful being that took it upon themselves to bring her back."

"Powerful being?" Dean felt his heart sink, this had demon deal written all over it.

"A witch. Her witch."

The instant rage build up was too much to bear. He remembered Buffy talking about a friend that dabbled in some Wiccan culture, but this was more than dabbling, and it was certainly more than harmless little spells. This was messing with life and death, and it was messing with some serious powers. Powers that she should have never dealt with, powers that were never meant to be understood by humans. Fucking witches.

"Willow?"

Cas nodded, "the power in her is substantial. She did what I could not, imploring Osiris to pull her back to the mortal coil. It is rare that he is willing to send spirits back."

Dean took in the new information, completely awestruck. It was a lot to take in, especially that there was a witch powerful enough to do what Cas couldn't. He didn't know this witch, and he hoped it remained that way. Anyone with that kinda power had to be absolutely terrifying.

Cas interrupted Dean's thoughts, "Are you determined to speak with her?"

"Uh, ya," Dean didn't even try to hide the attitude in his voice. "Kinda why I'm here, Cas."

"If you're going to insist on this, then I feel I must warn you."

"Warn me?"

His first thought was that she came back different. That she came back wrong. That she wasn't the Buffy he had known. He didn't know what Cas was going to say, but he braced himself anyways. There was no way that it could be good news.

"She will not know who you are," Cas stated, "she will not remember you."