. Just wait. They'll be back to normal story in the next chapter. This is just Christmassy and fun.
"Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Fa LaLaLaLa La La La
Tis the season to be jolly
Fa LaLaLaLa La La La
Don we now our gay apparel
FaLaLa FaLaLa Fa La La
"I really hate Christmas carols. BlahBlahBlahBlahBlah, Blah Blah Blah Blah." Juniper finshed the song abruptly, placing the box of decorations she had been asked to retrieve from the basement on the table.
"Aww, come on! Don't be a Scrooge slash Grinch! The holidays are the best!" Mabel pleaded, crossinh her arms over her chest and making a pouty face. "Oh! Wait! Wait wait wait, stay here. I have to go get something." Then she ran out of the room.
"Yeah!" Bill agreed. "You get to eat all the pepermints you want, and nobody judges you! NOBODY!"
"I don't think anyone would dare judge you anyway. At least not out loud." Dipper said.
"At least I don't have antlers growing out of my head. You look like a deer."
"I know!" Dipper screeched. "I just-don't know how to get rid of them! I've tried everything that I could think of! I-,"
He was cut off by an ugly Christmas sweater that looked like it had practically invented the term 'ugyly Christmas sweater' being pulled over his face.
"Ohhh no. You art not making me wear one if those." Juniper threw her hands up into the air and began to walk out of the room. Naturally, she was caught by Mabel (who was also wearing a sweater) and one of the fuzzy abomibations was shoved unceremoniously over her head.
-LINE! YOU'RE BACK! I'D HUG YOU, BUT I DON'T HAVE ARMS, SORT OF.
"Oh hey, look, the future. " Bill said, as though traveling ten years into the future were totally normal for him. (Then again, perhaps it was. )
Dipper scanned the newspaper. Unfortunately, there was nothing super useful other than the information that it was the year 2023.
It looked around Christmastime, with its colorful lights shining and blinking in the shops, the snow on the ground, and the...more colorful lights shining and blinking in the shops.
There were a lot of shiny blinky lights this year.
Then they saw Dipper.
He was taller than he was now, but still short, his skin was tinted green, and he had antlers.
Yes, antlers. They were gigantic, but luckily also mostly upwards and not sideways, so that he didn't run into people with them.
He looked like he was tring to walk through a crowd that had gathered in the middle of town for some unexpected Christmas party.
If you have ever tried to walk through a crowd with giant antlers on your head unnoticed, you know that it is incredibly difficult.
If you have not ever tried to walk through a crowd with giant antlers on your head unnoticed, let me tell you...it is incredibly difficult.
As Dipper walked, he got more and more attention, until suddenly nobody cared about the impromptu party. All eyes were on Mason Geoffrey Pines.
Mabel knew her brother hated to be the center of attention. He had always hated to be the center of attention. Older Dipper was so cute in a non-romantic way, too!
This led her to one conclusion. Dipper needed saving. She was just the girl to do it, too.
She snuck up onto the stage located in the center of town, found a microphone, and said simply "HEY! LEAVE MY BROTHER ALONE!"
Nobody was looking at Dipper anymore. Mabel was their new point of intrest.
"NOW LORD DIPPINGSAUCE! RUN! RUN AWAY! FAR, FAR AWAY TO A LAND WHERE THERE ARE KITTENS AND PUPPIES AND RAINBOWS!"
And so Dipper ran.
-LINE IS ALSO JUST AS ANNOYING AS I REMEMBER.
Panting, the Pine Tree leaned against a building, tring to catch his breath.
Why? Why did the very world hate him?
As soon as he had seen a Mabel who was decidedly not twenty-four, the Christmas lights he'd been sent to the store for no longer mattered.
This Dipper had no recollection of time travel, and wondered if Mabel did. Maybe she did. Maybe she didn't. He had no way of knowing except asking.
Maybe Mabel was Mabel from another dimention. Axolol knew how many enemies they had made over the years.
So, when he walked into the Mystery Shack (though it was no longer called the Mystery Shack, the Mystery Shack closed down in 2021, just two years ago) he was not happy to find that nobody else really cared.
Well, they couldn't find Juniper. She was probably in her room though, skulking about how awful Christmas was, even though nobody else thought she was being completely unreasonable.
So the three of the remaining Dimention Adventurers set off to find one thirteen-year-old Mabel.
They didn't have to look far.
- Astrisk cannot speak to you right now, as she is currently busy doing the tango. My apologies.
It isn't every day you get to sit across from your past self, drinking hot chocolate and wishing you hadn't ever come to the future in the first place, because you're sure you're about to make some horrible mistake that messes up the entire universe.
Nonetheless, that's what Mabel Pines was doing. Her brother had been sitting next to her, but then grew had started hyperventilating and had to leave.
"Well, darn it." Said Future Mabel (Fabel) simply.
"Why Darn it?" Questioned Past Mabel (Pabel).
"I was HOPING that I could have an uneventful Christmas this year."
"Oh. Sorry."
"Meh. Uneventful Christmases are always the most boring ones anyways."
Fabel found her mind drifting to the other room, where Bill and Juniper were questioning their past and probably unwittingly playing Good Cop, Bad Cop. She could almost hear Bill's snarkiness through the door.
Mabel liked being the Bad Cop, but she'd have needed a Good Cop, so she had chosen to start the interrogation this way-a confession of her feelings.
"So, um...I don't feel like doing this right now, so if we go out there and say you're good, could you not stab me in the back?"
"Sure."
"Great."
"Yeah."
There was an awkward pause before Fabel grabbed Pabel's arm and dragged her out the door.
-She's doing the tango with Ampersand, too.
"... and, therefore, getting you back to your own time by this evening." Finished Future Dipper.
Past Dipper nodded. He hadn't understood half of what his future self had just said, but he was prepared to act like he had completely comprehended every word.
"You didn't actually understand half of what I just said, did you?" Future Dipper asked.
Well, by the way he worded it, it should have been a question, but it sounded a lot more like a statement.
"Whaaaat...?" protested past Dipper. "I, um, totally knew what you were talking about that whole time! Ha, ha ha, ha ha ha."
"Jeez. The others said I was bad at acting, but I didn't realize I was that bad."
"Hey!"
"Avoiding this conversation. So, um, ask me anything! You won't remember any of this this evening, so it'll be fine."
"I...well...,"
"I said anything. I'm you, you know. I know? I don't know."
"Antlers." Past Dipper squeaked.
"Wha-oh. Um, so...um...I may have been trying to...um, get into a meeting of the multidimensional council, and then...um...they found me out."
"And gave you antlers?"
"No...the antlers were a last resort. I was trying to do the spell, then Bill, who was fed up with my...um...incompetence at magic, did it. Only Bill plus magic equals crazy sticky spells. Bill also doesn't remember it, which just makes it worse."
Then they sat next to each other silently.
-Like, hello, who is your best friend here?
As it turned out, Bill Cipher was a food vacuum when he was nervous. Fact.
Junper Cipher was sassy when she was nervous.
Together, they were rarely nervous.
Now was one of those rare moments.
"Listen, I don't care about your problems, so if you'd kindly show us to the exit, that'd be great." Juniper said, every word as sharp as a knife. "Back me up here, Bill!")
Bill just ate another entire box of Chipackerz and stared off into space.
"Bill!"
"They taste just like chips." Bill muttered.
Future Bill was curled up on the floor, laughing so hard he was incapable of breathing, while Future Juniper was tring to supress her giggles.
"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" Shrieked Past Juniper.
"No...," said Future Bill. "It's hilarious!"
This led to more uncontrollable laughter until Future Dipper walked into the room, with Past Dipper following him like a shadow.
"What's going on in here?" Asked Past Dipper.
"CHIPACKERZ!" Was all Future Juniper managed to scream before going back to her giggle fit.
"I found a way to get them back to their own time." Shouted Future Dipper.
The laughter died down, and everyone looked at Future Dipper.
"This evening, we just have to gather them in the basement and push the button on a thing." (This is obviously a simplified version of what Future Dipper actually said.)
"Okay." Was the response.
Chicken. Bill would like you to know they had chicken that night.
And they talked. They talked about a million things, because Dipper had made it so that his machine would erase the memories of the future.
"This furure."Bill had corrected. "This doesn't have to be Our future. Our future depends entirely on this choices we make."
-I'M BACK! I WAS BUSY TRYING TO HIDE FROM LINE.
That night, Juniper sat in her cage, pondering the future.
She wasn't sure why. There was something about it that conforted her.
Tomorrow would be the day she got out of here.
I know it"s still two weeks until Christmas. I know. I'm trying to make sure I don't forget to publish this chapter. Besides, it's like two weeks until Christmas in this chapter, as they're still getting stuff to decorate with.
Now it just needs to be 2023.