Hello there, hi back, thank you very much for reading my stuff, every few chapter I will change the style a little bit, you won't even notice, things like perspective, content, blah blah blah, for instance, this chapter has a lot of scenes in different places. I like long fanfiction stories, this one will pretty much depend on how it unfolds, I may add another series, because I like the concept.

''Here we are.'' Rossi stopped in front of the abortion clinic, he held my hand, after thinking about it last night, all night and the drive here, I was still strong about my decision, I'm going to do this, but here we are now, and I don't feel much stronger now, it didn't help that I subconsciously hearing my baby scream bloody murder and make my stomach churn. My hand was on the door delaying ready to open it up, but my chest started to hurt.

''Keep driving'' A tear escaped, ''I can't do it'' Rossi held my hand for three more seconds and started to drive around with no direction.

''Can we go to the Hospital? It's time for a checkup.'' I looked at him, I knew he would have hold my hand until the end, but he seemed to know that I wouldn't go through another abortion, he knew I knew that this baby didn't have anything to do with what had happened, this little baby had a heartbeat already, I was attached somehow, I didn't feel any love towards it, I just felt the need to protect my baby, MY baby, not his.

''Can I congratulate you?''

''You already did, thank you.''

''That baby will be all you, I'm going to have a granddaughter''

''Yeah sure.'' We smiled at each other, it was a sad smile, but it held hope also.

''The baby is in perfect conditions, is a little small, keep eating healthy, and drinking liquids, this baby will grow large in the next couple of months'' My new doctor said.

''Thank you doctor, can you print a few of those?''I felt like looking at the baby now, first time I was offered to take a look at the ultrasound I refused.

''Yes, there we go, keep doing what you are doing, we'll see each other in two weeks from now''

''Thank you''

It was a quick morning, we were back in the car, I was in deep thought.

''Hey, what are you thinking about, if you mind me asking?''Rossi interrupted my current state.

''I need a bigger home, I will look for one, I don't want to go back to my apartment ever again, I'm pretty sure, even if it's not written that I'm not allowed to come back to work, until this big mess turns into a much smaller one, I won't be able to do field work anyways, unfortunately I know there is no much to catch this man, I still don't know what to do, I'm scared of course, I know that I'm able to protect myself, but this has destroyed my sense of security, It made me doubt myself, and my strength, I know what you will say, and I know I'm more than capable to hold myself, but right now it really does help having you all by my side''.

''You are family, we won't rest until we catch him'' Rossi's phone started to beep, and he picked up, I couldn't hear what was said, he was speaking to Hotch.

''How?, there were police officers, and cameras, outside the house, how could have possible gotten through it? We'll be there.''

''What happened, is everyone okay?''

''Yes, the UNSUB left a letter''.

…

The whole team was at the house, checking every little evidence he may have left, Rossi had indoor cameras, Penelope was probably on that, Derek was the only one not doing anything, he was angry, he was the only one left in the house, he probably was mad he didn't see this coming.

''Hey, Can I?''I directed at Hotch who had the letter in a plastic bag already, to look for prints I guess. He had handed the letter to me. I sat down not so far away from Morgan, I didn't want to be standing up.

Dear Emily, sorry I won't be seeing you for a while now, I messed up by taking you like that, I was just so jealous, I wanted to take you away from everyone and just stay with you and our baby, but you don't even know me and that is my fault, you were so beautiful, the first time I met you, that I already felt out of the league, I couldn't control myself, I told myself to only do it once, and make love to you, but the feeling of being inside you and your smell, made it impossible, I had to do it, you were enjoying it too, natural human body reaction I guess, I was making you cum too, I would clean you up my love of course, I never hurt you, I wish I didn't have to do it this way, but is the only way I can have you. I now only have the memories and videos of our most intimate moments I have recorded for you my love, when the times comes, when our baby is strong enough, we'll be a real family, I'm so sorry I fucked up. I love you.

At this point I didn't even care, I didn't want to deal with this anymore, to anyone I looked unbothered, same stoic look Hotch is so famous for. ''So there is no force entry?''

''The cameras show man with a ski mask coming through the sliding glass doors, no clear ID, he knocked up Morgan….

I interrupted Reid to look at Morgan, ''Are you ok, you don't need to be taken to the hospital?'' Morgan just shook his head, boring a hole into the floor, Reid continued.

''He spread gas, so it reached Morgan's without him ever feeling his presence, he stayed at the house for two hours, he went looking around the house, So I highly recommend you to check your rooms, just to make sure he hasn't left any cameras or hearing devices anything that could give him information.'' I went to my room to rest, I nodded at everyone and excused myself.

Being on my bed ready to rest, had taken off my clothes to wear a more comfortable ones, knowing that I wouldn't go anywhere else, for reason what said Reid stuck with me, so I reached on to the nightstands, nothing. I then remember what he had written in the letter, he had recorded his acts, so I got the remote and hit Play, I had to stop it immediately, it was taken from a far angle, he was hovering above me, thrusting into me, kissing me, he made sure to cover his face, he blurred it, I couldn't anymore, I wanted to disappear, wanted to be dead, I had a mini crisis, felt my lungs collapsed, and I bawl, I let everything out, it was so loud, it made the team barge in with guns drawn.

''What happened? Are you ok?'' JJ went to hug me immediately, I didn't care the team was there, they already knew what was stolen from me. I didn't want to say what I had just saw, but Hotch noticed I had the remote on one hand and figure all out, he went to where the TV stand was. I couldn't let that happen.

''Don't watch it, I will kill myself if you watch it, I swear.'' That makes him stop his tracks right at the moment, the team fell into uncomfortable silence, I didn't even care that I was saying that, I already felt like killing myself, I felt ashamed, dirty, disgusting, I didn't value my own life anymore, of course I wouldn't even try to do such thing, that would break my family, I trust them with all of my heart, but one thing was them knowing and another was them experiencing what I went through, I just knew by an extent, I kept sobbing into JJ'S shoulder, Garcia was stroking my hair and giving me a few pats on my back, the male part of the team was slowly leaving the room, I fell into this big bed with both JJ and Pen and cried myself to sleep.

Days have gone by, after 2 months I was back on the office, limited to deskwork, and JJ would filter cases for me, 6 months into pregnancy, I was showing up, I didn't care about other people finding out, I was having a hard time believing it myself, I can't even believe I passed the mental evaluation to be fit for this job, I was slowly falling into depression, I went back to my therapist, it did help, we had to stop searching, he would eventually be back, best case scenario is he is dead or will come back when I have the baby like he said he would in his letter, I found and bought a new house, It was decided that I would stay with Rossi until it was remodel which could take a few months, the team felt more comfortable that way. I gave all of my furniture away, none of them had any emotional meaning to me, I would have to buy child proof everything now, I started nesting for a while now, I still didn't feel any love towards my child which took me deeper into depression, because I didn't want my child to feel neglected as I had. I was trying to suppress that by buying expensive items for her arrival, and it didn't hurt to add, that she would be incarcerated all of her life in our new house, I was making sure everything was intruder proof. The most secure home in America for me and my nameless baby, Since I wasn't connecting with her in any way I didn't feel pressured to choose one, it was an easy pregnancy so far, the emotional part was harder.

''New case, up all of you, wheels up in thirty, I'll debrief there.'' Hotch said yelling from his office, long and hard case ahead.

Two weeks, working hard to catch this UNSUB that was killing his victims in the woods, and we couldn't find him, we had enough to hand this information to all of the local police for them to continue with the investigation, a serial killer that would get away with it, has probably moved to another state to continue with his awful crimes, we were heading back home now, everyone too tired to stay awake on the plane, even Hotch was sleeping, faint snores to give me confirmation, Third trimester of pregnancy and that just means that I won't get much sleep then, that and the fact that ever since my baby's father destroyed my life 6 months ago, I was terrified to sleep, thinking that we could back, the nightmares never stopped. I mean this could have been going on for longer than six months, who knows. For some people it takes time to get pregnant. I could feel her kicking again, wanting mommy to entertain her, I kept rubbing circles on my stomach, while looking at the closed window, thinking about existing.

''Hey, is she kicking?'' Reid asked excited, I remember him being terrified when Henry was kicking JJ's belly, but now that he had fallen in love with adorable Henry, he knew what there lay inside, someone that would love his magic tricks and would run until catching him.

''Yes, come here, I'll let you feel it, she is kicking hard.'' Reid moved next to me, I positioned his hand over my belly and saw his smile grow big when she started to kick.

''Spence, are you still having baby geniuses? I laughed at his horrified expression.

''No, I'm good, I will teach your baby everything'' Now I looked horrified at him, and we just laughed.

''Stop, I can't have two people rambling about random facts every two minutes''

''Did you know..''

''Spencer…''

''Reid boy don't start''Derek whispered, he was trying to sleep peacefully.''

''okay I'll stop.''Spencer replied.

''How long until we land Reid?''

''45 minutes, you should rest.''

''I'm fine, I could drink some tea.''

''Me too, stay here I will make some.'' Spencer stood up, I looked at him with a skeptical look.

''You don't know how to cook either, it will burn either way.''

''Since when is boiling water cooking Spencer?''

''Do you see any gas range somewhere is this plane?, I will microwave the water.'' I kept looking at him with a skeptical look.

''Okay, well don't burn the house down''

''This is a plane Emily!''

''Well yes captain obvious'' I winked at him.

''Well there you go, don't burn your hands, wait the teabags!'' He almost ran back to the kitchen without disturbing everyone but Morgan.

''Okay, see simple, it just hot water.''

''Eureka!'' this I missed, being sassy with my teammates we then proceeded to drink tea, and then she started to kick so hard I had to put my tea on the table.

''Ugh, you don't like tea my love? Stop kicking!''This is the first time I use and endearment with her, it felt right.

''Maybe she doesn't like the smell?, you know it's interesting, your baby's nose forms between 11 and 15 weeks. Until recently, scientists didn't think that babies could smell in the womb, because it was believed that the ability to smell depended on breathing in air, in your uterus, your baby breathes in only amniotic fluid - she won't take her first oxygen-filled breaths until you push her out they'd say. But now doctors believe that the amniotic fluid flowing through your baby's oral and nasal cavities can trigger her sense of smell. And some proof: Studies have shown that newborns are drawn to the scent of breast milk, although they've never been exposed to it before. Researchers suspect it may come from cues they've learned in prenatal life.'' I think I've never rolled my eyes so hard ever in my life…

''you don't say, keep going..'' Well I get he didn't understand the sarcasm because he took a big breath.

''There had also been studies about…''

''Reid!'' A collective screaming of his name coming from JJ, Derek and Hotch stopped him, Morgan had thrown his last pillow at Spencer in his tries to shut him up.

''What? I'm sorry, I'll stop, and we are about to land. You're welcome.''

''Silly boy'' I pet his head like a wet dog, and feeling happy that this people still had light in their hearts enough to make the sun rise every morning.

END OF CHAPTER I DON'T WHAT CHAPTER THIS IS.

Will update soon.