Chapter Sixteen - Something to Live For

Dean sighed, listening to the voicemail for what was probably the fourth or fifth time already.

"Hey Dean, it's me. I know you just left a-and you're probably wondering why I'm calling you already. I just wanted to let you know that," she sighed, "we have a plan now. It's a bit of a gamble, but I think it's the best shot we have. The only shot really. I just wanted to…to thank you. For everything. Ever since I've been back you've kinda been…you've been my sanity. I felt so lost this whole time, but you helped me find my way back. You helped me feel like I was really here. You made me feel alive, and not just like I was breathing. I can never thank you enough for everything you've done." She took a deep breath before continuing, her voice cracking as she spoke, "this could go south fast, but I don't want you to worry. I'll call when it's all over, when we're safe. I just couldn't do this without saying what I need to say. It's something I've wanted to say for a long time. You are…I think I…God I can't do this. Not like this," she sighed, "I just hope this isn't goodbye."

The message was more than he could take. He didn't know for sure what she had wanted to say, but he was confident it was the same words he had wanted to say since their time in Purgatory together. The words that he could feel between them every time they touched, each time they kissed, every time she said his name. It was something that he never thought he'd find in his world of darkness. He did though, she was right in front of him, but still just out of reach. Now there was finally a chance to tell her how he felt, to hear the same from her, and it was possible that she was already gone.

It had been days since he got the voicemail and he hadn't heard a word. The news was plastered with reports of a massive sinkhole that had taken Sunnydale clean off the map. The Winchester's had spent enough time in the life to know what was natural and what wasn't; this was definitely not the work of a sinkhole and there was more to this than the news would let on. Dean fought every instinct of his so that he could believe that she had done this. That it was her plan somehow. Buffy was kinda known for her destruction after all. It definitely would have put the kibosh on whatever The First's plans were, too. The more time that passed with radio silence, however, made it less and less likely. He started to fear that she had fallen victim to the cave in. That it had been the work of The First and not her own. Dean had a terrible pit in his stomach when it came to the thought that Buffy could be underneath all the rubble that was once Sunnydale. That image was enough to wake him in a cold sweat in the middle of the night.

He had to stop thinking like that, he knew that. It was thoughts like those that threatened to give him an ulcer. She had insisted that she would call once they were safe, and he had to wait for that. He would wait. She was going to call, there were no other options.

"Still nothing?" Sam asked, concern etched on his face.

Dean shook his head, "not yet."

"She'll call, Dean. The world didn't end, so you know she won," Sam smiled gently, though the concern was left intact.

"I know. I just hope that she didn't sacrifice herself for it this time."

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Buffy stretched out, relishing in the comfort of the mattress that she was curled into. It was actually rather flat and lumpy, but Buffy still took great solace in it. She could stay cozied up in these blankets all day. Unfortunately, her reach ran her arm straight into the side of another body. It was a quick reminder that this bed wasn't as comforting as she wanted it to be. It was not her own bed.

"Ugh, Buffyyyy," the girl whined.

"Sorry Dawnie. Go back to sleep," Buffy whispered.

"Mmkay," Dawn sighed as she dozed back off, to the amusement of Buffy.

The motel room was small, cramped, and still dark. It wasn't much, but it was better than sleeping in the bus yet again. Those first couple of nights had been rough, but in a pinch it did the job. The plan to find a motel was a risky one, knowing that no one had any money, as well as having several injured and under-aged girls in tow, but it had to happen. Giles had surprised them by having a credit card still set up to the Watcher's Council and their bank accounts. Some quick thinking and they were able to pass off the girls as a high school rugby team. She had never been more grateful for a shady motel room than she was currently.

Buffy smiled looking down at her little sister. There were so many emotions running through her right now and all she could do was smile. She was so proud of her little sister for the last few months. Dawn had grown so much, and she was ready to take on all these roles that no girl her age should ever have to. When she thought she was a potential Slayer, she stepped up, she was ready. When she realized she wasn't, she passed it on without a second thought. She was there in the trenches, and she helped bring those potentials into the ranks. Proud didn't begin to cover it. More than proud, Buffy was relieved that Dawn had made it through the battles, through the war. Now they were together, they were alive, and they had a whole new life laid out before them. Plus she didn't die, so now she didn't have to tell on her.

She placed a light kiss on her sister's forehead before carefully removing herself from the bed and crossing to the bathroom. She had been avoiding looking into a mirror since they had driven away from the crater that they had helped to create, not wanting to see the ravaged mess she must have been in. This time she caught a glimpse of herself out of the corner of her eye; it was staggering. She looked so tired, despite the fact that all she'd done in the last week was sleep. Her skin still had a grey tone to it as it clung tightly to her bones. How much weight had she lost since this war started? She was starting to wonder if her hands would ever stop shaking, if her bones would ever stop aching. At least the wounds had mostly healed by now, and she was starting to resemble a human being again. It was a small comfort, but a comfort nonetheless.

Most of the girls were looking better now; the ones who survived anyways. They had lost a lot more of the girls than she could have ever hoped. Several had been lost due to injuries, but not all of them made it to the bus that day. Some of them were still down below, under the rubble. The guilt had been overwhelming. The nightmares had been so vivid over the last few nights that there were mornings she woke up expecting to find herself buried in the rubble as well. If it wasn't her having the nightmare, it was one of the other girls or Dawn. This was the first peaceful morning that they'd had, and she was revelling in it. It was the first time she had felt rested since the girls had shown up at her house. She felt like she could finally breathe.

Which meant it was finally time to make a phone call.

A phone call that she had wanted to make since they had stopped the bus just outside of Sunnydale's city limits. One she could have made when they checked into the motel, but wasn't ready for yet. A phone call that she was afraid to make now. There was no way that he hadn't figured out what she had wanted to say, and now she was wishing she had just said it. Leaving it by voicemail was a one way street, she wouldn't have to hear anything back from him. Calling him now meant that he had a chance to respond to her, and that's what was terrifying. Despite her own fears, she couldn't leave Dean fearing if she had survived or not. It had been long enough, and she had to make this phone call. This peaceful morning felt like it was finally the right time. Despite her fears, she couldn't wait to hear his voice again.

A quick note was jotted down for Dawn, a cellphone was grabbed, a sweater wrapped around her form and Buffy was out the door. No matter how this call went, she didn't want to be interrupted and she didn't want anyone to hear it. She had stared at the phone for close to ten minutes before she finally started to dial the familiar digits. Buffy hadn't been this nervous to call the number since the first time she had called him. Her stomach was in knots as she waited for the familiar voice to answer.

"Hello?" a groggy voice greeted her.

God she hadn't even looked at the time. The sun had barely come up, the dew was still dotting the grass, and here she was making a phone call. She had definitely woken him up, and knowing the life of a hunter he had probably only just got to bed.

"Uh, hey Dean. It's – "

"Buffy!" He yelled into the phone, sitting bolt up in bed. "Give me a sec."

Dean shot out of bed and quickly removed himself from his own motel room. Once the door was firmly closed he returned to his cell phone. Sam had been startled awake by his brother's outburst and was now wide awake as well, but sunk back into his bed deeply. The relief at hearing that Buffy was calling was immense. Sam had stayed positive for Dean while they had waited for the call, but truth be told, Sam was terrified that the call would never come. He didn't know what he would have done if Buffy never called; he was afraid of what it would do to Dean. Despite his wish to also check in on Buffy, Sam knew he could wait. Dean needed this call infinitely more than Sam could have ever needed it.

"Okay. Hi. How are you?"

Buffy laughed wryly, "I'm good. How are you?"

"Also good. God it's good to hear from you, Buffy. I was starting to get worried," Dean searched his mind for the right words to put together.

"I know it's been longer than expected. I'm sorry about that, it took a while for us to find somewhere to stop. To rest," Buffy knew that wasn't a great excuse, but it was the truth. "I wanted to call sooner, but things have been pretty chaotic even after we managed to find somewhere to lay low."

"Don't apologize, I get it. I'm just glad you called."

Buffy breathed deeply, "we made it. Not all of us…but we made it."

Dean could feel the pain behind that phrase; he could feel its weight on her. She was thankful for the ones that survived, but he could hear the heartbreak that she suffered by losing people. He wanted to ask who had been lost, if only to know that it wasn't Dawn, it wasn't her friends. Right now though, he knew to leave it be. He knew it didn't matter who she had lost, she would be just as devastated by any of them.

"I'm sorry," he finally mustered, though it didn't feel like enough.

"Me too…" Her voice wavered a bit, "I lost a lot of the girls. It doesn't look like Wood is gonna make it either…we never found Anya…"

He knew that there shouldn't be relief in a list of casualties, but he found some anyways. Her family survived. He knew that she couldn't see it that way, at least not right now, but this outcome was one of the better ones in his books. Dean silently scolded himself for thinking something so horrible, but he couldn't banish that thought away.

Dean tried to change the subject, to pull her out of the misery circle she was in, "Sunnydale is nothing but a smoldering crater. Lemme guess, that was you?"

"Sort of. It was our side, but it wasn't me. It was your amulet doo-dad…and Spike," a bittersweet smile playing at her lips.

"The vampire? That was the champion you gave the amulet to?" Dean tried to hide his disdain, but only for Buffy's sake.

"He was a good man, Dean. Vampire or not, he was a hero too," Buffy was too tired for an argument right now.

Dean couldn't hide his curiosity, "okay, so wait. I know what my dad thought the trinket would do, but what did it actually do?"

"It shut the hellmouth down. Blew the town to hell," her voice got small, "…it killed Spike. Burned him from the inside."

Dean found it hard to feel bad for a vampire, soul or not, but the tone in Buffy's voice did bring out some sympathy from the hunter. Vampires may be vile creatures, but there was something to be said for one that actively sought out his soul, one that fought his own kind to protect others. One that took on the protection of a teenaged girl because he promised the Slayer, a person he was destined to kill. No matter how Dean felt about Spike, he died fighting the good fight, just like Buffy always said he would. Even a vampire deserved respect for that.

"I'm sorry, Buffy."

"No, you're not, but thanks anyways," Buffy sighed.

"I am. He meant a lot to you. Now I may not really understand that, but I respect you enough to respect him, too."

Dean figured that was what the translation had meant about "purifying." It had cleansed the town of all the evil and impure things. It had closed the gateway to the worst of it, and prevented any chance of more of them from infecting that area. It was more than John had probably ever thought was possible, but there it was. It did what it was meant to do. Even with a soul, it had to take Spike too.

"Anyways. I just wanted to check in. Let you know I'm not dead and that we won."

"So what was your risky plan?"

Buffy lit up at the prospect of telling this story. It was such an incredible and unique plan that she had come up with, and she couldn't believe that it had worked. Not only had she rewritten the Slayer's future, but the whole world's. She had rewritten the way wars could be fought and won. She had changed the world.

"It's pretty radical, B." Faith said, with a measure of disbelief in her voice.

"It's a lot more than that. Buffy, what you said, it flies in the face of everything we've ever…of what every generation has done in the fight against evil." Giles paused, "I think it's bloody brilliant."

"Risky is an understatement. It was an enormous undertaking. That scythe I had? Between that and Willow's mojo we were able to turn all those potential Slayers into actual Slayers," Buffy beamed.

"Wow, that's…wow," Dean was astounded.

"Yeah, that was the general reaction."

Dean realized where that plan had come from, "that was what The First made you realize that night? When you realized you were gonna win?"

Buffy nodded, "Mm-hmm."

"Why didn't you tell me then?" Dean furrowed his brow.

"Because then you wouldn't have left, and I needed you to."

"That's fair. So what, all those girls who had the chance to be a Slayer – "

"Is one, yup. Thousands of girls across the world have the power I do. Every one of them has my power and my strength now. It was the only way to win this."

"A gamble was right, geez. At least now you get a chance to relax."

Buffy groaned with disappointment, "Not yet. There's so much to do. You'd think that after saving the world I'd get cut some slack."

"Well you changed the world, Buff, there's bound to be work to be done. You'll get your vacation one day."

"Doesn't mean I have to be happy about it now," she said, glumly. "We're going to have to find all those girls, round them up. I've learned firsthand what it's like when a Slayer is left to fend for herself."

Buffy thought back to Faith. It took a long time for Faith to find her way back to the right side of the battle, and even now it was hard to trust her. She couldn't let any other girls go through the pain and struggle that Faith had gone through. They all had to be found. They had to be taught. They had to be guided. It was because of her that they all existed, and so it was her job to find them. It was her job to make sure they were okay and that they were safe. That they were ready to fight anything that was going to be thrown at them. It would be foolish to think that the forces of evil would leave the Slayer line alone after The First was put back down.

"So you're gonna go find a bunch of superhero chicks and whip 'em into shape?" Dean arched his eyebrow, "now that's something I'd like to see."

Buffy laughed, "well maybe you can come give us a hand sometime. God knows we could use it. There are girls all over the world."

"Then what?"

"Well, Giles said that there's another hellmouth in Cleveland. We're going to be heading there within the next day or so. Seems like the best place to establish a new home for the Slayers," Buffy's voice was already tired.

"What, like an HQ?"

"We can't leave those girls out there, all alone and scared," Willow said, worry creasing her brow.

"We won't. We're going to find them," Buffy assured her best friend.

Giles adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose, "then what do you intend to do, Buffy? There needs to be some sort of order."

"What like the Council of Douchebags?" Xander interjected.

"Council of –" Giles replied, stumbling on his irritation.

"You have to admit, they weren't the best bunch to deal with," Willow tried to diffuse the situation.

Buffy looked from her best friends to Giles, and then a sidelong glance to where Faith was sitting with the girls just outside. The group of girls had been restless inside the small motel, and its poor excuse for a gym had done very little to assuage that feeling. They had all rounded up and headed out into the field behind the dingy motel and were running around, kicking a rather flat ball, or just enjoying the sunshine. Anything to get out of those four walls that had been confining them for days now. Faith was mostly there to keep an eye on them, but kept herself distanced from the giggling mass of girls. She had nodded as Buffy, Willow, Xander, and Giles had excused themselves. Faith really didn't feel the need to be involved in whatever serious conversation they were about to have. It suited her just fine to be back in the backseat of the operations again.

Buffy understood her friends' feelings on the idea of a Watcher's Council. Hell, she hated them just as much as they did. Buffy was the first Slayer to ever turn her back on the Council. She would have done it again in a heartbeat if she felt like it was the right move. The Council had put her through hell and back, and had been more of a hindrance than a help most of the time. Seeing Faith reminded Buffy of all the other ways that the Council had failed as well. Faith had needed them, had needed help, and they turned their back on her. They did nothing to help her.

If a new Council was to be established, it was going to be different. It had to be different. It had to work.

"Then we run the Council our way. The right way," Buffy asserted.

"Do we need them at all?" Xander asked.

Buffy kept her eyes on Faith, a guilt hiding below them, "those girls need guidance. We know what happens without that. We're gonna do right by these girls."

Giles smiled, "I wouldn't expect anything else other than your way."

"We need someone to record everything. We need information to be passed on through the generations. Everything has been destroyed, so it's kinda up to us to fix it," Buffy added.

Xander begrudgingly agreed, "I guess you're right."

"What are we gonna do with all these girls? We need somewhere to bring them all," Willow added.

"Somewhere to assemble? I've got an idea," Xander smiled.

Buffy nodded, "yup. We're turning this into a full-fledged operation. It's going to be intense. A new Council, one that is actually involved, and one that cares. We'll have teams set up around the world. And road crews. A training facility." Her voice sounded tired already.

"Buffy, that sounds incredible," Dean could recognize the potential this plan had. The evil in the world didn't stand a chance at this rate.

"As long as we can pull it off. Only one true Watcher still lives, we're going to have to find more people that can fill those positions. It takes a special kind of person, plus they have to be trained. Giles has his work cut out for him."

"So do you, though."

Buffy agreed, "A lot of new Slayers to train. Even the girls we have now still need full training."

"That means that there will be hundreds, if not thousands, of Slayers in the world. You're not 'she alone' anymore. What's that like?"

Faith's voice played in her head again, "Yeah, you're not the one and only Chosen anymore. Just gotta live like a person. How's that feel?"

"Ya know. Really good. I mean, we kinda made a mess of the order of things. I'm sure there will be some sort of consequence for this, but for now it just feels like a chance at a real life. I don't have to be the only one that's holding the world on her shoulders. I don't have to stand alone anymore. Like, once all is said and done, I might get a chance to be just Buffy."

"And what do you think 'just Buffy' is gonna do?"

Buffy breathed deeply before replying, "she's gonna see the world. She's gonna have a career that doesn't include death and darkness. She's gonna to celebrate holidays and birthdays and anniversaries. She's gonna be a big sister, a real one, finally. She's not gonna have to wash blood out of her clothes every night. Maybe she's gonna spend some time in a black Impala with a couple of hunters?"

That statement caught Dean off guard. His first thought of a normal life meant nothing more than settling down into one place. He would turn his back on the darkness that had plagued his life, and so would Sam. It had nothing to do with being on the road or anything of the sort. He just wanted a home. Then again, Buffy had had that life already, and now her home was nothing but a hole in the ground. He shouldn't have been surprised that she wasn't looking to have that life again right away. The idea of her riding in the Impala with them gave him goose bumps. He could see her feet sitting on the window edge, dangling out in the breeze. Sunglasses and a smile on her face. Her blonde hair waiving in the wind as she sang along to whatever was blasting out of the speakers.

It was a perfect image.

"Is-is that something that you want?"

"It really is. Is that okay?"

Dean smiled, his heart beating into his throat, "I can't think of anything I'd like more."

The lack of response from the blonde Slayer was troubling, but Dean figured he knew the cause of it.

"But I guess that 'Just Buffy' has to wait for a while still, huh?"

"I thought that once this was over I'd be able to have a life, but now with all these girls –"

"You still gotta be the 'chosen one' until that's all sorted out, huh?"

"Looks that way," Buffy sounded sullen.

Buffy paused, trying to dredge up the courage to finish what her voicemail had started. When she had made this phone call she was afraid that Dean wouldn't return her sentiment, but after that exchange her mind was made up. Now she was sure he felt the same way. Or as sure as she could be. Which meant only one thing: it was time to actually deal with it.

She took a deep breath before speaking, "Dean. About that voicemail – "

Dean cut her off, "don't."

Buffy's heart lurched into her throat. She didn't know what he was about to say, but she was sure it wasn't a good thing.

"Don't?"

"Anything we have to say can wait until I'm there with you. Even if that isn't until after the Slayer Operation gets underway," Dean assured her.

Buffy smiled. He wanted to wait until they were together. She felt like that meant that he wanted to say the same words that she had wanted to say. That was good enough for her. At least for now.

It stung a bit, to prevent the words from being spoken, but it was the right thing. Dean would never forgive himself if he wasn't there with her when he told her how he felt. The idea of waiting was excruciating, but if he was going to do this he was going to do it right. It wasn't every day that a hunter found someone like Buffy, and he wasn't going to muck it up. He was going to do right by her. This was all going to be done right.

Though if he had known during that last phone call what the future held, he may have told her right then and there. He would have poured his heart out. He would have been on the highway immediately, rushing to her side. It would be at least a month before he'd get out to Cleveland to see her, and it was not the trip that he had been waiting for. It was more than he could have ever planned for, and it was hard for either of them to bear. That was the funny thing about best laid plans, they did often go astray. This was something he could have never expected though.

Mike3207 - Xander is definitely their champion, and as much as I would have loved to have given him that role I needed Spike to still be the one because he needed to die =( Which is a terrible shame.

RetickLover - I knoooooow! I'm sorry. As you must have gathered, they do not meet here either. That is because I needed this to end here to set up for the next story arc. If you read the sneak peak at the end I think you may be pleased though! Oh Buffy took notice of that comment, don't you worry. That's gonna come up for sure. Maybe not right away, but it will.

Sweetie420 - I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I hope you enjoyed the ending, even if they aren't together quite yet. The next story arc is allllll romance and it will be glorious.

MewLover - The sneak peak is giving some hint as to how the Scoobies and Winchester's meet. I have so much fun planned for them to join the family (so to speak) and I'm so excited to write that arc next!

my-perfect-muse - Oh my goodness that sounds so exciting! Where did you move to and from? I'm jealous. I'd love to live somewhere else for once haha. I hope to see your name whenever I get back around to writing the next story arc. Hopefully that's not too far off. Hope your holiday was lovely too!