Author's Note: Everything about the vibe is not a fiction; it's basically energy within a living creature that everyone can sense. It touches the subjects of physics, mental state, and martial arts. This fic is still crime/drama, so it's not sci-fi or anything. The hacking device that Logan owned is actually real, as I saw a documentary about it on National Geographic. And to those who are saying that 'Veronica will NEVER marry Lamb/Gory because it's OOC', I am more concerned that everyone is okay that Logan and Veronica are professional killers, LOL. I hope you'd enjoy this chapter, please leave some reviews so I can update faster. Thank you so much!

Previously on 'To Neptune and Back': During their investigation, Logan and Veronica are hiding in the closet, and he couldn't help hugging Veronica, therefore letting her know that he has feelings for her. And during an intense paintball game, Veronica kisses him on the cheek. At the same time, Logan meets Gabriel and Dante, the mysterious assassins who can feel Logan's vibe. Logan is determined to find out about them; the one who responsible of making Veronica a professional killer. Apparently Gabriel and Dante answers to Clarence Weidman – and Weidman decides to inform Jake Kane about Logan's double life.

Neptune Boardwalk

Logan watched Veronica talking to the manager of the Paintball Zone and then she shook his hand. Leo and Sacks were chomping some hot dogs next to him, while Logan was eating an ice cream cone. They looked like they were enjoying themselves while leaning forward against the railing, watching the beachgoers. Logan threw a glance at Veronica who waved at the manager, and then skipped towards them.

She landed next Sacks and exhaled. "Phew, that's gonna be the last time I'm flirting to get what I want. I ran out of flirt quota."

"Somehow I doubt it," Logan murmured.

Back when they were in high school, Lilly and Logan were the flirty ones. Their charming disposition and charismatic behaviors could get them anything they want. Duncan and Veronica were the quiet ones. But it all changed when Lilly died, and Veronica became this strong hard-ass - sometimes feared girl, and Logan noticed that she could flirt to get what she wanted, especially for a case.

"What were you discussing with that manager?" Leo asked while chewing his hot dog.

"I told him that we're gonna send a celeb to promote the place. Whatever. I'll throw them a D-Lister." Veronica shrugged. She eyed the food the guys were eating like a seagull.

"So what did we find? I gotta report this to your dad. We didn't find anything." Leo chewed his hot dog. "Except for the fact that the business is booming."

Veronica glanced at Logan who didn't say anything. Before they played the game, Logan had found something in the manager's office, but he didn't say what. "Well, like I said, there's the same group of teenagers who likes to play every week. My suggestion is to have few deputies watching this place and look for them."

"We don't know their names," Leo said.

"I'll find out about it, don't worry." Veronica shrugged. She still had the library sheet she printed this morning, contained the names of the students who were in the library when the prank happened. If she could match the names, she might find the culprits.

She was still eyeing their food, which made Sacks turn around, his back facing her. Veronica got offended and pouts.

Logan handed a bag of churros to her, which made her smile. Leo rolled his eyes.

"Well, I had a good time anyway. Shooting people with paints are actually fun." Leo slurped his soda. "But only when it's done in the right place. Not when there are people who don't participate in the game. Or pretending like it's a drive-by hit."

Veronica chewed her food, and her eyes closed, enjoying the taste. "Hmmm…"

Logan wouldn't dare glance at her because Leo and Sacks were there. Leo already warned him about Veronica's Vortex, so he tried hard not to even look at her. Leo wiped his hand with a tissue after eating and threw the garbage into the bin. "So I guess this is it. It's been fun. I'm glad that we ran into you." He raised an eyebrow. "Both of you."

"Yeah, we should do this often." Logan sarcastically said. "Let's hang out."

Leo saluted Logan and then hugged Veronica. "I'll see you around?"

"I will find some info about those kids and let you know." She said. Before Leo could release her, she pulled him for more hug. "Tell dad I miss him…" She whispered.

Leo smiled and hugged her tighter. "Of course." He then kissed her cheek. He nodded to Logan. "Mr. Echolls. Take care." His eyes were telling him not to do something stupid. Logan nodded back and saluted the Deputies. Both of them walked away holding their stuffed bears.

Veronica slid next to Logan and sighed. She watched him absentmindedly licking his ice cream.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"I prefer a one dollar bill."

Veronica gave him one dollar with her two fingers, which he accepted. "Spill."

"I kinda...hacked into that company's computer. I got a lot of their info." Logan said while throwing his cone to the bin. Veronica widened her eyes. Logan grimaced. "That's why I didn't say anything, because… well, it's illegal." Veronica still looked at him in awe. "Yeah, I know how to hack now. I mean, I got this thing where you can stick this USB type magnet that can suck all the info. Very popular amongst hackers; they usually have it on the phone and can suck all the information such as credit card numbers, social security numbers, passwords…"

"What are you, a super spy now?"

You have no idea.

He chuckled. "Well, no. It's just sometimes it can be handy, like downloading movies. When I was in tours of duty, sometimes we would go to a black market and buy something; like Trinkets or junks… I mean, sometimes we'd buy phones even when we weren't allowed." He looked at her. "A friend of mine loved soup so much, he bought himself a cooking pot even when it was against regulation."

Veronica made a face. "And you bought yourself a hacking device."

Logan shrugged. He couldn't say where he got the device, so he made up a story. It wasn't a lie either. Soldiers sometimes bought illegal things and hid them in their barracks. "Yeah. I dunno why I bought it."

"You carried it all the time?"

Again, he shrugged. "It's kinda a reminder for me that I was being stupid – like leaving Neptune and joining the Army."

It wasn't a satisfying explanation but Veronica decided to accept it. Knowing her, he guessed that she'd probably borrow the device in the future.

I will regret telling her this.

She scooted closer to Logan and rested her head on his upper-arm while chewing on her food. Logan looked down at her and smiled. Veronica was behaving like when she was a teenager – she was touchy-feely and gave lots of affection to her friends. She hugged and kissed Leo in a friendly manner, and it didn't make him jealous. It was like having the old Veronica, who liked giving loving gestures. It didn't mean that he didn't like the tough badass Veronica when she was in high school; in fact, he LOVED her for that. She was a bit similar to him – broken, kept everything inside, always showed their armors… She had been cut off from her family and friends for a while now. Today was the day where she gained a little bit of her life back.

Everything was a bit complicated because of what happened in the closet… He hugged her and… well, even a blind person could see that there were sparks happening between them.

What would she say now? And what would he say to her?

Maybe they didn't need to say anything. Just let the time stop and stay in this position… Just two people, leaning against the railings, watching the beach and listening to the sound of the ocean, stay like this forever together, not caring about other people…

"I need to see those files and information."

Logan blinked as the warm feeling he had washed away in an instant. Maybe it showed in his face, as he grimaced and looked down at the sand under the boardwalk and Veronica caught it.

"It's all business with you." He chuckled.

Veronica realized that she was being all detective-like. She softened and linked her arm around his. "Sorry about that. I am just… surprised to hear you hacked into their computer."

Logan looked at their arms. He tapped her hand lovingly and smiled again. "You gave me no choice. I mean, Johann from Solvang who can't speak English? You need to brush up your spy game." Veronica chuckled. She rested her head again on his upper arm; she practically hugged him while she ate her churros. Logan inhaled her scent and said quietly, "Veronica…"

"It's a lovely day, isn't it?" She said.

Logan looked at her – she had a faraway look into the horizon.

"What are you thinking right now?" He asked, quietly.

She didn't answer right away, but when she answered, her voice was steady. "The past." Her grip on his arm tightened. "The present." She was still staring at the ocean. "And the future."

Logan leaned his head closer and side-eyed her. His heart clenched – somehow he knew that he wouldn't like where this conversation went, but maybe it was alright… Maybe it was meant to be.

"Where are we right now…?" He whispered.

Veronica didn't answer.

They stood like that for few minutes, just the two of them, watching the glimmering ocean. The sounds of people were disappearing behind them. Logan didn't care what would happen next. This moment, he wanted to cherish it forever. He wanted to frame it for the rest of his life. So what if she was married? So what if she was an assassin? So what…? The important thing was this moment – just the two of them, together again.

"Why are you here?" She whispered. "Why… after all these years…?"

Both of their bodies touched. People who didn't know them would think they were a couple of lovers who were sight-seeing and standing very close together. But they weren't a couple, and Logan knew deep down inside that he needed to go back to reality.

She was married. She was an assassin.

Logan whispered back, "To see you."

"Why…?"

Because I love you.

"Because…" He quietly said.

Flashback,

Sorokin Villa/Cabin (2013)

Gorya woke up when the sun came through the window. His body was aching all over; when he opened his eyes, he realized that he wasn't at his home back in Neptune, but at his family villa cabin in the middle of nowhere. He groaned and sat up, tried to remember what happened last night. It was incredible how many things had happened in the past 24 hours.

He cracked his back and went to the bathroom to wash up and brush his teeth. As he brushed his teeth, he remembered what almost happened last night:

He almost kissed Veronica Mars.

He groaned– why he was so stupid?

Okay, yeah so he wanted to kiss her. Kiss her desperately. Make her his. He didn't know whether to declare his love to her; she might say no and probably would call him an idiot. But that wasn't the point: the point was that she had a very traumatic experience and last night wasn't his time to say that he fell in love with her.

But it was true; he fell in love with her.

Damn it, he thought.

After he changed his clothes to jeans and a different sweater, Gorya went to Veronica's room. He knocked on the door quietly, and then opened the door; he expected to see Veronica still sleeping. His heart beat fast when he found the bed made and the bathroom empty. Gorya immediately went downstairs, making a commotion.

Boris was cleaning the dishes when he saw Gorya looking frantic, which made him roll his eyes.

"Where…?"

"She's outside, near the fire pit." Boris exhaled when he saw Gorya's face. "Will you relax? She came down this morning and asked for breakfast. So I gave her a plate of sandwiches, and she took it outside. Jesus, Gory."

"Shut up." Gorya looked around nervously. "Where's everyone?"

"I told our guys to go back home so it won't raise any suspicion." Boris watched Gorya from the kitchen. "Our doctor went back to Neptune early this morning because he has some appointments. He told me to give him a call if anything bad happened to her – which he doubted. She only had minor bruises and cuts, considering…"

"Yeah." Gorya saw Veronica from the window. She was sitting and staring at the pit. There was no fire, but there were remnants of her clothes there.

"Boss…" Boris looked at Gorya. He recognized Gorya's look – the look of love towards Veronica.

"I'm gonna talk to her." Gorya made his way to the door when Boris said something that made him stop in his tracks.

"Anya called."

Gorya turned around slowly. His skin crawled hearing that name. "What…?"

Boris sighed. "Anya called home – she was looking for you. Apparently, she just found out about Valentina."

Gorya's hand formed a fist. "Did she talk to papa or the rest of the family?"

"No." Boris shook his head. "She left a message that she's looking for you."

Gorya nodded his head. "Don't let anyone knows that she left a message. Don't let her talk to my family. Don't let anyone knows that she called."

"What about…"

"As far as I care, that stalker can rot in hell," Gorya said. "I don't care about that woman." He looked out the window. "I care about that one."

"I got it, boss. But the other woman can kill you." Gorya scoffed and went outside. Boris looked up and muttered, "Why am I here?"

Gorya approached Veronica who was staring at the fire pit. The fire was already gone since last night, but some ashes and smoke were puffing. Veronica looked up; she was chewing her sandwich.

"Morning."

Gorya looked at her; she seemed… normal. "Good morning. I guess."

She offered him the plate of sandwiches. "Want some? They're actually edible. The big guy inside made them." Gorya took the plate and carefully sat next to her in one of the deck chairs.

"You look… fine this morning."

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Considering last night…"

"Last night was eventful." Veronica took a big bite of her sandwich and talked with her mouth full. "And I'm over it."

"You're over it," Gorya repeated. Veronica nodded, and Gorya thought there was something in his ears because he couldn't believe that she could be this… relaxed.

"Last night was… I feel like I was reborn, like a new person, reborn from a fire." She waved at the fire pit.

"Last night you were… upset."

"Of course I was upset. I killed a man!" Veronica wiped her mouth with a napkin. "It's astonishing that 24 hours ago I was in a mental institution, and now I'm in the middle of nowhere, eating breakfast with the guy who helped me get rid a dead body, and then wanted to kiss me."

Gorya stared at Veronica but didn't know how to react with this outburst.

"Veronica…" He said carefully. She was too calm for her sake. Last night she was afraid, upset, and a bit hysterical. And now she was very subdued. He didn't know how to handle this changing mood.

"We were gonna kiss last night." She said, looking straight at him. "I wanted to kiss you." She threw the napkin to her plate. "And maybe…"

"It wasn't the right time," Gorya said quietly. "You were in shock. You wanted to distract yourself from what happened."

"You're a man of character, aren't you Gory?" She tilted her head, and his heart beat so fast. "I guess you're right, that it wasn't the right time."

They both went silent for a while. She kept staring at the fire pit like expecting something would come out from it. He shook his head, didn't know what to say or what to do.

Gorya said, almost whispering. "I… I have feelings for you."

Veronica gave him a genuine smile and took his hand. Gorya then kissed the back of her hand.

"Gory, I don't think I can't thank you enough for what you and your friends have done for me." Gorya shrugged. He was still holding her hand and rubbed it. Veronica looked at him and said quietly, "But I can't be with you."

The rubbing stopped and she saw the hurt look on his face.

"Yeah… I understand." He said. He didn't let go her hand. "I get it. I… don't think this is appropriate."

"Gory." Veronica stood up from her chair, and then sat at his side, sharing his chair. Gorya sighed as she curled up next to him. He kissed her hand again. "Thank you for everything." She said. "Last night was… really emotional for me. I don't like showing my… I mean, you were treating me like I was weak." Gorya was about to say something but Veronica had her hand up. "I'm not… weak. I mean, I was… at that moment. And you were there for me." She raised her head and looked at him in his eyes. "But I…"

Gorya shook his head, "Listen. I meant it last night. I won't push it, okay? You were traumatized and I just…"

"You didn't push it. It's okay, because…" Veronica sat up straight and Gorya held her tight. "…I think we need to talk about us in the future."

He looked at her and held his breath. "Do you want to talk about us in the future?"

Veronica smiled wanly. "Maybe."

He nodded and smiled, "Okay. I'm looking forward to that."

"I like it when we were talking to each other after all these times."

"Veronica, I am your friend." He rubbed her back. "I would do anything for you."

"We can't be together now." Gorya looked away, his lips pursed. "But like I said, we can talk about it in the future."

"We have a matter pressing at the moment," Gorya said to her. "Like, what are you going to say to everyone when you return home? Everyone is looking for you."

Veronica nodded. "I know." She stood up and paced around, limping. "I can't let my dad know that I killed someone."

"Your dad will forgive you considering the bastard was gonna rape you again."

"This is not just someone; this is Mercer. And I went with him willingly. I was duped, like an idiot." She gritted her teeth. She didn't like the idea of being fooled like a weakling. "He promised me that I would remember everything – which I did. Believe me, Gory – killing him…" She stopped pacing and stared at the fire pit again. "I don't know whether I regret it. He deserved it, but I feel…" She looked at her both hands.

"I get it."

Veronica looked at him, surprised. "What?"

"I get it. I understand how you feel."

"You do?"

Gorya leaned back and exhaled. "Come here." Veronica sat again at his side. "Let me tell you a story about my family." He held her close; he felt safe with her, which was ridiculous because she was the one who needed saving. "Listen… my family is… complicated."

"Complicated?"

Gorya chuckled. "Complicated, fucked up, whatever you want to call it. My family came to America like a hundred years ago with only the clothes on their backs and bad attitudes. They came along with other Eastern European immigrants and settled on the East Coast. Long story short, they made it. They became rich. They lived the American Dream." Veronica settled herself in the chair with him, as they enjoyed the morning breeze. "The family was on top of the world, and when you're on top, there are always people who want to fuck you up."

Boris was cleaning the kitchen and heard the murmur of conversation near the window. He didn't hear what they were talking about, but he definitely heard Veronica's outburst about how she killed someone. Great…

Glad that they were in the middle of nowhere so there were no people around. But still, she was going to lead them to the deep hole of complication.

He turned on the TV and saw the news about Veronica.

The woman was trouble.

Veronica was listening to Gorya's story about his family, not knowing what it had to do with her situation. Gorya was speaking very clearly in a low voice; it was actually pretty soothing. She didn't realize that she was rubbing his chest. She felt so comfortable with him – she killed a man last night; instead of feeling afraid or upset, she felt calm and serene. She didn't understand why she felt this way, especially in front of him. Any other person might not have this kind of effect. She couldn't imagine someone like Leo or Piz would understand about her situation. Not even Wallace… Not even Mac…

Not even Don.

Don had warned her that she would regret it.

Revenge.

Wasn't that she wanted? Vengeance? Wasn't it the reason that she went with Mercer in the first place?

She wanted revenge.

Forget about her amnesia, forget about her mental stability; she wanted revenge.

She didn't want to know the truth… deep down she already knew that she wanted to kill Mercer. The moment she met him, the moment he introduced himself as an orderly, she knew she wanted to extract revenge.

She might not have remembered it at the time, but she knew deep down.

But did she regret it?

Gorya was telling her that he understood. So she listened what he was saying, "…..my family had enemies everywhere. My dad and my uncle Lev had bodyguards all the time, even for their children, to protect us." He shook his head. "But it didn't matter. When Valentina was only ten years old, someone kidnapped her."

Veronica gasped. "Valentina?"

He nodded. "She was missing for a week. My aunt was crying all night, and my uncle was screaming every day. I was just a kid back then, and we were scared that it might happen to us too; that someone would kidnap us; me, Roman, and Valentin. The family was angry; they beat up everyone who looked at them funny. They even called the cops; they did everything to find Valentina."

Veronica made a fist and scrunched his sweater. She didn't like what she was going to hear. "What happened to her…?" She whispered.

Gorya absentmindedly rubbed her lower back again and held her closely to him. "After a week, Valentine returned home. She showed up in front of the house… alive… but…"

"Oh, Gory…"

"She was raped," Gorya said matter-of-factly. "Only ten years old. And… she wasn't the same anymore. She was gone… her mind, her soul… I remember her eyes when she appeared. These monsters… they raped her. And they hurt her. And they did many things to her. She was raped repeatedly by many different men. Grown men raped her like she was nothing. She was only ten years old."

Veronica's chest constricted. She felt like she was being hurt herself when she heard it. What Mercer and Moe did to her was really monstrous. But Valentina was only a child. "Gory, no…"

"Nobody knew who did it… And my family waged war against their enemies. Especially my uncle Lev; he painted the East Coast with blood." Gorya shook his head. "Valentina… she was gone. She was alive, but she was… gone." He waved his hand. "And the feds… Pfft, they didn't care. They wanted to bust our family, not caring about what happened to Valentina."

"Val…" She remembered her cheerful friend who was always made her happy in the institution. "Oh, Val..."

"Years went by and I remember we moved to West Coast to get a new life. Valentina was moving from one institution to another, and we decided to get a fresh start. We used to take vacations here," He pointed to the cabin. "Fresh air and all, and I remember that Valentina looked normal, you know?" Gorya chuckled remembering the memory. "No family, just us teens being teens – we didn't tell our parents that we drove all the way here."

Veronica tried to imagine what Valentina and Gorya looked like when they were teens. Probably looked like her and her friends back when they were in high school— Lilly, Logan, and Duncan – laughing and drinking and rebelling against their parents.

"So… one day, we figured we'd go to this cabin again and take the bong with us. We'd get high up on the balcony. I heard a car pull up. Valentina scrambled to hide along with Roman and Valentin but I got curious. I saw my dad and my uncle Lev get out from the car. They opened the trunk and pulled a couple of bodies out."

Veronica tensed and shifted, but Gorya didn't loosen his grip. He was talking like he was talking more to himself; unload the story that he'd secretly kept for all these years to Veronica.

"Gory…"

Gorya's voice was normal; there was no emotion, and he was still holding her. Veronica suddenly felt… fear. "The bodies… well, they were bloody as hell. So they dragged the bodies into the workshop and the next thing I heard the power-saw goin'." He chuckled. "I always wondered why my dad put a woodshop up at the cabin. And so the next thing you know, he and uncle Lev were taking a couple of hefty bags down to…"

"Enough." Veronica stood up abruptly.

Gorya blinked when his story was cut off and saw her walking away from him. "Veronica?" Veronica folded her arms and walked into the woods. "Veronica, wait up!" He almost ran after her because she was walking very fast, ignoring her limp. "Wait!" He grabbed her arm when they were near the pathway towards the lake. "What's going on?"

Veronica gasped and swatted his hand. Gorya was surprised to her reaction. "Oh, my god… I'm so stupid. I forgot who you are…"

Gorya looked at her in confusion, "Who am I?"

Veronica shook her head. "I can't believe that I…" She wanted to say 'trust' him or 'safe' with him, while in reality, he was a mob. He was part of a family who would kill just because.

Gorya saw fear in her eyes, and he shook his head. "Veronica… it's me. I would never hurt you."

"How would I know? How would I know that you wouldn't take me to the side of your family cabin and then cut me in pieces?"

"Veronica!" Gorya yelled in disbelief. "What the hell?"

Veronica took a step back and she was back to back with a tree. "Last night… you and your goons were cutting Mercer in million of pieces. And now you were telling me a story about your dad and uncle cutting up bodies." Gorya pursed his lips and shook his head. "You're psychopaths."

"We're not. I am not. It was revenge."

"What?"

"Those bodies… they were the men responsible for Valentina being raped. They were the rapists. They were the ones who kidnapped her. My uncle and my dad found them after all those years." He looked at her. "We're the Sorokins… we don't forget. We don't forgive. They hurt one of us, so we hurt them back."

Veronica closed her eyes.

Revenge…

Would her dad do the same thing if he knew about Cassidy Casablancas had done to her? Would her dad kill Mercer and Moe? She knew when she was kidnapped back then by Mercer and Moe, her father wanted to do something. But he never crossed that line; not yet.

Veronica was going to kill Cassidy when she thought he killed her father.

If Logan didn't stop her, she might've.

But now, she killed Mercer. Even if it can be argued that it was a self-defense, it was revenge in her eyes. She wanted him to die. She wanted to kill him. She wanted him to be cut in million of pieces, for what he had done to her, to Parker, and to his victims.

Gorya understood.

He understood revenge.

He knew how it feels to get even.

It was something that Don would never…

"I can't follow you to this dark rabbit hole…"

But Gorya embraced the darkness within him and his family. He knew that the people who were responsible needed to pay, and he didn't ask the reason, he didn't ask whether everyone could turn the other cheek, he didn't ask whether they could forgive and forget.

He gave her a gun so she could shoot Mercer. No question asked.

He knew the justice system would fail them. He knew that the law enforcement wouldn't do anything – they could be bought, they could be extorted, they could be bribed… Veronica faced that kind of reality when Mercer only got a ten-year sentence, and then they released him five years later for good behavior.

He understood.

"Veronica…"

Veronica opened her eyes and saw him in front of her. "I don't know what to think anymore."

"Veronica, I would never hurt you. I promise you. I…" He exhaled. "I care so much about you, okay? I thought bringing you here would be a good idea, so you could recuperate and plan out the next best thing when we returned to Neptune."

Veronica looked down at the ground. She didn't know what to do. Everything was a mess. "Neptune…"

"Believe me, Veronica. I was going to kill Mercer. But you already killed him. And he deserved that painful death. And he deserved to be cut in million pieces. I don't have any remorse for doing that. He deserved to be erased from the face of the earth. Nobody will find him and give him a proper burial. He was a monster! He was lower than a monster. He was a bastard, a no good fucktard who should be killed a million times over, and he was –"

Veronica cut his rambling by pulling him in for a kiss.

A few seconds later she pulled away immediately and looked at him in horror. Gorya looked at her like he couldn't believe what just happened. His brain short-circuited, and he immediately kissed her back. Veronica's arms went around his neck and she gasped. Her back was scrapping the tree bark behind her, but she didn't care.

Veronica heard Gorya whisper her name between kisses.

This wasn't right… Last night she killed a man and he got rid of the body. She was hurt; he helped her and took her to this cabin villa in the middle of nowhere. And now they were kissing and grinding in the woods.

They threw caution to the wind, and they were going to have sex right there right now in the woods when they heard a voice bellowing from outside the cabin.

"YO BOSS! WHERE ARE YOU? SOMETHING HAPPENED!"

Present

Neptune Boardwalk, 2016

It wasn't supposed to be like this – the attraction towards him. Veronica knew that Logan was always handsome and good looking; it wasn't a secret, and it wasn't like she didn't know. After all, they used to date in high school. She hung out with him when he was in her gallery, and it was really nice to spend some time talking to her old friend slash ex. She could be nice and friendly with her exes, case in point, Leo. Troy. Or even Piz.

When she was in college, she dated a boy named Stosh Piznarski. Everyone called him Piz. The boy was nice, friendly, cute, and even played some music. In the end, she was bored. And when the sex tapes of her being raped by Mercer spread around campus, and everyone called her a slut, he didn't defend her at all.

She broke up with him afterward.

But after a while, they became friendly again. She even invited him to her father's wedding. And they were dancing, laughing, and just being friends at the party.

Another case: Troy Vandergraff.

Even after what happened in high school, and then when he was accused being a rapist during the Hearst orientation trip, he became a really good friend with her and everyone, including Wallace. Troy went to Hearst and became a part of her circle. When she was kidnapped and raped by Mercer, Troy was one of her loyal friends who helped her family.

When she married Don Lamb, Troy was actually the first person who supported her. He said that sometimes people just needed a second chance and trust.

And then there was Leo.

Leo was her boyfriend when she was in high school. When her dad reinstated him as a Deputy, he became a part of her family circle. His sister had died when he became deputy again, and it made their familial relationship closer. Their relationship changed when she married Gorya… It became estranged. Leo was still friendly with her, but she could feel how much it became awkward. In the end, though, he decided that he would always support her. Today was the testament how much Leo appreciated their friendship. It made her glad and happy.

Today was a really good day; she was investigated the paintball pranks to help Darrell, played a paintball game with Leo, Sacks, and Logan, and spent her day being nostalgic…

Speaking of exes and nostalgia…

When she and Logan were hiding in that broom closet, and then they became closer, she never thought that she was breathless and felt so… warm and fuzzy inside. She shouldn't feel like that, should she? He was just a friend… well, an ex-boyfriend, but he was always a friend. He was her friend since first they met when they were twelve; she was slightly older than him, but it didn't matter – Logan had always been broad-minded and smart. She could talk to him about anything, things she couldn't talk about with Duncan and Lilly. They hit a really dark era when Lilly died, and he turned against her. But the moment when they became boyfriend and girlfriend, it was the moment she could never forget.

The last time she saw him was the morning where she found out that her dad was still alive.

She was looking for him for years; wondering whether he was alright or not. And then she found out that he had joined the military. Veronica was numb for several days. She couldn't believe that Logan left without telling anyone. First Lilly, Duncan, and then Logan… She felt empty and betrayed. But she didn't blame Logan. She just accepted what happened.

She busied herself with cases and helping out her friends; like Mac, Dick, and Weevil.

He was in her mind, constantly… Until he wasn't.

When Don died and she lost her memory, it was like being in the dark well. She didn't know where to go or to escape. But somehow, somehow, Logan crept back into her mind. Maybe the reason she got her memory back was because of Logan… She wouldn't know.

Today, she was in the broom closet with him, and he… touched his forehead to hers. He held her tight and wouldn't let go. It wasn't a friendly hug like she had with Leo or Troy… But it was more an emotional hug. It was more intimate. It reminded her when they were dating secretly.

She kissed his cheek during the game.

Was it a friendly peck or something more?

And now… they were leaning against the railing, with their arms linked together and her head rested on his body. It felt peaceful…

"Because I miss you…"

He said that with a soft tone. In her heart, she immediately knew that Logan still had feelings for her. But the important thing, she didn't… right? She was married, and she loved her husband. She loved Gorya… She wouldn't have married him if she didn't love him… She wanted to make things clear that she loved Logan too… like she loved Wallace, Leo, Troy, Darrell, Eli, Dick, and everyone else in her life. That was why she needed to talk to Logan about it.

But talking was never her strong suit.

Just like Logan, she hated talking. It was hard to express their emotions with words.

Gorya never had a problem expressing his emotions. Every day he would tell her that he loved her. And every day she couldn't even say it back.

Logan always wore his heart on his sleeves – he didn't have to say what in his mind, but she could always tell what he was feeling inside. And right now, she could feel what he was feeling. It didn't make her uncomfortable, but it did make her happy. After all these years, Logan still…

But she couldn't reciprocate his feeling, right? She was married…

And not to mention, she was an assassin. She was a killer. What would Logan do if he knew about her deep secret?

Ten years ago he begged her not to kill Cassidy Casablancas. A decade ago he told her that she was not a killer.

Logan was wrong.

She was a killer.

Veronica didn't say anything when he answered. She unlinked her arm and then turned her body towards him. Logan held his breath when she pulled him into her embrace and put her head under his chin. Logan circled his arm, hugged her fully, and kissed the top of her head. Veronica nuzzled her nose into his chest and inhaled his scent. The stuffed bears were squished between their bodies, but they didn't notice.

"Veronica… what are we doing?" He murmured.

"Hugging."

"Why…?"

"To make up for time lost." She mumbled on his shirt. "A decade when I couldn't hug my friend."

Logan's hand slowly brushed her hair away and tucked it behind her ear. They pulled apart and they were staring at each other – lost in their own thoughts. Their eyes were searching something from each other. He looked down because he was nervous and wanted to say something when he caught the diamond ring on her finger.

And his heart sank.

No matter what, whatever feelings that he had, it didn't really matter.

She was off-limit.

He really couldn't say that he loved her when she was married to someone else.

His face fell, and Veronica noticed that as she looked down too. She sighed and held his arm. "Logan…"

"Veronica." He cut her off. "I'm not ready to talk."

She blinked when she heard the sadness in his voice. "Logan, I'm…"

"I know what you're going to say. And… I'm not ready to have this conversation." Veronica opened her mouth but closed it again. Logan then rested his forehead on her shoulder. She gasped as he held her so tight, she almost couldn't breathe. And her heart clenched, it almost made her cry. "Please… let me stay like this for a minute. Just… let me stay like this. Let me hold you for a moment, okay? I need… I need this. I need you to be real. I need you not disappearing again. I need you…" He moved his head, and his nose touched her neck. "I'm sorry, Veronica…"

"Logan…"

"I won't jeopardize your marriage. I won't say anything that's in my heart. I won't say anything. I just… need you. I just need to hold you for a moment. To make sure you are real and not a figment of my imagination." He desperately said in a whispered tone. His body was hunched down because she was short, and he was tall. But she was the only one who could make him feel safe.

Why did their lives have to be this complicated?

They both were assassins. And neither of them could tell the other about their work.

But it wasn't just that. Logan and Veronica felt like they were ships that were missing each other in the dark, and now they had missed the opportunity.

"Logan… I am real." Veronica whispered to his ear.

It made his heart clutch in pain. She was very real and yet he couldn't tell her how he felt. She probably knew, but there was no way he would say it out in the open. He pulled away, and Veronica felt bereft. Her eyes were glimmering, just like the ocean, but she wouldn't shed any tears. She couldn't. Logan held both of her hands and then pulled them to his lips. He kissed both of her hands, softly.

Veronica watched him kiss her hands with his eyes closed like he wanted to savor the kiss.

When he let go her hands, he walked backward. He smiled sadly and chuckled a bit. "I really had a good time today. Thank you."

"Lo –"

"And I really appreciate that you're letting me help you with this case. You know you can always count on me. And I will always help you if you ask me…" Veronica watched him walked backward slowly and put his sunglasses on. "Because that's what friends do." He put his hands in his jeans pocket.

"Logan, please stop."

"But right now, I am not ready for THAT conversation. And you know why?" Veronica shook her head slowly, watching him look very sad. "I'm a coward."

"Logan! You're not a coward!" Veronica tersely said and followed him, but Logan stopped her with his hand.

"Today was fun. Thank you, Veronica." He pointed to the stuffed bears she was holding now. "Butch is yours now. It's your birthright. Take care of him, will 'ya?"

Veronica stopped and stared at him while holding their stuffed bears. Her eyes were teary now, and Logan couldn't stand to look at her. She was so beautiful. She looked down and cleared her throat. "So I'll see you around then?"

"Yeah." He stopped walking backward. "We still have that case. And I promised I will help you. I gave you my words, Captain." He straightened his posture and then saluted her. Veronica nodded and wiped her tears quickly. "I'll see you around, Veronica." He then turned around and walked away fast.

Veronica held the stuffed bears close to her chest.

Logan walked amongst the crowd to the parking lot. He wanted to punch something, someone, and anything to release the pain in his chest right now.

He should have never left a decade ago.